Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

When will it get easier? I'm on my knees

30 replies

RoseWrites · 19/05/2019 07:02

I have a wonderful 10 month old DD who I love and adore. She plays and smiles and laughs all day. But at night its another story. She can sleep well I.e. wake up once at night or go for 11 hours straight. But 95% of the time she wakes between 3 and 7 times. She cries and only wants me and milk. She goes berserk if my DH goes in or if I try to cuddle her and not feed her.
After getting up 5 times between 7pm and 2am I put her in bed with me. She latched on the entire time. I did get some sleep - I think I'm used to not being able to move an inch.
The rational part of me knows she is a tiny 10 month old baby. But the other part of me feels like I'm having a breakdown.
I dread the evenings as I have to feed her to sleep and be there when she wakes up.
I haven't had a night "off" since early December (and that was for a few drinks with my DH but was called back as she was crying and my MIL needed me to settle her).
During the day she is wonderful but hates to be put down or goes nuts if I walk out thr room even for a moment.
I feel like a total failure. I have created a baby who I can't leave and won't sleep. I don't know where I went wrong.
Do I do sleep training? Suck it up?
Currently locked in the bathroom crying (DD is with DH) as I can't cope with being touched or needed for a few minutes... i feel like a wreck.
Everyone tells me "it gets easier at 12 months". But they also said that about 6 months and it has just got harder and worse. I feel like I need to do something but I don't know what.
I was tempted to just turn the monitor off last night which makes me hate myself. I'd never hurt my baby or let her get upset. Any advice?

OP posts:

Original poster

RoseWrites · 19/05/2019 07:03

I have a wonderful 10 month old DD who I love and adore. She plays and smiles and laughs all day. But at night its another story. She can sleep well I.e. wake up once at night or go for 11 hours straight. But 95% of the time she wakes between 3 and 7 times. She cries and only wants me and milk. She goes berserk if my DH goes in or if I try to cuddle her and not feed her.
After getting up 5 times between 7pm and 2am I put her in bed with me. She latched on the entire time. I did get some sleep - I think I'm used to not being able to move an inch.
The rational part of me knows she is a tiny 10 month old baby. But the other part of me feels like I'm having a breakdown.
I dread the evenings as I have to feed her to sleep and be there when she wakes up.
I haven't had a night "off" since early December (and that was for a few drinks with my DH but was called back as she was crying and my MIL needed me to settle her). Since she was born I've had 3 evenings out the house without her - and not one in the past 5 months
During the day she is wonderful but hates to be put down or goes nuts if I walk out the room even for a moment.
I feel like a total failure. I have created a baby who I can't leave and won't sleep. I don't know where I went wrong.
Do I do sleep training? Suck it up?
Currently locked in the bathroom crying (DD is with DH) as I can't cope with being touched or needed for a few minutes... i feel like a wreck.
Everyone tells me "it gets easier at 12 months". But they also said that about 6 months and it has just got harder and worse. I feel like I need to do something but I don't know what.
I was tempted to just turn the monitor off last night which makes me hate myself. I'd never hurt my baby or let her get upset. Any advice?

OP posts:

MugsyMalone · 19/05/2019 07:17

My heart goes out to you. I know exactly that trapped, panicky feeling you describe. I don’t have specific advice for you because I never really cracked this issue with any of my three dc. For each of mine it got to a point where the night waking felt unendurable and at that point DH took over all night wakings for about a week. Within about three nights there was a big improvement and after a week or so they stopped associating night waking with feeding. But I didn’t feel able to do this when any of mine until about 16/17 months. Up until then I co-slept. This is not to say that I think there is anything wrong at all with night weaning at your stage- in fact if it’s really affecting your wellbeing it might be the right thing to do. You will definitely need someone else to take over for a few nights though and there will be lots of screaming for the first night or two! Please don’t think you’re a failure though, this is really common in my experience.

