Toddler bedtimes!

[Squeakybubbles26]

Hi,

So you know when you feel your the only parent in the world going through this, but you know your not! Who else is with me and their toddler plays up going to bed! It's like "one more cuddle mummy" "mummy stay" "mummy sleep on the floor" etc etc!
Don't get me wrong I always give another cuddle if requested but leaving the room can be a battle on its own! I just feel by the time she falls asleep it's getting later and later!
I would love to hear I'm not alone, or any advice on what would work well for a 2.5 year old! I admit she can be quite clingy so am not surprised by half of this but ah mummy needs her time too!

Yep. Currently lying beside my 2.5 year olds cot holding her hand. She’s usually asleep in 10 mins but if not I say I’m going to the toilet and she asks for the door to be left open. I just lie here on my phone anyway so don’t mind too much.

Exactly the same, she would fall asleep so quick if I stayed in the room but with a newborn on the way I don't want to be doing that for ever. Does your DD sleep all night? Recently we've had disturbed nights and then I have to stay with her to get her back off.

There are always periods where its a battle but if you stick to your guns, it will all be peaceful again after a few battle filled nights. I much prefer that than the alternative which is where they control you and how the evening works for years.

DD is just 3 and we still stay with her until she is asleep. Since she dropped her nap it takes between 5 to 15 minutes for her to fall asleep.

Ahh yes that makes things more difficult with a new baby. Probably better to fix it now than risk her feeling abandoned when the baby comes.

Have u tried leaving for 1 minute, then 2,3,4 etc? I used to pop in on her in timed intervals and it helped her knowing I was coming back. I decided to just lie with her when I was working full time as this was some of the only time I got with her and I didn’t mind it.

She does sleep all night thankfully but I believe if you can get them to fall asleep comfortably without you at the start of the night then it helps with night waking.

Is she still in a cot?

I don’t think it’s unusual for a toddler to need a parent to stay with them until they go to sleep. I reckon all toddlers have FOMO!

DD1 we sat with for hours. DD2 we count to 10, kiss her and leave her (aged just over 2 now). I wish I’d had the confidence to do the latter with DD1!! DD2 doesn’t always go straight to sleep but if she’s messing round we go back, tuck in, count to 10 again and leave her.

just say no and stick to your guns. I always give the cuddle and the suddenly needed ‘drink of water’. But say no I can’t stay because XYZ but I will come back in 5 mins. Then I do come back as promised but they learn fast that I won’t be staying and have the comfort they can expect me back to check on them. Usually they stop asking for me to come back after a few nights because it’s not really needed.

Then a few months later they start kicking up again for whatever reason and you have a few nights of resetting boundaries again.

@flamed12 we seem to go through stages, before she was great at self settling at bedtime and then recently she's decided to request mummy/daddy stay more. Yes she's still in her cot, she hasn't shown any signs of wanting to progress to a big bed at the moment so we haven't tackled that stage. Curiously does your DD still nap during the day? I sometimes wonder if it's nap related but if she doesn't nap don't we know about it, she only roughly has 45-1hr max as it is tho!

@Happyspud I agree I don't want her controlling us, however don't want to be mean at the same time. It's so hard to choose your battles.

@99calmbeforethestorm it's reassuring to know that age can be irrelevant, I guess if they want you there they want you there.

@Happyspud I need to try the go back in so many minutes I think, and of course following it up! Sometimes leaving the room feels like a break through that if it's quite or what ever - but she's not asleep - I don't want to go back in and disturb her. Tonight was the first time in like forever she was stood up calling (not distressed) she then led herself down called a couple of times, then fell asleep. That's a breakthrough on its own! I don't want to distress her but feel bad her calling - but if she's not in pain/need anything is it bad?

Just seen your update about the new baby. We are in the same situation and she is definitely going through a regression needing tight cuddles for bed, crawling, baby speak and wanting to be spoon feed! For us I think trying to make changes now will back fire.

