Sleep consultants

[Kinaslina86]

Heelloo

I am considering getting a sleep consultant to help me teach my nearly 5 month old DS to self soothe as at the moment he is depending on me on every nap and also at night and sometimes it takes me 1h to 1,5h to get him back to sleep at night. Naps are only 30 minutes or less sometimes and i have to rock/bounce him and walk around the room otherwise he wont sleep. I am not too bothered about DS sleeping through the night or if i have to get up few times to feed him is just getting him back to sleep and not knowing what to do when he wakes up around 5-6 o'clock and does not want to sleep or he gets very frustrated because he cant fall asleep.
I just don't think my DS gets enough and good quality sleep and thats why i consider using a sleep consultant.
Have anyone of you used one? Did it help? And would you recommend using one?
I contacted Katy Ferguson from Simple Sleep and she sounds very good but i just don't know if she is legit.

Any advice would be appreciated

One thing to remember is a lot can change in the 7 months before baby is 1. My dd was still sleeping on me at 6 months but by 11 months was going down in her cot. Ds is currently 7 months and up until Xmas time his sleep was ok. But then he got a cold, followed by his teeth coming through and now he is terrible at sleeping on a night.
Just be aware that their sleep will naturally change as they get bigger so your methods might have to change as well.

Well I remember saying to friends that I just didn't believe my baby would ever settle herself to sleep... but she has done for over a year now. As others have mentioned, teething and sickness and growth spurts can throw things off kilter from time to time. But we've stuck to the routine and we always seem to get things back on track quite quickly.

I think you basically have to teach them how to sleep and my daughter certainly responded well to having her naps in her cot and at the same time every day. I would allocate a period of time for the nap and if she woke up early I would go in, rub her back and try to gently encourage her to go back to sleep. But once the time was up, I got her up. I found our myhummy to be a life saver in the early days as it switches on when they wake up and white noise is a miracle sleep maker for my daughter! we have black out blinds but I do leave a night light on for her as I think she can get scared when it's pitch black. I'm not saying it was easy, and it is annoying for a while as you are held to ransom by the routine; but I did it with minimal crying and I just stuck with it as I was desperate for sleep too! My husband had the routine written out for him too, so he knew exactly when she was meant to eat and sleep and play etc too.

Karen Mardon, she deserves her own statue. www.sleepthrough.co.uk/sleepthrough-profile-photos-of-philippa-forsyth-and-karen-mardon-photography-by-pete-stevens/

@itshappened
I am exactly the same i don't think he will ever go down without my help. I don't mind a routine as long as i know what i am doing and DS is happy. DS is teething since he was 3 months old and thats doesn't help.

I just don't know how to start putting him in his cot for his naps obviously he is going to protest as him comfort is taken away (me) i don't know what to follow. And i would like to add that he is still in out bedroom and not in his room yet.

@Ginnymweasley
How did you encourage your Dd to sleep in her cot??
My DS when he wakes up at night and if its after 3-4h i will feed him and then have to out him on my chest and stroke/hold his hands for him to go back to sleep and sometimes its not that easy. Once he is asleep i transfer him into his bed and pray he wont wake up
About 2 weeks ago DS was waking up after 40 mins 1,5h but we are back to 3-4 h now thanks God!

Honestly I don't fully remember but she was starting to fall asleep without any rocking etc, then I just started putting her down almost asleep etc. I'm not greatvwith routine etc, so I just followed her lead. I get the feeling my ds will be different, he's not keen on sleeping during the day cause his big sister is too interesting.
I think most babies will start sleeping better as they get older. But like I said I'm rubbish with strict routines. We have a set bedtime but that's about it.

I have wrote down a routine that I made up from what I have read online and I am going to be strict with it for two weeks. Will consider sleep consultant if it all goes wrong. So far missed her first nap as she woke when transferring her and wouldn't go back. Managed 20 min in crib for second nap and just in crib for third nap. I normally let her sleep on me in the day but I am not doing it again..I will let you know if I have anything that works particularly well.

@Ginnymweasley
Well lucky you then i wish my DS would fall asleep without rocking it would make my life (my back and arms) soo much easier!

@babysleep4
Wooo go you you sound fed up and i know the feeling. I was just trying to get DS for the last nap and i gave up as my arms started aching from rocking.
Keep me updated how its going i am very interested!

