Returning to work and baby waking hourly still

[Sleepdeprivationistorture]

I’m in desperate need of help I’m really struggling at the moment. Dd is 8months, she’s never been a great sleeper but has steadily got worse since about 4 months and has now been waking in the night every hour for weeks.
She used to have a 2-3 sometimes even 4 hour stretch from being put to bed about 7 and then would have another 2hour stretch and then wake every hour. She usually co-sleeps at least half the night.

But for the last few weeks she’s been waking about between 15 mins and an hour after being put to bed, then maybe going two hours then waking every hour after that.

She’s exclusively breast fed and every night I wish I’d given her formula I’ve convinced myself that breastfeeding has caused this and it’s making me resent feeding which I once loved. I don’t really want to give up breastfeeding!

Dp is no help and never has been and dd is very attached to me and won’t settle for him now at all which is just building loads of resentment and bitterness - but that’s a whole other thread.

I go back to work full time in six weeks and I’m dreading it, the lack of sleep is severely affecting my moods now and I don’t know how to get out of this rut. I’d love to break her sleep associations with feeding but she’s very stubborn and I don’t want to do anything too harsh like cio or cc.

I lsit up all night imagining having a night in a lush hotel with a bed to myself and a full nights sleep but to be honest I’d settle for just a couple of 3-4 hour stretches! Please someone tell me there’s something I can do that doesn’t involve lots of crying and will help her sleep better before I return to work? Or if anybody has a magic wand I can wave that would be amazing.

I was in a similar position, until a few weeks ago The Baby Sleep Guide book was a fast read that transformed everything v quickly.
V simple and some basics I was getting wrong without realising. No cc or anything involved either - highly recommend it!

OP, I can’t help, because DD did t slept for more than2 hours from 4 months to 3 years, and she was exclusively ff from 3 weeks old. Don’t beat yourself up about breastfeeding!

I really think it depends on the child (and the parents). My son did two hour wakings, feeding him more did naff all. It’s about comfort and sleep association as others say. However I just didn’t feel he had the capability to do settling by himself. He is now 16 months and I’d say it was the last two months where I’ve noticed a difference. I think a lot of sleep training will stick when they’re ready for it to. We have had success with my partner doing bedtime. Prior to that I’ve done some gradual techniques as per no cry sleep solution. I think they laid the ground for no feed to sleep, but there was no point battling with him about stuff he just couldn’t get. We survived with part time work, flexible schedules, co-sleep and my partner taking him early am so I got some extra time in the morning. I think the approach you choose is very personal, but I had the thing of feeling like a failure and then the next day he’d cut a tooth. Usually the terrible sleeping made sense with the next day him being ill or having a tooth cutting.

I've read your posts OP but not the replies.

Sleep training is a notoriously divisive topic so I will try not to get sucked into the debate (famous last words ha) and just share my experience with you.

My son was breastfed and a terrible sleeper. I went back to work when he was 9 months and still waking for feeds in the night. He hadn't taken to solid food brilliantly either. Shortly after I went back to work, he developed silent reflux - he was extremely distressed and his sleep got even worse. We worked out that it was caused by CMPA (non-ige and it had gone undiagnosed for so long because he was breastfed and symptoms were mild). Unfortunately even when we got the CMPA and reflux under control (both of us went dairy-free) his sleep was still bad. By that point DH and I were completely on our knees with sleep deprivation and we HAD to do some sleep training for everyone's sake. For our sanity, wellbeing, marriage, etc. But also for DS as he was overtired too. And we were too exhausted and resentful to be the parents we wanted to be. So we sleep trained and it was hard but it was absolutely the right decision.

