15mo wakes up 10 times a night!

[MsHopey]

Right. I need help. No point in beating around the bush any longer.
Other people asking for help are upset their 6mo wakes up once or twice, I know this is horrible, but I'm bloody jealous of those posts.
We live in a less than ideal situation which means most the sleep training or help just can't work for us.
We live in a tiny one bedroom flat, there isn't enough room for a cot, DS stayed in a crib until he outgrew it and we've been co sleeping ever since. Which was great to start with, easier to comfort him and get him back to sleep quicker when he cried.
But things like putting him in his own room, cry it out, leaving him to settle himself just aren't options as he cannot be in bed alone in case he falls out, jumps off, or does a number of dangerous things.
This has also affected his naps and I have to be with him 100% of the time while he is napping or asleep to keep an eye on him, this has led to another less than ideal situation. Most babies use a blanket, a dummy or a teddy as a comforter to help themselves fall asleep, my DS uses my hair. This didn't seem an issue to start with, but it is one now. It means he will not fall asleep for anyone else and won't nap or go to sleep in the evening unless he is pulling my hair (it used to be soft strokes but is now literally pulling it out my head). I try not to let him but he cries and cries because he's tired and can't fall asleep without it.
We tried swapping his night time drink from milk to water but it has no effect and he'll still wake up to drink the water.
DH doesn't really notice when DS cries at night, but I'm a SAHM and DH gets up for work at 1:30am so I would ideally like to get this sorted myself.
An amazing night DS will wake up 3 times, an average night is more like 10!
When we've had a good night I try to recreate what happened the next day, same amount of naps, same food, same routine, same bedroom temperature, it makes no difference, he'll be up 10 times again like normal.
He wakes up and cries, he tries to pull my hair, he has some water, all while crying. After 10 minutes he'll turn round fall back asleep again. But within an hour we have to go through it all again.
It can't be good for him, it definitely doesn't feel good to me!
I'm now 15 weeks pregnant (we're working on getting a bigger place!) I am exhausted. I deal with whatever comes my way but if I could cut the wakings down a little bit it would be so great for all of us
He's still getting 2 naps so he shouldn't be overtired, he plays lots and walks, runs and climbs everything, so he should definitely be burning his energy. I don't know what else it can be.
Any help and guidance would be much appreciated.

Oh, and he has never, ever slept through the night.
I think he only woke up once for one night only when he was 7mo. I thought it was a turning point! How wrong was I?
I honestly can deal with once or twice, that would feel like a blessing after 15 months of this, but I just feel like I'm failing. And I wanted 2 close in age (hence being pregnant again) and people keep telling me I'm stupid because how bad is it going to be when I've got 2 waking up 10 times a night and I get no sleep at all.

MsHopey feel your pain!!
You poor thing. First things first you will have to tie your hair up out the way. It's not unknow for hair to tangle round babies fingers and cut circulation, and you don't want him swallowing it either!
Try to work on things in the day to get him used to anything new, then do whatever is easy to sleep as much as you can at night, and in the day, take naps too, or you will crash and burn!

Maybe you could put something else around your head, a dangly scarf or something that he can fiddle with, which can them be removed for him to sleep with.

Do you not have a pram? Or can you get a bed attachment baby bed?

Oh, sweets.
I've got no ideas, sorry.
But my oldest was (and still is, aged 9) a sleep dodger. His little brother napped beautifully, and only woke for milk from day 1. New baby may not mean and further sleep disruption.

My only possible suggestion would be to cut the nap back to 1 a day, and see where that leads. But j don't think that will help with the multiple wakes.

And I'm up because I'm not in the UK- it's 7am, and breakfast time here.

