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Original poster

Newborn co-sleeping - rod for our own back?

35 replies

M155PLW · 27/11/2019 07:51

Our DD is 17 days old, we had a tricky start with BF as my milk was very slow coming in but we are there now.

DD won't settle at all on a night in her cot next to our bed. She will fall asleep in my arms or DH's arms but as soon as we put her down she wakes and cries. We've tried all the 'tips' and nothing seems to work - it's like she knows! She will sleep in the cot in the day though?!

Two nights ago we got no sleep so decided to co-sleep. She slept amazingly last night, only waking for a feed twice.

I am just really worried that we are making a rod for our own back and this is setting a precedent for the future. I really don't want her in our bed for months to come.

Does anyone have any experience with moving from co-sleeping still in the 'newborn' days? I am happy to do this for a little while just for our sanity but I'm also frightened of letting her co-sleep as I'm a really heavy sleeper and I would much prefer her in her own bed.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

BeanBag7 · 27/11/2019 07:54

At that age I would just do whatever it takes to get through and for you all to get as much sleep as possible, safely.

lemonsqueasy · 27/11/2019 07:58

Apparently they don't form habits til 3 months (according to a poster in hospital).

We co-slept on and off when DD was newborn and it didn't affect how she slept in her Moses basket.

Congrats on your baby

Blossie0 · 27/11/2019 07:58

Go with the co-sleeping for now, I'd ask DH to sleep in the spare room though. Look up the guidelines to make sure your being as safe as possible I think the Lullaby Trust has the information.

starfishcoffee · 27/11/2019 07:59

We ended up co-sleeping with DS until he was 13 months. The transition into his cot was tricky, but we did it. Co-sleeping made our lives so much easier in those early weeks - especially since DS was not a good sleeper and fed lots during the night.

I do think that if you don't want to be co-sleeping with a toddler, then it's probably easier to move them into their own cot earlier than we did.

ironickname · 27/11/2019 08:02

She's too little Op, it really isn't worth the risk. You're shattered and a heavy sleeper and she is tiny and helpless.

I had the same problem, but used a side cot and got as close as I could.

BloodyCats · 27/11/2019 08:04

My youngest co slept with me for 1 year and has great sleep habits now. I always made sure he had naps in his own cot and put him to sleep in his cot, then would move him over when he woke when I went to bed (it was like he knew the exact timing!).

Don’t over focus on the co sleeping part, it’s normal for a baby to want to be with it’s mum. They spent 9 months inside you! Focus on encouraging self soothing and them going to sleep without being cuddled, the rest will follow as they get older.

That’s only applicable if you want to co sleep though!

PixieDustt · 27/11/2019 08:08

Could you try a next to me crib? I have one and DS sleeps like a dream in it. I'm still close by so he can reach out to me or I can reach out to him which I like as he usually likes to hold my hand throughout the night. I refused to co sleep with DS though as I'm also a heavy sleeper

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 27/11/2019 08:10

Co slept on and off for the first few months, alternated between that and the Moses basket, then cot in our room then cot in her room- no issues.

nocluewhattodoo · 27/11/2019 08:10

We coslept with DD until about 13 months when we moved her onto a single mattress on the floor in her own room, she never slept in a cot. The transition was very easy as I could still get in and lie down to feed to sleep. You just do what you need to to get through, and every baby is different. I don't really believe the 'rod for you own back' thing, we just adapted to DDs needs as they changed.

bluebluezoo · 27/11/2019 08:18

I also don’t believe the “rod for your own back” crap.

I got told i’d never get her to sleep in her own bed, would have a clingy child i wouldn’t be able to leave, even that i’d have a teenager in nappies at night if i didn’t start “training” her to be dry at night.

Guess what, she’s 12 and about as independent and confident as you get, and dry at night

Do what it takes. Babies are adaptable- everything is a phase and they grow and change.

Just make sure you co-sleep safely. I had a bedside cot so she stayed next to me on the outside- no chance of getting under the duvet or between me and dh.

ShippingNews · 27/11/2019 08:32

I wouldn't do it . You say you are a heavy sleeper - it just isn't worth the risk.

Thornhill58 · 27/11/2019 10:09

Our baby sleep with me for a year. Can't remember many broken nights or struggling at all. My husband moved to the spare room. Then we moved the baby to his own room without issues. He was breast feed until he was 9 months.
I highly recommend it.

thisisreallyfunny · 27/11/2019 10:10

Do whatever it takes to sleep. It was the same situation with my DD1 and DD2 / neither slept in their cots at the beginning. Only from around 10/12 weeks if I remember correctly. It won't last forever

Piixxiiee · 27/11/2019 10:27

Cosleep away, honestly if it means you all get sleep then it's the right thing to do. I did with mine, my son was a great sleeper as long as he was in bed with us and hes 3 now and my daughter 6 bith sleep all night in their beds.
Your lo is so little and its early days for you all- take the easier route and enjoy the snuggles!

