Can’t take this anymore

[Sunisshining12]

I have a 4 month old who fights sleep like you wouldn’t believe, day & night.

She has 7oz and goes off very easily at 6pm.

She will wake up around 12-1am gets fed, burped, changed etc in the quiet/dark. Has a dummy & comfort bear. But literally turns into a screaming fit that goes on & on until 4.30am. Then will fall asleep until 6ish.

I’ve tried it all. Rocking, shushing, music, holding her, leaving her to cry. Literally every trick you can imagine. She kicks her legs so much, she’s so so overtired. It’s the same in the day with naps she will fight & fight me for hours. Dream feeds don’t make a difference (she drinks about 2oz at 11pm if offered one)

It’s affecting us all as a family. We can’t function. My other child is exhausted from being woken and I really don’t know what to do now.

Co sleeping actually made it worse! Tried the next to me cot & now moved her into her own room - again no difference.

Please help. She was the same when she stayed with my Mum on the rare occasion, who surprisingly didn’t offer again!

Isn't she just going to bed at the wrong time? If she was having that last bottle at midnight she'd be sleeping through, she's just got her days and nights mixed up. It's been a long time but I remember being told by the HV to keep adjusting by half hour each time until they are eventually sleeping more at night...have you spoken to HV?

6pm is way too early bedtime for a 4 month old. When mine was 3/4 months old, she was napping around 5, then bed around 9/10pm. Then waking around 3/4 for feed.

Agree with others. Four months old, up with you till bed really. Even if they go for nap at six do another feed at bedtime, tenish as go from there.

I was also coming to say the same, I think you need to get her having the 7 hours sleep while you do, keep her up until you go to bed.

My 18 week old is just downstairs with us till whenever we go up. Kips on the sofa between us, on one of us or on her mat on the floor, feeds when she’s hungry and then again when we change her and pop her in her cot.

I agree with PPs she’s going to bed too early. Is sleeping in your room?

Yup. You need to move her long stretch til 9/10pm and sleep then. It's shit because you get no kid free time but at least at 4 months it's just cuddles and watching a film

She was previously awake (on & off) until 10pm ish & was exactly the same in the night.

The 6-7pm bedtime has sort of naturally happened as she falls asleep at this time (either downstairs or upstairs) and doesn’t wake up again, so it’s not like a nap, it’s proper bedtime. If I give her a dream feed she will only drink a small amount & it has no effect whatsoever on the later behaviour.

She has no real fixed schedule, she doesn’t feed & sleep at the exact same times each day, she just feeds as & when she’s hungry & sometimes naps but most of the time battles it. She will nap in the pushchair if it’s moving but I’d say more of a cat nap

I’ll try anything!

I agree with pp, at 4 months both of my dc were downstairs with us all evening, napping, feeding etc, then going to bed with a feed when we did at 10 ish. They didn't have a proper bedtime until 6 months and then it was 7-7.30.

Agree with others - we had the same problem and moving bedtime slowly back helped.

But around 12-1am gets fed, burped, changed etc why are you changing her? That will wake her up...best thing is to do the feed, burp and try to transfer back to bed ASAP - or keep her on you for a bit till you can transfer her. It will take a bit of time to see a difference.

Good luck - sleep deprivation is truly shit

Any chance she’s got silent reflux? Does she struggle with feeds at all, hiccup a lot?

Are you serious? She’s 16 weeks old and already sleeping for a full 7 hours in one go at night. It may be earlier than you’d like, but that’s why you change your routine to match your babies while they adjust to the correct sleeping patterns. And she’s allowed going back to sleep for an hour and a half in the morning, plus naps in the day. I’m on my 3rd baby and I’d have loved for any of them to sleep that much!!

I wouldn't put baby in their own room at 4 months.
It all sounds like a strict routine for a young baby and also an early bedtime.
Can't you let the baby choose when they'd like to sleep? That way they shouldn't fight it as much.

I’ll try anything!

^

So go to bed at the same time?

Also to say that as a society we shouldn't expect babies to sleep through or fit around our sleep schedules. There's also sleep regression.

Can't you let the baby choose when they'd like to sleep? That way they shouldn't fight it as much.
It sounds like the baby is choosing when to sleep: 6pm to 1am. The fight is 1am to 4.30am, which is obviously a problem.

OP, I'd try doing her bedtime a little later each day as others have said, until her seven-hour block reaches midnight-7am. Hopefully even if she still has a screaming fit it's more dealable with in the morning.

Because it worked for us I'm an advocate for a strict routine and we had one in place from around 12 weeks. It altered over time but feeds, naps etc were done on a schedule along with a bed time routine.

At 4 months it was a bath at 8, then feed and asleep by nine. No feed at night and he'd wake up at 5 come into bed with us and we'd get up at 7.

Now at six months it's altered a bit with bed time at 8 and getting up at 6 and breakfast at 7 (he won't eat straight after getting up).

