4yo and 2yo sleep hell

[MummySharkDooDooDooDoo]

Does anyone have any suggestions for how I can attempt to get my children to sleep better?

Both have never been great sleepers. DD1 (4yo) used to have a brilliant bedtime routine. DD2 (2yo) had a good routine for a while and they would both be in bed for 7, asleep by 8 most nights. This was when DD2 was 6 months old. Since then, me and my XH split up, me and the DCs moved in with my parents for a while and then in to our own place at the beginning of this year. They share a bedroom and doing bedtime on my own is near impossible.

DD2 is still breastfed, despite me trying to stop. She will now take a bottle for me and she only breastfeeds for comfort. When she's with anyone else she will go to sleep without milk and will sleep through the night. For me, she wakes twice on average each night, she'll come in to my bed and I let her as I don't want her to wake DD1. Some nights she can be up for hours - saying she's hungry, having milk (bottle and breast), chatting etc.

DD1 won't settle to sleep on her own. She was badly affected by the break up and she needs to be cuddled in bed to go to sleep. Since starting school she's overtired and bedtime is protest after protest - she's not tired, she's too hot, she wants water, sometimes she'll tantrum. She will wake up at some point in the night - usually 4am onwards and come in to my bed.

I wake up most mornings with them both in my bed with me.

I know that a lot of this is my own doing and I probably should have been stricter earlier, but there was so much upheaval and they needed comfort following the separation so I did what I had to do to get through it.

The night time wakings seem to be getting worse, not better, and I know that's likely due to DD1 starting reception and it's been a change of routine for us all. But I just don't know what to do. Partly, because they share the same bedroom, I have to do what I can to minimise disruption to the other one - I couldn't let DD2 CIO for example (I'm not sure if I'd want to anyway) as it would disrupt DD1 who needs to get to sleep for school the next day.

I'm at a loss. It feels like I've tried everything. I'm exhausted from all the night time waking and the early starts, DD1 is exhausted and DD2 seems to be some unnatural creature who can survive on minimal amount of sleep.

Help!!!

I think you will just confuse her if you keep giving her “mini breastfeeds”. Cold turkey is cold turkey. If she is unwell she can have Calpol and water. Having said that, after we had cut the night feeds DS had a very high fever one night and I did break the rule and let him have a long feed, it was just the once though and not lots of little feeds all night long.

However, it sounds as if you’re not ready so maybe wait until she’s better and then do it properly.

You'll be disappointed to hear that I fed her most of the night. I'm trying to be firmer but I feel so bad when she's that upset, especially knowing it's at least partly because she's unwell. I'll try harder.

It was pretty obvious that you were going to! No judgement here, your choice. But you do need to be consistent so if you do start you need to be prepared to follow through.

Well in hindsight I'm glad I did breastfeed her all night. She's in hospital on oxygen. If I'd have refused her when she was feeling that bad I'd feel awful for it now. Obviously the timing isn't right at the moment. She needs to get better first. Hopefully she'll get better very soon and she can have all the breastfeeds she wants while she's poorly.

She’s on oxygen! I’m sorry she’s so poorly

My advice must sound very irresponsible now, I’m sorry. I do think we have to trust our judgement and that’s why I breastfed DS when he was very poorly, but I don’t feed him when he just has a cold.

Clearly your DD is very poorly though - what’s her diagnosis?

So sorry to hear about your DD Mummy, I hope she is feeling better soon. for you (and you probably need !)

You did your very best with a compromise, she had some milk for comfort, and of course you weren't to know how poorly she was. It's very hard with little ones when they can't express their feelings or how ill they are.

When things are back on an even keel there's plenty of time to start again. Until then hopefully you'll manage to get some rest, not easy I know with a LO in hospital.

Fortunately she's been allowed to come home on 4 hourly inhalers. She's never had breathing problems before but her breathing was very bad this morning - her resps were very high and she was having to work very hard. Her sister has chronic lung disease so I know all the signs. They were borderline about letting her come home but as I know what to do with the inhalers anyway, and I know the signs to look out for because of DD1, they said she could come home and to go back in if needed.

Poor little thing. She was having to work so hard but after steroids she's perked up quite a bit. They've said it's viral induced wheeze. She had 3 nebulisers in A&E. DD1 is staying with their Dad tonight as we weren't sure if DD2 would be admitted, so I can give her all of my attention. Hopefully she'll sleep well and feel better in the morning.

How is your DD doing Mummy? Hope both you and her are ok and not too tired xx

She's finally fallen asleep after being awake for nearly 3 hours! Hopefully, given her awake stint was earlier in the night she will sleep through now. She is much better today. Her voice sounds really croaky which is very sweet on a 2 year old. Her chest sounds very rattly when she's sleeping but that's obviously because everything settles where she's laying down. She was actually fine in herself today, a bit more cuddly than normal but chatty and playful. The steroids really do work wonders.

How are the DTs doing? Do they generally sleep through? I know you said getting them to sleep in the first place is the hard part.

Oh wow OP!
Hope she had a good night and is improving rapidly.
I currently have a bf/ing two year old And I find it so hard when the ‘please Mummy’ starts!

Just a quite update that DD2 hasn't breastfed for a week. She has been sleeping better. I keep finding her asleep on her bedroom floor where she must be waking up but going back to sleep herself as she knows she's not going to get milk. And DD1 has been staying in her bed more as well. Long may it continue.

Glad to hear everyone is doing well Mummy

My two usually fall 'plop' out of bed during the night, then pick themselves up and climb in with us - DP is up at 5am for work at the moment, so when he goes I get in on his side (they hog mine!) and we (hopefully!) get another couple of hours' sleep.

I did buy new nightlights which I think has helped. Fingers crossed we all continue to get more sleep!!

I had in my mind that stopping breastfeeding was going to be horrifically traumatic for her. But she seems to have adjusted fairly well. I do find it strange to think that she no longer breastfeeds though. She does, however, keep holding on to my nipples. For now I'm letting her as it seems to be giving her a comfort. She has twiddled the other nipple whilst breastfeeding for ages, and it drove me slightly mad. But I have to do this gradually. For her and for me. So if she wants to hold on to my nipple for comfort for now, then ok. Once she has become accustomed to not having "Mummy milk" then the next step is to stop that. I think she does it as her confirmation that it's me, not someone else. I can live with that for now.

I'm incredibly proud of myself for seeing this through. 2 years and 4 months of breastfeeding. That's a big achievement. Especially when she came out of SCBU on bottles. But it's a big achievement to have stopped as well, ensuring that she's okay with it, which she definitely seems to be.

Really feel for you OP and sounds like you did the right thing having them in with you when they were goung through lots of change, so don't be too hard on yourself.

No words of wisdom, except that a friend told me recently when her son refused aged 2 to stop BF (my friend was by then pregnant with no 2)....she started wearing a sports bra...he literally couldn't in! Few tricky nights thrn he just stopped trying

Oooops......just read whole thread so pls ignore my sports bra advice!!

Sorry to hear your dd has been unwell