Hair is tied in a tight bun all day everyday, no one knows how long it's getting. He literally just grabs the bun and pulls it like his life depends on it :(
I'll have to invest in a hat of some kind that I can sleep in.
We tried cutting down to one nap but he was just as bad, which made me think he was overtired, he still woke up loads. Went back to 2 naps and he wakes up the same amount, so I have no clue about how many naps he wants or needs but it doesn't seem to affect his night time sleep too much, he wakes up no matter what!
I do think I should probably try and get him away from my hair during the naps, at least that way I'm Not as exhausted while trying to cope with him.
I don't want to give into tantrums or get frustrated but by the 7th wake up in 6 hours I just need sleep and will let him have whatever he needs to sleep.
Hopefully I can try and get used to something else during the naps, I'll have to have a think.
It's 4am here and we're already up for the day, he decided he had enough sleep and cried and fought with me to get out of bed. So we're up.
My mom says just ignore him and go back to sleep, 1) he's in bed with me, that's not an option.
2) I can't sleep when I'm wrestling him and he's crying.
3) I don't want him upset and crying. I want him happy and well rested.

Have you ever had him checked for cows milk allergy or intolerance? Does he ever get tiny spots on body? Does he have a runny nose? Does he look like he may get stomach pain? I would take him to the GP personally. Maybe he has silent reflux?

Does he seem hungry? I would try a bedtime formula feed too unless you suspect he may have CMPA.

He's not happy and well rested though, he's fractious and can't self sooth. Every toddler sleeps in those hourly cycles its just thatost soothe themselves back to.sleep in between each sleep cycle. Because he has to have your hair its stopping him self-soothing. No don't cuts naps, that will just make him more tired. Your hair is a risk to him. He must not be pulling at it, and pulling it out!
Does he have a pram? Buggy that reclines? Go out with it for his naps in the day, for a long time. He will have to soothe without you. He will be at a terrible age to try to be separating from you with a newborn and will take it out on the newborn. He needs to do this now.
How many hours sleep has he had and no wonder he is tearing at your hair so desperately. Hes desperate for sleep. 4 o/c is no time to be starting the day. Get him back to sleep, in the pram out walking

Does he eat well/regularly/regular nappies?

I'll look into it. He has very solid poos, one every 2 days, so no diarrhoea. He's a very happy baby and I don't get the impression he's in pain. No runny nose though he does seems to sneeze a few times a day.
I haven't spoke to the health visitor or gp about his lack of sleep, so I should probably mention it.
I thought lots of people have trouble with sleeping babies and toddlers, but the more complaints I hear, the more I realise it's never to the scale of 10 times a night.

One poo every other day!!

That very solid poo every other day is constipation, and very uncomfortable.
What foods is he having, are there plenty of fibres, apples, and carrots and so on

He needs his own bed, run around all day long try one nap only loads of food milk before bed then that’s it. Reassure him and then put back in bed and leave/ you will have to sleep in the lounge.

He has 3 meals a day and snacks, he's not always the best at feeding himself and more than I'd like ends up on the floor. I feed him breakfast and dinner myself and he feeds himself lunch, some meals he does great with, some a lot less so.
We normally get up at 5am, we go to bed at 6pm (the whole family) it makes sense as DH goes to bed then so we all go together.
DS can't really stay up playing as it keeps DH awake so we all just go to bed together. And he normally falls asleep pretty fast (if conditions are how he likes them, i.e. hair and thumb and milk). He has one nap at 9:30ish and another at 1:30ish.

It sounds awful, I’m so sorry

What food though as hes constipated

Ah, well going to bed at 6. What an odd routine though for a baby who's dictated by daylight for his sleep. Your dp may work nights but you and baby need to wake and sleep normal hours. You need to be able to have breakfast and get out, but its dark at 4!

He has veg with his meals, not normally as snacks. We could probably get some more fruit into his diet. He didn't used to seem very interested in it but he has been having more recently so I'll definitely try and get some more for him as he likes it.
The kitchen is so small we have the fridge freezer in the living room, the living room is also tiny, a double bed wouldn't fit and leave enough from for his toys and for him to run around.
It's easy to say but it's just not doable, we know moving is a matter of urgency but we're doing the best we can in the situation. The bedroom literally has a double bed and then DS drawers and clothes rail.
I think the flat was designed for one person living here. We moved in and found out we was pregnant one week later and with a 2 year tenancy agreement we've been stuck (ends next week!).
I'm happy for suggestions and I will do the best i can for him.
I'll try more fruit, I'll mention the sleeping to a HV and ask about milk allergies, and try and get out with the buggy (it's hard round here as everyone is parked on the pavement as there is no off road parking and with lots of flats it's a very built up area) but it's doable.