Confusedbeetle · 27/11/2019 10:37

Please please please dont do it. Of course there will be people that have done it and got away with it but the risks really arent worth it. No one is going to come on here and tell you their baby has died, but believe me it happens. Central heating duvets, pillows, two people in the bed, heavy sleepers, all you have to add to the mix is a baby a bit fretful and off colour ( the very time you want to confort them) and you are high risk for a cot death. I know I will get shot down in flames from the co sleeping brigade but I have seen it more than once. Dont get me on the part of smoking and a glass of wine, which I am sure you are not doing. I am far less worried about making a rod for your own back, which is a very real risk, but not dangerous. This stage does not last for ever. Please put safety first.. Stands back and ducks under the parapet

Piixxiiee · 27/11/2019 11:33

Confusedbeetle I'm sure all opinions are welcome. Obviously I coslept safely- op if you're not sure gave a Google- common sense really, no blankets, I never put baby in middle between me and husband as hes a really heavy sleeper and big. Obviously no drinking. Be safe.

bluebluezoo · 27/11/2019 11:58

Please please please dont do it. Of course there will be people that have done it and got away with it but the risks really arent worth it

It’s balance of risk. I found myself falling asleep feeding At night - i tried to sit up and put the baby back in the cot but i’d find myself jolting awake.

As that is a high risk of me either dropping her or her rolling face down, or under the duvet, or between dh and I, i made the decision to co-sleep. I put the cot level with the bed- tucked the duvet under me so she couldn’t get under, so she had mattress space at the edge of the bed between me and the cot. I could feed lying down, and i’d roll the duvet so if i did fall asleep, i couldn’t roll toward her. gradually as she fed less she was able to move into the cot where she could still see/hear/feel me.

PhilomenaButterfly · 27/11/2019 12:00

Mine slept better when they were in their own rooms.

TheBestSpoon · 27/11/2019 14:29

It doesn't have to be a rod for your back - we coslept for a few weeks at the beginning, and then gradually transitioned to a next-to-me cot - he was fully in the cot by about 10 weeks, but it was an absolute sanity saver at the start being able to BF lying down and drift off with baby still attached. I am also a heavy sleeper, but I don't move much in the night and I also found that I've slept much more lightly since giving birth - you may find the same? If you follow the safe cosleeping guidance and sleep in the C position, there really is minimal risk of rolling. Good luck whatever you decide to do!

TheBestSpoon · 27/11/2019 14:31

And yes, second the point about balancing risk - I really didn't want to cosleep, but when I nearly fell asleep sitting up feeding baby at 3am, it seemed to be the safest solution for us as the perfect "on own, on back, in clear cot" just wasn't happening for us! There are risks to being exhausted in the day too.

eenymeenyminyme · 27/11/2019 14:36

It's not about balancing risk - it's prioritising your sleep over your baby's safety.

My friend's son died from SIDS and without pointing any fingers they said it was very likely due to co-sleeping. Unless advice has significantly changed in the last 15 years, it's not a risk I'd even contemplate taking.

And no, my DC didn't sleep well at all, but I just knew they were safer in their own cot.

53rdWay · 27/11/2019 14:49

It's not about balancing risk - it's prioritising your sleep over your baby's safety.

What pp is saying is that you being very sleep-deprived can be dangerous for the baby in itself. If you fall asleep while feeding the baby in a chair or a bed full of pillows and duvets, that’s more dangerous than planned co-sleeping.

It is really tough OP. Can you try one of those cots/cribs that attaches to the bed? That way the baby has their own sleep surface but they’re right next to you and you can feed/cuddle lying down. It worked wonders for mine:

BumbleNova · 27/11/2019 16:48

Umm to all the posters saying you are stupid/irresponsible to even consider it -you do know that the lullaby trust has issued safe sleeping guidelines? It is safe if you follow the safe sleep six. Breastfeeding and cosleeping is very normal combination!

OP have a look at the lullaby trust guidelines and make your own decision. Breastfeeding hormones mean you do actually sleep differently.

NeedAnExpert · 27/11/2019 16:49

I am just really worried that we are making a rod for our own back and this is setting a precedent for the future. I really don't want her in our bed for months to come.

Not possible.

Read up on fourth trimester. Might soothe your mind.

Rainbowtheunicorn · 27/11/2019 16:51

If you are breastfeeding and following guidelines co sleeping is fine. Otherwise just don’t take the risk.

There is no such thing as a rod for your own back though- I hate that phrase. Cuddle to sleep, feed to sleep, don’t let them cry. Do whatever feels normal for you and your baby.

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