Almost 1, never slept, I hate my life.

[Corastiredmummy]

Please help, if my baby doesn't start sleeping properly soon I'm going to walk out this house and never see her again. She is 1 in a few weeks, has always been a terrible sleeper but recently it's got to the point where I actually regret ever having her. She wakes up CONSTANTLY through the night, I'm talking every 30 - 45 minutes. She had a nasty virus for 2 weeks which has left her with a lingering cough which flares up at night, so all in all she's been out of sorts for 4 weeks. She has always been bottle fed using formula as I could not breast feed. She's recently mastered walking with a baby walker. She has all 8 front teeth and I think her molars may be trying to come through to completely destroy our lives. I put her in my bed and she just tosses and turns, smacks me in the face, fidgets and kicks so that's no good. Back in her cot she wakes constantly. I AM AT MY WITTS END. I now thoroughly dislike being a mum and all the bull that goes with it.
Do not contact me if you're going to try and sell me a sleep programme, as much as I'd probably like it and it may help - I do not have the money.
Please, if anyone has any helpful tips or advice they are willing to offer without a monetary exchange, help. Thank you.

What have you tried? Have you done any form of sleep training? On MN it’s like the devil itself but I sleep trained babies professionally about a decade ago for two years.
Can you cope with leaving her to cry until she wears herself out and sleeps? Is her dad around and can he take over? What options have you explored already?

Sorry OP, this sounds really, really crap.

Can you answer a few questions for me first:
What are the day naps like? When and for how long? And how does she get to sleep? On her own or rocked, etc?

Put her in bed with you and get some sleep!

Firstly, it is shit, you will get through it. My DS didn't nap and didn't sleep through til he was three. I developed survival techniques rather than solutions.

If your DD is pain from teething or a cold, it is OK to give calpol. I assume that tossing and turning in pain is just as miserable for a baby as it is for an adult.

I made myself a best on the floor by DS' cot once he got to toddlerhood. It meant I could make comforting noises and doze while waiting for him to settle, I got slightly more sleep than co-sleeping with him.

How is her eating? DS got himself into a vicious circle. Sleep deprivation meant he didn't cope well with food (became very fussy if it wasn't perfectly presented), so he was low level hungry, so he didn't sleep and was even crumpled, so he couldn't eat

Sorry posted too soon.
Once I got him eating better (he much preferred browsing to sit up meals) he started sleeping better and then enjoyed eating more.

Oh, and once in a blue moon I'd hand him over to someone else to look after and take myself off to bed in the day.

Can you think of one thing you can try? Stick with it for a week, change takes practise and repetition.

Just a hug from me. It's so shit when they don't sleep. It makes you feel demented. It will get better.

I’m in the same boat but at 8 months. There’s nothing I haven’t tried, it gets worse every single night. There’s nothing I can do, not even co-sleeping offers any respite...just lies there kicking me all night. Can’t do controlled crying because she vomits every time I’ve tried it.

Dummy? Is she too warm? Too cold? Hungry before bed?

Does she have blankets or a sleep sack?

Do you have a mom or mom in law that can give you some relief or do the sleep training for you?

Also OP if you ARE interested in sleep training, I can tell you how I did it. It cost me $200 to learn but I'll talk you through it for free of course!

Same boat with my 15 month girl! I am shattered and constantly looking rough. She’s my fourth but the worst for sleep!

My first was pretttt bad, but the more mobile she got, the better she became at night. I think it becomes habit to wake for them.
Do you have anyone who can give you a rest, so you can catch up on sleep?

Hope you’re ok this morning OP. X

You need to deal with yourself first and your needs, then tackle the sleep.

Is there anyone who can have her overnight or for a full day, so you can sleep? Then can you afford to book a babysitter for a couple of mornings a week so you can just nap? I do this occasionally when I really need a rest.

Please also ask your health visitor for advice, if they're any good.

You have all my sympathy; I've felt exactly the same in the past.

This sounds shit OP, but let us have some more info.

What are the daytime naps like?

Can you give us a summary of what a normal day is like?

Are you prepared to do some controlled crying and what sleep training have you tried already, if any?

Presume she is weaned?

