What am I doing wrong?!? 5 month old waking every hour plus awake for several hours. Cannot cope anymore..

[AngelynS]

Please someone help me! I cannot think what else i can do. My almost 5 month old has never been a great sleeper but towards 3 months got to waking either once or twice in the night. However the sleep regression has kicked in so hard since he turned 4 months and now he wakes every hour sometimes a couple times within the hour. He wakes for no specific reason and sometimes goes back down with a pat or dummy going back in or sometimes stays awake for a couple hours. I'm starting to really lose it and today feel utterly depressed and unable to handle another second of this battle. I have a 2 and a 4 year old also. His routine-
Wake between 6 and 7 (even if he has already been up for hours I treat it as start of a new day.
Naps at 8.30 for an hour. 11.30 for 2 hours. Usually during this nap he wakes up at some point but I try to get him back to sleep which he tends to do. A final short (45 min) nap around 4pm. Bedtime routine of bath massage bottle and wind down starts around 6pm. Some nights he falls straight asleep other nights he fights it. Either way he is usually up again within 2 hours and then it's a battle to get him back to sleep. By 9ish he will sleep until midnight when he wakes for a feed. He then wakes around 1.30am and every hour from then. At 4ish he may also stay awake until 6am. I am at breaking point!! What am I doing wrong?? We rock him gently to sleep and put him down drowsy but not in a deep sleep. We usually have to lay a hand on chest or pin his arms a little. Sometimes that works other times we end up rocking him. He loves being tightly swaddled but it's been too hot for that lately. He sleeps in his own cot now for the last week in an attempt to try something else. Not sure what else I need to add but pls ask!

I really feel for you. Mine was so similar, the four month regression hit and it was a killer. We had three months where she slept no longer than 3 hours straight at most, always woke up screaming and normally started the day at 2am. From that point until 6pm the next evening never once slept more than 45 minutes in one go, and continued that until she was 7 months.

We were so desperate we did some mild sleep training. It worked in 2 days and a few weeks later we night weaned with no problems. Since then she's rarely woken up more than twice a night for a quick cuddle and generally sleeps through for 10-11 hours.

I couldn't have attempted CIO but we started leaving her to fuss and cry for 30 seconds and then a minute and she learned to self settle quickly. She was so less distressed so quickly which meant we all got more sleep!

In such a desperate situation it's unsustainable and I really would consider trying some gentle sleep training if you're willing. I was close to breaking. Some nights it was never more than 20 minutes sleep in one go and I was about to have a breakdown as she screamed all day too!

Thanks for sharing it's good to know I'm not alone! I am fine to start controlled crying as it worked with my first but like you we did it at 7 months. My little man turns 5 months next week so is this still too young? So many sites say not to attempt sleep training until 6 months of age. Having said that sometimes I've had to leave him to cry a bit anyway (e.g if I am dealing with one of my other kids) and all he does is get hysterical. Should I wait until 6 months before sleep training? Did you do controlled crying for middle of the night waking or just at bedtime?

I think it probably is a bit too young unfortunately, but I totally feel your despair. It's total torture. We didn't really need to do it at bedtime as she generally went down fine, it was an hour or so later when she first woke up that it then escalated all night. We would go in, pick up and cuddle and ssshhhh and soothe, put her down then pat and leave. Left it 30 seconds then repeated, then left 1 minute, then 1m30. Never got past 2 minutes and she was asleep so I appreciate we were lucky in that respect. I couldn't have got to 10 minutes as my guilt would have been too much but thank god it never got to that.

Could you safely have him cosleep with you if that would settle him? We tried in desperation but mine wasn't a cuddly baby at all and even now can't sleep with us!

He did co sleep for a short while in an attempt to see if that helped. But he was the same and still woke up. Also we felt we were disturbing him too. I may move him back into our bedroom into the bedside crib however just to make the night shenanigans a bit easier on us. I guess we will have to stick it out for another month and start sleep training then. In the meantime I guess I'll have to go back to what we did when he was a newborn and go to bed at the same time as him so I'm getting a bit more sleep in.😞

I did the same until we sleep trained- went to bed at 7 every night for months in the hope I'd somehow get even just 4/5 in total across the whole night. It was utter hell.
You will get through it!!!
Some kids are just higher needs and extra testing. Mine was so much more sensitive and alert than any of their friends as a small baby and I found it so hard as she barely slept and cried the rest of the time. It's so relentless and I hope you all get through this sooner rather than later xx

My daughter was exactly the same, it’s so hard isn’t it especially when you have other children to look after during the day

We did sleep training which I would recommend he needs to be able to settle himself to sleep. My daughter went from waking every few hours then awake from 4ish for about 4-5 months to sleeping 6:45-6 in 3 nights!!
I know your son is only 5 months so maybe wait until 6 months but if he is already crying a lot and awake more than he should be at this age I might think about it.
If you want some tips on how we did it I’m happy to answer.

Good luck, it will get better!!

@ElizabethS22 can you say how you did it?

OP sending sympathy and hugs. Sleep deprivation is tough.

This child is still a baby.
Can you get help during the day? Older ones will be at school again soon but have you someone to mind them for an hour here and there

Can you swaddle just his arms? That worked on a baby I used to nanny when it was too hot and he started sleeping through.

