What happens at 2???

[fruityb]

My son has gone to bed brilliantly since he was little - he slept from 9 till 7 when he was 8 weeks old and has been 12 hours a night at least for over a year. Since he turned 2 he has kicked off at bedtime and started waking up in the night. He is currently squawking and kicking off now. He’s been awake at 1am for the last three nights and has slept in the spare room with one of us. He has been ill recently with a temp and such so we went with it. However this last week there’s no reason other than he just doesn’t want to.

He won’t walk upstairs, he won’t lay down when you ask him and bedtime is becoming a battle - which I never wanted as it’s always been lovely. He throws himself on the floor or runs away. We go and tell him it’s bedtime or time to sleep and he just makes a god awful growl!!

He’s got blankets, he’s got his dummies, he’s got his teddies. It’s all there. He won’t settle and throws a giant wobbler. It’s becoming stressful and exhausting.

It’s like someone broke him. Do we drop his nap? He has one about lunch time for an hour or so and is usually awake from half one till bedtime at around 7. He’s still in a cot - will changing this make any difference??

I’m at the end of my tether just lately. I feel like I don’t get any time to myself at all - he goes to bed and my anxiety creeps up because I can’t cope or settle till I know he’s asleep. Even then he’s waking up. I’m a teacher and I’m not getting work done in the evenings because I’m either too tired or dealing with this.

Controlled crying? Bed? Later bedtime? No nap? Any ideas would be welcome - I just can’t cope with the bedtime banshee anymore! I can’t make any plans for him to stay anywhere as I can’t put this on anyone else. I’m so stressed out - would welcome any thoughts from people.

Please can anyone give me some advice. We went and bought him a bed as he has been kicking off in his cot so maybe it was time to change. He went to bed fine and then within ten minutes we heard footsteps upstairs so went and put him back to bed.

He has then proceeded to scream like a banshee to the point of sounding like he was going to vomit. It was like something out of the exorcist. I went up and cuddled him and tried to put him back to bed but he just screamed all the more. He’s back downstairs and calm but I’m dreading even trying putting him to bed.

I am stressed and my anxiety is sky rocketing. I don’t know what the problem is - I’ve given him a drink he has all his teddies and dummies and isn’t too hot or cold. He just will not go to bed.

This happened last night when he was in his cot and has happened a few nights in there as well so I doubt the bed tonight has made the slightest difference.

I’m not getting enough sleep and I’m emotional and my work is suffering. My husband and I have both struggled with this, it’s not just one of us. He’s always gone to bed so well that I just cannot work out why it’s become such a problem.

He’s fine in the day time - he’s not a grumpy kid or a difficult kid and is a lot of fun and full of energy and ideas and is so chatty. It’s just bedtime is driving me insane right now - I can’t do any work at night because I can’t settle or get my mind on it. I just want to cry all the time and it’s putting a strain on everything.

Please don’t tell me I’ve been lucky and this is normal, or that I should be grateful for what I’ve had. I know I have been but I’ve asked for advice before and feel like I’ve just been told to feel happy for the fact I had it good before. Should I drop his nap entirely? Shorten is drastically? Put up with this???

Having never had a toddler, I cannot offer any tips or tricks. However, this is the Jo Frost "Supernanny" technique that I have heard works well for others:

•	The first time they get up, remind them that it’s bedtime, lead them back to bed, give them a kiss and a cuddle, and leave the bedroom.
•	The second time, do the same but use a firmer voice and make the kiss and cuddle brief.
•	The third and any subsequent times, say nothing at all as you lead them back to bed, tuck them in, and leave the room. This is the hard part as it’s very tempting to give a cuddle. Remember that a gentle, consistent approach will convince your child that you’re there for them, but that you insist they sleep in their own bed.

Good luck! As my mum always says 'everything is a phase!'

My daughter's 2. She goes to bed at 9pm. I stay with her in a big bed til she's asleep. She no longer likes the cot..

I don’t want to do that - I don’t want to start that as if he needs to stay anywhere else which he does occasionally I can’t ask them to do that there. I need him to start going to bed as well as he used to - he just shouts and screams and bawls and kicks right off. If I laid with him he’d just spend his time talking to me or wanting to play or kicking me!

Try dropping his nap. Does he seem tired at bedtime? We have 'chill out time' instead of a nap now. Basically cbeebies for an hour. I sit and Mumsnet for an hour as my chill out too.

Could he still be under the weather / teeth hurting? Controversial, but you could try Calpol half an hour before bed. As with adults as well as kids, it's sometimes only at bedtime when all other distractions are gone that you notice something hurts or is uncomfortable.

Otherwise, the route I've always taken was to always keep the room dark, chill them out, then straight back to bed with a simple 'night night, bedtime now' in a quiet voice. Repeat until asleep. Hopefully. or give up and Calpol them

DS is nearly 2, and has just started messing about at bedtime. Maybe it’s a developmental leap/ regression?

We’ve trialled dropping his nap today for the first time- so far, so good!

He is tired at bedtime but he’ll fight it to the death! Maybe we should just stop him napping and have that time like you say.

