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Original poster

Avoiding going to bed

36 replies

CosmicComet · 16/01/2019 00:18

DH took our 1yo upstairs and eventually got him to sleep about 11pm. I’m still sitting in front of the tv, utterly exhausted but avoiding going to bed because I know I’ll have to be in charge of the baby again. If I go to bed I won’t be allowed to sleep anyway so I might as well just sit here. I haven’t slept for more than an hour at a time in over a year. DH has just texted me whinging that he wants to go to bed because he has work tomorrow and I feel sick at the thought of going upstairs.

OP posts:
jessstan2 · 16/01/2019 00:21

Why on earth is your husband texting you when you live in the same house? Can't he just go to bed.

Go up to bed and deal with your baby as and when. You need sleep.
If the baby wakes, bring him in to bed with you for a cuddle, that usually works. Mine slept with us a lot of the time, nothing wrong with that.

potatoscone · 16/01/2019 00:23

Why did he text you? What's wrong with good old fashioned talking?

Original poster
CosmicComet · 16/01/2019 00:23

Why on earth is your husband texting you when you live in the same house?

Because if he shouted he’d wake the baby up?

OP posts:
potatoscone · 16/01/2019 00:36

Where is he?

You say you are downstairs and he wants to go to bed, assumed he was also downstairs?

Original poster
CosmicComet · 16/01/2019 00:36

The baby wakes every hour. DH sleeps downstairs out of the way and I have to sleep upstairs in the baby’s room and be woken up every hour. He’s really angry because I’ve been ignoring his requests to swap over for half an hour now Sad

OP posts:
potatoscone · 16/01/2019 00:37

So he is upstairs with the baby? Why can't he sleep in the bed then? This is a bit odd

Original poster
CosmicComet · 16/01/2019 00:40

Should have explained that we live in a townhouse with a bedroom downstairs, kitchen and living room in the middle, and baby’s bedroom upstairs.

DH sleeps in the downstairs bedroom he so he doesn’t get woken up. He’s currently upstairs with the baby and I’m watching tv on the middle floor. He wants me to go upstairs with the baby so he can go downstairs to bed.

OP posts:
Original poster
CosmicComet · 16/01/2019 00:49

So he is upstairs with the baby? Why can't he sleep in the bed then?

If he goes to sleep upstairs with the baby he’ll get woken up by the baby every hour. And when I eventually go upstairs to take his place he’ll get woken up when I boot him out of the upstairs bed so I can get in.

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 16/01/2019 00:54

Your husband needs to pull his weight and the baby needs some kind of sleep training. Does he just bully you into doing it his way?

GlossyTaco · 16/01/2019 00:56

Go to bed earlier. If you'd have gone up and slept at 9 you'd have had three hours by now - not perfect , but a good start to what might be a rough night.

Original poster
CosmicComet · 16/01/2019 00:58

If you'd have gone up and slept at 9 you'd have had three hours by now

The baby wasn’t even asleep till 11 so how could I go up at 9?

OP posts:
GlossyTaco · 16/01/2019 00:59

Your husband has been with the baby hasn't he?

Original poster
CosmicComet · 16/01/2019 01:04

Your husband has been with the baby hasn't he

Yes. Hence why I didn’t go upstairs. Because he was up there trying to put the baby to sleep, with all the crying and screaming and trying to climb out of bed. I stayed in the living room where it was peaceful.

OP posts:
TwinPair · 16/01/2019 01:05

How old is your baby? From 6 months I introduced a routine and our DC slept better. They still wake but not as often.

GlossyTaco · 16/01/2019 01:07

Yes , and you watched TV while you could've been sleeping , even if it was on this sofa.

I know it's hard when your baby doesn't sleep well but you're missing a golden opportunity to grab some sleep.

GlossyTaco · 16/01/2019 01:08

*the

Original poster
CosmicComet · 16/01/2019 01:10

Baby is 1. Wakes up every hour. If DH found out I was going to sleep he’d want me to do it upstairs with the baby so he could watch tv himself or go to bed.

OP posts:
CkFa · 16/01/2019 01:37

So your DH would rather you watch TV than sleep? Can't you have a shift system where DH takes 7pm to 11pm so you sleep, then you do the rest of the night so he sleeps?

Tolleshunt · 16/01/2019 01:40

Your DH needs to take some turns at being the one to sleep in the room with the baby, while you get an undisturbed night's sleep in the downstairs bedroom.

2infinity · 16/01/2019 01:45

Sending hugs. I also have a 1 year old who doesn't sleep so I totally understand just wanting a minute peace when your so exhausted. I'm back at work now and really struggling. Is this your first baby? With my first I did the controlled crying method. It was hard but within a week he slept from 7.30pm until 5am. Honestly! It really is worth a look in to if you haven't already. My baby shares a room with my eldest so it's not been as easy this time with controlled crying because he wakes his brother which isn't fair so I haven't really carried it out the same. It's so hard being so tired, it really gets you down. Does your husband deal with baby during the night when off work? Have you any support from family who could watch your wee one for an overnight to let you sleep? It's amazing what a nights sleep can do. Oh as I'm typing this my monster child is up again 😴. I swear they sense if you lie down lol xx

jessstan2 · 16/01/2019 02:19

Can't all three of you sleep together in one big bed? We did and it worked, we all slept well. Not forever of course but while your baby is still so young.

Cheesenacho123 · 16/01/2019 02:27

Please get help from a gp or health visitor or sleep specialist because being awake every hour at 1 isn’t normal. For example my son sleeps 12hrs he’ll usually only cry 1-2x a night sometimes never. If he’s unwell it’s a lot more and he ends up in our bed - this kills me because we all end up with no sleep. Is it because he knows your in the room he’s awake like that or because you’ve left the room he’s hysterical?, Does he eat a full meal at tea time?, Do you give him a bath?, Does he still have a bottle or a dummy at bedtime or night time?, Is there a specific blanket/pillow/bear he likes that he could sleep with? Comfort and routine are key.

gindrinkingmarypoppins · 16/01/2019 06:22

Oh you poor thing, I feel your pain.
I'm not suggesting leaving your little one on his/her own to cry, but when I was at the end of my rope I decided to put mine in his bed and sit with him until he went to sleep. He screamed with rage for 45 mins straight, but eventually got the message. By night three he slept through. It's not easy, but I had to make it work for all our sakes.
Please get in touch with you health visitor or a sleep expert to give you some help, you can't carry on living your life like a zombie.

smartiecake · 16/01/2019 06:32

Agree you need help. Have you consulted anyone over your babies sleeping? Is there a particular reason why he wakes every hour?
You and the baby need sleep both of you. Do you have a bedtime routine? 11pm is very late for a 1yr old to go to bed. Are you bf during the night?

Chosenbyyou · 16/01/2019 07:39

You need to come to some arrangement with your DH - like he takes baby 7-12 and you sleep with ear plugs in. Then you take baby 12-6 and he sleeps with ear plugs in.

What you have is not sustainable and you will both be exhausted and arguing.

As others suggested you need to get support from the HV and discuss why your baby is waking every hour and getting so upset for so long going to sleep.