Have a look at this;

digitaldeliverydownloads.s3.amazonaws.com/custom-versions/019/610/354/Baby_Sleep_Program.pdf?X-Amz-Algorithm=AWS4-HMAC-SHA256&X-Amz-Credential=AKIAJPBEZQZWSAG5R5FQ%2F20190726%2Fus-east-1%2Fs3%2Faws4_request&X-Amz-Date=20190726T042854Z&X-Amz-Expires=3599&X-Amz-SignedHeaders=host&X-Amz-Signature=77a9c97574b0ca3161aaae80a9b884027a76f199df9e93e07cac34d716d45fbc

Sorry for the mammoth link.

We are finding it helpful. Our 10 week old DD is starting to fall into a routine, problem is she’s often hard to resettle after 4am. Hence I’m up.

EVERYONE has an opinion on this but I feel so much better with a feeding + napping routine as I know when she’s fed, how much she’s taking and by putting her down at certain times I know she’s getting a given amount of rest.

This may or may not work for you but DD is now starting to sleep through 6 hrs at a time, even though last nights bedtime was a “disaster” - she didn’t go down until 8 and woke at 4.

I don’t have the answers: I wish I did. DD’s waking is disturbing my others and the whole family can be up around 5am atm.

But I’m hopeful things will get better soon as I know what she’s had and when and can feel happy I know she’s not overtired.

Good luck and if you do decide to go with a plan stick to it. Transitioning is hard and keeping a sleepy baby awake is totally counter intuitive but for me, I have to believe what I’m doing is best for her and the family in the long run.

she didn’t go down until 8 and woke at 4
Should have mentioned that’s a huge deal: eight hours undisturbed!
Probably because she had 300ml in three parts from 5-8pm

I sympathise with you, OP. My DS (3 months) is similar. He does his best sleep from 6.30/7 to around 1 or 2 and after that may go down for another 1.5hrs but nothing more. I go to bed about 8.30, though, meaning I can usually get around 5 hours.

I too am reluctant to change the schedule because this would mean waking him and I don't want to ruin the only good sleep he gets in the day.

Wow some rude people. I’m not forcing my baby to sleep at 6pm! And she’s not my first I’m not a complete idiot! It’s just naturally happened! My issue is she wakes at 12 or 1 then is wide awake screaming.

She only started going to bed at 6-7 very recently. She did stay up until 10-10.30pm with us. SHE STILL WOKE AT 12-1 and screamed all night.

No hiccups or sickness. I don’t always change her, but I do change if her nappy is super wet or a number 2.

I can’t go to bed when she does because i have another child who goes to bed later. My husband doesn’t get home from work until 7!

So what should I be doing, letting her fall asleep downstairs. Take her up with me? Why would that make a difference?

I’m not trying to put her on a strict schedule at all. I’m not stupid. I know babies don’t sleep all night. But I also know waking at 12-1 then screaming until 4.30am isn’t exactly ideal. Just simply trying to get her and us to sleep better.

I put her in her own room as I did with my others at 4 months. That is my choice. It is cooler and quieter in there although it has made no difference whatsoever. I don’t care about me, I care that my baby isn’t very happy for a big stretch every night, and my other child in particular who has a serious medical condition & additional needs is being very disturbed and is absolutely whacked every day. As well as my OH.

I know babies aren’t robots. I’m happy to keep her downstairs but what I’m saying is SHES STILL ASLEEP DOWNSTAIRS so what’s the difference? Should I be waking her to try and get to stay awake longer? She doesn’t nap in the day very well especially not compared to some of the ‘schedules’ I’ve seen online WHICH I DONT FOLLOW BTW was just searching for guidance.

I know where you're coming from and also find some responses quite rude.

I think my DS's problem is wind. After 2 or 3am he can't sleep because of it. I'm hoping he will grow out of this soon.

Could you try a sling to get longer naps during the day? We do all naps in the sling because he won't be put down but I find if he stirs I can bounce him back to sleep and he is getting a decent 4 or 5 hrs of naps per day.

@Sunisshining12 download the app Huckleberry, it saved my sanity! It basically tells you nap times and bedtimes depending on age previous naps/sleep

I agree you don’t need some of the rude comments when you’re just asking for advice!

Could she have a nap at 5 ish for half an hour then push bedtime back until maybe 8.30? So she’s doing her longest stretch around the time you may go to bed?

Unfortunately some babies just don't sleep. My ds1 was one of them. Like you we tried everything. He had no reflux, no underlying cause. It would seem he just didn't like to sleep. I would agree with a pp that said that she's already slept 7 hours to get to 1am so maybe try changing her bedtime to a later time. But change her routine slowly. Maybe 10-20 minutes later every night until you get to 9.30pm-10pm? Hopefully she'll sleep through until 5am for you then. In the meantime I would strongly suggest you try and sleep a bit between 6pm and 1am to try catch up on some sleep. As for your older child, can they maybe go stay with a relative/friend a few nights a week so they can get some sleep? And get some support from HV/GP if you haven't already in case there is a reason why your baby is screaming for hours on end.