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Original poster

Not feeling ready to sleep train

51 replies

SnuggyBuggy · 19/12/2018 19:15

Bit of a different one I guess. Is anyone else not rushing to sleep train?

My DD is 7 months, still BF to sleep, can't sleep alone easily or for long, wakes about 4 times per night on average.

I have tried some of the gentle techniques and just fail because she cries when put down awake and no amount of gentle words or patting help so I pick her up. I don't feel ready to try controlled crying with her.

Just curious if anyone else is in a similar situation or if anyone who had chosen to wait until their babies were older to sleep train how it went.

OP posts:
HerSymphonyAndSong · 19/12/2018 19:37

Yes I am in this situation and like you I do not feel that he is ready for controlled crying etc. This is despite a lot of pressure from friends and family so I rarely talk about it in RL any more.

He sometimes gives me 3-hour stretches but normally wakes every 1-2 hours and can only feed back to sleep. He will go down in the cot earlier on which does give me something of a break, but after 9-10pm will not go back in the cot, so I cosleep from that point onwards (though I find it hard - I am very uncomfortable and he welds himself to me so however big the bed I always end up perched on the edge with an enormous space the other side of the baby!)

However I am very very slowly encouraging him to reduce the feeding to sleep between 11pm and 4am, just to see whether he could give me a chunk of sleep. After a few weeks we have reached a point where for some wakeups he will suck a few times, then I unlatch him and he rolls away and falls back to sleep. It doesn’t work every time but I am hoping that gradually he will let me just comfort him back to sleep and then may eventually not need me to wake up. I have no expectations of “sleeping through the night”, but I do hope for a longer chunk of sleep soon

I will confess that I go through cycles of despair and acceptance because I am just so tired and the sleep I do get is such poor quality

HerSymphonyAndSong · 19/12/2018 19:41

I should say that in the evenings he does sometimes put himself to sleep if I put him down awake, and he will sometimes wake and “self-settle”. It makes absolutely zero difference to the rest of the night.

He is also not a baby who wants to be awake in the night. He has never wanted to play for hours etc. He is desperate to get back to sleep and gets very distressed if the one thing that is guaranteed to help him fall asleep again is denied!

Passmethecrisps · 19/12/2018 19:42

At this stage my baby was absolutely the same. I got to about 10 months and though enough was enough and she literally stopped doing it.

Give her a little longer and what you are comfortable with

ShutTheFridgeUp · 19/12/2018 19:43

She's still very little and milk is still her main source of food. Just go with it for a while

MyBreadIsEggy · 19/12/2018 19:45

If you’re not comfortable then don’t do it!
It’s not a necessary parenting step.

Sleep training has never sat comfortably with me so I haven’t done it. My DC are 2 & 3 and just started sleeping in their own beds when they were ready, and then gradually started sleeping longer and longer on their own

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 19/12/2018 19:46

Didn’t do it until 10months- whenever you feel ready

Original poster
SnuggyBuggy · 19/12/2018 19:53

I think also part of my problem is the co sleeping is working quite well and I get a reasonable amount of sleep between feeds.

That and whenever I read about drowsy but awake techniques I just don't recognize her in them. I still feel a bit sad about how we were separated when she was in NICU and wonder if that's why she can't sleep without me.

OP posts:
Madratlady · 19/12/2018 19:56

There is no need to sleep train at all. They’ll sleep alone when they’re ready. My eldest, apart from a few phases of bad sleep (for the usual reasons you’d expect - teething, learning to walk etc) slept well from 4 months, my youngest was an awful sleeper until after 2 but I can put him to bed and he’ll go to sleep no problem now at 3 and sleeps through most nights. Neither has ever been left to cry at bedtime for any length of time, nor will dc3 when they are born.

Madratlady · 19/12/2018 19:56

Also ds2 coslept for 10 months and sleeps fine in a bed in his own room

Thesearmsofmine · 19/12/2018 19:58

I have never sleep trained my children(2,6 &8). One slept through from 6 weeks, one at 3 years and the other somewhere in the middle but they get there in the end.

KarinandtheSeaUrchins · 19/12/2018 20:00

You don't have to sleep train! Sounds like you have a lovely and perfectly normal sleep routine / pattern.

