How the hell do people do this?

[FiveFarthings]

How the hell do people cope with so little sleep?!

I am currently sat up nursing my 8 day old. We are having an okay night tonight (though she has been nursing on and off for two hours and doesn’t seem to want to commit to a deeper sleep).

Yesterday was a different story- there were tears, husband and I were sniping at each other (at which point he stormed off to walk our poor neglected dog), I nearly gave in to a bottle of formula to just get her fed and done so I could get some sleep (only reason I didn’t was because they haven’t been sterilized yet and I couldn’t even manage to read the instructions). I haven’t left the house yet, even for a walk round the block, because it just seems like a mammoth task. Currently just using baby wipes for my face as it’s easier than my previous skin care routine (not a single drop of moisturizer has touched my face since I went into hospital)

Our baby won’t be put down at all so one of us is having to always sit up and hold her. I know this is normal but how does anyone cope? Husband and I try to take it in turns but as I’m breast feeding, often I’m the one left holding her as hubby gets on and does other chores (aforementioned dog walking, washing, cleaning up etc).

Yesterday I was so tired I felt sick and pretty sure I was hallucinating at one point. Terrified to fall asleep with baby in case anything happens so Co-sleeping not for me.

Everyone keeps saying, this is normal, it’s going to be hard, it will pass, but no one has actually given any practical advice about how they cope! Any hints and tips to get through this?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3602637-To-start-a-thread-for-the-sleep-deprived-parents

^^

You might find this interesting.

It's really awful, is sleep deprivation. Just take it a day at a time.

Congratulations on your baby 🤱

Sorry, with regards to hints and tips I'd :

Try and get outside at some point every day
Coffee
Try and maintain a good diet, you'll feel better
Take a shower regularly
Don't take too much to heart of what your husband says/does - his nerves are frayed too
Have you considered a dummy?

Can't your husband take her for a walk while you get an hours sleep?

Congratulations

not a single drop of moisturizer has touched my face since I went into hospital

Well I'm 54 and my babies are all grown up. My face hasn't touched a single drop of moisturizer ever and my skin is fine. Don't worry - 2 weeks without moisturiser isn't going to kill you.

Don't fight it. Sleep whenever, don't worry about normal life - newborn babies don't stay newborn for very long. Enjoy it while you can.

Even before them sleeping at night was a thing in reality, i established a bedtime routine. Nice warm bath, clean snuggly pj's, feeding, put her down. Eventually it became longer everyday that they stayed down. The routine I found comforting and i really think it helped them get into the routine as well. Good luck and congrats!

Where is baby sleeping? Purchasing a next to me crib was the pivotal moment for us in terms of getting baby to sleep for any period of time

Hi OP,

I'm 10 weeks in now and felt exactly as you did for quite some time. In fact, it's only the last two weeks where DS has started to let us put him down.

Purchasing a Next2Me was a lifesaver for us. DS constantly wanted to be touched. Having our hand in his crib so he could hold a finger whilst he slept was a comfort for him.

Another thing I've started to use in the last few weeks that I wish I had since birth is a sling. We've only used it when out and about, as DS cries if he's awake whilst in the pram if I'm walking slowly (ie browsing in a shop). However, this would have been a godsend in the early weeks to be able to move around the house without holding him. I recommend Jazooli. The cheaper slings stretch out and become loose.

Another thing that DS liked is a sleep pod (for day time supervised sleeping). We use a Poddle Pod which is much cheaper than a sleepyhead and gives the illusion they're being held. I put DS in this on the bathroom floor when I'm showering so I can see him.

Finally, there's no shame in bottle feeding. Try combination feeding if it helps save your sanity. Giving a good size bottle before bed might get you a few hours of solid sleep.

Hang in there mamma, it gets better. 2-3 weeks ago I wouldn't have believed anybody saying that, but it does

Some things you could try, if you haven't are:

Hot water bottle warming the baby's bed before you put her down
White noise app (Relaxio is free). The hairdryer works even better!
Muslin you have had down your top lining her cot

And wait until she has been asleep for a good 15 minutes before you try and put her down.

It will get better- it improves so gradually you don"t notice.

