Does anyone regret hiring a sleep consultant? Or definitely NOT regret it?

[Sandrine1982]

Hi.

So we have an 8 month old who has never slept long stretches. Since she was born, she has been doing 2-3h stretches of night sleep. Recently she has done a 5h stretch but that seemed to be a coincidence more than anything else. I felt like a new woman but I didn't want to feel happy about it because these things never last :(

At the moment, she seems to be going through a sleep regression combined with some teething (two bottom teeth are finally visible - shouldn't she sleep better now that they have pierced)?

We are thinking of hiring a sleep consultant around her 9 or 10 months if her sleep doesn't improve when this regression is finished. We just can't take this anymore.

A bit of background:

• She is a very alert, intelligent, active baby
• She sleeps in her cot, which is next to my bed (my partner sleeps in a spare room)
• I am an extremely quiet sleeper so I don't think I wake her up
• She has a good routine and good naps
• 2 naps per day, usually lasting 1h20min each (or at least 40 min)
• Bedtime between 19:45 and 20:15
• Is combination fed (50% formula, 50% BF)
• Last feed is formula (around 100ml, she won't take more)

I've always breast-fed during the night but I always try to leave her to self-settle first - or later settle her with a bit of water or a dummy - which often works. I've been trying to wean her off the breast at night but I admit she has a bit of a sleep association with this.

Anyway, if people have been in a similar situation, how did you resolve it? If you hired a sleep consultant, did it work? Or did you regret it?
Or in the end, did sleep improve on its own after this regression?

ANY TIPS GREATLY APPRECIATED xxxx

Forgot to add, since she started crawling (6 months) and pulling herself up to stand (7 months), we had to put up the side of the cot and lower the position of her mattress, so practically speaking, breastfeeding at nighttime is just not convenient anymore...

I think sleep is do dependant on many things, you'll overcome one thing and then something else happens.the key really is about sleep associations and once you've cracked tgat you're on to a winner. The main sleep association is feeding to sleep, but it could be rocking or other things. These aren't bad things but if you want the answer to improved sleep.. it's working in replacing these associations. A favourite comforter is good.. my DS didn't have one as it was me so each feed we held the comforter with us and he gradually grew to love it. You being the sleep association isn't bad until they are say in pain with teething and each time they're disturbed they need you. A good foundation will go a long way. Once you've done a night feed wake them a little then put down Just so she's not surprised when you're not there and not feeding. You may want to think about her having her own room to.

I wouldn't personally have a sleep consultant as they'll charge you a lot of money to work on this area.. but I would have paid a lot of money when DS was little for the idea of someone fixing this!

I've paid twice and it was definitely worth it both times. I have read every book in the land on the subject but it still helped to have someone point things out to me, to have a plan, to have to report back on progress.

Thanks, that's useful. I would be really interested to see if it improves on its own at the end of this regression, or whether we need to sleep train. We're going through living hell at the moment :(

So one of the things both sleep consultants said was to involve both parents.

If your baby is settling occasionally with water / dummy / without breastmilk and can go for 3 hours without being fed, then this is the time for your partner to get involved.

Start with him being the person who gives the formula feed and settles after that then split the night.. Say you feed again at 11 and settle her, swap with your partner and he can take the shift between 11 pm and 3am so you don't feed again until then.

Useful to know which is your critical sleep time and which times you cannot function at.. for me, if I could sleep between 10 and 1, I could be up with DS until 4 if necessary and the I would hand over to DH. As long as I slept between 5 and 7 I could function and DH could not wake up or settle him between 1 and 3.

Get ear plugs for the time you are not 'on duty'.

Also look at how much milk she is having during the day compared to food and ensure she is getting most of her calories during the day.

And... think about how she settles for her naps, is she fed to sleep? However... I never managed to get DS to self settle during he day and it was just too much for me / him.

Once I had defined my time of proper sleep without listening for him to wake, I began to feel better, even when it meant that he was awake because we all agreed that he did not need to be fed at that time. It all went out the window if he was unwell or I felt he was teething and needed comfort.

Best thing I've ever done. I'm a breastfeeding baby wearing hippie kinda mama and even I've sleep trained my children - much better for them than being up every 45 mins in the night because they've never learnt to join their sleep cycles up. Mine go down at 7 and sleep through to 630/7 every night. They wake up refreshed and ready for the day.

