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Original poster

15 week old - should I be having an evening?

41 replies

FedUpEffedOff · 20/12/2018 20:42

God, I really don't know what I'm doing wrong. Bedtime routine starts 7-7.30pm with bath, book and feed (EBF). He'll fall asleep but wake within 30 mins - regardless of whether we leave him lying next to me on bed or move him into his crib. He'll wake up and grizzle until maybe 11pm. Tried a dummy, it just falls out his mouth after a few seconds (I've tried three different makes so far). My evening therefore ends when his routine starts as I can't get back downstairs. Husband doesn't get home from work until 6.30pm so we basically have no time together. I feel like I'm going mad. Am I expecting too much? I hate the evenings now. I dread them.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Aw12345 · 20/12/2018 21:12

Ours is 19 weeks now... We had evenings for a bit now now 4 month sleep regression has kicked in we're now back to no evenings :-( I think it can start anytime around 4 months so maybe your little one has started early?

It's exhausting isn't it?!
Sorry no wisdom but much sympathy!

Spam88 · 20/12/2018 21:20

At that age my DD just slept on me until we went up to bed. Meant I could just watch tv and stick a boob in her mouth whenever she woke up. They should be in the room with you at that age anyway.

Original poster

FedUpEffedOff · 20/12/2018 22:01

But lots of things I've read are so conflicting? Many books say that you should be getting them into a routine and - I quote - "reclaiming your evenings" !!!!
It's just so depressing. I'm on the go all day 7am-7pm looking after him and the endless laundry and other chores. Then DH comes home and we don't even have time for dinner together because I'm on edge, watching for signs of sleepiness and to get the routine started. Which involves me having to go to bed too. LO is asleep now - on the bed next to me - so I'm signing off for another day....

OP posts:

Tumilnaughts · 20/12/2018 22:13

I think you might be expecting too much for your baby. Books can only be so helpful but the advice in them doesn't work for everyone (didn't for me). I didn't get my evening back until about 7 months after we started weaning. I had a particularly hungry baby so most of my time up to that point was sat on the couch bfing. Just try to take it as it comes and not fight it- routines are pointless at 15 weeks as they'll change so much over the coming months.

Underworld345 · 20/12/2018 22:19

Every baby is different. There is no normal. My DS is 19 months now but to be honest, looking back it’s all a bit of a blur. I remember not getting my evenings back for a while between late bedtimes or me just going to bed early to catch up on sleep. It really does get better.

I remember worrying over things like this all the time - I posted on here a lot for advice. Looking back though, everything settles eventually and I wonder why i didn’t just go with the flow - it’s such a short period of their lives. Your DC is still so young😊

Drogosnextwife · 20/12/2018 22:22

Welcome to parenting!

doodleygirl · 20/12/2018 22:23

Keep your baby downstairs with you and throw away the baby books.

Igottastartthinkingbee · 20/12/2018 22:25

Sounds normal sorry. It’s one of the things I found hardest about having my first baby. The relentlessness, hardly any time to yourself and the effect on your relationship. Such a steep learning curve but it does get better, it just doesn’t happen as quickly as the damn books say it will.

RangerLady · 20/12/2018 22:28

Don't read baby books, they weren't written about your baby. I got my evenings back at 9.5 months sorry! And I consider that good going. I didn't even try her sleeping anywhere other than my lap in the evenings at that age.

Girliefriendlikesflowers · 20/12/2018 22:33

Does he sleep much in the day? I think at around 3 months I started trying to get dd up and into her cot by 8pm, the bedtime routine started much earlier in the evening though.

I did find the contented little baby book useful in terms of giving a rough idea of what a routine looks like. I know routines etc are not popular on here but dd was happier in a routine and therefore so was I.

PickleMeThis · 20/12/2018 22:33

Baby should be with you until 6 months - 15 weeks is too small to be left alone upstairs!

Do bedtime routine, feed then into Moses basket/wherever he sleeps downstairs, then when you’re ready to go to bed take him up with you. If he wakes then feed/cuddle to sleep

Bojangles33 · 20/12/2018 22:39

DS is 6.5 months now and I wish I could go back and do this all again without the stress of doing it "right" so that I don't "make a rod for my own back."

I don't think at this age it makes a difference what you do. Some babies will be higher needs than others. They change of their own accord when they're ready to. Yes, then they get a bit older you need to enforce boundaries and a routine but as this stage I think you have to do whatever works for your family and keeps you all sane. Don't beat yourself up about doing it right. I tried SO hard to get a routine and it was just impossible but eventually we just fell into one. He's got to the stage where he was actually much happier putting himself to sleep than having me interfere now! We have been lucky but that's just it - we are lucky. It's nothing I've done right or wrong. Try to give yourself a break and if he will nap downstairs with you so you can have tea and see your husband then do that. I only started putting DS upstairs to bed when he started sleeping better of an evening and I could tell that taking him up was disturbing him.

