Please help I am desperate - 8 month old

[Worstwitch87]

Hi thanks for reading and sorry it's long. Just to say as I know this will get suggested co sleeping is not an option - DS didn't like it when I tried previously, I am now on medication for rheumatoid arthritis that makes me drowsy and DH works night shifts

My beautiful DS is destroying me. He is 8 months, EBF and until 4 months was sleeping pretty well - 5-6 hour stretches, up for a feed, back down. Then he hit 4 months and the regression, and it all went to hell. He wakes every 45 mins all night and usually needs a feed to settle. I am an absolute mess, I cry all the time, I am sick and exhausted, I keep hoping it will get better but I am losing the will to carry on. I dread the nights and start feeling panicky as evening approaches. I feel like I have PND but brought on by sleep deprivation if that's possible.

The new and awful problem is DS has decided he doesn't like his next2me crib anymore. He goes down OK in it for naps (rocked or fed to sleep) and OK for the beginning of bedtime (usually fed to sleep, sometimes rocked). Then he wakes up after an hour and becomes completely hysterical if I try to put him back in the crib. Over the last few days it has taken up to 50 attempts each night to settle him back, with hysterical screams and tears. He then wakes after 45 mins and the same happens again when I try to put him back down. Even f I wait for him to be in a deep sleep in my arms, if I shush, sing, pat him, hold his hands etc etc, he just wakes immediately and becomes more and more hysterical in the hours 8-1am. After that it usually only takes a few attempts each time I try to put him down but by the time I've got back to sleep myself he is up again. I seem to spend hours 8-1 walking him round the bedroom. On Wednesday night after many feeds and rocks I left him in his crib screaming but held his hands and tried to reassure him the whole time hoping he would cry himself to sleep. After 90 mins of this I gave up and fed him again, which began the whole awful cycle again.

Sorry if this doesn't make sense I am so exhausted.

DS has a dummy and a MyHummy playing white noise all night. He is on solids but doesn't eat much. HE naps ok in he day in his crib so why is this happening at night

Please help I feel so stuck. Don't know to get him to sleep. I don't even mind if he wakes a couple of times in the night for feeds, I just need more than 45 min bursts and this new awful screaming is breaking my heart.

Bump please help

Hi sorry you haven’t had any replies yet! It sounds awful, you poor thing.
I’m not great at sleep advice as I’m co sleeping to get through it with mine.

BUT my first thought was: have you tried a cot rather than the next 2 me? My baby is 7 months today and pretty much grown out of the next 2 me. So I’m getting the cot set up this weekend. Maybe he wants more space or isn’t comfy?

Sleep deprivation is awful. Didn't want to read and run. Many here would shoot me down but the only advice I have, because is worked for us, is controlled crying. I did it at 6 months. It wasn't fun and I hated doing it but it saved me from tipping over the edge and I truly believe it was 100% worth it.

It's not for everyone though and someone will be along soon to say how you mustn't do it!

Something has to change though doesn't it? I hope you find the answer that's right for you and your family XX

Hello OP lack of sleep is the worst. I feel for you, but just remember it won’t be like this forever.
Does he feed a lot at night or is it mostly comfort? Do you think his upset at night is simply distress or might he be teething, tummy pain etc?

I'd just second trying the cot.
My little girl was the same at 7 months. Put her in a cot she did something like an 8 hour stretch.

Good luck. X

Also agree about maybe more space needed, or trying different bedding? DD1 loved her sleeping bag but she’s still at 9 a very static sleeper, loves getting tucked up whereas DS used to wake all night when we tried sleeping bags, he rolls around all over the place & hates covers so he would just have a blanket. You need to try changes to the sleeping environment.

If I were you I’d be putting him in his own room, proper cot, and would consider controlled crying.

Also, will he take a dummy ?

I would try co-sleeping. Look at how to do it safely and then see if you can feed him back to sleep as soon as he wakes. My 1 year old still feeds 3/4 times but it doesn't fully wake me.

Sleep deprivation is awful

Assuming you have a room for him, put him in a cot in his own room and then do controlled crying. 8 months seems old for a cot in the same room - how do wither you or your husband manage to get any sleep?