We are on night one of sleep training and my god it's hard. I think I've cried more than my little one. I'm using a plan from calmandbrightsleepsupport - He's has now though gone to sleep without being fed or rocked on 4 occasions today. I'm praying I'm doing the right thing by him. He normally wakes every 30-120mins no matter what and has done since birth, he's now 2 days off 7 months. I'll let you know how it goes xxx

Hi Jennylou88

I wondered how this was going and if the PDF had been helpful? I've been thinking of using them too

Thanks

Thanks

Thank you all. @Jennylou88 I'm just wondering how the sleep training is going?

We had one good night last week where - first time EVER - the baby did a 7h stretch without any assistance. I almost fainted.

But now it's back to 2-3h stretches. I just don't know how to settle her other than pick her up and give the booby. I always wait for her to self settle .. but it doesn't work. Most of the time it just escalates and she will just stand up and cry :(

I would question a sleep consultant. Aren,t they basically teaching you to ignore your baby cries. That never worked for me they just go more upset. I would def question there credentials. I did however read the no cry sleep solution and this had some good tips.

@ChateauMargaux thanks !

Yep for earplugs, I've always used them anyway as I'm a light sleeper. Especially since I moved to London..

Re: naps strangely she's a great napper. When she's tired I just take her in my arms and sing her a lullaby (gently rocking, but not feeding her immediately before) then put her down in her cot and leave her there. Sometimes she will fall asleep immediately and sometimes she will protest for a while - moaning rather than crying - before falling asleep on her own after about 10-15 min. The naps usually last around 1h 20min.

So, I'm very happy with the naps, It's just the night waking that is absolutely killing me. :(

We had one. 8 month old went from waking to be fed back to sleep every 40 minutes to one waking first night, no wakings from then. Life changing.

Her technique was gradual retreat. And a focus on how they first get to sleep for the night. So no feeding to sleep. Basically let them scream, but you’re sitting next to them so they’re just annoyed not frightened. Try not to touch them if you can. Then after a few nights move a few inches away, and a bit further a few nights later. And so on.

They’d loads of info online if you want to have a go yourself. We’d tried the No Cry sleep solution book with no luck.

Thanks @GreyishDays.

We've never tried Gradual retreat because she seems to scream more if I stay in the room or if I come back to the room (at bedtime).

During the night I am in the room anyway so I'm not sure how that would work. Do I show her that I'm in the room by switching the nightlight on?
I'm not quite sure..

I think gradual retreat might work when we move her to her own room but still it just seems like a very very tiring method to apply at nighttime ...don't you think? I would just have to go into her and sit on a chair, not sleeping?

I haven't read up on it so maybe I'm missing something ...

*go into her room

Hi, @Sandrine1982 @bertiebeee

it's actually going well! My little one is sleeping through the night apart from maybe one wake up. I've not stuck exactly to the plan as it wasn't working for me or my little boy. If he's upset I go to him, I pick him up and calm him down if he needs it and we have big cuddles. I give him kisses which normally makes him laugh and then put him back into his cot still kissing him. I try to always make sure he's not crying when I say goodnight and go. It can take 0-4 goes of this before he falls asleep, but I couldn't handle him crying to sleep.
He is still falling asleep independently but hopefully not too sad! I've stopped feeding to sleep completely. I do a dream feed when I go to bed about 11 and offer a feed if he wakes up about 3-4am which he normally does. Baby is then sleeping around 7.30pm-7am.

I've learnt that nap gaps are key in all of this though. If I let him get overtired then no amount of kisses will soothe him and we have a melt down. Going of his cues I tend to try and get him to nap every 2hrs now. I do the same routine for naps and bed.
It is really hard if he's upset and I know I could quickly feed him to sleep but I know in the long run I'm making it hard for us both. I wasn't being the mum I wanted to be in the day as getting up so frequently to feed was making me irritable all day and fed up.
Hope that helps! Xxx

@bertiebeee I would recommend calmandbrightsleepsupport! Although I've not stuck exactly to their plan it gave me the confidence to actually make a change and the nap info was really eye opening for me. They are really supportive, you can buy a top up for £40 which I did as we've had teething difficulties during our first week. And found the team really helpful and supportive.
I'd say actually, I'm still roughly using it, only if baby gets distressed rather than going in and stroking babies back which the plan says to do I pick him right up. Stroking his back just made him mad and me feel helpless. So use the plan as a guide but don't let it stop you from trusting your instincts! Let me know if you do it, how old is your little one? Xxx

Thanks @Jennylou88 for the quick reply.

