Not feeling ready to sleep train

[SnuggyBuggy]

Bit of a different one I guess. Is anyone else not rushing to sleep train?

My DD is 7 months, still BF to sleep, can't sleep alone easily or for long, wakes about 4 times per night on average.

I have tried some of the gentle techniques and just fail because she cries when put down awake and no amount of gentle words or patting help so I pick her up. I don't feel ready to try controlled crying with her.

Just curious if anyone else is in a similar situation or if anyone who had chosen to wait until their babies were older to sleep train how it went.

Just to say that the "drowsy but awake" thing never worked for us! Our baby took it as a massive betrayal that once he was warm and cosy in our arms, we then dumped him in the cot!
We do bath, cream, pjs, bottle, cuddle and story in his room, and then just put him down. He often shouts a bit for 5 mins - like he's peeved, not upset - roams around the cot and then goes to sleep.
Maybe the same could work for you? Good luck!

You don't have to ever sleep train you know!

If things are working no need to change it.

I only put DS into his cot because over time he couldn't sleep in the bed as easily.

@sar302 how old is/are your little one/s now?

For those who say that their babies eventually just wanted to sleep in their own space what indications gave you this?

@TheRhythmessCarolMan He's just turned a year. He stopped feeding at night when he was about 6/7 months (FF). I'd say he started going down independently just before then. He actually started sleeping better when he could reliably roll on to his front - he never seemed to like going down on his back, and slept much better once he could roll and move around. Once he could sleep on his front, his naps started getting better too, which meant he was less tired and therefore sleeping better.

Regarding how we knew he was ready. We started to find that our attempts to soothe him, actually made him a bit cross - like we were over-fussing. And now, sometimes when I'm reading or cuddling, he'll sort of lean over, or reach for the cot, like, I'm done now mum!

OP - don’t sleep train unless you 100% want to. My 2.5 year has just started to reject cuddles durring the night is she wakes, to fair she rarely does now, but I am secretly devastated at the loss of night time cuddles.

I didn't sleep train either of mine. It's not compulsory.

DS1 slept through when he was about 5 and a half (years), DS2 is still waking for boob at 2 and a half years.

Its totally normal for babies to wake at night until they are well past 12 months old. We didn't sleep train at all and DS started sleeping through at about 18 months.

If what you're doing now is working for you and you feel like you are getting enough rest then don't feel under pressure to do anything differently. We all find what works for our families and personally I completely ignore what everyone else is doing 😁

I think your baby is too young to be worrying about it if you feel you are getting enough sleep.

I know what you mean about feeling like the only one. I do need to stop him staying latched on all night (we are not talking a few night feeds which would be manageable - he actually wants to sleep with the nipple in his mouth), because it is agonising for my nipples and my body, and slowly I am stopping him doing that. But I feel like I can’t talk about how exhausted I am (because my sleep is shit, frankly) with certain friends because they see it as a problem that I have caused and that I refuse to fix. Some actually think I am failing as a parent because part of good parenting is teaching your child to sleep as it is a “learned skill”. I know this is all opinions and I shouldn’t listen. But I am tired and it makes me feel like crap

I've come across that line of thought but then other sources say it's developmental so I'm confused

If co sleeping is working for you why bother changing it? Your peers all have different babies and will all cope with lack of sleep differently. You will not ruin your babies sleep by 'sleep associations'. That is one particular theory. I remember feeling like this and tried sleep training, 2 1/2 hours later he was still screaming.

At 17 months I weaned my son and he woke up 4 times that night, took a drink of water, cuddle and dummy and went straight back down. He has slept through ever since. At around 20 months I noticed he was taking a while to go to sleep so I turned the light off and said goodnight and shut the door. Since then he is an absolute dream, goes down 6.30-07.00 and it takes less than 5 minutes to get him to bed. They all just come to it in their own time and I honestly never thought we would get there. I fully respect people who chose to sleep train because things aren't working for their family but hate the pressure that you are made to feel if you choose not to.

If she is getting enough sleep and thriving and you are happy with how things are, there is absolutely no need to change anything. If you have any friends or

I agree with this - do what works for you. As for "everyone's doing it" - DD is 16 months now, and I'd say a third of friends (with same-age babies) didn't sleep train. We did, and I think it was the right thing for us, but plenty of my friends who didn't are sensible, level-headed people who made a decision that works for them/their families. No need to consult a jury of your peers here.

