Newborn won't sleep except on us

[Dweebette]

Exacting as the tithe says, my two week old refused to be put down to sleep. She'll sleep for hours on my chest or on DH but as soon as we try to transfer her to the crib she screams. We've tried a hot water bottle, muslin that smells like me, putting her down awake, waiting until she's in a deep sleep, white noise, bath with lavender, etc. Running out of hope and don't know how ill cope when DH goes back to work later this week as currently we're working in shifts.

Anyone have any experience of this or advice?

Following... currently have a 2 day old who will only sleep on me!

It's all very normal I'm afraid. They like your warmth and the sound of your heartbeat. It'll take a few more weeks yet before they're better at going down.

My first preferred the bassinet of his pram as was narrower.

Try and make the most of it and accept it, hard as it may be sometimes.

P.s you'll get lots of replies soon saying "sling! Lifesaver!" but they're not for everyone, Inc me.

You need to find the optimum time to put her down when she has dropped into a deep sleep. Between 15-20 mins works for my DS (sometimes..!) - keep her on your chest for that long & then do the transfer, with a hot water bottle warming the crib.

I say sometimes - DS is six weeks and I have been trying to put him down to sleep since 9pm with varying degrees of success but am now so tired I am rushing him too much and putting down too quickly

This is completely normal. That doesn't mean it's ideal! Its safer to put them in a cot, etc but the fact is that many many babies simply won't sleep anywhere but on a human body.

Best to just doze with baby on chest. Use cellular blankets or very thin blankets, dont sleep on a very soft sofa etc, try to be sensible... but accept that you may only get to lie down to sleep if someone else comes to relieve you.

Sorry. It's hard. This stage will pass tho. Xx

Completely normal. Google the fourth trimester

Do you have plans for visitors when dh is back at work?, Hopefully they'll be happy to have baby sleep on them for a bit whilst you grab a shower and a hot drink.

Totally normal, but very hard! I wanted to follow all recommended safe sleep advice so badly but eventually just accepted I was never going to sleep and I would lie directly in the bed with my DD on me and pillow under each elbow so I wouldn't roll and just sleep like that. She's four months now and will sleep in her bassinet or in a co-sleeper in the bed next to me. Those first three months were tough, on my sanity and my back!

DD was like this. I remember sobbing to my mum about when would I get to sleep. When DH went back to work my wonderful MIL used to come over and mind baby for a few hours so I could sleep. I was a wreck.

It passes. And you adapt - you learn to live with less sleep and still function.

DD still falls asleep on my chest every night, and still sleeps best on me, but if you time the transition right will sleep in her basket for a good six hour stretch at night now. She hated her crib and only sleeps in her basket as a newborn, but we are working on transitioning her over now as she is almost outgrown the basket. It does get easier, but mostly because you adapt

Good luck Op and although it's hard, enjoy the feeling of her sleepy head heavy on your chest - it won't last forever.

@Dweebette
This will pass, but in a few months, unfortunately...my grandson did the same thing. I think it is because of having to put babies on their backs to sleep now when you put them down...babies feel secure when they are sleeping on their tummy or side and cuddled up which they can do while someone is holding them. Like the PP said, you have to find that exact moment when baby is asleep enough not to notice that you've put her down..
Btw, as soon as my grandson could turn over, he would flip over onto his tummy when he was put down in the cot and snuggle right in...he is now sleeping 12 straight hours!
If you can just hang on for a few more weeks, I promise it is going to get better. And you may actually miss that little kling-on

Thanks everyone. I have been dozing with her on my chest on the sofa with my arms well supported so I know I won't roll and she can't roll off but know this isn't in line with safe sleep guidelines, although it feels safe. It's reassuring to hear that it's normal, I thought it was but getting pressure from DH to keep putting her down. The issue is once we try she gets so worked up that it's impossible to calm her and she often struggles to feed then. I'd rather sacrifice my sleep and keep her calm but the issue is once DH is back at work I'm on my own with her all day so if I'm up with her all night it means I'll really get zero rest. We don't have anyone nearby who can help to give me a break.

So do we keep trying to put her down and how that one day she'll just turn a corner? She hates being on her back and I've read a few things about this being common in babies delivered by forceps or ventouse and that cranial osteopathy can help but I don't know anything about it. I do keep reminding myself that she's only 2 weeks old so things will continue to change daily!

things will continue to change daily

Yes, keep focussing on that.

What does your husband do? Unless he's a hgv driver or similar, he needs to share the load in the night. Basically take shifts in sleeping.

She's used to being curled up inside you nice and warm and being on her back stretched out is unusual and scary. I too went through this and realised after googling fourth trimester I had to let go of what society expected and listen to babies needs. She just wants cuddles and closeness at the moment, she will in time get used to being put down. Have you a Ewan the sheep or my hummy sleep aid?