I think we both need to be firmer at bedtime. My husband tells me I’m being mean if I let him cry for a bit and he gives in far sooner than me.

I’ll give him calpol. He could be teething but I have no idea - we’ve never had any trouble beforehand with them. I have calpol though - going to do that now!

My anxiety is skyrocketing - it’s stressing me out so much. He needs to sleep as he’ll still be up at half six!!

I gave my son time out in a final last ditch attempt to make him stay in bed. Held him on my lap for it. It worked. He stays in bed, makes lots of jokey attempts to get out but a threat of time out makes him jump right back in. Maybe once a month he’s needed a repeat time out to demonstrate we’re still serious about bedtime.

I think I’ll drop the nap - or at least shorten it massively and ask his childminder to do the same. He’s two and two months and it’s just gone to shit since he turned two! He’s always been so good and slept wherever we were and now I just can’t relax at all. He’s still awake now but downstairs with us. Going to put him up soon - and hope he’s too tired to keep screaming about it!!

It could well be the back molars coming in, they are apparently the worst by far an can bother little ones that maybe haven’t been as affected by the others coming in. I’ve akways thought nurophen works better than calpol for teething, along with anbesol liquid.

Has he just turned 2 or nearer 3? May well be time to start to reduce the nap or try a later bed time. How long has bedtime been 7pm?

I know it will undoubtly be a shock to the system when you’ve always been dealing with great sleeper and you probably want to go into panic mode, but sometimes little ones just go through random phases for reasons unknown (Just to make us more tired 😂) and then they go back to their unusual patterns. Try the suggestions given but it could also just be a phase and will pass. In the mean time could you and DP take it in turns to to bedtime and night wakings so that one of you can be well rested each night?

He was two in August. Bedtime has been seven for well over a year - it was just when he was ready to go. Maybe it’s time we made it a little later and stop expecting him to sleep twelve hours now.

Panic mode does set in you’re right!! It’s like something is wrong and I don’t know what. Could well be teeth - he’s had calpol tonight and (fingers crossed) he’s now tucked up in bed and all is quiet.

Worst case I can snuggle in the spare bed with him if he carries on. It’s not ideal but we do both sleep. It’s just really really not something I want to become a habit. I’ve done that when he’s woken in the night just for ease and speed of settling him back down again but it’s not really something I want in the long term.

I know it’s a phase and thank you all for bringing me down a bit. Just wish my husband understood my anxiety a bit more as he just gets annoyed with me. I just like ds to get enough sleep and always have done.

I might try a nightlight as well.

Ours was never a good sleeper so we are starting from a different point to you but our routine is bath, book on my lap and teeth, book in his cot (now bed) and turn on the gro-clock. Lights out and a last kiss and cuddle then I sit (or these days kneel as I’m 7 months pregnant) next to his bed until he goes to sleep. DH can get away with going in and out doing a little job then popping back in until he falls asleep but I can’t, I just get wailing. He’s usually asleep by about 8.30. It is a pain but we’ve always had to spend the best part of the evening with one of us settling him somehow so we just live with it. My mum and our lovely neighbour who babysits are equally happy to do that so no problem there.
Tonight is our first night in PJs and no sleeping bag in the big boy bed so wish us luck with no nighttime wandering... He’s usually up once, occasionally sleeps through, sometimes up 4+ times but so far he’s just called for us since we ditched the cot sides last weekend.

Can you not just lie on his floor til he falls asleep?

He’s currently spark out asleep so fingers crossed he stays that way.

Will try a later bedtime as he just might not want to go at that time. Will think about shortening nap - will be interested to see how he naps in his new bed tomorrow.

I don’t think the bed was the problem at all or he wouldn’t have fallen asleep in it tonight - tired or not. He had calpol and that may have helped - will think about pre emptive painkiller tomorrow.

He’s broken his door tonight - think it was trying to open it with the stair gate there. My husband is of course blaming me even though I stepped over the stair gate to get him and didn’t touch the bloody door. Evidently it’s my fault though - the hinge has come away at the bottom. Apparently ds isn’t strong enough to do that - I beg to differ the rage he was showing earlier!!

Tomorrow is a new day!

He would not sleep if I was in his bedroom at bedtime. I can categorically say that would not work as he would just hold his arms out or talk to me all the time. Neither of us would relax him - he would want to play. He has fallen asleep independently since he was 9 months old - when he comes downstairs he still wants to play - we have to ignore him!

My dd is 2 years and 3 months, she's still going to bed at seven but we've cut her nap depending on what time she's got up in the morning, we try and keep to 30 mins over lunchtime or nothing at all. Sometimes she's a bit whingey at bedtime but she knows once she's in bed, she stays there. For us, we've learnt consistency is key, if you give in and bring them downstairs they will expect it again. Rarely does my dd cry at bedtime, she normally just messes about a bit (I wouldn't leave her if she was genuinely upset) but i tend to potter around a bit upstairs while she's 'winding down' then tell her lights are going out and she needs to go to sleep. We've given her a nightlight and she likes to have her door wide up now, this is all since turning two.