Hopefully we can help

Thank you all for writing to me, it means a lot, you’re lovely people. I’ve compiled a huge reply to all the responses so it’s long and probably sounds a bit stoic - just had lots of questions to read and answer! Haha.
So I’ve tried letting her cry for a bit but she just gets so worked up she starts gagging and coughing, she’s even gone limp twice because i think she actually stops breathing - it’s very scary when she does that. When she wakes up one of us goes in and puts her dummy in then walks out. No talking or cuddling. Most of the time she goes straight back to sleep but sometimes she cries when we leave (rarely though). She has the same bath, bottle and bed routine every night without fail and is always asleep by 7 at the latest. Dad is amazing, he probably does more than me and is certainly 10 times more patient but I’m concerned for him if he doesn’t start getting some sleep.
Day time naps vary because she’s at nursery mom, thurs and fri and they’re not as military as I would be with making her sleep twice a day. I’ve told them this week that she absolutely has to have a morning and afternoon nap and I will be calling every morning and afternoon to check from now on! She is normally pretty good at falling asleep by herself in her cot or on the soft little sleep mats at nursery as long as she has her dummy. She will sometimes sleep for over an hour and other times wake up after 30 minutes and NOTHING I or anyone else does can make her go back down. She will most often sleep longer in the morning than the afternoon which I know isn’t good.
I’ve tried putting her in bed with me at night but she doesn’t want to be there, she can’t settle in bed with me only in her cot.
I’ve given her calpol every night before bed now for the last month - Just in case it helps but it seems to do sweet FA (excuse my language, this torture could make the Pope swear).
She eats fairly well but isn’t great with food unless it’s totally mashed up so I end up giving her crap jars of baby food just so there’s something filling in her tum and I give her fresh cucumber sticks and fruit to feed herself. She loves her milk and always drinks it all and is pretty good with water too. She never finishes a meal at nursery - perhaps it’s too chunky for her but she needs to learn.
TLH0307 I’m sorry you’re going through this too, it’s horrendous x
I don’t think she’s too cold or warm to be honest, it’s fairly mild here at the moment and she always has dinner about an hour before bath time to give it time to digest but make sure she’s still full by time she goes down.
She hates a sleeping bag as she likes to rest her feet against the bars of the cot and often has them sticking through and blankets she kicks off, doesn’t like them at all. She has her favourite bunny she cuddles every night though.
My mum won’t have her overnight, she works Monday - Friday so I don’t blame her. She has her on a Tuesday for us asy husband works f/t and I work 4 days a week (Wednesday being my day off) So I can’t really pass her to anyone else apart from on a Wednesday...but I actually want to be with her as it’s my day off for time with her if you get me. I don’t really have anyone that can have her for a full day either. My mum stopped working Tuesdays so she can have her for us.
The babysitter option so I can sleep is out the window as I’m back at work.
I think I might need to try some hard core sleep training if we’re ever going to get our life back.

@Limpshade that would be very helpful thank you for your kind offer! X

Hi,

So my advise is only my opinion!

I have two who have both been bad sleepers - one slept through at 14m and then other is just getting there at 18m. I tried sleep training with my first but not my second as I didn’t think it worked.

When they are ill or teething badly it is survival mode for you.

Othertimes you are looking for little things or little wins that will suit your baby. To me it sounds like you are doing everything right - trying to get good day sleep and plenty of day food.

For me there was no magic answer and I just had to keep trying things to see what suited my baby. The first used to want me in the room with her, sat on a seat near the cot - I did this until she was properly asleep and then crept out...this went on for ages and was very annoying but it eventually resulted in her sleeping through so didn’t need to do it.

My second woke more often. I substituted water for milk at about 14/15 months as I didn’t think the feeding in the night was helping. Then with him I just used to go in offer water and then put him back down with his teddy. If he cried I would pick him up (standing still) and then try again - this could go on several times. This seemed to work best for him as he wanted physical contact with me but I kept it minimum. He eventually slept through but gets up very early.

No one answer but I don’t think your baby is right for controlled crying. Trying something and it not working is fine cuz you are trying to work out what your baby needs.

At the same time you are doing a fab job - I have been there twice and it has taken me to my limits. That is fine - it’s really hard and anyone that sleep deprived would be the same.

Take in turns with DH (glad he is helpful!) to do shifts and then get in spare room if poss with ear plugs. You both need a block of decent sleep - agree this and stuck to it.

If it gets awful on the W.e each take her out for 2hr blocks and the other one sleeps/relaxes.

Go to bed every night very early - won’t be forever.

If it is really awful then take a days AL when she is at nursery and recharge.

You will get through it and you are doing amazing job - both of you :)

I think your baby will be a better sleeper in the long run if you work this through with her and she will trust you. My 3yo sleeps amazing now after being hell on earth for the first 14months.

This is only my take and I completely respect other approaches lol

It sounds like she may be waking up for her dummy, if she (usually) goes back to sleep when you put it in. We had a similar issue, and got a sleepy tot (little bunny with Velcro paws that holds 4 dummies). We actually have 2, and they go in the cot with her. That way she can easily find her own dummy at night and put it back in. Or some people sprinkle lots of dummies in the cot.

Hope things improve soon, sleep deprivation is the absolute pits.

The thing I’m getting from your posts is this:

when she wakes up one of us goes in and puts her dummy back in

And

she is normally pretty good at falling asleep.... as long as she has her dummy

Is the dummy falling out what’s waking her, in that case? Because if so I would be tempted to accept it was going to be horrific for a week and go cold turkey on the dummy so she learns to sleep without it.

I would try eliminating the dummy because it may be it falling out that's waking her. It'll make her angry but might help in the long run. Also, don't give her calpol every night. It's not safe to give it that frequently, and it's fecking useless anyway. If you really suspect teething pain, Nurofen all the way. But again, not every night over weeks like that. I only know this because I did the same and got told off for it.
It's so so shit. I was in the same boat with my first. He did improve and eventually slept through. I don't want to say when but he was down to one or two wakings max by about 18 months, which meant that if I went to bed when he did, I'd get 7 or 8 glorious hours. And then a bit more dozing. You WILL get there.

Oh OP, I wish I had some advice but I just wanted to say I have been there. The number of nights I've sat there wild eyed at 3am whimpering, "this has to STOP!" It did eventually. I hope you have a supportive partner, friend or family member who can give you some relief.

My 17 month old was just like this! He was having his evening meal at 4.30 and going to bed between 7-8, up all night - we introduced supper (toast and yoghurt usually) and it seems he must have been hungry, which makes me feel bloody awful, but has done the trick since. Plus a mix of teething, as at 17 months he only has 4 teeth left to come through! Hope it gets better OP as sleep deprivation is the absolute worst.

PS not saying this is the case for your little one, but it worked better for us! He still stirs during the night but nothing compared to the hours he used to be up for!