Would you sleep train?

[Newmum26]

My DS is 14 months old and has always been a good sleeper. As a newborn he went down awake and settled himself in his crib.
Since he learnt to crawl & walk etc bed time has got a bit trickier and since then we put him down in his cot awake after bath, book and milk, but sit next to his cot on a chair and just gently pat his bum until he is asleep enough to leave the room and that's it don't hear a peep from him unless he is teething and will cry out in the night and need shhhhing and bum pat. He sleeps 7-6/7am.
I am wondering whether to sleep train and do controlled crying which my HV has recommended if I want to, but part of me isn't bothered by putting him to bed and sitting next to him for 5-10 minutes until he is asleep so I just don't know if I should do it or not? But then on the other hand I don't want him to be 3/4 and still have to be sat with him while he falls asleep 🤷🏻‍♀️
What do you think? ☺️

I don't understand what you're asking here. Your DS sleeps through the night? Only takes 10 minutes to settle? And your HV is recommending controlled crying? Sorry, I must be missing something

It's because he doesn't fall asleep on his own he needs you to be in the room with him until he's asleep :)

Is this for real ???? Congratulations you have got my first

I think your missing the point, my question is shall I carry on sitting next to him while he falls asleep at bedtime (which takes 5/10 mins sometimes longer if he's napped longer) or shall I encourage him to fall asleep on his own which would mean sleep training apparently 🤷🏻‍♀️
It works for us and isn't a problem it's just you hear so much about how you should teach your baby to fall asleep on their own I'm just after some advice that's all :)

I did CC when DS was waking in the night and refusing to go back to sleep and I was at breaking point. For the sake of 5 minutes in the evening, I wouldn't even dream of doing it. If you're happy, there's no need.

Are you seriously complaining about 5-10 mins of sitting beside your child at night? This is like a dream, there's nothing to sleep train!!!

My 6 month old needs me to lie beside her pretty much all night and breastfeed her back to sleep for her 5+ wakings - this is the sort of situation sleep training is designed for! (But I'm not going to do it, was too traumatic when I did it for my older son..)

You are unbelievably lucky if you’re only sitting there for 10 minutes.

But then on the other hand I don't want him to be 3/4 and still have to be sat with him while he falls asleep 🤷🏻‍♀️

Any reason why? 10 minutes per night isn’t a big ask of one if you, is it? 3 and 4 is still very little. What else do you need that 10 minutes for?

"sitting next to him for 5-10 minutes until he is asleep " is just good parenting! Do it as long as he needs it. Our first was a genuine nightmare to put to bed, resisted sleep so hard, it sounds like you have it made. Just sit there and read or something.

I'm a big advocate of sleep training but I'm really not sure why you think it's necessary in your situation, which honestly sounds like a dream! If the only reason is because your HV suggested it then I think you can happily ignore.

Thanks for the replies ☺️ I'm not complaining at all I just wondered if I should be trying to encourage him to go to sleep on his own.
Being a first time mum you listen to what HV say and always hear so much about how you shouldn't create any 'habits' and should teach babies to fall asleep independently 🤨

I still have to sit next to my 3 year old for her to go to sleep & sometimes that can take up to 45 minutes as she's such a chatterbox!! Even then she wakes in the night still. I really don't think you need to sleep train for the sake of 5 or 10 minutes.

God no, in my opinion sleep training is cruel and unnecessary. In your situation its completely unnecessary. You’re so lucky! My 10mo still needs rocking to sleep, wakes 3-4 times a night and I wouldn’t even dream of sleep training.
They all sleep eventually. You sound like you have a dream baby. He’s 14 months old and probably gets so much loving reassurance from you being in the room. Don’t spoil it

My 6yo needs no help to fall asleep but I still spend 15-20 mins a night in her room, reading a story together, quiet chat about the day and the next day's plans and a cuddle. It's my favourite time of day.

My 4yo didn't sleep through TIL he was 3, co-slept and fed all night on and off and in the last few months has started taking himself to bed. I have to be quick to get in and say good night or he is already asleep. I miss the 10 mins sleepy chat and cuddles!

IMO there is no need to sleep train a baby who falls asleep in 15mins and sleeps all night. Just enjoy the time together. So what if he wants to have a few minutes with you before he falls asleep as he gets older? It's the best part of the day.

