8 week old refuses to sleep

[Counter27]

Lost count at the number of times I have posted on here about DD's terrible sleep but getting really desperate!

She is 8 weeks old and has been a terrible sleeper from the start (4 weeks prem and is on ranitidine and also has colic). The last week sleep has been getting worse to the stage that I've been trying to get her to sleep tonight since 7pm. Have done the routine, feed, bath, rock then cot but no luck. She drifted off for 10mins then woke again. I've kept her in the room, no lights, shushing, feeding several more times and still she's lying here wide awake with me and crying. Have tried bringing her into the bed too.

After weeks of colic and now with sleep getting worse I feel I'm at breaking point.

Hi, sounds like you are having a hard time.

My dd2 is almost 6 months and I still haven't tried to get her into any routine. She stays downstairs with me, tv on and lights dimmed until I decide to go to bed (10ish)

She's also ebf. She will usually feed to sleep about 7ish when dd1 goes upstairs to bed. Some nights she sleeps until I get her changed for bed at 10. Sometimes she wakes after an hour and wants to play. I just let her do what she wants. Will try to get her back to sleep whenever she seems tired. Feed or rock her.

We go upstairs to bed about 10 and again she feeds to sleep. We are on her first wake up now. Will have at least one more (could be 3/4) we get up whenever dd1 wakes up. She's 2.9.

Please don't try to restrict daytime sleep. It sounds strange but sleep begets sleep. The more the better.

Don't feel like your dc needs to be in a cot in a dark room from 7pm. Just keep dc close and feed/rock/walk whenever they seem tired.

There is no right way to do things. Congratulations on getting to 8 weeks breastfeeding.

Didn't realise that about daytime sleep. I'll let her do exactly as she likes during the day then. If she wants to sleep more then I guess I get more of a rest too which is great.

I managed to get her to doze off about 30mins ago but didn't attempt to sleep because I wasn't convinced it would last. I'm feeding again now!

It's hellish OP. Day and night blur into one with constant feeding and soothing and very little time for even a quick shower!

Baby will find her rhythmn in time. Babies self regulate their sleeping and eating. It is very normal to have evenings of unexplained screaming, that's what colic is. Do what you need to do to get through this phase. Tag teaming with DH was the only way I survived. I went upstairs with earplugs and got a 3-4h block of sleep. For months that was my only proper sleep.

You could try a home made sleepy head. I’ve rolled up a bath towel, put elastic bands around it to keep the shape and then put it in a pillow case. My 4 week old likes it. He would never sleep in just a bare cot. He’s a better sleeper than my first though.

With my first she would only fall asleep on me or DH for first six weeks. Things improved when I got a Next to me cot. Then it was less of a big deal to transfer her from me to the cot. But that only happened when she was 3 months plus. Before then she would only sleep on us or on a baby bean bag!! Ridiculous but it was the only way I could get sleep and I felt safer than sleeping with her on my chest. And I would take anything I could get. I understand your pain.

Agree with others about not worrying about putting her down to bed so early at this age. Just chill on the sofa with her and watch tv. I used to sit in my rocking chair
Breastfeeding and binge watching tv shows and then employ the bean bag and sleep on the sofa next to her. Once she had passed the colic stage at 12 weeks I started to feed at 7 (with a bottle by this point) in a darker room and then put in cot. Lie next to her and play white noise and stay with her until she feel asleep. Slowly she started to fall asleep faster. If I was you I’d just do whatever I could to get sleep and not worry about setting bad habits or what should be done. There is plenty of time for routine and self settling when older and the digestive issue that cause so much awake time have passed. Good luck!

Thanks all this has been so helpful and made me feel like I'm not alone and other people go through this too. I hope I look back on this thread in a couple of months feeling happy with how much things have changed.

Definitely going to try the homemade sleepyhead tonight!

Just wanted to update to say things are so different now. DD has been sleeping great (in my opinion 😂) for the last week. Only waking once or twice during the night and managing 2 x 3 or 4 hour stretches. She's even had a couple of nights sleeping 6 hours in one go!

I had awful sleep for a year and I totally get what you are talking about.

I used millpond.co.uk

A sleep clinic. They were amazing, too early now I expect for your baby, but have a look and know they are there if you need them.

@Counter27 I totally sympathise, I’ve been there with DS and feel like we’re just coming out of the other side now at two years old!

