How the hell do people do this?

[FiveFarthings]

How the hell do people cope with so little sleep?!

I am currently sat up nursing my 8 day old. We are having an okay night tonight (though she has been nursing on and off for two hours and doesn’t seem to want to commit to a deeper sleep).

Yesterday was a different story- there were tears, husband and I were sniping at each other (at which point he stormed off to walk our poor neglected dog), I nearly gave in to a bottle of formula to just get her fed and done so I could get some sleep (only reason I didn’t was because they haven’t been sterilized yet and I couldn’t even manage to read the instructions). I haven’t left the house yet, even for a walk round the block, because it just seems like a mammoth task. Currently just using baby wipes for my face as it’s easier than my previous skin care routine (not a single drop of moisturizer has touched my face since I went into hospital)

Our baby won’t be put down at all so one of us is having to always sit up and hold her. I know this is normal but how does anyone cope? Husband and I try to take it in turns but as I’m breast feeding, often I’m the one left holding her as hubby gets on and does other chores (aforementioned dog walking, washing, cleaning up etc).

Yesterday I was so tired I felt sick and pretty sure I was hallucinating at one point. Terrified to fall asleep with baby in case anything happens so Co-sleeping not for me.

Everyone keeps saying, this is normal, it’s going to be hard, it will pass, but no one has actually given any practical advice about how they cope! Any hints and tips to get through this?

I recommend purchasing a next to me crib. My baby slept in his happily (with a sleepyhead inside) until 7 months. If he stirred in the night I would just put my hand on him to reassure him and he slept fine. Congratulations 💐

Also have you tried givjng formula or expressing your milk and giving a bottle before bed? I breastfed for 8months but soon realised in the beginning that giving a bottle before bed helped with sleeping longer stretches. From my experience formula also fills baby up a bit more too. As others have said, there is no shame in combination feeding.

4th trimester of what?
Sorry no help OP, I gave birth to bears, but it will be short-lived, because they change every few seconds. Here’s hoping for a sleepy period next for you!

@FiveFarthings I feel your pain, my little one is 4 weeks old today. It's pretty relentless. If I'm honest I'm now co-sleeping. It's been a bit of a savour. I also go for a sleep about 3pm (I'm finding before then I just can't nod off). I spoke to my midwife and health visitor about safe co-sleeping. I know it's not for everyone but for me it's the only way I get some sleep. LO not keen to be put down but will happily sleep in our bed!
www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/

Coffee
Sling (only had one for DC2, wished I had it for Dc1).
Husband to take baby for walks
Swaddle
Combination feeding - the odd bottle is very handy plus it gets them used to it, so you don't end up with a bottle refuser.
Dummy
Coffee
Hang in there and congratulations!

Congratulations
It gets easier and you get used to less sleep. Try propping the head end of the Moses basket up it helps to stop mild reflux. I put mine to sleep on his side wedged with a towel during the day, if I went to bed I left someone else watching him. But what still works for me is push him out in the pram and leave to sleep in the garden. Unfortunately I can’t do it at night!

Co sleeping, BF laying down! I've done this from day one and makes it so easy. Baby never fully wakes, just stirs for the boob, I wake and plug her in, then go back to sleep! This was always the plan from day one. Google the lullaby trust safe bed sharing guidelines. Slots for the day time. Its completely normal for your baby to want this! Dont fight it. You will all get more sleep this way

Are you swaddling DC to sleep? Mine would only sleep being held or swaddled. It was a life saver.

Basically it’s just shit. Sorry! It really is awful and it’s the bit of parenthood that no one really appreciates how crap it is until you have your own!

We got a bouncer thing / seat for ours and used to put them in it on the floor when all else failed and bounce them with our foot on it until they fell asleep - not ideal and probably against all kinds of rules etc but safer than falling asleep holding them.