We have a next to me upstairs in our bedroom and also a Snozpod cot downstairs for daytime naps. She won’t go in either of them. Even when she is sound asleep we get maybe 20 mins before she’s awake again and then I have to nurse her to get her off again.

@FiveFarthings Google the fourth trimester. Your baby is so tiny and right now all she can do is eat and sleep. It's hard but you'll get there. My son would only sleep on me for the first couple of weeks, then bit by bit he got used to the snuzood. Go with her rythmn for now and don't worry about anything else. Make sure you're eating and drinking and definitely try and get out for a walk. You can do this xx

I found the first three months of having ds total nightmare, I got to the stage I was hallucinating due to lack of sleep. Ds was ff so my then husband did his share, we used to sleep in shifts, one went to bed early, the other stayed up until ds finally dropped off, then when ds woke up around 2.00am & thought he was up for the day whoever went to bed early took over. If there was a miracle during the day & ds slept for more than an hour, we got some sleep then. For the moment, stuff the housework, if you can afford it, get a cleaner, otherwise do the bare minimum. Make sure you eat, even if it is convenience food or takeaways. Don't refuse any offers of help, direct the person who offers to whatever is most urgent or ask them to prepare you a meal or look after baby so you can have a shower or some fresh air. This will not last forever, it just feel like it does.

@FiveFarthings DS was the same I'm all honesty. If we put him down when sleeping, he'd wake soon after but would sleep for ages if being held. I wish we had tried swaddling him to give him the illusion of the womb.

What we found with DS is that when sleeping on us, he's tummy down. We've realised this last fortnight if we let him sleep on his tummy, he'll go a good few hours. He's very strong with his head now so I am confident he can lift his head if he got into any difficulty being face down. I wouldn't have tried this until he had the head control. What we did do, however, was sleep him on his side. It didn't always work, but sometimes we'd get maybe 30 min up to an hour before we had to hold him. We did this by putting a rolled up blanket behind him then one in front of him but only up to his toro so it wasn't on his face.

The best advice right now is sleep in shifts whilst your DH is on paternity leave. Even if you just get 3-4 hours one afternoon whilst he watches DD, you'll feel better x

It will get easier.
Read about the 4th trimester. Try to have a shower every day and get out for a short walk with the baby. It will get easier, I promise.
Read about safe co sleeping, La Leche League has some great info... it honestly saved my sanity!
Good luck.

Tea or coffee. Hook yourself to a drip!

Bare minimum housework / accepting help. If no-one actively offers do you have anyone close who you could ask?

Ready meals / easy dinners e.g tuna pasta.

Treats during night feeds to keep yourself going. I ate so many brunch bars!

Sling.

A basic understanding of 4th trimester.

I breastfed too. I had a box of stuff next to the sofa so if I got stuck I had access to things without having to get up / faff around. Contents: muslins, spare outfit for baby, snacks, deodorant, drinks, hair bands, you get the idea!

Sometimes I phoned the national breastfeeding helpline with no particular problem, just to vent / cry (they said it's completely fine to do this and not a waste of their time as it's mental-health related). Always felt better afterwards.

Dry shampoo (but try to have a quick bath each day or a shower if yours has a gentle setting!)

Hope you feel better soon. It really is a baptism of fire but you'll get through it I promise. Well done on breastfeeding

You'll just get used to it. In a year, you'll look back and wonder how you did it, but you will do it. Just grab naps whenever you can, even 10 mins can make a difference.

I still feel resentful for the 5 days of absolutely no sleep, when DD was born 😂 I think I got a one hour nap on day 6. In the end I was so jittery DH made them discharge us and put me to bed. DD is now 10 and I still wake up.

We have a next to me upstairs in our bedroom and also a Snozpod cot downstairs for daytime naps. She won’t go in either of them. Even when she is sound asleep we get maybe 20 mins before she’s awake again and then I have to nurse her to get her off again.

