Returning to work and baby waking hourly still

[Sleepdeprivationistorture]

I’m in desperate need of help I’m really struggling at the moment. Dd is 8months, she’s never been a great sleeper but has steadily got worse since about 4 months and has now been waking in the night every hour for weeks.
She used to have a 2-3 sometimes even 4 hour stretch from being put to bed about 7 and then would have another 2hour stretch and then wake every hour. She usually co-sleeps at least half the night.

But for the last few weeks she’s been waking about between 15 mins and an hour after being put to bed, then maybe going two hours then waking every hour after that.

She’s exclusively breast fed and every night I wish I’d given her formula I’ve convinced myself that breastfeeding has caused this and it’s making me resent feeding which I once loved. I don’t really want to give up breastfeeding!

Dp is no help and never has been and dd is very attached to me and won’t settle for him now at all which is just building loads of resentment and bitterness - but that’s a whole other thread.

I go back to work full time in six weeks and I’m dreading it, the lack of sleep is severely affecting my moods now and I don’t know how to get out of this rut. I’d love to break her sleep associations with feeding but she’s very stubborn and I don’t want to do anything too harsh like cio or cc.

I lsit up all night imagining having a night in a lush hotel with a bed to myself and a full nights sleep but to be honest I’d settle for just a couple of 3-4 hour stretches! Please someone tell me there’s something I can do that doesn’t involve lots of crying and will help her sleep better before I return to work? Or if anybody has a magic wand I can wave that would be amazing.

I'd try formula tbh

waits to be shot

You can't work on so little sleep

I'd try :

A solid snack before bed I. e. A banana

Is she teething?

How about a dummy?

I guess she’s eating food now so not just milk? There will be lots of ideas about what to do and everyone is different and not everyone’s advice is right for you. Personally I don’t think an 8 month old needs any food/milk at night. It’s so hard because of course we love them so much and never want them to be distressed but both of you need some sleep. What do you do when she wakes at night? I’m afraid you might have to be equally stubborn and not offer milk/playtime/co-sleeping. We spent many nights lying in the floor with hands in cots determined to reach dcs it was bed time and sleep time but hard as it was the outcome was everyone sleeping in their own beds all night. I’m not saying that’s right for everyone, of course. Good luck op

She could be teething actually she’s just had a few through at once, she’s never taken a dummy - I tried and tried to get her to take one until she was about 5months then finally gave up, she’s also never taken a bottle and I tried loads of different brands, but she will take milk from a 360 cup.
She isn’t a very good eater yet, we do baby led weaning and she plays more than eats but but I wonder if maybe giving her a pouch before bed would fill her up a bit better?

When she wakes I feed her, she does always go straight back of to sleep but will usually wake when I try put her back in the cot which restarts the cycle.

It sounds like hunger. It was for mine; yours could be totally different. Get some food in her before bedtime!

My eldest was a horrendous sleeper. I read the baby whisperer books and watched the videos online.

I gave a bottle of milk as a dreamfeed at 10pm, then didn’t give any other milk until 6am. I held her and shushed and patted her, but didn’t give in. Surprisingly, she went back to sleep each time she woke without the need for milk. By night 3 she didn’t wake at all.

I made sure my next baby was following the baby whisperer routine from birth! She slept through from 10 weeks onwards.

With the third I fed on demand and had 10 long months of night feeds!

Like a previous poster has said, you can’t possibly work full time on this little sleep.

You need to try to accelerate weaning onto filling heavy foods. By the time she is 9 months, going to bed on a stomach full of porridge, she will be more likely to have a longer sleep.
My boys were the same at this age and once weaning got more serious, they slept better .
One of mine was addicted to banana porridge and would eat two bowls right before bed time and as soon as he woke up in the morning. The trick is to get the heavy food into them before they get hunger rage and will only accept breast milk.
Why try create the same effect with formula when you can just pick up the pace with weaning...

She’s exclusively breast fed and every night I wish I’d given her formula I’ve convinced myself that breastfeeding has caused this and it’s making me resent feeding which I once loved. I don’t really want to give up breastfeeding!

OP, just to say I have an 8 month old whose sleep pattern is exactly as you describe...but he as exclusively formula fed.
We are trying to find the right time and working up the courage to sleep train using controlled crying as I think the problem is that he just can't self settle at all.
But also waiting to see if other posters have any alternative ideas.

Just to say DS will only settle when rocked back to sleep..I try not to feed him. I'm already back at work full time and it's pure hell so if you can improve things in the next few weeks by any means possible I would do so

My DD1 was exactly the same at 8 months old and I was nearly broken with lack of sleep. We were combination feeding though, although at night only breastfeeding. I decided one night to stop breastfeeding at night and offer a bottle every time she woke. I established that she was only hungry once in the night (fine by me, total bliss compared to hourly feeds) at about 2am ish. We then did controlled crying, not something we were entirely comfortable with but we were desperate. We only needed to do the CC at bedtime, we got her in own bed and she stopped waking in the night. CC took three nights to work and was much much better on nights two and three anyway. About a month later she started to drop the 2am feed and sleep through, although not reliably until about 12 months old.

