15mo wakes up 10 times a night!

[MsHopey]

Right. I need help. No point in beating around the bush any longer.
Other people asking for help are upset their 6mo wakes up once or twice, I know this is horrible, but I'm bloody jealous of those posts.
We live in a less than ideal situation which means most the sleep training or help just can't work for us.
We live in a tiny one bedroom flat, there isn't enough room for a cot, DS stayed in a crib until he outgrew it and we've been co sleeping ever since. Which was great to start with, easier to comfort him and get him back to sleep quicker when he cried.
But things like putting him in his own room, cry it out, leaving him to settle himself just aren't options as he cannot be in bed alone in case he falls out, jumps off, or does a number of dangerous things.
This has also affected his naps and I have to be with him 100% of the time while he is napping or asleep to keep an eye on him, this has led to another less than ideal situation. Most babies use a blanket, a dummy or a teddy as a comforter to help themselves fall asleep, my DS uses my hair. This didn't seem an issue to start with, but it is one now. It means he will not fall asleep for anyone else and won't nap or go to sleep in the evening unless he is pulling my hair (it used to be soft strokes but is now literally pulling it out my head). I try not to let him but he cries and cries because he's tired and can't fall asleep without it.
We tried swapping his night time drink from milk to water but it has no effect and he'll still wake up to drink the water.
DH doesn't really notice when DS cries at night, but I'm a SAHM and DH gets up for work at 1:30am so I would ideally like to get this sorted myself.
An amazing night DS will wake up 3 times, an average night is more like 10!
When we've had a good night I try to recreate what happened the next day, same amount of naps, same food, same routine, same bedroom temperature, it makes no difference, he'll be up 10 times again like normal.
He wakes up and cries, he tries to pull my hair, he has some water, all while crying. After 10 minutes he'll turn round fall back asleep again. But within an hour we have to go through it all again.
It can't be good for him, it definitely doesn't feel good to me!
I'm now 15 weeks pregnant (we're working on getting a bigger place!) I am exhausted. I deal with whatever comes my way but if I could cut the wakings down a little bit it would be so great for all of us
He's still getting 2 naps so he shouldn't be overtired, he plays lots and walks, runs and climbs everything, so he should definitely be burning his energy. I don't know what else it can be.
Any help and guidance would be much appreciated.

Any kind of bread will likely bung him up. So I would drop the toast. He could have some mash potatoes instead? Prunes are a great idea, but some apples or pears will be just as good and might not be quite so 'laxative'!
Can he go to sleep in a cot in the living room? Do this gradually, starting with his naps in the day? This way you could sleep.separately, and if it's his tum and constipation you should find he's not waking so much anyway.

I'd avoid the lock of hair as maybe more risky than pulling out yours.

Is he walking well? Just another random thought.

I don't know how you are still standing OP! Especially as you've just got through your first trimester!

Wrt getting out, can you jump on a bus nearby to get to a park, will be a lot easier than trying to navigate a buggy round parked cars.

It's occurred to me that you've never been out alone with friends of an evening!?!

This sounds like a very hard life for you, no wonder you are at your end with it.

Why the fuck did you get pregnant again
Where is the next one going to sleep
You don't even have room for one child's bed

The tenancy agreement ends next week. Then we're allowed to move.
I'm hoping it doesn't take too long, we're not in an area with a shortage of houses or bigger flats. We could literally move in about 4 weeks if we decide on a bigger flat/masionette.
I've already started packing.
Living here was never a long term plan and I'm not exactly happy we've been stuck here for as long as we have.
We have lots of plans in place to move. Then hopefully me and DS can stay up later as DH will have the top floor to himself and we don't interupt his sleep. This will also solve the baby having somewhere to sleep and his own space. I'm pretty sure lots of people still co sleep at this stage so I don't know why some people are getting a bit dramatic about it, I'm not worried about him co sleeping, I love having him close by, I'm more worried about him not getting enough sleep.
We do have room for a crib in the bedroom, just not a full size cot, which is why DS ended up in with us when he outgrew the crib.
I will discuss getting a travel cot for DS with DH when he gets home from work, the living room does have the best heating so I wouldn't be too worried about him being in there alone.
All in all lots of workable solutions and one abusive arsehole, which is much better than I was expecting.
We'll see if we can get this sorted. DS is currently my main priority.
He walks really well, he started at about 11mo, he now runs, climbs (too much) and plays. He can walk around the supermarket just holding a hand and doesn't get tired, though does sometimes get distracted.
I understand the housing issue is a big thing, but co sleeping has worked for us so he probably would stop have been with us until fairly recently if we had a massive house.

I really feel for you, DS was like this at 10 months but breastfeeding every 2 hours. The only thing that worked for us was sleep training. Could you fit a smaller travel cot in your room? The Phil and teds one is tiny and suitable until 3yrs. They are expensive but I got mine on eBay for £50. It was pick up locally but I just messaged and asked how much they wanted for postage. You could then move him to the living room while you're in bed. This would also solve naps too.

His diet does sound quite dry, would he eat something like veg stew or curry? DS doesn't love fruit and isn't the best at drinking water but he loves the fruit pouches like the Ella's green ones so I give him one as a snack if he hasn't pooed in the morning as that's his usual time.

I picked yesterday's food diary.
But he does eat alot of what we eat, he's had a home made spaghetti Bolognese, curry, beef stew with dumplings, pasta bake and fish pie this week.
It depends on when we've been shopping and what fresh ingredients we have. We do try to give him what we're eating as its easier and means he gets to try new things, other days it is a little bit shit and normally shows I need to get some more shopping in.
DS loves bananas when we visit my grandparents, and he shared some melon with me yesterday. So is starting to get better so DH is bringing a variety home with him.
He started acting tired again at 6ish so I took him to bed, with my balaclava on (open face so not scary by hair covered) he kept reaching for my hair and getting frustrated, it took longer than usual but he fell asleep and is still asleep next to me now.
At around 4:30 he did a massive poop (last one was the day before yesterday) so I am starting to wonder if it's constipation and it's maybe making his belly hurt in the night. I'm going to work on it and ask the HV.