I’m afraid everyone is right! It’s totally shit and incredible we all get through it.
It might sound depressing but I think the fourth trimester idea is true. I was told to expect 100 days of darkness after mine was born. It’s utterly horrific but ITS NOT FOREVER. It feels like that but honestly gets so much better. I’m afraid I giggled at your skin care comment, I didn’t brush my teeth for two weeks!!! I do now!
Other posters have it right:
Sling
Caffeine
Naps (or just sitting or lying down to rest)
Bedtime routine
Bouncy chair
If one of you is ok to drive could you drive her to sleep then nap in the car?
Good luck. This is the worst of it. X

Planned co-sleeping is safe. It's unplanned falling asleep with your baby that's dangerous. If you establish a safe bed-sharing setup, you can breastfeed without having to be awake. This changed my life.

My trick was to be so ill throughout pregnancy that I only slept for a maximum of 3 hours a day for 4 months. So by the time the baby arrived the sleep I got then was amazing in comparison 😆

As you can't do that, try a sleepyhead inside the next to me/snuzpod. It was a game changer for so many people I know.

Congratulations OP!

Sleep deprivation is a killer. Especially when they are newborn and your yourself are recovering from the birth and from not sleeping well when heavily pregnant. I remember it well with DS and I had mastitis to boot which turned into what felt like the flu. Magical but awful time rolled into one!

I really think you have to ride the wave (read up on the 4th trimester) and by 12 weeks many people see an improvement in sleep. I noticed a difference myself but then there is the 4 month sleep regression 😢 and DS is 7 months now and I'm waking up about 10 times a night with him at the moment, even though he is on solids.

It's bloody hard, it is all phases. You think you have cracked it and then they start teething or get ill and you are back to square one.

Here are some of the things I did in the early days to survive on no sleep:

1.Next to me crib for safe co-sleeping
2.White noise - was a life saver. Find out what your baby likes eg static, hair dryer, Hoover, heavy rain, plane sounds. Mine liked fan sounds so I would play it on my phone all night.
3.start basic routine at early age -bath, story, feed, bed and be consistent. Your baby will get it eventually. This is probably early for you, I started at 6 weeks.

1. Purchased a sleep pod and put in Chico crib. They feel they are being held when in one of those.
2. I go out a lot in the day as I found the days very long at home with a baby on my own so went to see friends, went to baby groups, coffee shops etc
3. I tried to do a 20 minute exercise blast in the morning on first nap to wake me up a bit.

Good luck op. I hope you get a sleeper!

We just had an ordinary cot with the side down wedged up next to our bed (with a foam bed bridge for the little gap in between). Those early days dd would only sleep if I was holding her or curled around her on the cot so I half lay in her cot, half lay in my bed. Once I finally learned how to breastfeed her lying down that was when I managed to start getting a bit more sleep/feel a bit more rested. We co slept like this (her in her separate cot next to me) for 7 months, it was the only way we could survive the sleeplessness!

Also snatch sleep at every available opportunity. When people come to visit get them to hold the baby and go have a power nap! It was the only way I kept my sanity. Abandon housework, skincare routine etc for next few weeks, it's all irrelevant!

Managing to cope with sleep deprivation is a really difficult thing, especially in the early days when you're trying to recover from giving birth too. You will get through it even though it's hard. Obviously it depends on what you want to do re establishing BF, but perhaps you could give some expressed milk or formula so that you can get your husband to help and get a decent chunk of sleep each night.

@FiveFarthings hi, i can really empathise with what you're experiencing. My wife and I have a 12 day old son and in a very similar spot - he will only sleep on us and we can barely get 10-20 mins once or twice per day on his own without him waking up bawling!! We're working through it and trying to implement a routine in advance of my return to work next week. We're using a next 2 me cot and a grosnug but its not yet translated to good sleep!

My concern is how can I support my wife when I return to work if over the next 4 days sleep doesn't improve. I drive an hour each way to work so getting 5-6 hours sleep is a must. We've agreed i'll take baby up to midnight each night and my wife will sleep until whatever feed is asked for around then, at which point i'll try and sleep until I get up for work. My concern is how do I balance supporting my wife (mental and physical health with little sleep) whilst ensuring I can commute safely each day to work-any advice?

Our local sling library does free hire for newborns.
My son was like this and I used to nap and nurse him (safe sleeping practices in place of course)
On the weekend when my husband was home he would send me to bed to nap on my own whilst he took the baby. Take any help you can get. Xxz

Do you have a baby swing?