What does "drowsy but awake" really mean

[PandaMum88]

FTM here, so please excuse me if I sound like an idiot!!

I'm pretty sure we're currently in the midst of the 4mo sleep regression - and while I'm on the mindset "just do whatever we need to do to survive" - I am starting to worry about what we need to do to get DS in a better sleep habits.

Currently during the day he doesn't need the boob to nap, but I have to rock/bounce him to sleep. At night he feeds just before bed and sometimes falls asleep on the boob abs sometimes needs some extra rocking to fall asleep.

Now that he's waking up 4/5/6 times a night I'm feeding him to sleep each time as it's the only way to get him back down. Am I creating a rod for my own back, though? So he's going to need a feed instead of self settling?? And during the day, how do I get him to not need rocking to sleep?

Everyone keeps saying put them down "drowsy but awake", but what does that really mean?? DS doesn't have strong sleepy cues, so now when I think it's nap time I rock him for 10-25min until he starts falling asleep in my arms and then put him down. The rocking is what makes him drowsy...if I just laid him down his eyes would pop open and want to look around. So how am I meant to break the sleep association of rocking/bouncing if he doesn't get drowsy on his own??

Sorry for the long post..hoping it makes sense, as I'm so confused!

Just feed him to sleep and be glad that it works! Much more difficult when they are 3-4 years old and this is no longer an option!

In our house, that phrase is somewhere between the promised land and a swear word.

Put her down drowsy but awake my hole.

For my 7mo sleep time at night. I feed her to sleep and put her in her cot. Up until recently for naps during the day I was rocking her to sleep. Lately ive been making the room dark and laying down on the bed with her to get her to sleep. Seems to be working so far 🙌

@MindyStClaire haha makes me feel better it's not just me then!

@PoppyHxx Interesting...I'd never thought about that, but worth a shot. I could fit in his cot with him...

My DS1 didn't do "drowsy" - he was either wide awake and happy or overtired and furious...

@TooMinty It's honestly a little refreshing to hear that...I was starting to think I'm just missing something obvious if every other baby has this magical "drowsy" stage!

How do you deal with it?

I heard a good description once "like a really drunk old man"

Tbh at the 4 month sleep regression? Fuck sleep training. Fuck it from a height. Get in beside her and feed her to sleep. Just get through it!

Do what you need to get through. I never managed the putting in cot drowsy but awake and always fed to sleep...dd now 9 months and managing to settle in the cot without it most of the time. I think no point stressing, they change all the time, get through each stage at a time.

At 4 months I just fed him to sleep at night (and several wake ups throughout the night) and pushed him in the pram for naps. At six months I did controlled crying and I night weaned at 7 months. After that he could be put down awake, would sing to himself for a bit then go to sleep. The good news is he's now a great sleeper (age 6) and never wakes up unless really poorly. His brother on the other hand was a great sleeper as a baby but wakes up nearly every night now aged 4! It's just chance/personality - don't worry about "making a rod for your back"!

Just feed him to sleep and be glad that it works! Much more difficult when they are 3-4 years old and this is no longer an option!

Just this a million times.

Drowsy but awake I honestly think people just make this stuff up because they like to watch new parents struggling.

Agree with pps. Babies will learn to self settle at some point , until then fill your boots with feeding to sleep or rocking them. As long as they are fed , warm and safe you are doing it right.

I just used to put DD1 in her cot, stick a dummy in her mouth and kiss her goodnight. She slept through from eight weeks. Ditto with DD2.
Both were bottle fed, and I just gave the recommended amount.
I’d be a bit concerned that “feeding them to sleep” every time they wake or need a nap would encourage obesity, and make it difficult to settle them later without food. My DDs would wake sometimes if their dummies fell out, but they just groped around til they found them and stuck them back in, whereupon they’d give a contented sigh and nod off again!

Ds2 6 months has to be fully asleep when he hits the cot or it’s not happening. He feeds to sleep for all sleeps now, it works and I have no intention of stopping it.

I did the same with ds1, and when he stopped breastfeeding I rocked him to sleep. He then just stopped needing to be rocked for bedtime, but I still rocked him for daytime naps until he stopped napping! He is 4 and goes to bed just fine now. No rod made with anything I did. I did what I needed to do when I needed to do it, and no sleep training required.

Well we stuck to what the Baby Whisperer says, at least for nap time - you've got to get them down between the second and third yawn. If they're still up after the third yawn you've had it! I swear it worked!

I fed both of mine to sleep, they are 2 and 5 now and they go to bed themselves like a dream. 7pm and they're both quiet. Do what you need to do, if things work for you - do it! Don't create battles for yourself 😀

We call DS "binary baby" - he's either so spark out that an earthquake wouldn't wake him or wide awake and literally bouncing. There is no in between.
In all honesty "drowsy but awake" was some of the worst advice I've ever been given - he screams himself silly and it takes hours to calm him back down.
I say do what works.

Sleepy basically

6 month old here - the only time we can do put down awake is bedtime, after bath and bottle. In pitch black with white noise, she self settles like a dream. But it works under these conditions only 😂😂😂

In the daytime (for her measly 3 x half hour naps) she has to be pushed back and forth in the pram for a good five mins before she’ll give in and nod off. She goes from awake and smiley to screamy overtiredness in approximately point two of a second.

This ‘awake but drowsy’ state DOES NOT EXIST for about 99.9% of babies ime.

Thanks so much for the replies!

Sounds like the best advice is to stop overthinking it all so much and not worry about following what the books say (which is hard for me!)...

Currently feeding to sleep my 3.5 month old. For the second time tonight.
We have done bath, story, feed, "goodnights" etc. She was asleep from feeding so left. She was shouting 10 mins later. Didn't respond to stroking/soothing so calmed by holding in the tiger-in-tree position. Left to sleep in a drowsy but not asleep state..... shouting after 5 mins 🤦🏽‍♀️
Fuck it. Feeding to sleep again.

Yep just do what you can to get through. I'm afraid ours didnt get better til 8 months when we did some gentle sleep training.

But yes screw the drowsy but fucking awake wankers.

Seriously, your baby is so tiny! Drowsy but awake just wasn’t a thing at that age for us either. I fed her to sleep 100% of the time.

Then when she got to about 10 months, past 6 months of hellish sleep regression. All of a sudden something clicked and we could do bath, milk, bed. Never ever thought it would happen but she just needed some time. She also started taking a dummy at 9 months which helped.

Just feed to sleep and co sleep if needed. It’s the best thing ever, you can’t make a rod for your own back. It’s the biological norm. Enjoy the snuggles cuddles. DD doesn’t feed to sleep often anymore and I miss it! She also won’t sleep in my bed now and I kind of miss that too!

• that was just supposed to say cuddles! Or cuddly snuggles. But you get the idea. 😂

I wouldn't worry about it til they're at least 12 months, my dd fed to sleep as often as she needed and for as long as she needed; she would often go to bed awake from eight or nine months and self weaned about 15 months, could just put her down and leave her 95% of the time.