My little boy is 4.5 months so it would be a different plan as they don't start the controlled crying until 6 months, but we'd move onto that one if we need to. I've chatted with Gem and she was lovely. I guess I'm just unsure if they can offer anything that I haven't already read, but I like the idea of having one thing you can refer to rather than lots of opinions on lots of websites! And as you say give you the confidence to start something.

The main thing I want to do is stop feeding to sleep so he can settle himself and connect his sleep cycles so he'll sleep for longer stretches. We've just entered 30-45min nap territory! And he just won't sleep in the evening, he treats bedtime as a nap and then won't sleep until around 10pm and then wakes every 2-3hours.

That's really helpful though. Thanks!

We went with Mill Pond and it was the best money we ever spent. And it was all done over the phone x

Has anyone had a sleep consultant to help with naps? My 6 month old will only nap on me but nightime sleep is ok.

I honestly think that a sleep consultant was some of the best money we ever spent. I was reading a thread on here the other day about times you feel guilty for getting irrationally and unreasonably angry at small children - absolutely every one of mine is from when his sleep was awful and I was chronically sleep deprived. I'm so glad I didn't carry on being that mother any longer than I did.

The question of whether a sleep consultant is necessary/whether they give any special knowledge comes up quite a lot and I always say it's like using a personal trainer to get fit - they don't know any special secrets that you don't, and you still have to put in all the effort. It's the handholding, the structure and the guidance they give, and some people really need that (we did) but some people don't, in which case you can just crack on with a book.

You really only need to do it ‘properly’ as she goes to bed for the first time. Then the nights become much easier. Do what you need in the night. Ideally with a shush and a pat rather than a pick up, but be flexible.
Once they get used to going to sleep on their own they’re happy to just go back to sleep if they wake or half wake in the night. That’s the theory anyway, and it was the case in our case.

We hired one for DD2, I knew what to do, I had the books, we had done it before but I was at the end, and needed somebody to help as I was beyond betaten.

It was just before Christmas and that first full night sleep was the best present ever. Do it.

I think a good sleep consultant is worth it. We were unlucky and the person we used was crap.

I found some helpful blog posts and downloadable PDF guides on this website:
www.babysleepscience.com/

Thanks. The weird thing is that our DD does fall asleep on her own at bedtime (and also for naps). Most of the time anyway, sometimes with a bit of crying when she's teething or unwell.

So the big thing about the "first night falling asleep on their own at bedtime" doesn't really apply to us - we need to fix the waking at 10pm, midnight, 3am, 5am ...

Has anyone had similar? Baby has no problem going to sleep on their own at naps and bedtime but not during the night?

Thanks again

"I've always breast-fed during the night but I always try to leave her to self-settle first - or later settle her with a bit of water or a dummy - which often works. I've been trying to wean her off the breast at night but I admit she has a bit of a sleep association with this."

To me it's pretty obvious. You have to stop breastfeeding at night. There are various methods. There's the "Pantley Pull Off" (Elizabeth Pantley, "No cry sleep solution", but I think "no cry" is rather optimistic ), the Jay Gordon method, or cold turkey. We tried gradual methods but they didn't work, DS would just scream until he got milk (or more milk, if I'd tried to unlatch him). So after following advice from a friend (a child psychologist who gives sleep training advice as part of her job) we went cold turkey. It sounds harsh but in some ways it's kinder because it's a very clear and consistent rule. The first few nights were hard obviously. DS would settle and sleep in our arms but then we had to get him doing it in his cot. That involves more sleep training, again we tried gentle methods first (PUPD, gradual retreat) but eventually had to resort to some controlled crying. It did work pretty quickly and then DS settled well, he got more sleep, so did we, everyone was better rested and happier. So painful but worth it for us.

I came to the conclusion based on our experience that you either have to suck it up, cosleep and breastfeed on demand until the child naturally stops of their own accord (which could take a LONG time) or you have to do the dreaded sleep training in one form or another. Unless you are very lucky and have a naturally good sleeper!