Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

3.5yo with no dummy

50 replies

Treaclepie19 · 01/06/2019 20:02

So, we've been trying for 6 months/1 year to plant seeds of removing the dummy.
We tried the dummy fairy and he got scared.
This time we've decided it's gone and that's that.
He's taken to it well but it's been a week tomorrow and he's just struggling to get enough sleep. He finds it so hard to drift off without it that bedtime is now 2 or 3 hours (tried different times) and he's often up in the night too.

Anyone come out the other side? Is it just something they get used to?

OP posts:
MNHQ
LilyMumsnet · 02/06/2019 09:18

Just bumping this for you, OP. Flowers

Original poster
Treaclepie19 · 02/06/2019 09:28

Thank you :)
Not expecting many responses to be honest. Just hoping he will get used to it!

OP posts:
Nowthatsamiriacle · 02/06/2019 14:51

Oh, I'm really not wanting to go though this. DS is 4 and is still really attached to his dummies. The dentist says that they need to go, so it needs to be done, I'm just putting it off because I know that he'll react badly. Good luck, see you on the other side.

ANiceLuxury · 02/06/2019 14:58

I threw all ds dummies away 2.5 weeks ago. Hes just turned two and was always pointing to them, dribbling with them in and talking with them in!

We went to his 2 year check and she mentioned he doesnt talk as much as he should so i just decided at that moment that i was binning them!

Got home and when he was distracted i just threw them all in the bin.

He never asked for them again! I couldn't believe it.

He will get used to it without them. I wouldn't re introduce one just for night time.

Original poster
Treaclepie19 · 02/06/2019 15:09

@Nowthatsamiriacle good luck! I hope it's nice and easy for you.

@ANiceLuxury we stopped them in the day about that age and it was okay. Night times are a different kettle of fish 😭

OP posts:
LunaLovesgood · 02/06/2019 15:23

This is my DD still has hers at bedtime 🤷‍♀️ she's 3 years 3 months and very attached to them to get to sleep.

We tried discussing the possibility of leaving them for Santa at Christmas but she was heartbroken.

I've accepted it's not really worth the battle for now. She only has them at bedtime, no speech or teeth problems either... only time will tell if I come to regret not getting rid.

Original poster
Treaclepie19 · 02/06/2019 15:28

@LunaLovesgood that sounds sensible! Our little one does have speech problems and he was just not into the idea of getting rid at all so we had no choice :(

OP posts:
Pppppppp1234 · 02/06/2019 15:31

We ditched ours just before his 3rd birthday (Christmas 3 months before). Santa took them and brought presents, it was tough at first for a few nights but he seemed to just get used to it

LunaLovesgood · 02/06/2019 15:32

Oh bless him! Has he taken to any other form of comforter? We had a clear out at my parents not long ago and now my battered old rabbit teddy from when I was her age has to go to bed with her too.

A special teddy or blanket? Or big boy sheets for his room?

LunaLovesgood · 02/06/2019 15:33

Sorry, just trying to ballpark some ideas before someone with actual experience comes along

Original poster
Treaclepie19 · 02/06/2019 15:40

He has a comfort blanket that he uses anyway. Its tough because he's not actually asking for his dummy, he just can't sleep.
I guess he'll get used to it? 😴

OP posts:
agirlhasnonameX · 02/06/2019 15:44

Kinda glad I found this thread as I thought I was the only one with a 3yr old who still has a dummy!!! Mostly just at night but wants it if she hurts herself, is upset or unwell too. Think it's gonna be a nightmare to get rid of it but really should do it soon.

My mum took my DBs dummy to the Disney shop and 'swapped' it for a toy which he took to bed instead. Worked for him, but sounds like yours is past that part and just struggling to sleep OP, so don't have any helpful suggestions, sorry.

Furble · 02/06/2019 15:56

Could not have found this thread at a more perfect time.

My DS is 2.5 and we also have a 1 week old DS. At a family party yesterday to introduce relatives to the baby my BIL mentioned my older sons “palate” in passing. Cue much mouth inspecting from a very hormonal me and much googling and now I can’t believe i didn’t see it myself as it’s staring me now in the face. My son has an “open bite” and a bit of a lisp where he thrusts his tongue between his teeth where they don’t close neatly. I believe this is a direct result of the dummy sucking. He only has the dummy in bed which lulled me into a false sense of security that I wasn’t doing too much harm.