I really can’t recommend Sarah Ockwell-Smith’s Gentle Sleep book enough; it’s not a ‘cure’ or a ‘sleep solution’, it just tells you what to expect and what is ‘normal’ at each age. As you’ve experienced, baby sleep changes so frequently - what you went through at 8 weeks was normal for such a tiny baby, and the book might help to prepare you for difficult sleep times in the future. It definitely stopped me going mad several times and made me realise that most tough times are just a phase, and they will pass. You don’t need a sleep clinic or sleep training, you have a perfectly normal baby and you sound like you’re doing an amazing job!

In my experience, any stretches of 6 hours at 8 weeks is a blessing! Great news!

Hi Decor so pleased for you, great update! Can I ask what worked for you in the end? Or did DD just start to become more settled? Thank you

No idea to be honest @ferntwist I've been more consistent with the white noise, leaving it on all night. Stopped swaddling after only a couple of nights because she can roll now (feels so early for that!).

May have spoken too soon though. Up with her now, she's been very upset for the last 4/5 hours. Hasn't slept properly since lunchtime 🙈

Definitely spoke too soon! After hours of colicky crying she has only managed to sleep 1.30-4.30 😴😴😴

Oh no! Hopefully it will be a case of three steps forward, one step back and she will slowly keep on making progress. We tried white noise last night and it worked for a while but not that long.

Keep the faith Counter27!

My DS was 8 weeks old yesterday. I spent so many nights awake, lots of crying and lots of googling ‘when will by baby ever sleep???’ And then some more crying through the day!

I kept trying to start winding him down from about 7pm, thinking start early so I’m not up feeding till 4am, but at 6 weeks I went to stay with my best friend and she told me to stop forcing sleep too early, as I was getting tired and tense the baby was getting tense. As the weather was nice, I just sat out in the garden breastfeeding till he drifted off naturally between 10-11pm.
Something started to change, and after weeks of sleeping the same as you (4 hours in 1 hour blocks) my DS has started to sleep. The last 5 nights in a row he’s slept through, 5-6 hours and then 1 hour blocks after that! I feel human(ish) again!

My DS has a strong startle reflex so he will only sleep at night swaddled. I’m using the love to dream swaddles at the moment which are brilliant as he can still have his arms up with some movement, but swaddled enough to stop him waking up. He’ll only sleep through the day for 5-10 minutes on his own (will sleep like an angel on any human though). But once this week I’ve tried swaddling for a nap and he slept an hour on his own during the day, I was too excited about it to sleep myself though!! but it’s nice to know I can nap through the day without having to call someone to come take the baby away!

I know there will be times when he won’t sleep, but just knowing now that he can sleep through is great because for many weeks I never ever thought he would!

I also find I discuss sleep, and obsess about sleep like a crazy sleep deprived person, if I see someone else with a baby I jump on them and the first thing I ask is do you get any sleep?!

Haha I do the same @BlueMoon33 although I'm frequently annoyed by the answers from tired Mums who have babies that are sleeping 9-3 or more from the beginning. I sit there and smile and say I was thrilled when my baby did that one time at 9 weeks 😂

Good in a way to know we aren't the only ones struggling with sleep!!

Definitely!

I would get violent thoughts when my other half would tell me he felt tired after having a lie in...

I am a much friendlier person when I’ve had sleep!

Definitely seem to have regressed significantly after only a week of better sleeping. It takes hours to get her to sleep at night and then she wakes 2-3 times during the night. She can take up to 3 hours to get back to sleep at night.

I'm just confused as to how to handle it. Should I be making sure she has set naps during the day at this point? Getting her to bed at a set time seems a distant dream. We bath around 7/7.30 and then try from there. She won't sleep in her cot until anywhere from 11pm-1am.

Feel like I'm doing this all wrong and I don't know where to begin to fix it.

I can't force my DS to sleep. He's often still awake at midnight. I sleep when he sleeps! We have a 2hr nap most afternoons that makes up for the lack of night time sleep.

Ewan the Dream Sheep has worked well for me. I chose one particular sound (he plays four different sounds) and I played that same sound whenever DS was tired or falling asleep. So after a few weeks he came to associate that sound with feeling sleepy. Now when I play that sound while cuddling or breastfeeding he tends to go to sleep more easily.

The 2hr afternoon nap is achieved by co-sleeping. I play the sheep sound and breastfeed lying down, and we both doze off to sleep.

We bath around 7/7.30 and then try from there
I've given up on trying to force an early bedtime. DS goes to bed with me about 10-11pm and breastfeeds to sleep. He doesn't want to sleep earlier so I just go with his natural rhythms. I'm hoping that as he gets older he'll naturally want an earlier bedtime.

