CC working - but now he's hysterical during bedtime routine

[Livingoffcoffee]

After months (11 to be precise) of terrible sleep, we have started the Ferber Controlled Crying Method and seems to be working. Last night was night 5 and it took DS 7min to fall asleep and stayed asleep till 5:30. The longest stretch of sleep anyone in our house has had since he was born!

My problem is that since starting CC, he gets hysterical as soon as the bedtime routine starts now. I'm assuming it's because he knows what's going to happen and he's still really bad once in his cot for the first couple minutes.

Do anyone have experience with this? Will he settle down at bedtime once he gets the hang of falling asleep on his own (without crying)??

Hang in there OP, it will work!!
Took my DS around a week to settle into it, but we're now 8 months down the line and he sleeps wonderfully. The only time we get any problems is when he's poorly. It's tempting to change things about but stick with it.
I know it's hard but you're doing great.
Good luck

Thanks @2019canfoff It's so hard listening to him cry like that, but overnight and mornings have improved so drastically! Fingers crossed he settles into it soon

Is he 11 months old?

Don't want to be negative, but you may cause more problems long term by doing this, you don't want him getting scared of his bed. I know how foul sleep deprivation is though just not sure cc works for all babies.

@Nottalotta Yes, he's 11mo

@ThebishopofBanterbury That's what my worry is. But overnight it's amazing the difference. It's getting better though, and he only cries for a couple minutes and then is asleep for the night. We're also having more quiet playtime in his nursery during the day, to try and help him not be afraid of it

I'd stick with it if I were you. Sounds like you've nearly cracked it. Good luck!

This is so sad

Well how is that helpful @SaharaRoxy?
Do mums not put enough pressure on themselves already? You need to add to it when you have no idea what is actually going on? How about we lift each other up and support each other rather than being yet another negative influence.

Just keep going.

DD and DS both settled in and went from upset at bedtime to happy to go to bed. Once they are going at going to sleep, it's a pleasure for them to anticipate it, I think.

And @sahararoxy get away with the snarks, what's sad is 11 months with awful sleep

I have a baby that doesn't sleep well and I also work full time. But there are plenty of other ways to get a baby to sleep train without leaving them to cry as much

Don't worry, once they learn you won't respond they will stop calling for you

This method does work so ignore some of these posts. It is a fast method but can be a bit tough on parents and babies. It is entirely down to the personality of the baby and the parent whether this is a suitable way. A softer approach is Gradual withdrawal, sometimes referred to as The disappearing chair. The principlaes are exactly the same but you stay with the baby and gradually increase the distance, rather than the time. It is good for a baby who is not so confident and involves no crying so many would say a kinder method. It does however take much much longer and requires a very dedicated and consistent approach. If you are less than a week in it is early days, there is no quick fix. If you are seeing results you can decide the response to bedtime as there is a differnce between crying and distress. Both aim for self soothing and confidently falling asleep alone, which results in setttling back alone during the night. To those who think falling asleep without a parent is wrong, I would say that it is unhelpful that a child is fearful unless a parent is in contact. Every parent is unique as is every baby, what is right for one family is wrong for another. Please dont judge this family

I’m all for sleep training, but if your son is getting hysterical at the bedtime routine this isn’t working for him. He clearly knows he’s going to be left to cry when he’s in bed, so is telling you he’s not ok with it before you leave him.

I’d completely leave CC for a few weeks now, respond to your child when he cries for you and rebuild some of the trust that has been lost.

Babies don’t cry to piss you off or make sure you don’t sleep, they do it because they’re tired/scared/hungry/sad/lonely/bored etc etc. All you’re doing is teaching him that his cries won’t be answered by the people he trusts the most.

'Please don't judge this family'

I will judge parents who choose to make their baby hysterical at bedtime and whom choose a sleep training method that only works once their child realises their parents aren't going to respond to their cries. There are so so many other options than this one

This actually makes me so sad.

Imagine the stress, anxiety and fear just anticipating being left alone that make the baby hysterical as the bedtime routine starts. The baby must be so confused that their parents are inflicting this on them after (presumably) being so loving and attentive all day. Heartbreaking

Don't worry, once they learn you won't respond they will stop calling for you

This is incredibly sad. No one is denying that controlled crying is effective, but its effective because the child is learning that no one will respond to his cries. I also have three awful sleepers, and understand how draining it is, however there are other methods of encouraging sleep that are less distressing.

It sounds like it's causing him distress. I would change to a different method. At 11 months I would go with co sleeping for a few months. Then everyone can get a good nights sleep and no one is distressed.

Stick with it. When you have other young children it can become an obvious solution, since they too suffer from an exhausted mother who struggles to give them adequate attention because the baby won't be put down to sleep. Let alone if you work too

This is incredibly sad. No one is denying that controlled crying is effective, but its effective because the child is learning that no one will respond to his cries. I also have three awful sleepers, and understand how draining it is, however there are other methods of encouraging sleep that are less distressing

I agree. I dont think posters are being judgemental they just feel for the baby. Im not judgemental I know why the OP is doing it. Sleep deprivation is horrible, I've got a terrible sleeper. But that doesnt mean people cant feel sad for the baby. They're 2 different things.

Well welcome to the mum judges...I presume you also have an opinion on breastfeeding vs formula, SAHM vs working mum, purées vs BLW.

We tried every gradual method and they did not work and actually resulted in much more crying.

We are a week in and bedtime is now lovely with a tiny grumble and then he's asleep. Now that he's having a full night sleep he's much happier in the morning. Our relationship has not changed - he still comes for all the cuddles and there is no doubt in my mind he knows he is loved and protected by us.

The world is judgemental enough. Let's not add to it, shall we.

If he’s having a minor grumble why did you post worried about him being hysterical then? Don’t downplay it to make yourself feel better.

@MustardScreams My original post was 4 days ago. To be honest, by Wednesday he was totally different - so my post was actually unnecessary.

OP everyone has an opinion on breastfeeding/ formula / SAHM / BLW etc. If nobody had any opinions how would they choose what was best for their family?

You ask started a thread saying your child was getting hysterical at the start of the bedtime routine and now you're saying it's a grumble... which one is it?