My point was that she started to fall asleep without been rocked by herself at around 9 months old. I rocked her until then. I currently rock or pat the back of my 7 month old to sleep. I was just pointing out that sometimes it just clicks with a baby and that what you are doing now is not necessarily going to last until they are 1.

@Ginnymweasley
I really hope it will change as some day is a real challenge to get DS to sleep. Today it took 32minutes of rocking DS to sleep and my arms were dying!!
DS only had 2h15min of naps today which i don't think is a lot.

@TadaTralala
Thank you for the name i will have a look.
How did she help you? And what did you struggled with?

If it's any consolation my 7 month old only had 2hrs 30mins of naps today so i don't think it's too bad.

@Kinaslina 86. Karen was my HV when my DD was an extremely unhappy baby (reflux, crying 24/7, aftermath of forceps etc etc). Karen supported me those first few months, swapping from BF to formula and at the weaning stage. She was my lifesaver (I lived in UK with no family). I just know her sleep techniques and advice will be just as amazingly helpful.

@Ginnymweasley
That reassured me a little bit as i really worry DS doesn't get enough good quality sleep in a day so i am constantly stressing and watching the clock like a hawk for the next nap

@TadaTralala
My HV was absolutely useless so i didn't bother with her. All the info she gave me i already knew from what i read online. i am really glad they are not all the same and some of them actually care.
Was she expensive?

OP when we used sleep consultant, I had room pitch black with white noise and used PUPD with some patting to get her to sleep. When she woke between sleep cycles, I would leave her to try put herself back to sleep as long as she was not crying. If whinging, I would leave her for a few minutes and go to her if she didn't go back to sleep. If crying, I went in straight away and patted her back to sleep. I avoided picking her up as much as possible at this stage. If she was really distressed, I would cuddle without a doubt but fortunately she took to it well and always went back to sleep.

I totally agree about HV being useless - I went to them when DD was 3 months and said she doesn't nap all day but does sleep through the night and she concluded that she didn't need naps at 3 months I explained that she was irritable from afternoon because so tired but wouldn't sleep but she still insisted that she didn't need to nap. Never asked her advice again after that day

@FeelingFlat, I can't believe sleep consultants like that exist! When I used one, swapping breastfeeding for formula wasn't suggested thankfully. I wanted to do BLW and she did tell me that it wouldn't get calories in quick enough for her to sleep through but I never wanted her to sleep through before she was ready so went ahead with BLW anyway. I strongly disagree with stuffing a baby full of calories during the day just to get them to sleep longer at night. Of course, it is necessary to balance things so they get their calories during the day rather than expecting them at night but excessive feeding just to maximise sleep isn't healthy

@riddles26
If that will help I can make room pitch black and i have myhummy. With my DS he just wakes up after 30ish minutes and lays there with his eyes wide open. If i leave him he will just whine.
When your DS wakes up early from a nap how much time do you give her before you get her up?
Last night DS woke up around 5:30 didn't cry just lay there at first but after a while he started talking to himself so i thought i will leave him until he starts crying or whining. He did after half an hour or so i got him up gave him some milk and he fell asleep at 6:50!. Took me nearly an hour to put him to sleep. I just don't know what to do in situations like that. As i feel the longer i wait to get him up the more awake he's going to be but then on the other hand i am not letting him learn to sooth himself back to sleep. Should i just get up and start the day or should i keep trying put him back to sleep as otherwise he will be tired.

Today we had really bad day with naps only 1h and 30mins. We were out and DS struggled to fall asleep I feel really bad 😕

I told my HV about the problem with the naps when DS was around 2-3 month which she suggested using a sling or putting a warm water bottle in his cot before i put him in so its nice a warm. I told her that i think he cant link the sleep cycles but i got no support so i didn't bother with her again.

When she woke early, I didn't get her up and out until the nap was over. If she was worked up and not going back to sleep, I cuddled her in dark room with white noise playing as last resort until nap was over. Picking her up was last resort though and only if she was really upset - I would usually just pat her or keep my hand on her, she did just play with it and not go back to sleep at times but I refused to get her up. This was because her personality was to resist all sleep. I know exactly what you mean about him getting more awake if you don't soothe him back to sleep sooner - tbh this is somewhere I wasn't entirely consistent in that I would usually leave her to soothe herself back to sleep but if it was a day where she was overtired (bad night/broken earlier nap), I would go in sooner and pat her back to sleep. This applied for early waking in morning or from a nap

Don't worry about some bad nap days - the sleep consultant told me to aim for 5 good sleep days every week as life happens and we can't always stay at home just to get them to sleep

@riddles26
I think i will have to get a sleep consultant as i really don't know where to start and how to do it properly. Did you start implementing something first and then when that failed you contacted sleep consultant or did you contact consultant straight away?
Today we got up at 7 and DS had his first nap at 9. Slept for nearly 1.5h which is a shock...45mins in his cot and rest on me as he woke up crying and couldn't sooth him back to sleep without picking him up and rocking. Is that too long for the first nap? Currently he is in his bed in my bedroom for a second nap will see how that goes.