If I were you I'd try and be firm and consistent at bedtime, maybe a nightlight, cut/shorten nap, try and keep mornings a similar wake up time so he stays on track during the day

Thank you all for your advice. Will try a few. We are consistent with bed time and we always do the same thing. I had to bring him down last night, i rarely do it’s more dh, as he was screaming the house down and he got totally past himself with the kick off he was having.

We put him up at half nine, he passed out and he woke up five minutes ago. So after an horrendous night time he has slept all night and for longer in the morning than he has for ages. One small victory!

I totally get the anxiety part. DS was a nightmare untill 11 months when he suddenly slept through. I still don’t sleep well myself

Sleep needs for little ones can change all the time. They still need a lot of sleep but a toddlers sleep needs are different from younger babies. He may be at the stage now where he still needs a short nap to get through the day and then have a later bedtime. When he drops the nap then night time sleep should lengthen again. Could you try maybe putting him to bed at 8 as maybe going in when he’s not tired just makes him really unsettled as he’s just not ready for bed. Again it’s less of an evening but we can’t expect them to go to bed at 7 forever 😂

I know it’s a shame isn’t it lol. He hasn’t had a nap today save for a five minute nod off in his pushchair when we went to the shop. He’s still fine and isn’t grumpy or anything. He’s been given bedtime notifications so going to take him up in ten minutes. He’s in a fab mood though so it’s nice.

He’s been calpoled as well. He slept so well last night I’m really hoping it happens again. It was so cute when he woke as I heard him say my name, get out of bed and come in with us with his dummy and ted and ask for the telly on!

Slept all night - went to bed fine. Tonight we’re back to getting out of bed and screaming about the fact it’s bedtime. I’ve left my husband up there as I’m just getting angry and it’s not good - it’s not his fault but I just can’t understand why he gets like this. It’s full on throwing himself around tantrum - like I’m scared he’s going to hurt himself tantrum. He throws his head first everywhere when he’s like this and I usually end up with one in the face.

He is not like this ever at any time of day ever ever. Yet bedtime unleashes a fucking demon!!! He thrashes round and you can’t do anything. He can’t tell me what the problem is - he just screams himself stupid. I’ve had to come downstairs as I can’t handle it. I just want to sob my heart out quite honestly. I don’t mind if he’s not ready - he took a toy up with him tonight and last night so thought he’d amuse himself with that for a bit. But no, he was at the top of the stairs running round within two minutes and any attempt to put him to bed just made him rage. You can’t lay him down as he goes rigid and he’s out of bed the second you put him in it. He’d be doing this in his cot as he has been lately - I don’t blame the change to a bed.

I don’t know where the anger or aggression comes from but I can’t cope with it. Bedtime is actually making me incredibly anxious right now. I just want to curl up and cry - I don’t feel like I get any time anymore.

Unless you are sure it stems from overtiredness then I’d honestly just do bedtime later. It does mean you get naff all time to yourself but if it worked it would be way less stress. I’ve just turned the lights out on my just turned 2 year old and I’ll probably be in here until 9 but it’s not worth the drama of trying to get him to lie down when he’s not tired.
Another thought, could there be something his room that he’s scared of, a shadow or similar? Might be worth rearranging the furniture and letting him choose bedclothes or something to give him a more positive view of his room.

This was us two years ago! Ds was a dream sleeper from 9 months to just over 2 years and then one night he climbed out of his cot and then all the trouble started. And it was awful. We tried everything to stop climbing but he was a true toddler and got out no matter what.

So we bought a bed but he would not stay in it

We tried so many things for months to get him to stay in bed! The only thing that worked in the end was milk. I cried about his poor teeth but by that point I did not care and he started waking up at night and I got super lazy and gave him milk at night as he would go straight back to sleep. I was awful. Then I decided enough was enough and no more milk. And I have no idea how it worked but we cut out the milk both at bedtime and through the night and he very rarely gets out. It's a fecking miracle. He is 4 now and is back to being a dream. Has been like this for 11 months ish.

So my advice is to try anything. Maybe take away his dummies and then ask if he wants them but to have them he has to lie down in bed. Everyone he starts being silly take the dummy away until he lies down in bed again.?

Going to try 8pm bedtime instead tomorrow and see if that works. He may just not want to go but my concern is he won’t go at 8 either and it’ll just go on later 🤪

He doesn’t really do milk anymore but I might try that trick with the dummy. I don’t think there’s anything scaring him as honestly he would go to sleep anywhere! He’s never been a problem when we’ve gone on holiday (save the debacle at Easter we had where he just wouldn’t to sleep because we were all in the same room!) or when he’s stayed over at peoples houses.

Husband stayed in his room and wouldn’t let him get up. Left him awake and he’s gone off. And breathe. Later bedtime tomorrow I think - fingers crossed that helps!!

Did you remember to give Calpol/neurofen tonight? As it seemed to work the other nights? Try white noise. Still helps my toddler when he is struggling to sleep. Don't cut the nap.

I have an 11 month old who has always been a great sleeper, and dread a time coming when he may change!

Really feel for you op. It's such a challenging age, as he can't really explain what's bothering him.

It will pass and one day you'll look back on these days (maybe not with laughter but a slight shudder )

Some good suggestions on here, hope something helps for you