DD wanted nursing at that age too. I feel your pain. I had to return to work after 3mth so at 2mth I began trying to intro a dummy. It took a week or more, but eventually she accepted it. There is advice on when to intro if BF.
www.midyorks.nhs.uk/download.cfm?doc=docm93jijm4n5258.pdf&ver=6453

If she just wants to feel weight of your touch, Try the glove filled with grain trick. I didn't use it, but a friends DD did and said it worked a treat

www.news.com.au/lifestyle/parenting/babies/mums-go-crazy-for-gold-coast-womans-genius-trick-to-sneak-in-a-shower/news-story/07e8817f39e52a1587d001e1c8619824

What we found with DS is that when sleeping on us, he's tummy down. We've realised this last fortnight if we let him sleep on his tummy, he'll go a good few hours. He's very strong with his head now so I am confident he can lift his head if he got into any difficulty being face down. I wouldn't have tried this until he had the head control. What we did do, however, was sleep him on his side. It didn't always work, but sometimes we'd get maybe 30 min up to an hour before we had to hold him. We did this by putting a rolled up blanket behind him then one in front of him but only up to his toro so it wasn't on his face.

Reading this really panicked me. Advice to sleep on back is because they wake easily. My friends DS never woke up, so I accept I may be overly anxious.

"The risk of SIDS peaks between 1 and 4 months of age but remains a threat until babies are 12 months. Once your baby is strong enough to roll from back to front and front to back by himself, you don't need to worry about him rolling onto his stomach during sleep"
https://www.babycenter.com/404when-is-it-safe-to-let-my-baby-sleep-on-his-tummyy_1368446.bc

I think you just get used to no sleep.

I actually feel more sluggish if I get over 8 hours now. 6 is about my average. 6 hours of broken sleep that is. Never straight through.

Ah well 😴

Like a PP, DH and I slept in shifts for the first few weeks. He'd go to bed at 9 and I'd stay downstairs with DD. Then he'd get up at 3am to swap with me. I pumped several times a day so he'd have a few bottles to get through his shift with, but if he ran out he'd bring her up to me and I'd sleep-feed for a bit, then he'd take her back down.

It was not easy, but more manageable than both of us being up all night, snapping at each other.

The only way I survived with DD was to feed her laying down and to co sleep. We had a next to me and a sleepyhead but she wouldn’t sleep in either of those. It was on me, next to me or nothing at all. I know you aren’t keen but it saved my sanity and why make your life harder than it needs to be? I also found a gro snug swaddle really helpful.

Good luck, it doesn’t last forever though it feels like it will at the time

I have to say that a lot of the time mine slept on me. I was also determinedly good at napping - if it looked like baby was asleep, I got my head down.

We got good at transferring once asleep. I stuffed a muslin down my top while he was feeding and we prewarmed the cot/ Moses basket with a wheat bag. It was slightly farcical and had about a 60/40 success rate.

If I’m honest, he also slept on me a lot. During night feeds I may have conked out a few times. Rather than this end up being accidental, plan for it and observe safe co-sleeping guidelines just in case. You’re safer doing deliberate, planned co-sleep than falling asleep exhausted with him on the sofa (the most risky scenario). However I get not wanting to co-sleep when tiny. We worked out he had reflux later on and keeping him upright on me helped. A sling was also useful.

My DH would take DS and just hold him while he slept until 2-3am, while I slept. He'd wake me up for feeds - sometimes ridiculously often. Then I'd take over so DH could sleep.

Our game changer was a miracle blanket, that really worked for us and DS would sleep in his cot for a few hours between feeds so we could both get a bit of sleep.

Congratulations on your baby! The 2 weeks are so hard. I remember crying my eyes out with exhaustion during the nights when LG breastfed all night and thinking what had I done! It's normal and it will get easier. Definitely do shifts. I used to stay up with DD until she finally went to sleep for a 2-3 hours stretch at 5am then woke up my partner and he'd watch her while i got some sleep. You get used to little sleep. In fact my midwife told me that when you're breastfeeding the hormones make you sleep deeper. Not sure if this is true but it makes sense. Meanwhile, accept any help that's offered. Get guests to hold the baby while you drink a cup of coffee uninterupted or have a shower. Watch boxsets and have a supply of snacks onhand while cluster feeding at night. Get your DH to make meals and wash up. Again, it will get easier. Best of luck :) x

We had similar with our first. It's such a shock to the system. Are you winding her thoroughly after every feed?

We slept in 4hr shifts but we were bottle feeding so it was easier.