Wow SummerOfDoom that just goes to show that they will sleep on their own and sleep through when they are ready ☺️
I have always been so worried about making a 'rod' and creating any habits or sleep associations that when you hear HV say they should be sleeping independently it makes you think you are doing it wrong 🙁

Habits I would avoid are them 'needing' to fall asleep to a film or tv on (like someone I knows 3 and 4yo, who are put in their room at 6pm with a film and often still awake at midnight demanding more tv). Them wanting to spend time with you for a few minutes is lovely and completely sustainable, in my opinion. As they get grow, they'll change. It is unlikely (IMO) that a 3/4 yo will want their bottom patting to fall asleep but if they want a cuddle and 10 minutes of company, what's the harm?

I would just move your seat further away over time - a few metres, then sit in the doorway, then just outside etc.

The rationale of getting them to fall asleep themselves at the beginning of the night is so they can do the same for every waking in the night.. the sleep trainers tell you the opposite is true, so if you breastfeed to sleep for the first waking you'll need to do the same for every subsequent waking. But sounds like your little one is able to sleep through the night now, which is the main objective of sleep training, so no need for it.

But he IS going to sleep on his own!! Sleep training for the sake of ten minutes is crazy. Have you read some of the threads on here, might help you understand what some of us are going through? Plus as a PP said, what else could you possibly be doing in that ten minutes??

It used to take at least an hour to get my DD to sleep and that was a good night. Takes 30 mins for my DS and I enjoy spending that time with him. DH still sits with our 3 year old DD until she starts to fall asleep. We don't begrudge it.

Little ones need comforting. They're not going to need it forever.

Sorry, I'm being harsh, I see that it's your HV who's suggested it. They are a mixed bag are HVs, I'm quite shocked she'd be suggesting it for such a good sleeper! Trust me, your DS is doing fab with it, enjoy it and ignore your HV (I say this as someone who created a lot of bad habits but somehow survived...)

Grumpy sleep deprived mum who is just jealous of your sleeping baba

Being a first time mum you listen to what HV say and always hear so much about how you shouldn't create any 'habits' and should teach babies to fall asleep independently

I had a wonderful HV, but i did my own research before deciding whether I agreed with her advice.

The only currently minor issue you have is patting him to sleep which I personally wouldn’t be happy doing. I doubt you’d need any sleep training. Just put him down, say goodnight and off you go. Works with lots of babies and a couple of shout outs is normal so don’t just jump to their side at the first squeak.

I understand what you mean. I always sat with my DD until she fell asleep and by the time she was 12 months or so this didn’t take too long the majority of the time. I was more than happy to do it. Eventually by around 17 months she rolled over and wasn’t really aware of me sat there anyway so one night I just said night night gave her a kiss and tried leaving the room. She was absolutely fine and chattered to herself for ten mins before going to sleep. 90% of the time this is how bedtime goes now and if she’s ever upset I go back in. No sleep training involved, we were just very lucky to get a good sleeper!

Thanks for the advice everyone ☺️
WhoAteAllThePercyPigs That's ok I understand and what you say is all true I'm just constantly torn between giving him he comfort he needs and not getting into any habits 🤦🏻‍♀️

HideAndGo - Just put him down, say goodnight and off you go.

I've tried this and he just cries until you go back into the room, when he sees you leave he gets upset so this was my question for the sake of sitting next to him is it worth getting him upset before bed just so I can leave the room? 🤷🏻‍♀️
We've tried to ease off the bum patting for the last few nights which is working it's just our presence sat by him that he needs

Yeah, I don’t have time to sit by the kids as they dose off. It’s not really sleep training to just let them complain about a new system a couple of times. They may be babies but things change and they need to adapt. If you’re happy patting and sitting there then that fine but do make sure you make the change when you need to rather than just sitting there increasingly frustrated and trapped. If you’re happy keep it up. If you’re unhappy then walk on out and let him complain a bit. He’ll stop when he realises he doesn’t get to decide but of course he’ll cry and shout about it at first. 14mths he’s beginning to understand though so I’d communicate clearly what’s going on - mummy loves you, it’s sleepy time, mummy has to go tidy up and will check on you in a little bit. Etc.