This afternoon before his nap we asked him if he’d like to give his dummies to his baby brother which he gleefully did until he got into bed for his nap and realised this meant he couldn’t have them. It took him 40 heart breaking minutes to settle.

I’m dreading bed time but my thinking is my DH is off work for another week so the timing is right as we can share the night wakings. Would really appreciate a handhold as finding the whole thing quite upsetting.

BedraggledBlitz · 02/06/2019 15:57

My DS was nearly 4 and at that point was just having dummy to get to sleep. I told him that the dummy would make his teeth wonky and he agreed to stop using it. So a definite plus to waiting until he was old enough to understand. (His teeth are fine btw)

Cliffdonville · 02/06/2019 15:58

I'm so glad to find this thread!

We took DD's dummy away about 6 weeks ago and she's gone from sleeping 7-6 without a fuss to not settling till 9/10pm. It's awful.
I have no suggestions but wanted you to know you aren't alone. I'm seriously considering giving it back Blush

Cliffdonville · 02/06/2019 16:00

Meant to say she's 3.5 as well!

Pppppppp1234 · 02/06/2019 16:08

Really you can’t win, lots become thumb suckers if they don’t have dummies, my DSS sucked his thumb until aged 10... nothing worked trying to stop him for years. He needed braces to realign his bite as he had an overbite, then train tracks after, but lots of his friends did as well.

spinn · 02/06/2019 16:12

We did this with my youngest just before his 3rd birthday.

Took it away cold turkey, lost the day time nap as the dummy wasn't there to help. We made sure we spectacularly wore him out every day for a week so he crashed out in the car/fell asleep through sheer exhaustion. From there he never asked for it or had issues falling asleep - it broke his cycle enough.

Original poster
Treaclepie19 · 02/06/2019 16:24

Sorry so many of you are going through the same!
@Furble I worry about our sons teeth, I'm convinced he has some sort of problem from it. He's due a dentist visit so we will see.
As a poster said though if not a dummy it might've been a thumb.

@Cliffdonville stay strong! I've told myself no going back now or we will lose any progress... especially since he will know he can push us and we will give in. It's horrid though.
He's so tired... if we wear him out too much he just gets overtired and more upset.
Can't win!

OP posts:
Cliffdonville · 02/06/2019 17:48

@Treaclepie19 I am really trying but it's very tempting, her behaviour has deteriorated as she's so tired as well so we are all tired and on edge. I have tried special toys, blankets, wearing her out and driving her in the car....nothing has worked Confused

How are you coping with it? I'm tired and feeling guilty for not doing it when she was much younger as I'm sure she wouldn't have been missing it so much at that point!

Original poster
Treaclepie19 · 02/06/2019 19:10

@Cliffdonville same. He's so grumpy all day long. Its horrid. His toilet training is going a bit crap too so we're struggling.
Tonight... he fell asleep at 5.30 😱😱😱
We are very on edge as to how the night will go 😮

I feel the same way. Just so guilty we didn't do it earlier. I'm telling myself he might've turned to his thumb if we'd done it earlier.

OP posts:
Nowthatsamiriacle · 02/06/2019 19:21

Cliffdonvillle I honestly think that put in your situation I would probably give back the dummy. I know that it's not the right thing to do but I don't think I would have the strength to see it through. That's what's making me put this off, if I cave I'll need to do it again and it'll be harder than the first time I tried. All the best.

Nowthatsamiriacle · 02/06/2019 19:29

I should also say that I'm terrified of failing to get rid of it as DN had a dummy untill she was 6.5 and it has had a terrible impact. She's now 11 and has had to get speech therapy to correct the lisp she got for talking while using a dummy, and she will need braces to fix her teeth.

Original poster
Treaclepie19 · 02/06/2019 20:11

@Nowthatsamiriacle you will do it. Honestly. I'm the weakest person ever. Our DS sleeps in our bed most of the night and we follow his lead with most things but I knew the dummy needed to go so it's going.
You'll do it.

OP posts:
Furble · 02/06/2019 20:56

Survived the first bed time without the dummy. It took 40 mins of more off than on crying but we got through it.

I gave him extra stories at bed time and left him with some books in bed. Will see how the night goes. I hope tomorrow will be a bit easier.

Good luck to those of you going through the same. Stay strong. 💪