What happens at 2???

[fruityb]

My son has gone to bed brilliantly since he was little - he slept from 9 till 7 when he was 8 weeks old and has been 12 hours a night at least for over a year. Since he turned 2 he has kicked off at bedtime and started waking up in the night. He is currently squawking and kicking off now. He’s been awake at 1am for the last three nights and has slept in the spare room with one of us. He has been ill recently with a temp and such so we went with it. However this last week there’s no reason other than he just doesn’t want to.

He won’t walk upstairs, he won’t lay down when you ask him and bedtime is becoming a battle - which I never wanted as it’s always been lovely. He throws himself on the floor or runs away. We go and tell him it’s bedtime or time to sleep and he just makes a god awful growl!!

He’s got blankets, he’s got his dummies, he’s got his teddies. It’s all there. He won’t settle and throws a giant wobbler. It’s becoming stressful and exhausting.

It’s like someone broke him. Do we drop his nap? He has one about lunch time for an hour or so and is usually awake from half one till bedtime at around 7. He’s still in a cot - will changing this make any difference??

I’m at the end of my tether just lately. I feel like I don’t get any time to myself at all - he goes to bed and my anxiety creeps up because I can’t cope or settle till I know he’s asleep. Even then he’s waking up. I’m a teacher and I’m not getting work done in the evenings because I’m either too tired or dealing with this.

Controlled crying? Bed? Later bedtime? No nap? Any ideas would be welcome - I just can’t cope with the bedtime banshee anymore! I can’t make any plans for him to stay anywhere as I can’t put this on anyone else. I’m so stressed out - would welcome any thoughts from people.

It’s so much less stressful an hour later!! He had calpol and still has Ewan for bedtime so all that still there - maybe he just didn’t want to go 🤷🏻‍♀️ he doesn’t say he wants to but he sure as shit knows when he doesn’t 😂

Thank you everyone for listening to me! Sometimes just posting about it makes me feel better in all honesty.

Definitely only having one... I do not know how people would deal with this and another kid! I’d be a shadow of myself...

Both my children went from being really reliable self settlers who happily went to bed and slept all day to the opposite in the weeks leading up to their second birthday. I think it is a development leap and quite possibly combined with teething (horrible molars) and something else (an awareness maybe?) but the change in sleep pattern at around 2 has been one of my biggest parenting struggles so far.

Oh and my PIL like to tell me how when DH was about 18 months they had to lie next to him with one of them pinning him down to the bed to make him sleep! So toddlers have been at this game for generations! You are not alone.

@fruityb you go on about saying you are anxious and don't have me time ,yet being a mother is part of learning to be selfless , firstly you really need to go to the doctors and secondly maybe he just wants comfort from his mum .

I am incredibly selfless - he gets all of me all the time. This has also been going on for about six weeks now - he doesn’t want comfort from me he wants to get out of bed and come downstairs. Believe me he’s had comfort - he has spent a few nights in the spare room with me!

I don’t need to go to the doctors, I have suffered anxiety for a long time. I get easily overwhelmed. As it is he is still asleep and I’m getting ready for work now. He has slept all night again - we just need to conquer bedtime. He does everything else without fuss (most of the time!) it’s just this has changed so immensely in the last weeks it’s hard to know why or what for.

I don’t have a lot of support outside of my husband and so need to let it out somewhere. Please don’t tell me to learn to be selfless - I’m as selfless as they bloody come.

It's so frustrating isn't it OP. My DD never slept well, and until I stopped breastfeeding at 21 months was up on the hour every hour in the night. She then did about a month of sleeping through or only one wake up, since turning 2 she's been bad again, it's brutal. My anxiety skyrockets when I don't sleep so I sympathise with the frustration, is it the lack of evening wind down time that's bothering you OP or having to wake in the night? I've found reading stories in bed with DD (who has been in a single bed on the floor Montessori style since 13 months ish) and doing the same one last every night helps her to wind down, read in a drone-y voice. With all these things you have to remember that it is a phase, your dc will grow out of it you've just got to be resilient until it happens! If your anxiety is worsening maybe talk to your doctor about some medication even if only temporary to help you cope. Or you could try some herbal anti anxiety stuff, nytol has been working well for me and doesn't totally knock you out.

Will try taking a story upstairs as well - that might help with bedtime maybe. I’m going to get him a nightlight as well - maybe a groclock - and see. Weirdly I can cope with him waking at night far better - he goes back to sleep easily with one of us in the spare room and so I still get a good night of sleep. It’s just losing the time in the evening when I know I have things to do that I then can’t is too much at times.

I spend all my days running round after other people - I am actually itching at that learning to be selfless comment. That hour or two at night is the ONLY time I get to myself!! I’m teaching all day, pick up and drop off ds at childminder, make dinner, mark, plan and at some point get a shower!! I don’t see what’s so bad at finding it frustrating that I have a child who is screaming at the top of their lungs during that!

This too shall pass! Having never had a child who was difficult at night it’s something I’m really not familiar with so needed some advice. I really appreciate what I have had 😊

@tamzinro

Way to be a complete dick.

You're saying that parents aren't allowed to feel frustrated if their child doesn't sleep at night? You think that as parents we don't deserve any sleep or 'us' time away from the children?