This was me two months ago. We had to sleep train DS because I was barely functioning. It was hard work for a couple of weeks but actually involved very little crying and I didn’t feel he was traumatised by the experience. He now sleeps 6.30/7-5.30/6. (Although not tonight as he is poorly and has woken up with a raging temperature screaming).

Honestly if she’ll take formula from a 360 cup then I’d do that and I’d also forget the baby led weaning. Still give her some finger foods to explore if you want but focus on getting her to eat as much as possible, particularly before bed. Porridge made with formula milk and mashed banana is a good one. And in your position I’d definitely be sleep training. You simply cannot function at work on so little sleep.

Feel your pain OP. We discovered the magic of porridge for supper. Really, really helped DS to sleep for longer periods.

I think that EBF babies are probably used to being able to snack little and often compared to FF. I imagine that FF babies get used to having to fill up when the going's good rather than having a little top up here and there. (Mine were EBF, so don't know how this theory seems to people who FF)

Thanks everyone! It helps just to hear that others have been in the same boat because everybody I know irl have babies who seem to sleep amazingly from day one!
I think I’ll definitely try to speed up weaning and get her having something filling before bed, maybe a change of routine is needed so she has baby led tea about 4 and then porridge or something at 6 before bedtime routine?

I suppose the extreme opposite to CIO is co sleep all night with no top and BF lying down so you barely have to wake up?? I'm not saying you want to do it, but I suppose it's an option if you could sleep that way.

I too would try putting her on formula, then cow's milk from a cup and a bedtime snack.

I could have written this almost about my SIL. Her DS slept fine up until about 4 months.

Now he's just turned a year old and is waking up a lot throughout the need as he needs breastmilk.

She works 4 days a week not too far away part time but also WFH doing a research job.

DB works in film/TV and started a new 5 month contract where he's up at 5am and back late.

I think she wishes she'd persevered with bottle too but her DS wouldn't take it.

I had a similar issue - what worked for us was getting DS to accept being settled by his dad and then dividing the night into shifts so we each got uninterrupted sleep. It wasn't easy getting to that point but we started by doing bedtime together and gradually increasing time with me out of the room. Then we found that it was best if I was out of the house as he would settle much better than if I was potentially available.

I was also breastfeeding and wondered if this was contributing. But even after we weaned entirely he continued to be a frequent waker for a long time so it may be completely unconnected.

Una - SIL's DS goes down fine - just wakes up during the night! driving them both round the bend.

Yes,we started with bedtimes and built up to night wakes.

We night weaned at 13 months using a slower version of this and DS's sleep improved a lot: drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html

Also used a very gentle sleep consultant - no CIO methods as they are not for me- and DS went from co sleeping and constant feeding to happily sleeping in his own room and cot

I agree with the advice to give her a good dinner before bed, but I think you should enlist your husband to help with getting her out of the habit of feeding at night.

Why not arrange to have three nights where you don’t feed her when she wakes, he comforts her instead. Would be good if you could shut yourself away in another room if possible (with earplugs...sleep woohoo!) while all this is going on. It won’t be pleasant for your other half. Maybe he could take a Friday off work and you could try this Thursday-Saturday? I think he owes it to you to get involved and try to break the pattern before it breaks you.

I had one formula fed and one exclusively breastfed child, and they were both buggers for waking in the night. What we did with both was decide to have a cut off where we reckoned they didn’t need milk in the night, and then we just went through a few hellish nights until things started to get better. To be honest, I think my formula fed baby was a worse sleeper, and I also know that when you have a bottle refuser there’s little you can do to cajole them around!

What was your plan for bf once back at work?

I also found my LO woke less once in her own room, (and I loved co sleeping)

Thank you all for your advice.
I’d really rather not give her formula just yet, I love breastfeeding through the day - it’s only the middle of the night when I hate it!

Little update (and touch wood because I’m sure typing this will jinx it!) we gave dd a pouch for tea at 5:30 tonight - she ate it sooo much better than any of her lovely home cooked baby led meals and snacks I slave away making her! She went down to bed at 7:30 and is still sleeping soundly now so I’m thinking carry on giving her something like a pouch for tea and I’ll also reduce how often I offer the boob and just try rock her to sleep!

OnlyFoolsnMothers - I’ve got a good freezer supply going so she’ll have expressed milk in a 360 cup at nursery during the day. Then I was hoping to just be feeding evening and morning as she’ll be 10 months.