I was the same as you but I cracked at 6 months and did controlled crying except it wasn't very controlled in our case. I don't see the point of continually going back into the room, just do the bedtime routine, put them in the cot and leave them.

Also at 8 months they don't need a feed during the night, they are used to it.

Baby was EBF and waking every 2 hours and took forever to go to sleep. It took four nights and then he woke early but slept through.
He hasn't been mentally damaged, he was fine. Did the same with number two child and they are also fine. I actually found the screaming quite easy to put up with as he was doing this anyway.

Preserve maternal sanity at all costs!

For reference I did CC at 8 months as dd regressed to waking every hour then waking for the day at 5. I was a few weeks pregnant and had awful sickness and my DH also worked all hours. Something had to give. CC took 3 nights - 12 mins crying first night (I went in after 2 mins, 3 mins etc), 6 mins tying second night, 3rd night just let out a little groan and rolled over back to sleep.

We went through exactly this when DD2 was 5mo. A month of her waking 30 mins after being put down - I'd often hold her for up to an hour before trying to put her down as well.

Like you I felt like I had some kind of sleep related pnd. I was utterly desperate.

One night after a month I couldn't physically do it anymore. We put her into a cot in her room and she slept through. Just like that.

I'm not promising anything. Try the cot. It's worth a shot.

Own room
Cot
CIO. Leave 5 mins, go in hand on tummy and say night. Repeat at 6 min interval. Tben 8. Then 10.

It will be awful for a couple of nights.

And then bam - he will sleep.

It worked a treat with both mine. Now unbroken 12 hours. And have done for years.

The only difference between napping and sleeping at night, that I can think of, is that you are there at night. I would try him in his own room if I were you.

Could he be teething? If so try ibuprofen or calpol.

I agree with some of the other posters you need some sleep. Nap in the day today when he does. Just forget everything else.

Tonight I would start controlled crying. If he is fed and safe and warm etc I would prioritise trying to get a few hours sleep and everything seems clearer when you have had that.

I always try to wait five mins before going in and most often baby settles herself. Sometimes rushing in to pick up wakes them more.

just do the bedtime routine, put them in the cot and leave them.

Don't do this^

Try this instead.
Own room
Cot
CIO. Leave 5 mins, go in hand on tummy and say night. Repeat at 6 min interval. Tben 8. Then 10.

It will be awful for a couple of nights.

And then bam - he will sleep.

It might take longer than couple of nights but it will work eventually.

I wouldn't personally do CC or CIO at 8 months, however I do know how hellish it can be with a frequent waker, so huge hugs to you. I would try putting him to bed a bit later and see if that has any effect. Does your DH work every night? I would be making sure that I got some time for catching up on sleep when DH is at home. Sleep deprivation is genuinely a health issue. Can you tell him you need to build in sleep time, each day? If he wasn't working night shifts I would suggest you alternate nights or do half the night each..... I hope it will get better for you

Waitingonasmiley42 OP said in bold that co-sleeping isn't an option.

I would definitely say it's time for own room and sleep training. It's hard but what you're doing now is hard.

I would say that you need to read up on CC before hand , what to expect (baby will cry, you will get anxious and feel the need to go to them) and you must have the resolve to follow it through. If you cave in and feed them to sleep they have cried for nothing and you’ve just reinforced the idea that if they cry enough the boob will appear. You really need to stick to the plan for it to work. Baby needs to learn to self settle / roll over and go back to sleep.

Another thing that helped us was white noise - it tells dd it’s sleep time.

OhHollyJesus

totally agree with you controlled crying and a cot in his own room!! Its just heart breaking to do but it works. I had to do it when my baby was nine months as I was already pregnant with my next baby (13months apart) I just had to get some sleep and him in a good sleep pattern before the next one arrived!! I was at breaking point I was so tied and run down. it’s very hard to do and painful for both you and your baby but It was worth it.

You poor thing, I feel so bad for you.

I was very similar until a few weeks ago. 8.5 month old, waking all the time, had previously been a good sleeper. Here's what we did and honestly it's transformed her sleep.

Put in cot in her own room. Dd was waking more partly because she didn't have enough space and kept hitting the sides of the next to me when she moved.