What a ridiculous point of view.

I love my child more than life itself - but sleep is VITAL for us as humans to function, so it's not unreasonable to want our children to sleep.

Hi can definitely recommend a gro-clock. DS puts the star on, says night night to it and knows that’s bedtime, you might have to employ bribery for staying in bed nicely until sun comes up. We haven’t had to yet but will if necessary! Over the last week DS has been shouting for us if he woke at night, not getting out of bed, this morning he woke after sun was up on the clock, got out of bed and came looking for us. I’m hoping that means he understand when it’s star he stays in bed when it’s sun he can get up - or of course we may just have been lucky that he hasn’t got up in the night so far...
I totally understand not wanting bedtimes to be a hideous stress. I also work full time so the evenings are the only time I have with DS, that doesn’t mean they are enjoyable if he’s being a total pest! I want to enjoy the time I have with him and am quite happy to read stories and cuddle him to sleep. That doesn’t mean I couldn’t do without then having to sit in the dark for half an hour in his room while he falls asleep, listing in my head all the jobs I need to get done before going to bed myself or even, shock horror, going out for a swim or similar one evening a week. It would be even worse if he was screaming at me and messing around through that time. Especially as I know that he senses my stress and acts up more - when he is making me really irritated DH can often step in being all fun and playful and totally defuse the situation but I’m so wound up by then I find it hard to turn the mood around.
Not sure if it is at all relevant but I’ve found the ‘how to talk so children will listen’ book really helpful for getting DS to cooperate with things, although I’m not always great at putting it into practice.

Half 7 bedtime - got into bed fine - closed door and waited on landing with DH - he got out of bed and was opening his drawers - dh told him to get back into bed - he did - back out and banged head - dh gave him a cuddle and told him to get back in - dh went downstairs and I camped out on the landing till Ewan went off - son fast asleep and in bed.

I can cope with that 😊 he wasn’t getting up to complain - he was getting up because he could! A firm get back into bed and he did.

Onwards!

Sounds like an improvement, I’m just summoning up the energy to extract DS from the bath and start the bedtime nonsense! I am too pregnant for this!
Plus DH did it all last night, while I cleared up the kitchen, tidied the house for the cleaner, turned around a wash load and dealt with some work.
Tonight I do it while DH works on his hobby car so I know when it’s all over I’m going upstairs to clean up the kitchen, tidy and turn around a washload.....
I think I need to have the ‘equal time off’ conversation with DH again!

Quick chase back into bed again after twenty minutes but would appear all good now... landing duty again but that’s fine as I get a bit of quiet time and hubs is watching crap on the telly. Plus once I know he’s fully asleep I’m going to run myself a bath.

He literally got out of bed for a look and dived straight back in! I was full of whispers of “good boy sleepy time night night” and all fine.

Isn’t it weird how I’m sitting here now thinking “ahh it’s fine” when at the weekend it was stressing me out big time? I don’t know why my sons sleep causes me such problems. He’s two now, it’s not going to destroy sleep patterns if he has a rough night and worst case I can go in the spare room with him. Tonight I have rational head on. I’m an odd bod sometimes...

I am quite enjoying him jumping in our bed when he wakes up in the morning - though not so much when I was sent to his room to get him a dummy as I was this morning 😂

We had about a month of hell when DD turned two - it started a bit before her birthday. She suddenly refused to go down for her nap and got really difficult about bedtime, having been an amazing sleeper from six weeks onwards. It was very very difficult and I nearly went spare - I actually applied for a full time job as I couldn't stand the thought of spending that time with her all day!
What helped was sticking to her routine. She still went into her cot (she's still in it at nearly 3) and still at the same time for nap and bedtime. She was told at naptime she could either look at her book quietly or sleep. There was about a week after that of bouncing and yelling - I would go in, avoid eye contact and simply sat her down and told her to settle down. Repeat. Suddenly it did the trick and she went back to how she had been - still has 2+ hour naps in the cot now. Being incredibly consistent seemed to help.

We have stuck to being consistent as well in between the gritted teeth and the occasional bringing downstairs (but only on weekends).

One day he’ll just go to bed and it’ll be the end of it. He’ll be able to tell me what the problem is. Until then we’ll keep soldiering on!

He’s napping at his childminders as per usual.

So he climbs out of the cot then runs around? Have you tried a stair gate?

He’s in a bed not a cot and yes of course I have a stair gate up. Actually it’s across the landing so he can’t fall through it should it come away - it won’t but can’t be too careful. He got out - opened his door and came out - as soon as he saw me he ran straight back in and shut the door!

He never did climb out of his cot but he was running out of room in there.

Not sure if it's been mentioned, but could he be having night terrors and be scared of going to sleep? Glad he seems to be going to sleep a bit better for you recently.

I think night terrors were a problem last week as he was waking up and sticking to me like a limpet when I went in his room but then he would pass out when we got into the spare bed. Him being in a bed now makes it easier to go in and give him a cuddle when he’s on there rather than lifting him in and out of a cot. Touch wood not had that for a bit but I do think there’s been some of that.

He’s sound asleep now and he’s gone to bed a lot better the last two nights. He’s happy in his bed but knowing he can get out has been fun!