Original poster

RoseWrites · 19/05/2019 07:22

Thank you Mugsy :)
My DH is poised to help with "sleep training". But I'm panicked that it will break our baby/starve her/make her sleep worse. I need to muster the energy and confidence as I can't keep this up much longer! :)

OP posts:

MugsyMalone · 19/05/2019 07:30

I know the fear they might be really hungry and you’re starving them! I just went through this in December with our youngest. DH offered her milk or water from a sippy cup when she woke but she rejected them in rage! So it really was just the comfort of feeding. Which would have been fine once or twice a night but she wanted to be latched on all night! And like you, I really missed not having an evening to myself or being able to go out without being called back. Sleep isn’t perfect now, she wakes at 5am most days and occasionally through the night but nothing at all like before and I have some semblance of a social life again!
As yours is a little younger I suppose you need to be happy that they’re eating lots during the day and can drink from a sippy cup or bottle if needed at night. You could set certain parameters like no feeding between 11pm-5am and gradually extend them of you were happy she’s not hungry.

SheepOnRafts · 19/05/2019 07:30

This is just a suggestion. Maybe the this is a good time for you to move from breast to formula.

UnaOfStormhold · 19/05/2019 07:35

8—10 months was the worst for us and that isn't uncommon. We found that splitting the nights was the only way to cope - that way we each got an uninterrupted stretch of sleep every night.

ThursdayLastWeek · 19/05/2019 07:37

Or not fully, but you could send DH in with a bottle to start and see what happens?

I also want to send you my love and hugs and sympathies - my second child was like this and there were times in the middle of the night I felt like I truly hated him .

We found he wasn’t ready for bottles at 6mo, or 8mo but we just kept trying every month or so u til it wasn’t such a battle and then we could take the night feeds in shifts - DH would take the first half of the night quite often.

I won’t patronise you but telling you won’t last forever (I remember every bloody night feeling like it would last forever) but I do more often than not love my toddler now

SnuggyBuggy · 19/05/2019 07:38

I imagine having to do formula at night would be more exhausting

ThursdayLastWeek · 19/05/2019 07:39

Oh and I started by trying to cut out any extra feeds before midnight - I was confident he wasn’t hungry. He was extremely cross to start with, but it broke the habit and meant when he woke up a few hours later, he would be hungrier and easier to settle.

ThursdayLastWeek · 19/05/2019 07:40

Not if DH is doing it Snuggy

SnuggyBuggy · 19/05/2019 07:42

Even doing half the night formula feeds sounds worse though, having to get up and go down to the kitchen and run bottles under hot taps.

fillmyglassplease · 19/05/2019 07:42

Could you try a dummy if she's sucking for comfort?

I really feel for you, sleep deprivation is torture.

RNBrie · 19/05/2019 07:45

I sleep trained all three of mine. None of them are broken. They are all wonderful, well rounded, happy people. They also sleep through the night

It's a controversial topic and you'll get a wide range of opinions. When I was in your position with our first, my dh booked me a night in a hotel so I could get a break. I came back resolute that we were sleep training, it was hard but worth it.. took a week or so but she started sleeping through the night and has ever since. It helped during the day too because I stuck to a nap routine as well so I started to get a break.

Goosethemoose · 19/05/2019 07:45

How quickly do you go in? Around that age I was once too tired to even get out of bed and left DS for 10 mins- and he fell back asleep. But it took the full ten mins. And for the next month (before the next phase of sleep fiasco started!) he'd take the full ten mins- but he would drop off.

In your position I'd start sleep training, gently. Find a technique you're comfortable with, bite the bullet and do it. You need sleep for your sanity, and your little one will probably be happier too with uninterrupted rest.

ThursdayLastWeek · 19/05/2019 07:49

I guess different things work for different families. We had a bottle made up in the fridge that we would just microwave quickly, only took a minute.

For me it was worth it for the feeling of being able to share the load, which was a large part of the frustration for me.

SheepOnRafts · 19/05/2019 07:57

At 10 months it’s possible that you won’t need to do any night feeds once you switch to formula. Maybe one. I used to call it baby opium. It saved my life and my baby’s. It’s great stuff.

overthehorizon · 19/05/2019 07:59

I could have written your post!

It's hell, utter hell. I was crying and wishing I'd never had the baby. Dark times.

I can tell you what worked for me:

Night wean. Dad has to do this. He goes in with a sippy cup or bottle of water. She will scream but it won't harm her.

Dummy. If she's sleeping latched on it's just for comfort. She may be too old for this now though.