Squeaky it’s really not mean giving them a strict routine for bed. It’s the opposite. I’ve 4 kids under 6 and they all go to bed, with a bit of messing (a quick bounce on bed, last minute argument with sibling), but no real hassle because I have laid out clearly and consistently what the expectations are at bedtime. They 99% of the time happily snuggle down after a big hug and say night night mummy. They are happy and calm. It’s not mean. When one is going through a ‘phase’ it’s horrible but usually only last 2-3 nights as they poke at the boundaries and try to change them. So either I flex to let them if it’s reasonable and doesn’t make my evening miserable, or I clamp down again and make sure they know how bedtime works.

Squeaky, if you say you’ll be back in you must go back in. If she’s still awake just say ‘aren’t you a very good girl waiting quietly for mummy. Love you so much. I’ll be back in another 5 mins’.

@Happyspud yeh your right, I think I need to be more consistent with the goodnight approach and leaving the room. We do have a lot of time together before she goes to sleep so she has plenty of mummy time. It's all trial and error. Thank you tho.

Just one last thing, kids have us on tenterhooks from when they are unpredictable babies and we are on our knees. It’s very easy to keep that dynamic when they are older and to be afraid to change things and to have low expectations of them, like they are the ones we have to ‘manage’ because they’re like bombs about to go off. Just be confident that you are in charge. You might be afraid to disturb them and set them off again but don’t be, they’re not babies. You can communicate with them. Just explain again your expectation and what’s going to happen. If they kick off, you will manage it like all bad behaviour.

@Happyspud what you say is all right! I just want an easy evening haha 🙄 and maybe need to go through a few nights of more clear boundaries in order to get the.

*them even!

We are in exactly the same position atm with our 2.5 year old! Another cuddle, another cuddle, change my nappy (it’s fine), more milk, a song, another story. He’s in a toddler bed so when I try to leave he literally jumps out of bed and runs to the door to cling on to me. I say things like “I need to downstairs for my dinner, I’m hungry” and he says “No, you are NOT hungry, stay here with me”. He can open his bedroom door but we have a stair gate so he stands at that and cries and shouts. He alternates between Mummy and Daddy when he gets no reaction from whoever he is shouting for. It’s total FOMO, as a PP said. DH has taken to sitting in the chair till he falls asleep, but we are worried it’s making a rod for our backs. He used to settle really well, I’ve noticed he’s had a real spurt in language and emotional intelligence recently so think it’s probably all connected. He is quite obsessed with ordering us about generally, we are working hard to regain our authority!

PS what do people think is a reasonable number of stories? We seem to get bounced into reading a minimum of three books (think Tiger who Came to Tea or Hungry Caterpillar length) and it’s driving me a bit crazy. But one is maybe a little bit mean? I do read them properly and talk about the pictures and things, don’t just gallop through.

I always did 1, then somehow ended up creeping up until I was doing 3 plus singing endless songs until he fell asleep. It was getting ridiculous! So one night I think I gave some excuse for why we could only do one tonight. He wasn’t impressed but I stuck to it and now he’s fine and doesn’t argue. I really think it’s wharever they’re used to. I just can’t do more than that with the baby to put to bed as well.

3 was getting to be normal in my head till a visitor was at ours at bedtime and commented that we mad to have got sucked into doing so many! And of course he (DS) often negotiates a fourth...and the songs, oh God yes the songs...

We do out of the bath straight into bedroom and a quick dry and a story, finally toilet trip, pull up, second story, Ewan on and then she turns off the lamp.

They do push for whatever they can get away with, DD makes me rub the toilet seat warm and makes DH read her a story on the toilet but she doesn’t ask the other parent to do them.

My top tip after stressing for too long: Make bedtime a fun and loving experience and choose your battles. If they want you to stay with them while they go to sleep and you have time to do that then just do it. You are not making a rod for your own back. I've found, after quite a few years of stressing about it, that they go to sleep quicker and happier if i stay with them. As soon as lights out I lie next to the bed and read my kindle underneath until they're asleep.

The right amount of stories is the amount you want to do.

No such thing as a rod, anything can be fixed in a few days so if you’re enjoying being trapped like an above poster, then there’s really no issue. I personally start to lose my mind and with other small kids to deal with across 3 rooms simply can’t sit in one room watching a child doze off.

Rub the toilet seat warm🤣 That’s a new one and I’ve heard many!