8 month old never slept through - getting me really down

[CharlotteElkes]

Hi,

I have a DS who is 8 months old. He has never really slept through (bar the off odd night that I could count on one hand). He went through a phase of waking every hour and thank fully that has passed. However now he will wake any time between 12 and 4 and be up for over two hours. He falls asleep if you cuddle him but then as soon as back in his cot he is hysterical. I never used to pick him up when I went in but recently I have over desperation and I know I have probably created another issue. I have also caved a few times and put him in with me but takes him ages to settle there too.

I am at my wit's end and have no idea what tactic to use each night, it's soul destroying and I just keep thinking I go back to work in a few months. It is honestly getting me really down to the point I feel low and cry a lot.

Any tips or ideas would be much appreciated. He goes down at 8pm every night with no fuss or resistance. We stick to the exact same routine every night and yet every night can be so different.

💔😕😭

Many sympathies, I had a non-sleeper and it is horrendous. Mine is now 10 and I can't get her out of bed!
It will pass, he will sleep at some point
I co-slept and breastfed, we were in a 1 bed until she was 20 months so it was logical, she was better in our bed or in a cot with the side down, if I put the bars up she'd wake every hour!
Eventually, when she was about 2 we did the supernanny back to bed, putting her back to bed without talking to her immediately every time she got up, first night was awful, put her back scores of times, second was not much better, night 3 she was just grumpy, night 4 she slept all night.
When she was little sometimes I'd fall asleep first and she'd get bored and drift off. Some afternoons I just couldn't carry on I had to lie down.
Good luck - remember it's not you every baby is different and some of them just don't sleep well.

How long do you leave him before you go in? It feels as though he has to be up for something, it’s just figuring out what.

Have you tried calpol as soon as they wake up in case teeth are bothering them?

Also, just to add it’s completely normal to not sttn but doesn’t make it any less exhausting!

Yes tried calpol with the same thought method.
I'm worried he now has seperation anxiety because it has gone on for so long.

If you aren’t breastfeeding him in the night then alternate nights with your husband. Take it in turns to resettle him - it’s the only thing that worked for us, each person gets a decent night every other night. We are still up once a night at 2 and he’s rarely slept through. I went back to work when he was 9 months and the 3 months that I was still feeding him before DH could give him a cup of milk and a cuddle instead was grim. However the memory has faded enough for me to be pregnant again!

He will wake up and just be awake for a while and he is rolling around, up on all fours, head butting the cot. I don't go in until he is actually crying.

Have you considered waking him for a late feed. At 8 months I was putting him down at 6.30, waking for a feed at 10.30 (he would be half asleep and keep eyes closed). Then he’d sleep until 6/7am. Which meant I got a whole night. I didn’t drop that late feed until 10 months.

I darent try dream feed because once he is awake then that's it

Congratulations, you have a perfectly normal baby.
They're not supposed to sleep through. It increases their SIDS risk to name just one reason.
Don't force it, they get there when they're developmentally ready. X

There could be ways of making him more comfortable/happier to be put back in his cot? I've not dealt with this issue (10 week old who's a pretty good sleeper atm) however I've heard other people say they keep a dark room, try not to speak or speak in hushed tones, pre-warm the cot mattress before you put him back down, slip an item of clothing you've worn that day under the mattress, have a later last feed of the night.
I hope you find something that works for you, OP

My eldest is 4 and my youngest 9 months old. The youngest sleeps through better than the elder one. Sadly I think it's just luck of the draw and arrange for someone else to look after the baby so you can have a night off.

I just feel like a huge failure 😭

Have you tried the gradual retreat method? Any time we've had issues with DS sleeping, we would try this. It can take a while, but it has always worked for us.

Also, DS is more likely to wake up if his room is under 22 degrees so we always have an oil heater in his room now!

What's the retreat method?

You aren’t a failure, it’s completely normal. Sleep is developmental and he will sleep through when he is ready. I have a 10 month old DD, she has never slept through. Some nights she is awake for hours, it’s soul destroying and exhausting but closely linked to teething and being unable to sleep after learning a new skill.
How long has your baby been up for hours in the night?