Get her walking. The v:tech baby walker is great for this. Take it to the park. Lots of fresh air and activity in general.

You can't pour from an empty cup. You need time to yourself. A half hour walk on your own. A long bath. Do a dance or exercise class. Meet a mate for a swift half. But get the hell away from the baby for an hour!

My DS slept through from eleven months. I fed him to sleep til 18 months. It will happen and you are tougher than you think.

Fridakahlofan · 19/05/2019 07:59

If you go down the formula route (your choice) it isn’t more work in my experience. Buy a bottle of the ready made formula and keep it by your bed with a clean bottle. Don’t warm it. My 10 month old is fine with room temperature and bottles don’t need to be sterilised at 10 months.

Also your baby honestly won’t starve at 10 months without food in the night. I don’t say this to make you feel worse but just to try to give you the confidence to give yourself a break! There are 8 babies in my nct group (all 9 - 10 months) and none of us are providing any milk at all in the night.

Good luck!

overthehorizon · 19/05/2019 08:03

Oh and I EBF, just for clarity. I'm a stubborn old bag!

Original poster

RoseWrites · 19/05/2019 09:06

Thanks for your replies :)

We have tried a dummy (read: I have 12 different brands gathering dust in a drawer... I threw money at that issue). She just won't take one :(

She roars at a bottle so they too are gathering dust. She does now drink out of a sippy cup so we could put some milk in that.

I guess I'm just a bit clueless about what to do.

I think she would be enraged with PUPD or phased exit and would "suit" CC more.

Do I feed her, put her down awake and then do the CC? And do I feed her again in the night or is that when DH goes in with/without milk?

Sorry for sounding clueless. I have read the internet on this topic but would love some.real world advice :)

sheep I've though of switching to formula at night or so my DH can get her down, but I've never used it so I'm a bit clueless. Would you introduce it as the last feed? And all night? Or is it so magic that she will have that at bedtime and then sleep till 7am? (If only!).

overthehorizon a pint sounds DREAMY. Even at 8.59am :)

Thanks so much for all your advice. It has saved me this morning :)

OP posts:

SheepOnRafts · 19/05/2019 09:57

Rose

Yes a cup will be fine. Yes the CC works because she learns to go to sleep without milk or mummy there. Believe me it is possible. It does involve hearing her enraged for a few nights and gritting your teeth and tell yourself that this is for everyone’s sanity in the long run. Formula last feed and any in night. She gets enraged because she’s leant that will work on you and she’ll get the boob. She won’t starve. She won’t be harmed by crying for a few mins at a time. I hope things improve for you. I know exactly how you feel about desperately wanting to do the ‘right thing’ and protect them and also not wanting to be touched and have them on you. As others have said the more time you spend away without baby the better able you are at coping when you’re with them.

PatricksRum · 19/05/2019 12:43

Completely normal.
Babies waking every few hours are totally normal, reduces their risk of SIDS.
My dc is of similar age and does this every night. I'd be concerned if they didn't.
I co-sleep, feed in my sleep and go back to sleep.
I've not been away from dc in the whole 10 months.
It's completely normal.

SheepOnRafts · 19/05/2019 13:30

There’s all kinds of normal though. It was normal for mine to sleep from 6.30pm to 6.30 am from 10 months with no waking or night feeds. They’re all different.

lorisparkle · 19/05/2019 13:42

I was on my knees at 8/9 months with ds1. The health visitor took pity on me and lent me the book 'teach your child to sleep'. It was a life saver! We followed a very gentle gradual withdrawal/retreat method and although it took a couple of months ds1 was sleeping 12 hours consistently by the end of it. You have to do what is best for you, your lo and the whole family - there is no 'one size fits all' answer. That is what I liked best about the book. Lots of information but no 'preaching'. Ds1 is now a stroppy teenager- takes himself to bed and refuses to get up in the morning!

Noloudnoises · 19/05/2019 13:50

I feel for you!

See if you husband can take a long weekend off work and do the nights to see if it can be cracked?

And I would try formula but then I had to formula feed mine. If you don't know where to start, get the little bottles of pre-made aptamil and give that as a last feed? Perhaps dad will have to do it....?

Flip

1 2