How old is your DD?

Thats a really good advice as some days when i cant get him to sleep when we are out i feel awful and i start stressing that he isn't getting enough sleep so thank you

@riddles26
Nope he just woke up from his second nap after 32mins so i am going to leave him for a little bit but i don't think he will go back to sleep as he is playing with his feet 🤯

My DD was a nap refuser from a few weeks old. She used to be grumpy and irritable by evening but I managed it somehow as she slept through the night...then 4 month regression hit and she woke 1-2 hourly at night plus didn't sleep all day and was a grumpy and irritable mess the entire day. This was when I used the sleep consultant.

I had read a few baby sleep books when she was a couple of weeks old and tried a 7-7 routine but I always failed at the first hurdle - she never went down for morning nap, let alone anything else after that. I tried at various times most days every possible method of getting her to go to sleep - rocking, swing, feeding to sleep, pushchair etc etc. Between 3-4 months old, I used to walk for 2-3 hours a day with pushchair and she slept for 30 mins in that time - the second I stopped pushing, she woke up. If I walked into a shop, she woke up etc.

I was at my wits end and struggling because she was so irritable, clingy, crying and always wanted to be held so we contacted a sleep consultant. Sleep training her was a godsend - she went from being irritable to being such a happy baby, she gained weight so much quicker and being with her was a delight. I can honestly say I loved my maternity leave after her mood changed.

She is now 2 and if I gave her the option to miss a nap or sleep late, she would grab it with both hands. Biggest change is sleep training taught her that when I want her to go to sleep, its not a negotiation, she has to sleep.

i have a second who is 4 months and I have made him sleep regularly from birth (relentless rocking as soon as he was awake for 1-1.5 hours) and never allowed him to get overtired and I can be so much more relaxed with him. If he's tired, he falls asleep on the move. We are having some difficulties with him and night waking but I have no intention to do anything about it because he sleeps well during the day and doesn't get overtired.

In terms of nap lengths for your DS - sleep consultants promote short morning naps followed by a long lunchtime one. That doesn't mean that's the only way though, I have multiple friends whose babies did long morning naps followed by 30min-1hr naps rest of the day. First nap should be around 2 hours from waking so definite win that you got him down then. I would expect second nap to be 2.5ish hours after waking from first. If he wakes from second nap early and you get him up, I would expect a third nap around 2ish hours after waking, maybe sooner if second nap was really short. A sleep consultant will get you into a fixed routine and go through it all step by step. They will get you to complete logs of feeding and sleeping and discuss them with you so you can see how to improve things. If you are really stuck with sleep (whether its because DS is irritable like my DD used to be or because you are not coping with sleep deprivation), I would recommend it.

Biggest change is sleep training taught her that when I want her to go to sleep, its not a negotiation, she has to sleep.

But babies are little people just like us if my husband took me to a dark room, laid me down and started rubbing my back and patting my arse because he decided it was time for me to go to sleep, it’s not something that would happen if I wasn’t tired. No one can just randomly make themselves go to sleep! Except perhaps people with narcolepsy and they can’t help it

As a mum and a paediatrician, I am fully aware she is a person. Not only that, I have insight into the differences between babies and adults on many levels. Her personality is one that she resists sleep even when she is absolutely exhausted. The only way she sleeps is in a dark room free of stimulation (even now at 2 years old). On the contrary to the images you create in your head of parents who have sleep trained, I don't suddenly decide that she needs to sleep and force her to go to sleep When I can see she is tired (eyes glazing, falling over, getting upset easily), I tell her that is what is happening and then take her to go to sleep. After having rested, she is a happy toddler

My second is nothing like her - when he is tired, he grizzles for comfort then falls asleep. I have no intention to go down the sleep training route with him because he doesn't need it.

You have parented your child and know what's best for her based on her personality. I know what's best for mine. When I write on here, I talk about my experience - I don't tell people they have to do exactly what I did and I don't judge them for doing things differently.