You fold a muslin so that it’s about 6 inches or 15cm width, lay the baby on it in the middle, take the extra on each side and fold it over the arm and then lift baby and slide it under the back. That way when they try to yank up their arms, the weight of their back holds it (gently) down. It was the only thing that worked for the baby I nannied after months of waking every hour. They have something called the Miracle Blanket in the States which is the same concept but a whole swaddle sack, so too hot.

I read something, if a baby/toddler naps before 9, they're finishing off their nighttime sleep. Is anything waking him up so early?

We did timed comforting. So got her ready for bed as usual and then put her down in the cot with white noise on and something to cuddle, and said goodnight. We then left the room for a few minutes and back in to resettle at timed intervals (only a few mins). So they know you are coming in but if we could hear she was quietening down a bit we would leave her. She was 9 months at this point though so a lot older than OP’s.

There is more to it but that’s pretty much how we started it

Thank you @bearcubx I really hope we get there. The strange thing is he is so good in the day! Happy and smiley and goes down for his naps with ease. I forgot to mention he does have reflux so he is on infant gaviscon for that which is a fairly recent thing. Even so it doesn't seem to bother him in the day. I'm at a loss as to what else I can do so I'll have to ride it out and sleep train in a few weeks when he is older. Thank you 😘

Thanks I will sleep train but I will wait a few more weeks if I can so he is a little older. When he has been left to cry for a short time (when I have been dealing with the other children and can't attend to him immediately) he becomes hysterical very fast so I wouldn't want to put him through anything distressing until he is capable of actually learning from it iyswim.

@perfectlysymmetricalbuttocks (great handle btw!) I've never heard that before but it kind of makes sense. I have no idea what could be waking him early but it does all go down hill once he has that initial wake up. He has a last feed with gaviscon in it and the whole routine I mentioned so generally goes down easily it's the wake ups after that. Last night he was up every half hour to 45 mins so it's actually getting worse! My husband and I take turns to go in to him but hubby has to work and also gets my other 2 ready in the morning for nursery and his work is a long commute so I don't want him driving while really tired..

@rtmhwales I have tried this actually! He always seems to get out of it but in general he does like to be swaddled it's just been so hot. I'll try again with the arm only swaddle with a bigger cloth or I may buy the Kicksie swaddle.

@fabulous01 thank you actually I'm fortunate in that I do have lots of support with my other children - they go to private nursery 3 days a week and at my mum's one of the other days. My husband can wfh 1 or 2 days a week too so help with everything else is not a huge issue for me although it's certainly not easy at times. Actually I prefer having my other 2 children around as they help me come out of tired baby fog land lol! It's the nights which are very very tough. I understand my son is so little hence saying I don't want to sleep train yet but if there are any other suggestions in the meantime or something wrong in the daytime routine then I'll try to sort that first.

Thanks @ginunicorn !

I'm guessing it's the end of a sleep cycle and he can't self-settle. I'm not much help there, as mine all either twirled their hair or sucked their thumbs and held a blanket/bear.

He used to like being on his side, have a muslin against his face and lightly over his eyes (!) And a dummy in and he would fall asleep and I would just move the muslin away from his face. Now none of those things do anything to comfort or settle him..

Sounds like he is waking up after every sleep cycle, instead of sleeping through.

I don't believe he is too young, i started CC around 4 months and took about 3 days. LO (no 6 months) sleeps through 7-7 every night and i normally put her back down after feed at 7am for another couple of hours so i can get bits done.

Oh really? Would you please be able to explain what you did so I can consider it. I have tried just staying in the room with him when he wakes up (I.e. not actively trying to get him to go back to sleep) and he just looked around and tried to talk to me and smiled lol! He had no intention of going back to sleep 😆 We have left him to cry for a short time out of necessity and he just got hysterical v quickly so I'm worried cc won't work..

What is his room like? My LO likes it silent and pitch black, but i know some babies need white noise.

Is bottle the last thing he has before going into cot? During the day my LO has a number 3 teat, but for bedtime she has a number 2 as takes her longer and more effort to drink which helps to tire her out. How much milk does she have before bed? I do a slightly larger amount before bed, nd slightly pess in bottles during the day, again the longer she drinks the sleepier she gets

We give her her bottle in her room in the dark, then burp her and move her to her cot.

She sleeps in a sleeping bag at night, which is different to her naps so she knows it's bedtime

So we use white noise but that's mostly to drown the noise of his siblings. We haven't tried a slower teat. He has reflux so is only on a number 2 anyway but we could try the number 1 at bedtime. He rarely takes a full feed and is on gaviscon so I'm not sure if the number 1 year will be too small. But maybe worth a try! Thanks for the suggestion!

@AngelynS also, when you try and burp after a feed, i try and just shuffle herabout on my lap and gently pat to try and keep her drowsy if she has started to look tired. Easier said than done as you need them to burp but don't want to wake them up.

Also, baby will feed off your emotions, if you are nervous about whether he is going to cry or not he may be picking up on it. Be confident, its time for bed, kiss goodnight, then leave the room.

Fingers crossed for you

Great tips Thank you!