Cot refuser destroying my marriage

[KateyKube]

DS is 15m. He’s a cot refuser so one of us has to lie on the double bed with him from 7pm while the other rests on the sofa. I can’t spend an evening with my husband or share a bed. He wakes every 1-3 hours and gets hysterical if he can’t breastfeed. I haven’t slept a full night since he was born and I’m like a zombie. There’s no chance of me returning to work, I can barely stay awake most days and I’m constantly grumpy so we argue constantly. I feel like I haven’t seen DH for months except for the brief baby hand-over. I have literally no idea how to fix this.

I hear you OP! DD is 8 months and haven't had an evening or slept in the same bed as my DH since she was born. We had a co-sleeper but she barely went in it. Just about to try a cot... going to try pick up put down and soothing her in the cot as I don't want to leave her to cry. If that doesn't work I'm thinking floor bed or side carring her cot so that I don't have to go to bed at 7pm....
One thing that puts me off sleep training is that friends who have done it seem to have to keep repeating it every few weeks after an illness or holiday or teething so baby seems to end up crying more often than not and they are still super stressed by it!!!!

Just moved DS into an extremely baby proofed bedroom, he’s in a toddler bed which is extremely low to the floor with his old cot mattress next to it in case he falls out, touch wood no falls yet and he’s sleeping 8pm-5am in it. Could you try that? Or just a mattress on the floor? I completely get the nerves of him hurting himself first night or two I didn’t sleep properly worrying but he has built in wardrobes and drawers drilled to the wall and just moved anything he could climb on in the night out. Sleep deprivation is horrible, before the toddler bed he was waking up to 6/7 times in my bed but wouldn’t sleep in his cot and could climb it it left to cry! It’s worked wonders for us

It's not a bunfight, rather people trying to give the OP a number of options and to not feel like a crap parent if she decides to sleep train.

I found the Jay Gordon nightweaning method helpful. I'd also put a bed rail on the bed (or a single bed in his room if he has one) and leave baby to it once he's asleep in the evening. I don't really see why you need to be right there if you don't like it. I did that with my son and then went and got in with him if he cried. Then from about 18 months, I told him I wasn't getting up and if he wanted me to come to me, which he did. He doesn't want to be wandering around in the night, he wants his milk/cuddles.

At this stage your DS does not need milk during the night so I think you should start with that then try moving him to the cot. Why can't you both like in the double bed with DS? Why does someone need to be on the couch?

I think the sleep deprivation may be contributing to the anxiety, btw. It certainly did for me. It will get better. I was on my knees at 15 months, but was fine (although he was still waking once or twice) by about 20 months. Then I got pregnant again! DS is now 5 and seriously nothing wakes him. He sleeps a solid 11 hours and never gives us any trouble.