Since he was born X

You are not a failure at all!!! My baby is exactly the same. I'd say between 8 and 10 months was the hardest, partly from a psychological perspective because by that age a lot of people expect them to be good sleepers.

I have had an awful couple of months with my DD, who, now at ten months, is slowly showing signs of improvement. I co-slept most nights just to try and maximise sleep for us both. I did half heartedly try a few different methods to try and improve things but they weren't helpful and I strongly believe that most sleep problems are developmental and just need time. It's unfortunate for those of us with bad sleepers!!

Have a read of this article and hopefully you'll feel less alone in this
sarahockwell-smith.com/2015/11/18/what-the-heck-goes-wrong-sleep-wise-at-8-10-months/

Good luck!!

I do not think either of mine slept through until they started school. I thought that was normal, of course you hear wonder mums saying ' mine slept through from 6 weeks ' but I am sure that they were just making it up.

8 months old, at one point slept for 4 hour periods at night but now back to 2 hourly wake ups, Breastfeed so no help from husband, am so drained and feel your upset as is so tiring, am hoping the more he starts to eat in day will help him at night? Not sure though :( I'm so tired!

I had one of those magical sleepers, my DS1 slept through 7pm to 7am from 10 weeks. I'm honestly not making it up. Then I had DS2.... he was just like yours OP, and now he's 18 months old and still doesn't sleep. I'm resigned to it now to be honest, also have a niece who is nearly three and doesn't keep through. Some kids just don't, you're not a failure and it's nothing you're doing really. I have done the same things with my kids and they are polar opposites!

Baby sleep is not pass or fail, and imo there’s nothing you do that alters whether your baby sleeps through. Based on my experience of my 9 month old who’s rarely slept more than 2.5 hours at a time, anyway :) You can finesse around the edges though.

How does he go to sleep currently? I’m wondering if he’s not quite got the self settle skills. I’m working on developing them with mine - he still feeds to sleep but recently I’ve been able to settle him in his cot which is such progress! Our night currently looks like: 6.30pm bath, teeth, feed. Down in cot 7pm. Wake 9.30pmish. Daddy settles. Wake 11ish, I try to settle in cot but often feed to sleep. 1am wake up I may try and get back into cot but by 3 he’s usually in bed with me. Wake up around 7amish, daddy takes him and I catch an extra hour or two.

Things that I think help: getting a bedtime routine, him getting older, doing gradual withdrawal off boob and Daddy getting him to sleep without feeding. I use key phrases and songs too. Making sure cot is happy place and we still prewarm it when putting him down! I quite like the no cry sleep solution book, I haven’t implemented all of it but found it fairly sensible (apart from the lengthy bit about controlled crying).

The other thing is he may be practising new skills - is crawling new? It will pass soon if so.

Sometimes, and it’s usually teething related, we can’t get him back off for love or money. His teething tells are random yelling, chewing a lot and tugging his ears when feeding. Last night we went out and because grandma was about we had a right old time resettling after 9.30 wake up. I eventually succeeded after a couple of hours with him in the sling.

You’re doing fine. Sleep deprivation is the worst. If there’s a way you can share out the wakeup that would probably help, or get extra hours early eve/ morning.

DS1 didn't sleep through until 5 years old.

DS2 doesn't sleep through at 28 months.

It's pretty normal.

Our night time routine is quiet play 7am, bottle 7:15, bath and then bed. I put him down when he is awake but sleepy and he normally falls asleep within ten minutes. He then generally sleeps til around 1/2 but then when he wakes up he is up for two hours plus.

Unfortunately that’s just life with a baby.

Our twins are 18 months and have t slept through yet.

You’ll just need to get used to it, and get a night off occasionally if possible.

This is about the gradual retreat method.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.motherandbaby.co.uk/amp/baby-and-toddler/baby/baby-sleep-problems-solved/get-a-full-night-s-sleep-in-just-10-days