Toddler bedtime battle

[elephanto]

It's taking up to 4 hours every night for my toddler to fall asleep. The impact it's having on all of us is huge and it can't carry on. I'm beginning to lose the plot. I feel like we've tried every trick in the book but nothing is working.

Does anyone have any tips on how to get him to stay in his bed and go to sleep on his own?

How old is your toddler and what is your general routine?

He's 2 and 4 months.

We have dinner, bath, quiet play time, read stories then bed. I'm a real routine mum so that's the same every night without fail. He knows it's bedtime but he just won't / can't sleep. It's exhausting

What does he/you do during the four hours that he is trying to get to sleep?

Mine is the same! He's a bit older (2 years 8 months) but he's been in and out of it most of this year. We have weeks where he goes to bed no problem, then a month of this hell.
At the moment, we do bath, milk, teeth, books and bed...except bed is turning into a wrestling match. Other than stapling the duvet to the bed frame, I'm out of ideas. The other night he had completely stripped his bed and all of his books were piled on the mattress and he was jumping on them from his chair. Absolute nutter.

Does your DC still have an afternoon nap? We've dropped the nap and tried an earlier bed time but as he is looked after by grandparents during the week who all insist upon nap time, it's sort of backfired

I limit nap to 1-2 hours. Always awake by 2.

Bedtime starts about 6.45 where we do bath/wash, pjs, story, gro clock, song and sleep.

We still have a gate on the door. Tried to do without but she thought it was a fun game to run in and out the room.

I had to do alot of "disappearing chair" where I would sit in the room getting closer to the door but Ignoring. Then we did putting in bed, first time out straight back, then wait 5 mins, 10 mins etc.

Took about 6 weeks but eventually got there.

The gro clock has helped as she knows when the star is on its bedtime

Might help to change how you handle it. It's hard to hear them shout or cry but it may be the only way. I found I would sit on the floor and count slowly as a way of keeping calm cause it is very frustrating when they just wont sleep

If he doesn't have a lunch nap he falls straight asleep at bedtime with no dramas but that's because he is completely and utterly wrecked. And also from about 4pm is too tired to cope and is tearful and tatrums, refuses to eat. It's heartbreaking.

When he's supposed to be trying to sleep he plays with his bear / bedding, runs in and out of his room to find us, jumps on his bed etc...

Thanks @Intheupsidedown - it's so frustrating and we've tried some of the things you've said. 6 weeks seems like such a long time for them to be overtired and unable to cope

Watching with interest OP. I thought we had cracked it with DD (2y4mo) but the last week or so has been utterly f*cking horrendous.
Our DS has just hit the 4 month sleep regression too, so need to get this sorted before I become completely delirious

Would he lie still to listen to an audiobook? Or there's a Cbeebies radio station that plays soothing stories at bedtime.

The problem is that teeth, new learnings, small changes can upset the routine.

If he is running in and out then a gate may help at least he can only play in his room. I found once I ignored dd yes she would come to the door and shout but eventually got the hint I wasnt playing that game. She would get back into bed I would then go in 5 mins later to make sure she was tucked up and say goodnight again.

Sometimes ignoring is the only way so you are not rewarding bad behaviour but praising good behaviour (even a goodnight kiss that they got into bed)

Dd gets tired about 6 and starts to get really naughty and messes about. I have to count and remind myself she is tired so then we bring night time forward even if it means doing an extra story or singing more songs until she is ready to put her head down. I have heard her singing baby shark on more than one occasion but at least she is in bed and settling down

We have been in a similar position (I have a 2 y 5 m boy). He cannot handle no nap but the nap prevents bedtime for several hours. I have found a tiny nap of 20 mins has taken the edge of the utter exhaustion and distress but bedtime has been a more reasonable amount of time. Plus lots of physical outdoor play!

@ListenLinda I feel your pain!!

@TooMinty I had thought of that but I don't want to start something like that unless there's no other option. I don't really want it to become a thing otherwise whenever we go on holiday or he stays at his grandparents we'll need to take it with us.

Thanks @Intheupsidedown and@ChestnutTalisman

Yeah, we do have to always do it now. But I have downloaded some audiobooks in my phone and got my mum to do the same so it's not really a big deal. Better than sitting in his room for hours waiting for him to go to sleep!

If he goes to sleep at night without the nap, personally I would ditch his nap. Or make it a lot, lot shorter. Perhaps try moving bedtime back if he's had a nap. He's probably just not tired enough for his actual bed time.

By this age, my eldest wasn't having naps every day and cutting down how long they were. My youngest had stopped napping before he was two. I think both of mine were still in the cot bed at this age, so couldn't physically get out of bed. We still had the stairgate on their door as well.

I stopped my toddlers nap at around that time because he wasn't going to bed. I think I limited it to 30 minutes firstly and then he stopped needing it. Since then he has fallen asleep between 6-7pm no problem. I do lie with him after he has had books though otherwise he gets hysterical. He is usually asleep within 10 minutes so I don't mind doing that.

When this started happening with our DD, we stopped/limited naps. She has some quiet time in the day if she wants it and I do dinner around 4 for her.
Start bedtime at 6 and she will be asleep by 7.
If she naps it's up at 9pm!
I think she sleeps better with no nap and her total sleep is greater without it.
Yes, she can be a mare in those last few hours, but I'd take that any day over not sleeping.

Time to stop the nap. The first few days are really hard but soon they benefit from the better quality of night sleep and start to cope better! We had to do the same at the same age.

My 2 year old can only have a 20-30 minute nap otherwise the same thing happens.

I had a truly awful sleeper for years. She had audiobooks every night on a tiny speaker in her bed really quietly. It's the only thing that got her to stay in bed.

Her 2nd language skills were absolutely amazing as a result. Due to lots of Enid Blyton it was fairly 50s English, (we live elsewhere). Now at nearly 15 she's started sleeping better!

My daughter just turned 3 and is similar. However she dropped her nap a while ago and still won't go to bed! Or if she does, she will wake frequently screaming and having awful tantrums. We had a great routine that worked fine and all of a sudden is out of the window, so reading this with interest. May try an audiobook tonight

We’ve just done this and yes there’s a rather miserable window where they adjust to no nap, but it’s for the best!

Supernanny videos on YouTube work a treat, but need patience.

My we guy is 2yrs 6mnts..he is an absolute angel going to bed..most of the time..bedtime is 7 and even if he isnt tired he will play quietly and fall over to sleep himself and that will be him until 8 the next morning..however..if he happens to have a nap after 3 in the afternoon my little angel turns into a little demon...hel go to bed but will wake about 11 and will be a huge pain for about 2/3hrs..this then leads to a very over tired/cross/tantrum throwing/no pleasing little horror for about 2 days until hes back in routine. So if you can get nap time at about 12noon for approx half an hour and maybe try baby music on a tablet at night...

Thanks for all the advice!! It's good to know I'm not suffering alone although I do wish there was a magical quick fix solution for all of us!!

I'm going to try shortening his lunchtime nap before I completely take it away. He's back at nursery this week so without a nap will be completely overwrought and that's just not fair on anyone!

Put a gate on his bedroom door for safety as he's running in and out he may fall over/down the stairs or get into something he's not supposed to have.
Having the same issue here. I do same routine every night. Dinner, bath, bottle, book and bed. It takes around 2 hours after for him to finally settle after alot of crying and tantrums. Good luck

When you eventually drop the nap you can try main meal at lunchtime, big snack at 3pm, light meal at 5pm, bed at 6pm for a bit. Then gradually move bedtime later once the weepy over tired afternoons stop.