Is this safe co-sleeping?

[Mississippilessly]

I am cosleeping because it is the only way DS or I get any sleep. He starts off in his crib but by 3am he is with me.
However, he will not be out of my arms once he is in bed. I can lay down and have him on his back with my arm underneath his neck. I've put a flat pillow to support my arm so it stays still. DS stays on his back and his head is tilted back not forwards. It is supported by my arm and the pillow. No duvet near him.

Is that ok? I cant see anyway if getting sleep otherwise.

Safe cosleeping is on a flat firm surface. There should be no pillows. Ideally he should have his face level with your boobs and you should your arm out above his head so you are in a ‘c’ shape and can’t roll forward.

@Mississippilessly my little one is exactly the same!

Jackshouse but he wont sleep like that. I dont know what to do.

lmj25 what do you do?!

That’s not the recommended position, it’s the only way me or my daughter got any sleep though

What is with these babies!!!! I suppose the silver lining is even then he wakes up hourly so in hardly in a deep sleep

You decide what you are comfortable with. These things are all guidelines, not laws. But the fact that you are asking on here makes me think you are not ok with the way baby is lying/sleeping. The one bit of advice I can give you is that you are the parent and although babies are complicated little grenades about to go off, YOU are the parent and with some effort babies will learn and accept whatever it is you want or need them to do. Parental anxiety is the real problem, not difficult babies. And yes, all babies are different and some more difficult than others but they are not loaves of bread. They can and will learn if you make the effort to teach them.

Christ I hate this site.

Ok so how do I 'make the effort to teach him' as clealry I've been lazy up til now?

Oh no, you completely misunderstood what I’m trying to say. It’s all very hard but I’ve found that when something is really important to you, you can change it. If the effort is worse than the current status, you keep it as is. Do whatever works for you. If you want baby off your arm you just need to insist on not letting them on your arm and put up with the bad few hours or evenings or nights for a couple of nights and there’ll be a new status quo.

Mississippilessly, I have one of those. It’s a nightmare. Wakes up immediately if placed in a cot. And yes, we’ve tried to teach him. Just results in an overtired screaming meltdown that leaves him so distressed he’s on the point of vomiting, and wakes up my toddler to boot. Up until a few weeks ago, he would only sleep on my chest. I was propped up with pillows and basically getting no sleep. I had to stop that, because as he started getting bigger it got harder to keep him centred on my chest. He now sleeps in the crook of my elbow as you describe, but I don’t have any pillows supporting my arm. Can you do without that? Mine is not keen on the c position as he needs full body contact. He won’t feed lying down either 🙄 I’m working on getting my arm out from under him slowly. It’s not ideal, but it’s the best we can manage at the moment.

As to whether they can be “taught”, well...as I said, I “taught” mine to sleep next to me rather than on me, but since then he’s gone from sleeping 5 hour stretches to waking every 1.5 hours. So, yeah. Maybe some babies can be taught. Mine doesn’t seem very willing.

I found DD slept better when I breathed on her head. Sorry I don’t have an answer to your problem just what worked for us.

OP, I would ignore some posters on here. She is correct that it’s not your baby being difficult though, he wants his mummy that’s all. You’ve not done anything wrong that’s resulted in him wanting to be with you all the time.

Do you have a bedside open crib? I found that after a few weeks my girls would sleep in their crib if I rested my hand on their legs and then after a few more weeks they’d cope being alone.

I hated sleeping with them in bed, every evening I’d have a sense of dread about the night time but they are able to become more independent in their own time.

Also try putting your other hand on is body too.

Jackshouse worth a go, thank you.
Stinkytoe yes we do. Sometimes I can settle him. Other times, not so...

Auntiepatricia maybe you're right. It's a scary prospect when I'm so tired.

Even co sleeping after the wee hrs I'm having to rock him to sleep on a yoga ball every hr.

It does get better OP. DD and I shared a bed until she was 20 months and not only does their sleep get much better but so does sharing a bed because you can have a duvet and a pillow and even turn your back to them.

I hope you're right

Safe co-sleeping;

Firm mattress
No duvet
No pillows
Breastfed rather than bottle fed
No drink/drugs taken
Non smoker
No gaps etc to fall down/fall off
You would usually lie in a c shape round the baby so you can’t roll onto them with their face level with your boobs. This also means you can feed lying down then it’s easier to move away without disturbing baby.

I follow everything apart from position. Ae cant get the hang of feeding laying down.

You should have no pillows on bed at all and no duvet on bed either (even if it’s not near him).

If you google the position it may make it easier. You usually have baby much lower down than you would think.
Some mums find it easier to latch baby holding them then move into the lying down position until you get the hang of it.
Or, try in the day rather at night when he might be unsettled and you are tired.
If you can get a LC or breastfeeding support worker to do a home visit, they can often help with positioning.

So once he has stopped feeding he lies back on his back again?

DS wont do that. Not without my arms around him.

Your arm should be round the back of his head while feeding rather than under his neck. He should be able to lie on his back with his head turned towards you to feed. Then when he falls asleep you can just sneak away!
Or, if he’s slightly on his side when feeding, you can move him onto his back before you unlatch him.

Maybe start off with your arm under his neck then move it away while he’s feeding until he gets used to it.

It’s safer to not to have your arm under him like that if co-sleeping and obviously if you’re using a pillow too that increases the risk.

@Mississippilessly I just go with it it's the only way I get some sleep. I'm a light sleeper anyway so whenever he moves I wake up but I really do wish he'd stay in his crib 😬

Thanks. I'll give it a go. I dread every night at the moment.

Why aren't they born talking? It would really be so helpful. 'I'm awake because I haven't had enough naps today', 'I'm awake because I've had too many naps today' 'I'm awake because I want a cuddle' 'i'm awake because im naturally vindictive and want to see you suffer'.

Be clear OP, there is no such thing as "safe" co sleeping. Only safer. The recommended sleeping position is with the baby in their own crib/moses basket in the same room as you. Anything else is a potentially risky compromise.

Genuine curiosity here I don't cosleep do you just sleep with no sheets and blankets on so just...exposed?