Positive update!

He's got off to sleep, that's a great start (balaclava! )

We've just ordered a travel cot and "real" mattress to put in it.
DH is slightly apprehensive, so am I, but I think we do need to cut the apron strings and give it a good go in him having his own space. Surely it'll he harder if we're in a new house with a new baby so now is a good time to get a routine set up.
So, fingers crossed. And no more hair pulling!

Yay! Hope
Great update.. You did it earlier he got off without the hair pulling. If he's had more fibrous bulk today his stools should be loads softer and move through quicker.
Did you get out today? Try to book a girls night out and leave DS with MrHope

Oh no @Shriek is my secret identity of MsHopey isn't good enough to hide my real name 😂
Didn't get out today, I am a bit of a home body and have a bit of anxiety so I do struggle to get us out as much as I should. Though I have plans for tomorrow.
He's had more fruit today so fingers crossed it helps, I do worry he's constipated, he's always gone every other day, since he was only a few weeks old, but the fact they are hard is what worries me.
I haven't had a girls night out since before I was pregnant 😂 maybe baby steps first+

Oh love.. Tough times indeed. I am glad you have got yourself a plan for tomorrow.
I loved hearing your description of his walking abilities. He sounds adorable.
Maybe you can progress to an a night off, you could do with the break and treat! Maybe your/a friend/ss would go along with a particular style of night out that you would enjoy. Cinema trip, or whatever you'd like? You've been couped up far too long! Have you been out in the days through the summer enjoying a bit of sunshine?

If it's any help, your anxiety doesn't come across on your thread! You sound strong and eloquent

He knackers me some days. His favourite thing at the moment is climbing the sofa onto the windowsill and throwing himself into your arms. You have to stand there all day while he does it! He doesn't get tired or bored of it, and I'm too worried to leave him incase he throws himself into thin air. He laughs so much when you catch him and I love how much trust he has in me. He's very active and just loves playing with all the things he shouldn't.
We did go for some hikes and walks in summer and DH had DS in a massive back pack on his back, so we do try and I feel better when DH is with me as I know he looks after me (part of the anxiety thing).

Sounds like he could really benefit from a physical play group. I had one like that, and they loved the group with climbing frames and tunnels and all sorts. It was all supervised and very thought provoking for them too.
He's sounds a gorgeous handful!

Do you have contact with your local mums group?
You will benefit from this lots if you can get yourself into a familiar group, nothing big, but it going to benefit hugely

When he was younger I never looked at playgroups because I didn't think he's benefit from them greatly. But I do think maybe now he's walking and running and wants to do so much some of the equipment they have he would enjoy. It might also help him get used to other children aswell considering he'll have a bother is sister in 25 weeks!
Last night was a bad night for us, he woke up the same amount as the night before but it took a lot longer for him to settle because he kept searching for my hair. What's so silly is after 10 minutes of crying and looking for my hair (every time he woke up) he'd turn round, get comfy and fall asleep.
So he doesn't need me, or his bottle, or my hair. I'm hoping (probably too optimistically) that if he knows I'm not there he won't search for my hair. But only time will tell.
Feeling a bit apprehensive about having him in a room on his own, but I know it's the right thing to do and he needs better sleep for him asleep.

Mine would never sleep if they stayed in all day I had to wear them out. 2 toddler groups and park to run around. Own room will give you a break and he needs to learn for when the new baby comes. Sounds like you need to move ASAP or the new baby will disturb him constantly you will have no room to breathe.

I definitely recommend toddler groups for tiring them out. My DS also needs to go out every day.

You're doing really well with not letting him have your hair, now you've started just make sure you don't give in and say this one time won't hurt as you'll have to start from the beginning again.

Another vote here for getting out. Fresh air and outside adventures are the best thing for tiring out little ones, plus you might end up feeling better too? I know when my DC were much younger it was getting out for walks that helped me after a really rough night.

You have cracked it OP! He is settling himself...soon he will give up the searching and your nights will improve.

Just out of interest...are you sleeping with a balaclava on?!!!

How's his pooing...is he producing more squidgier poo after increase in fruit s and veg?

General consensus is we need to get out the house a bit more! I'll have to start getting us out a bit, I could always do with the exercise aswell.

@Shriek
Still no poop today, he did one yesterday morning and every other day has always been his routine since he was born. It was that they were hard and rabbit like, I'm hoping he does one tonight or tomorrow and that it's a better texture, but still waiting for it.
I don't wear the balaclava overnight, I think it would confuse my DH to no end! But I've tied it in a bun and specifically sit up when DS wakes up. He does try and reach for it but I just keep lying him back down.
Be not been allowed it for either nap today and he's still crying and reaching for it but does eventually fall asleep so he can do it.
DHs only day off tomorrow, so DS is in his travel cot in the living room tonight and hopefully it's not too bad! But I'm not giving up, he's 15mo now, most toddlers would be in their own room by now.

You need to take him out
Unfair on him to be indoors all day every day

Yeah, do keep him out and physically challenged to use up all that energy.

You are doing so well! Taking on board everything. Keep uppi g the veggies, make more veggie foods with less meat, and water with meals, cut out formula milk is he's having any as it does tend to rubberise in the tummy and cause constipation, and yes, i agree the poo formation is not right, bit it does likely go hand in hand with timings. His gut is sluggish, and needs far more roughage in the form of fresh veggies and fruit. Is he eating much of the raw stuff? Carrot sticks and so on?