The thing is, the world of baby sleep training acts as if certain things are absolute fact that are actually just theories. Like the idea of babies needing to go to sleep identically to how they wake up - it sort of sounds like common sense, but it is just a theory (and a bit of a just so story) - no one can ask babies why they sleep badly! They make it sound like there's cast iron evidence but science isn't actually all that interested in baby sleep, because while it feels like the biggest deal in the world to parents of babies (I have a five month old!) in the grand scheme of things it's a problem that always eventually solves itself, so not actually that important.

I never really get the 'it's a skill you have to make them learn' argument - we don't teach anything else by making babies cry until they get it. They'd all roll sooner, for instance, if you left them wailing on their fronts until they turned themselves over, but that's not what we do!

That said, nor do I believe some of the more extreme claims for the harm of sleep training - I don't think one parenting decision like that irrevocably scars a child for life. But nor is it a necessity.

I personally don't get on well with cosleeping, but it's clear that babies have slept with their parents for almost all human history. Humans didn't fail to learn to sleep until Ferber or Weissbluth or whoever taught them.

"If you’re not comfortable then don’t do it!
It’s not a necessary parenting step."

This!

Not all parents do this. I didn't. Dd now almost 18 and perfectly capable of settling herself 😬

But seriously 7 months is still very young, in my experience (over 30 years looking after lots of babies not just my own, former nanny & childminder) they progress themselves to detaching from you quite naturally. Fewer deeds, fewer cuddles, connecting with the other parent, becoming independent in how they play etc.

There are many many people who were never "sleep trained" and have grown into perfectly healthy well functioning adults.

I also don't hold with controlled crying. When young children especially babies cry it's for a reason, they're not "manipulative" they're simply seeking to get certain needs met or are scared and need reassurance. Our instincts are to comfort them - it's why each babies cry is perfectly designed to go right through their mother! 😬

I never was one to jump as soon as dd whimpered but if they're actually crying you go to them and sort whatever needs sorting.

"I guess I kind of feel like the only one out of my immediate peers that isn't sleep training. I think I will consider night weaning when she is over a year." Something you need to remember - people lie! I think it highly unlikely everyone else you know really is doing the exact same thing with their babies, I'd wager at least a few are claiming they are simply so they don't get grief from others.

Hersymphony - controversial I know on mn but have you considered using a dummy?

"Humans didn't fail to learn to sleep until Ferber or Weissbluth or whoever taught them." Exactly. I'm also always sceptical of "experts" who advise parents who have little experience of "normal" healthy children.

Ugh fewer FEEDS not deeds.

He won’t take a dummy! I’m not averse, but he has never accepted dummy, bottle etc

Yikes! That's tough - just a suggestion but is that silicon dummies you've tried? Bf babies tend to prefer softer dummies more similar in feel/shape to a nipple.

That's what my dd preferred.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B005O7OEUG/ref=mpssa115aa_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1545418634&sr=8-5&keywords=latex+natural+shape+dummy&dpPl=1&dpID=41vZzsOQhGL&ref=plSrch

Ah I have quite the selection of rejected tests!

My DD won't take a dummy either, OP. Or a bottle. Ah well. I'm just feeding to sleep atm.

My DD doesn't seem to like dummies either. She once gave the rim of one a good chewing.

Haha yes my son chews on them like a teether. It’s not soothing, it’s stimulating!

There is a facebook group called 'biologically normal infant sleep' which you might find supportive and worth joining. It is anti sleep training

What a great post. It's incredibly hard but your instincts are right. You don't need to sleep train unless you are struggling. I'm also glad this hasn't turned into a debate about training. Parenting choices are incredibly hard and I don't think anyone sets out to sleep train.

It is still hard though waiting it out until sleep improves for bub and you, so in the meantime reassurance about what your baby is doing really helps. Like PP says, there is a good Facebook group for that. Also try The Beyond Sleep Training group. Closed for new members over Christmas but you should find it a week or so after it's done.

Fwiw, mine wakes every 2 hours, sometimes 3, sometimes 45 minutes.... She's just turned 1. I feed back to sleep for all wake ups. I'm on my knees but I can't bare to let her cry. Good luck.

You don’t have to sleep train op. I have 19 week old twins and I have zero intention of ever sleep training because it isn’t something I personally believe in.

Do what YOU feel happiest with. It’s your baby. You don’t have to justify your choices to anyone l