Hi I recently discovered that the idea of keep them awake more during the day so they're tired at night is scientifically incorrect. Actually you want them to be sleeping more during the day so they sleep better at night (unless they were sleeping literally all day and not at night). There's an expression sleep breeds sleep. We tried it with our similar aged baby who was also not sleeping and it really helped. Before we had the witching hours at night and it seems baby was really over tired and stressed. With more concerted napping efforts during the day, baby's sleep has improved dramatically.

white noise can help with more naps. and low stimulation. noticing tiredness signs early and pitting them down for napping then rather than faffing for a bit and by the time you put them down they're awake again and you missed your window. get a wedge for crib if they have reflux, goes under mattress so they're still flat and safe. do lots of stuff inbetween nap times. jave you tried tracking babys sleep on an app to understand their patterns and feel more in control? also have a look at Wonder Weeks app as it's helpful as a guide to when they might be a bit extra cranky going through a leap.

honestly not sure how switching to formula would help? do you think its food related? not taking enough milk for example? you could express and see what they take in breast milk in a bottle. bf babies can sometimes sleep for less chunks of time as breast milk is digested faster than formula but that doesn't explain no sleep! if it was an intolerance you could change your diet rather than go to formula but not sure that you're thinking it is that?

also babies can just have periods of rubbish sleep and you have to get through it knowing there's light at the end of the tunnel . but it's so hard. you need a break. I'd express and share the load with your partner or family or friends. even one feed a day so you could get some sleep. sleep deprivation is the worst and stops you thinking straight.

seriously do consider trying to push more daytime sleep though as it sounds so similar to our experience.

Easier said than done but don’t stress, just get to bed whenever the baby gives you the signs and watch tv or do something your enjoy to pass the time while you’re waiting for them too.

After a week of sleeping through my baby is back to waking 2-3 times a night. We’ve currently been up since 5am wide eyed awake, plenty of feeding, nappy changes and smiling at the ceiling! But I hold out hope he will sleep through again at some point in the future!

I managed to swaddle him through the day yesterday as it was cooler and we both slept for 45 mins.

It’s still so early for any kind of routine, I keep trying to tell myself this and that times of the day are no longer relevant anymore!

With an 8 week old I'd really lose the idea they need to be settled off to sleep in a cot at 7-8pm. Let them snuggle and sleep on you while you chill on the sofa. Use a sling/wrap to walk them around and then you can sit down with them still in it, snoozing away. You can watch TV with headphones jacked in in case you;re worried about disturbing them!

Waking several times a night is totally normal, but the length of time she's awake/not falling back asleep is rather a lot. Perhaps you just need to step up active ways to help comfort her back to sleep during the night? Feeding, carrying, rocking.
It will get better over time but you;re still at the start of a long journey and it sounds like your baby is one of those who just needs a lot of help from you. Finding ways to accomodate that without forcing changes will be less stressful for both of you.

Thanks all. Just need to keep going and go back to later bedtimes again I think. You're all right about not trying to make her sleep that early. We'll try and relax a bit more.

@InFrance2014 unfortunately that 2/3 hour period trying to get her to sleep I'm already rocking, feeding, etc. She just seems to be very wakeful.

@InFrance2014 she is 11 weeks now although she was 4 weeks prem.

We were more relaxed last night, she seemed sleepy at 8pm so put her down. She woke at midnight and then was wide awake and finally fell asleep at 4.30am 😭 I did everything possible to get her to sleep in that time and it just didn't work. She then woke again at 6am and we've been up since then. This is unbearable! Who are these babies that sleep 10-12 hours at night!? I haven't spoken to another Mum who is struggling as much as this. If they are their baby is much much younger. I've met lots of women telling me their babies have slept 6 hours in one go from the beginning. Please tell me they are lying!!!!

Hi again, it sounds like your evening went a bit better, but the night does sound awful.
If it was me and she wakes and doesn't seem to respond after more than about 40 minutes, I would try a 'reset'. Get up, let her play a bit, don't try to make her sleep initially. Have a bit of cuddling, stories, even very gentle quiet play. Or go for a walk if your area is safe/ you have a garden. Sometimes I think when they're struggling at night, they respond badly to repeated efforts to get them to sleep when they're no longer drowsy.
After a bit of this, maybe another 30 mins, I would do a shortened bedtime again, whatever it is (not a bath though!), and treat it as settling down again for the night.
Sometimes when we're desperately stressed (and knackered) we are unconsciously signalling these emotions to the child and they will pick up on in. If you accept that at the moment, she's like this at nights, and try to ride it out a bit rather than doggedly attempting to get her back to sleep straight away, it might mean she chills out and resets. I am sure this will be a phase, I've heard this before and such prolongued night waking doesn't seem to last weeks and weeks.

Good luck. x