Redcliff · 20/12/2018 22:41

I kept my boys down on the sofa with me - ate dinner with one hand with hubby next to me both of us watching TV. Much less stressful

Fraula · 20/12/2018 22:49

I get some evening time with my partner by having my baby in a Moses basket in the living room/dining room (everywhere I go) so I can watch tv and not keep having to go upstairs to feed him. All 4 of my babies were restless and wanted a lot of milk in the evening.

You may be feeling frustrated based on your expectations, so be open to shifting them a bit.

Unfortunately, babies also go through a lot of passing phases. You think you've cracked one thing and then they move the goalposts!!

jomaIone · 20/12/2018 22:54

I always think what else would I be doing if I wasn't snuggling my baby watching TV in the evening? Just watching TV without her so no different really. Can catch up with husband either way, watch a film and eat tea while not stressing! Now mine is 8 months and although she's in bed by 7, we still just catch up and watch TV on the sofa! Don't beat yourself up, just do what works for you. I soon noticed that my baby would sleep for 2 hours in the evenings so slowly got her used to going to bed at the same time and started a routine when she was ready! Think she was 20 weeks or so but every baby different.

KathyBates · 20/12/2018 23:29

I have DS in the front room with me until I go to bed. Advice I was given was to not let them sleep in a room on their own until 6 months.

jessstan2 · 21/12/2018 06:57

Like many others, I always kept mine downstairs with me. They were happy with me and their dad around and we were a little unit. We all went up to bed together. Don't bother about books except for health stuff, babies need to be with their parents. Make the most of it, won't be long before he's shutting his bedroom door and saying he wants to go out with his mates.

Try and have a nap when your son naps during the day, you'll feel better for it.

SnuggyBuggy · 21/12/2018 07:00

Mine won't sleep away from me at all so no evenings or alone time with DH either.

Surfskatefamily · 21/12/2018 07:04

I did start a routine about 12weeks but what you're describing sounds normal. I was up and down constantly.
Mine is 9months now and its bed at 6.30 then normally a wake up about 9/10pm. It gets better eventually.
He was poorly this week though so i've been up a lot more

blackcat86 · 21/12/2018 07:05

Every baby is different but it sounds like the bedtime routine is starting quite late and following (presumably) a bit of excitement with daddy coming home. DD is 4 months and sleeps 6-6 with a feed at 10/11pm. She's bathed round 5:15, changed, feed and in her cot around 6. We tried to go for 7-7 but it was just too late for her so routines do need to adjust to what baby wants to do naturally. I also make sure she has good naps and enough feeds during the day.

At 6 she goes up to her cot in pitch black and we use a motion mat so we're downstairs having our dinner together but are alerted if she misses a breath. She's less likely to be disturbed if it's dark and quiet.

SnuggyBuggy · 21/12/2018 07:11

I'm also not convinced it's possible to have a bedtime routine and keep baby with you until 6 months

littlepooch · 21/12/2018 07:19

Honestly do what works for you.

Dc1 had a routine and was sleeping through from 8 weeks, going to bed at 7ish.
Dc2 had a routine from 12 weeks going to bed at 7.30ish.
Dc3 is 14 weeks and shows no signs of wanting to go to bed before 11pm ever. No matter what I've tried. There is nothing I can do so I am just going with it now. I don't mind her down with us as she just sits in my arms or DHs or her bouncer if we are eating - if it were my 3 year old that would be different as relaxing she ain't 😂😂😂

It is exhausting being on the go and having little downtime but I think they just gradually adjust their bedtime earlier naturally by themselves. If you want a routine etc then go for it but if you don't, then don't feel pressure.

anniehm · 21/12/2018 07:19

Can I give new parents a bit of advice - stop reading books! They either make you over anxious or too rigid - babies differ and your life will differ from others. For the most part until 6 months expect your baby to be with you and feeds are frequent, by the magic 6 month marker solid food is properly introduced and only then do they have the energy store to sleep for longer - yes there's people who claim to have sleeping through the night younger but they are outliers, perhaps born with larger stomachs that average! Most babies cluster feed in the evening, ask other parents. Strict schedules were never part of human evolution until factories were invented - our biology hasn't changed just our lifestyles. Be more flexible for a happy baby and relaxed parents.

PirateWeasel · 21/12/2018 07:32

Agree with PPs saying ditch the baby books. There's no one size fits all and these books just make mums feel pressured or inadequate. My LO is 12 weeks and I give him his last feed at 8 or 8.30 and then put him down for the night... and go straight to bed myself! It means no evening with DH but at least we get a reasonable amount of sleep.

BasinHaircut · 21/12/2018 07:49

I made a point of not reading any baby/parenting books when I had DS. I found mumsnet when I was pregnant and reading the old ‘you baby hasn’t read that book’ or ‘that book wasn’t written about your baby’ comments just struck such a chord with me.

We started a bedtime ‘routine’ at 6 months-ish because he had fallen into an obvious sleep pattern from about 7-ish. So it became bath, bottle, bed from that point on.

I’m under no illusion that if I had another child it would be the same, we just went with the flow and that would honestly be my advice to you. If a bedtime routine isn’t working for you, then don’t bother. There will be no long term impact on you not enforcing a bedtime routine on a 15 week old, other than making you miserable that you have to go to bed at 7pm every night!

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