Newborn co-sleeping - rod for our own back?

[M155PLW]

Our DD is 17 days old, we had a tricky start with BF as my milk was very slow coming in but we are there now.

DD won't settle at all on a night in her cot next to our bed. She will fall asleep in my arms or DH's arms but as soon as we put her down she wakes and cries. We've tried all the 'tips' and nothing seems to work - it's like she knows! She will sleep in the cot in the day though?!

Two nights ago we got no sleep so decided to co-sleep. She slept amazingly last night, only waking for a feed twice.

I am just really worried that we are making a rod for our own back and this is setting a precedent for the future. I really don't want her in our bed for months to come.

Does anyone have any experience with moving from co-sleeping still in the 'newborn' days? I am happy to do this for a little while just for our sanity but I'm also frightened of letting her co-sleep as I'm a really heavy sleeper and I would much prefer her in her own bed.

Mine slept better when they were in their own rooms.

Hopefully not before 6 months.

Hopefully not before 6 months.

Actually, based on the current research if the choice is between putting the baby in their own room and "safe co-sleeping" (bedsharing in the absence of risk factors), the former is slightly safer.

The most comprehensive research on SIDS available so far was published by Carpenter et al in 2013. The study may not be perfect and it does have some limitations but it is still the best source of information available so far:

bmjopen.bmj.com/content/3/5/e002299

For people who do not feel like going through the whole paper looking out for odds-ratios (ORs), there is a good summary in one of parental blogs:

expectingscience.com/2015/09/18/bedsharing-and-the-sids-controversy-why-i-bedshared-with-my-second-child/

The higher the OR, the bigger the risk. The blogger lists out all risk factors covered by Carpenter's research in the order of severity. Interestingly, having baby in a separate room is at the very bottom in the list.

Oh OP my DD was exactly the same! And id have to get her back to sleep atleast another once or twice before she would actually stay asleep.
I was exhausted but I personally hate the thought of co-sleeping as know somebody who accidentally suffocated their 3 week old baby by doing so (not to scare you!) so soldiered through and with perseverance she got used it eventually.
DD is now 6 months and has every nap and sleep in own cot and has done for a long while now.

Planned co-sleeping is completely different to unplanned co-sleeping

Planned co-sleeping is completely different to unplanned co-sleeping.

It is indeed the main potential criticism of Carpenter's study. No-one will dare to ask grieving parents whether they intended to co-sleep. However, factually, co-sleeping in a bed (rather than on a sofa or in the arm chair) when neither of the parents drank or smoke is as close to "safe planned co-sleeping" as it possibly gets. The difference in ORs is still meaningful. The risk is particularly high for babies under three months.

Wouldn't worry about rod for own back in the slightest- sleeping habits change so much over the first couple of years. I would go for a co sleeper cot though to be on the safe side while so young.

Thanks so much for the replies. We were if course following the safe sleeping guidelines and I did so tell our health visitor what we were doing. She said as long as we follow the guidelines it's ok, but course baby is better in own space. She also mentioned some research done at Durham uni, she thinks called the Sleep Lab that supports co sleeping for breast feeding mums.

Having said that, after all this DD has spent the whole night in her 'next to me!' Long may it continue as it is absolutely what I (and DH) would prefer!

Co-sleeping is safe and was encouraged during my BF workshop, at the hospital. They had even brought in new beds that the sides were closed to encourage BF and bonding and co-sleeping.
Follow the guidelines, baby’s temperature and heart rate are all positively impacted by sleeping beside their mother.
Enjoy and try not to fret. Get caught up on sleep as much as you can. Definitely read up some bits about the fourth trimester if you can.

Do what you need to get enough sleep to survive OP. Newborn stage is difficult, sleep deprivation is killer, so if you’ve found something that works for you to make that easier then why not? Currently bed sharing with DD and have been since birth. She is a nightmare newborn, colic, doesn’t sleep in the day at all, hates pram/car etc but she sleeps okay at night in with me- only way I’m surviving this right now. I co slept a lot with my toddler till he was 5ish months and then he went in a cot and now won’t even sleep with us when unwell. I’ve always found like PP suggested you are in a ‘lighter’ sleep and I am always aware of when they move and every sound they make, I normally always have my arm round baby aswell. Use common sense and just do what works for you

Please don't listen to the horror stories and do your own research. It can be done safely if you know how to.

Lullaby trust has guidelines for safe bedsharing and has worked closely with Unicef on its research, check out both sites for stats and recent research.

As for should you do it? Well only you can make that decision but it's perfectly normal and natural to do, we're mammals after all.

Also read about 4th trimester, it benefits your baby being close to you as much as possible.