Btw the sleep thing you will survive. I'm 14 months into being chronically sleep deprived as I drew the short straw. Husband works nights so I've done all night shifts (she's breast fed) and all day as he is asleep a lot of the time when on his rota. It does become normal you do get through it and changes happen so frequently :)

Netflix, chocolate biscuits, thermos of tea and relax x

Worth looking at safe co-sleeping and try to ignore pressure to not let baby sleep on you (including from husband). When all settles in a few months you'll regret all the time you spent stressing about needing to put baby down.

Cosleeping isn't for everyone but it changed my life 😁

@pippinsqueak we don't have a ewan but I'm considering it (we have a night light that plays white noise but it sounds tinny to me and not overly soothing, it was gifted). She doesn't really respond to white noise though, it doesn't seem to calm her.

@leghairdontcare DH works in an office but has quite a long drive to and from work so I'm not keen on him not getting sleep.

@bonnieseptember a few people have suggested Co sleeping but I'm a very anxious person and I'm so terrified of anything happening to her that I don't think I can do it. I look at her and I'm filled with fear that she'll be taken from me so Co sleeping feels like too big a risk for me personally at the minute (though a lot of my friends have had great success with it!)

@Dweebette
I forgot one thing that really helped with my grandson....the room needed to be completely dark! If you think about it, babies are used to total darkness so they don't need a night light on...At first my DIL thought he needed the night light so he wouldn't be scared, but then she thought about it and came to the conclusion that darkness was what he was used to in the womb...when she made the room completely dark it was like magic..not much help for day time naps, though.
And, there is absolutely no good reason that you need to put her down unless you want to especially since you are taking precautions to make sure you don't drop her if you go to sleep

@sissymate2 we've tried darkness as well but she hated it. I honestly think she had such a dramatic entrance to the world (extended second stage followed by forceps) that she just seeks comfort. I'm perfectly happy to hold her but DH and my mum say we need to get her used to sleeping on her own as this isn't sustainable when I'll be with her all day. It's hard to know what's best.

I have the same problem, with baby being 2 weeks old and refusing to sleep. He will only sleep when near or on me or my partner. My partner is a driver for a living, so i got to be sole carer at night as he needs to sleep.

I have got a ewan the sheep but doesnt always help personally.

I have given into co sleeping. It's the only way i get any sleep and a lie down. Google it and speak to you health visior if needed. But you need todo whats right for you and baby.

Completely normal.

Please do not doze on sofa. Lie down in bed but make your bed safe first. The sofa is far too dangerous-I managed to drop mine that way but could’ve killed her.

As others have said, it is normal and all part of the fourth trimester. We had a similar birth as well. I persevered with putting her down as I just couldn't sleep at all with her on me. Even though we have a next to me crib she didn't like it so I did it in stages:

• just me and her in the bed, lay her down next to me then block her off with my old pregnancy pillow so I couldn't roll on her (not that I could really get into a deep sleep anyway)
• have her sleep in the sleepyhead when downstairs (she liked it as she felt cocooned I think)
• swaddle swaddle swaddle

Eventually she was able to be put down in her next to me rather than on the bed and then she outgrew the sleepyhead and started having day naps in the next to me as well.

Good luck, it's so tough but it's a phase and will pass!

@megan2018 our sofa is a recliner and it's quite firm so feels safer than the bed which has quilt, multiple pillows, etc on it, there's no where for her to fall to especially since I prop my arms up just in case

Thanks @ELM8 I may have to give in and try this if things don't improve in a couple of weeks, just so afraid to have her loose in the bed. Plus she won't even feed in a lying down position at the minute, just hates not being in arms. The health visitor told me sleepyheads are a no go as well, though lots of my friends use them.

My 6 month old was exactly the same. With my first baby I obsessed over all the rules and guidelines and was exhausted and miserable as a result. With this baby, she had terrible reflux so just wouldn't sleep on her back and would only be held to sleep. I accepted this. Made myself safe in bed - right in the middle, arms propped up - and made sure i wasnt exhausted beforehand. Then we both slept for 3-4 hour stretches before she needed fed again. Probably by week 6 shed be put down and has been sleeping through the night since about week 12.

@Dweebette you need to make your bed safe. That means removing all the bedding! Babies die on sofas. Don’t do it. You can sleep safely in a bed. It is never, ever safe on a sofa.
I am still practicing safe cosleeping with my baby at 6 months old as she has never slept in her crib or cot.

Totally normal as PP have said. We reluctantly co-slept for 6 months (DS slept sometimes, DH out like a bloody light 😡 and I didn’t sleep 🤪) as it was the only way for my boy to get any sleep at all. I used to let him fall asleep on my chest and then transfer him into the middle of the bed, safely away from duvets or pillows. Every so often he might allow me to transfer him to his crib but he’d maybe sleep for an hour in there. I promise it gets better and I know that 6 months sounds such a long time but looking back it flew by. He’s now in his own room, is a proper tummy sleeper and although at 9 months he doesn’t sleep through he generally only wakes once or twice a night so it passes. Keep going xxx