So here are my tips which are obviously based on my experience:

• Rule out any medical or physical issues like CMPA, reflux, other problems
• Start with bedtime. This is the easiest time because the sleep pressure for baby is strongest and because you have more energy and resolve than in the middle of the night. If baby is breastfed to sleep at bedtime, transition from feeding to rocking to sleep, and then from rocking to self-settling in cot. When I did this I was dreading it but it was actually easier than I thought. I did it very gradually and did a sort of PUPD/gradual retreat sort of method.
• Once bedtime is sorted, you know baby can do it, and you need to then use the same method for other night wakings - you can do this for one night waking at a time or all of them at once. Depends how quickly you want it to work obviously. We (DH) spent months trying to settle him without milk in the first half of the night and then eventually I would bring him into bed and breastfeed him for the second half of the night. However with the beauty of hindsight I don't think I would do this again or at least not for so long!
• Consider going cold turkey on the night feeds. Sounds harsh and it was against my instincts but someone advised me that it was actually kinder to cut all feeds, because if you keep some but not others, baby doesn't understand why they can sometimes have milk and sometimes not. We had tried gradually reducing night feeds, Pantley pull-off and all that, but it just didn't work. It turns out my son didn't really respond to gradual/gentle methods in the end (he just wanted milk too much!) so we had to make it a firm, clear rule. No milk until morning. It was hard for the first few nights but we comforted him in any other way we could (rocking, singing etc) and he got it pretty quickly. Then we had to go from rocking/holding to sleep to leaving him in his cot... again gentle methods didn't work sadly and we tried PUPD/gradual retreat but had to do some controlled crying in the end. Again it was hard but worked quickly.

My final advice is to choose your method and stick to it. I learned this the hard way as I hope you can tell from my ramblings above! Do as I say not as I do We did have months of stress and tears and sleep deprivation that we probably could have avoided if I'd been willing to try "stricter" methods sooner, but I wanted to try the gentle ones first and I'm stubborn (just like my DS it turns out ) Everyone was right though, consistency is key.

Hi, if it's any consolation, my baby was formula fed and she woke constantly, every night, until she turned 9 months! I did nothing different, but suddenly she started sleeping through! A couple of things I put it down to were that she started crawling, so was suddenly burning off much more energy (and frustration!), plus she was eating much more. I went back to work when she was 10 months, and she's in day care, so she's sleeping even better (except when she gets sick), so hopefully same will happen for you

My baby is the same! I am trying to do the Lucy Woolfe stay and support method. She goes down for naps and bedtime fine when I put her down awake but wakes in the night and will only soothe with breastfeeding or bouncing/rocking. But it’s just not sustainable and it’s a shock for us as she used to sleep well (I think it’s the sleep regression where their sleep cycles increase which has caused the change).

Last night for the first time I tried the method; she woke up and I didn’t pick her up, I sat by the cot and she cried for 30 minutes but then calmed down and then fell asleep herself 20 minutes later. I’m going to try again tonight and pray it works but it is so hard hearing them cry! But I feel like if I constantly pick her up and feed her that’s all she’ll know and it’ll be the only way she can fall back asleep.

She is 5 and a half months and I’m trying to just feed her once a night ideally midway about midnight but it depends when she wakes. I know she’s not always hungry even though she wants boob because she will suck for a couple of minutes then drop off.

Maybe try it even though it is horrible and hard!! As otherwise she may not learn to self soothe.

Has anyone else tried sleep training? Positive stories would be welcome to give me some hope!

My dd was formula fed and had only just stopped waking in the night at 13 months old. I was back at work when she was 3 months old so these last 10 months have been tough. But it’s funny how you manage when you have too.

@Ruthxpx 5.5 months is way too young. She’s crying for her mummy, pick her up! She’s not manipulating you it’s all just instinct at that age. Sleep will come, the more secure you make her feel the more content and confident she will become. I can’t believe you honestly sat next to her and let her cry for that long. That’s sad.

@thewinehasgonetomyhead I have the Lucy Woolfe sleep book and it says you can start from as young as 4 months. She is crying because she is used to falling asleep on the boob and couldn’t settle without it. After that one time she cried, last night she only woke up once and fell back to sleep herself so I’d say it worked