My DS will not sleep if he doesn't poop probably. He needs to have at least one decent soft poo a day. If not he will be up screaming in the night and won't settle.

How much water/fruit does he have. I've found with my DS if he doesn't have enough he easily gets constipated.

I would try and stop the hair pulling, DS would stroke my hair while breastfeeding so I would wear a snood so he couldn't get to it. I think you might need to just not give in for a couple of nights, it'll be torture but it'll hopefully break the cycle

He has fruity muesli for breakfast,
Baby rice cakes for a snack.
Toast and egg for lunch.
Fruity yogurt or fruit pot for a snack.
Fish, mash, peas and carrots for tea.

I've got something I can wear over my hair. I'll start that now.
When he wants a cuddle be pulls or strokes my hair even when he's not tired. It's definitely a big habit of his so I'll get my hat on now.
He does have lots of water now as we've replaced most his milk with water. Text DH to bring fruit home from work!

Oops pressed post too soon!

I too had an extreme non sleeping / waking baby, and it’s really hard to get people to understand that no, really, we are not talking about the same thing!

I was so sleep deprived that I was too exhausted to make my voice heard, but I think mine had silent reflux, which went untreated. But it sounds like yours is different.

The pooing so infrequently might be a clue, though it could be at the lowest end of normal? I think it’s mostly a behavioural problem rather than anything else though, as you too think...

Don’t beat yourself about the limitations of living in a small space. Globally it’s the norm, not some weird and extreme situation as some mumsnet tees might have you believe (though it’s hard to predict who will post on what thread!). You’re doing the best you can, and it won’t be forever, so it’s actually a good situation longterm! And you don’t know if it’s caused the problem anyway, your ds might just not be good at self soothing and wants his mummy around. Mine unfortuneately used my err, boobs as his comforter, which was a bit awkward to say the least! It came from breast feeding, and because of the tummy pain he had, when he lay on top of me it was one of the only positions that didn’t hurt him, so I guess I became the sauishy one stop shop of comfort! Oh that was fun... he did slowly get weaned off me eventually, although the main thing that saved me from utter sleep deprived break down was him learning to crawl from his cot into my bed without waking me up fully. I positioned the cot next to the bed, so it was the same level and made sure there wasn’t a gap between the both of them by shuffling the mattress forwards and stuffing the back very firm with towels. I then made sure my bed was ok for cosleeping, and resigned myself to not terribly good sleep but at least enough to stop me breaking down...

Some babies are just really not good at doing things the way we want or need them too, and oh it’s frustrating!

The hair thing needs to go though... can you think of something that would feel similar to him? One of those little cushions/ comforters with little ribbons on it?

Or, and I hesitate to suggest this, could you cut a lock of your hair and fix it somehow so he can stroke it without it causing you pain? And be part of slowly detaching the rest of you from him at night? Even if he didn’t realise it wasn’t detached from you at first.

I’m hesitating as I don’t know how you’d make it not a choke hazard? Hummm.

Can you not have him sleep in a travel cot in living room and do sleep training? You will lose your mind if this continues. I caved and did sleep training at 16 months and it meant i only had to get up once a night going forward....

You could also try some prunes to get things moving to, it's usually very effective for us. I think it's fruits that start with P are good for it.

I feel horrendous reading your post but is there nothing you can do about your living arrangements? I'm unsure how on earth you will manage with another baby if you can't fit the one you have now in anywhere but your bed. We work arratic shifts etc but I would honestly see if your partner can change his working hours with a flexible working request to HR for him to come off nights as he has a small child & this is drastically reducing your quality of life. to have his routine this way & keep it this way means when he goes to nursery etc he'll finish at 3pm which I imagine is the time he has his tea now. This can't be healthy for you or baby, and I'm very worried about you'll be so sleep deprived whilst growing your next little baby! I really can't emphasise enough how changing your partners working hours may help you! Also, I hope you are able to look to change living arrangements I can't imagine how stressful it must be for you all! Sending love x