Proper bedtime routine - as close to the same time as possible. For dd this is 6pm. I know some will say that's too early but it's when she gets tired and it's worked for us,don't feel you need to hold on to put him to bed at a more acceptable time if he'll go down earlier.
We did bath, pyjamas then put her in a sleeping bag with a dummy clip on it, read to her while she was in the cot, then give her a feed.

Then make sure you put him down while he's awake but drowsy. Don't feed or rock to sleep. Say firmly 'goodnight, I love you' and leave the room.

He will cry. Oh my god, he'll cry. Set a timer on your phone for 2 mins. Go in after and say again to him 'goodnight, I love you, it's time for bed' and stroke his back. Don't stay in for longer than 30 seconds. Leave again. He will probably cry more when you leave, that's normal. Wait 4 minutes then of still crying go in and repeat. Then set your timer for 6 minutes, the n 8 then 10 and keep repeating at 10until he's asleep.

Don't pick him up or replace the dummy. He needs to learn how to put himself back to sleep. The first night we tried it we were up from 1am until 3.30 and it was awful. If you give up and pick him up you'll need to start again the next night though so even though I wanted to we didnt. The night after we only had to do it up to 6 minutes and the 3rd night she slept until 5.

If he wakes at 4 or 5 I'd feed him as at 8 months he might be hungry by then, but if before 4 I'd try c.c. If you feed him at 4 or 5 just put him back down like you did at bedtime and he should settle well for another hour or so.

If you do cc you have to be consistent. That means same person going in to reassure, sticking to times and never picking up. If you're not consistent all you'll teach him is that if he just needs to cry longer.

It's not for everyone and you might try it and hate it, that's fine too. But I was in a very similar place, crying all the time, not safe to drive, felt sick and depressed constantly. This has honestly saved me.

Cot in own room
Black out blinds
No white noise
Sleeping bag
No jigging or rocking
Try a bottle of hungry baby milk

Oh OP I do feel for you. dD is 8.5 months and very similar. I am absolutely certain that this is partly developmental and will get better.

I manage by co sleeping but see that’s not possible for you. I have 2 close friends with baby’s the same age who have the same issues, one co sleeps, the other is pacing around rocking. But the one rocking is finding that I’m the last few days things are improving naturally.

I have found that dd sleeps best when she gets into a deep sleep with me and then gets laid in a warm cot.

So we do:
6:30 bath.
Into bedclothes and I feed to sleep on me or laying on my bed. When she’s flat out asleep I transfer to cot, prewarmrd with hot water bottle if it’s chilly but usually just warm room does. Until a few weeks ago she would sleep 4-7 hours. Now -1.5 hours. But was 45 mins for a while.
Then up for feed to sleep and repeat.

I think it’s a mix of separation anxiety, teeth, learning new skills all making them wakeful. Being with mummy seems to be what they want.

We have had success in the last few days with dp responding to the first few wakes and rocking to sleep. Didn’t think it would work as she’s ebf, but no issue!
Do you have anyone who could come over and do that for you so that you can get a few hours sleep at the start of the night? I find s 3 hour block is the game changer. Les than that and it’s torture.

sorry to jump on this thread but i am in a similar scenario and trying out cio/shush pat bridgetjonesmassivepants just wondering how early yours were waking during the night and how you tackled it. i am nearly 7 days in of cio with an 8 month old and although we have had progress the last couple of nights he has woken at 4.30/5 crying really loudly/screaming... i leave him for a bit with white noise then i try shush pat but that doesn't work and if anything makes him more angry. Then eventually give up and start the day. any advice would be much appreciated!!

When I said early start, I meant 4:30ish. He would sleep through but he was awake at 4:30 for the day. There was no point putting him back down - he was awake and that was that. I used to cope by recording something that I'd like to watch (I'm a Celebrity for example) and watching this whilst playing with him. Also used to go to the local 24 hour Tesco for something to do at around 6ish sometimes.

It was a bit of a killer but I reasoned that an early start was worth an unbroken night's sleep. We used to be out of the house around 9 am for playgroup / museum / sing along thing and then back for lunch, a nap if lucky and then out again to the park in the afternoon (all weathers)
He did the early starts for about 8 months and then it got a little bit later. Now he prefers to get out of bed after midday.

It is rubbish but it will eventually end. (Unless you have another one and then they just play tag team)