FestiveNut · 19/12/2018 20:05

I'm in the same situation with my 6 mo. I'm trying an app called Huckleberry which I've heard good things about. Only just started though, so can't say more than that atm.

Original poster
SnuggyBuggy · 19/12/2018 20:12

I'm really glad I'm not the only one. I don't have any expectations for sleeping through, I didn't sleep through until I was a toddler myself.

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HerSymphonyAndSong · 19/12/2018 20:13

I don’t know about NICU making a difference - my son and I weren’t separated at all and he clings to me like a limpet all night. In fact he was like that from the very first night and would not be put down in his crib in the hospital, so we just went with it. It’s normal and natural. But it can be hard going

HerSymphonyAndSong · 19/12/2018 20:15

I agree about drowsy but awake - we have awake or asleep. Also shushing or patting just provokes rage!

MadeForThis · 19/12/2018 20:34

Drowsy but awake has never worked for me after about 3/4 months.

Dd1 fed at night until i weaned her at 20 months. She wasn't happy but understood when I told her no more milk. She was in her own bed from just after 2 and sleeps through most nights.

Dd2 is almost a year and still feeds at night. Can go a few hours at a stretch. Usually small feeds at night.

Never liked the idea of controlled crying. And never truly believed it would work. Too many variables, teething, illness etc.

7 months is very young. If you are coping with the wake ups I would keep going.

Jackshouse · 20/12/2018 10:49

I tried once with dispearing chair, 30 mins of sitting beside her and she got hysterical.

We coslept until 20 months but now at 2.5 she mostly sleeps through by herself. We still lay next to her as she goes to sleep.

She was ff feed.

blondie1001 · 21/12/2018 13:02

I never sleep trained. Admittedly DS didn’t sleep through until I stopped breastfeeding at 2.5 years but I survived! Now I have a four month old and I won’t be attempting to train her either - I think night time cuddles are much more important. As others have said, they get there in the end!

Fsult1 · 21/12/2018 13:16

Your baby sounds exactly like my one. 7 months and wakes up at least 4 times for milks although I feel like recently he just wants to stay suck to my boob for hours on end. So I’ve been at my wits end, but at the same time I don’t think I could start sleep training. I’m just waiting it out I guess and seeing other people post makes me feel a bit better that maybe I’m not the only one going through this

TheRhythmessCarolMan · 21/12/2018 13:39

Placemarking as I could have written some of these exact posts here. 6.5 month old, co sleeping. I've managed to get out of the feeding to sleep for every waking ... usually (depends how tired and delirious I am and the willpower I have in the depth of night to not just stick her on the boob beside me). Sometimes I'm really resentful that I started co sleeping in the first place because I would like to be back sleeping with my DH (I'm in spare room with DD) but other times I try to enjoy the cuddles and remember that it's not for ever.

One day when they're all grown up and not wanting much to do with us we might all look back and wonder why we were in such a rush to stop sleeping with our beloved babies.

Bluebelltulip · 21/12/2018 13:43

I've not done sleep training with DD, I'm following her lead and now at nearly two she sleeps through most nights in her cot but does still feed to sleep in evening and sometimes comes into our bed especially when teething. Do what feels right for you.

eternalopt · 21/12/2018 13:48

As others have said, you don't have to sleep train. It's not a compulsory step to get through like toilet training! Never did with my two and they got there in their own time

Creatureofthenight · 21/12/2018 13:50

My 18 mo is still fed to sleep and still wakes 1-4 times a night. I have no intention of sleep training her, there’s no way I’d leave her crying. I have no intention of stopping feeding to sleep either - it works so don’t see the point in changing until DD is ready.

riddles26 · 21/12/2018 14:15

If she is getting enough sleep and thriving and you are happy with how things are, there is absolutely no need to change anything. If you have any friends or relatives commenting on your sleeping arrangements, ignore them an do what is best for you.

I just want to add that leaving a baby to cry is not the only method of sleep training if you ever do decide to go down that road. There are lots of much gentler methods that involve you being with your baby as she goes to sleep. They inevitably take longer than controlled crying but are no less effective (and are the route a lot of parents take when they do decide to sleep train).

Original poster
SnuggyBuggy · 21/12/2018 14:28

I guess I kind of feel like the only one out of my immediate peers that isn't sleep training. I think I will consider night weaning when she is over a year.

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