Do I need to sleep train? Can't cope with hourly waking much longer.

[tootyfruitee]

ds turned 5 a few weeks ago, never a good sleeper but has got progressively worse and now he's waking hourly. He was breastfed but now he's formula before bed and one bf in the night. He doesn't want milk during the night anymore. When he wakes up he doesn't even really want a cuddle, it's like he's annoyed he's awake! Co sleeping makes no difference. He's then up for the day about 5 but furious about it, I'm guessing cos he's bloody tired!

He has never napped for longer than about an hour unless sleeping on me while I sit on the sofa.

Is it just that he's completely unable to self settle? It just seems crazy. I've never liked the idea of sleep training but wondering if I need to do it with him.

5 weeks, 5 months or 5 years?

Forgive my sleep deprived brain, he turned ONE, not 5, not sure where that 5 came from.

Please don't do sleep training - it's just cruel for all involved. Speak to your HV and ask to see a sleep specialist! Remember this won't last forever 😊

I believe this stage is known for sleep regression. Frustrations with walking/wanting to walk.

I used methods from the Cheshire sleep whisperer book she gives some really useful tips.

Please don't do sleep training - it's just cruel for all involved.

^Rubbish. I know several people who sleep trained and it was not cruel

Please don't do sleep training - it's just cruel for all involved.

Sleep training was the kindest thing I ever did for my daughter. Thanks to it she has always slept brilliantly, goes to bed happily with no trouble and is not sleep deprived in the day.

I'd suggest you go for it if you plan to do it. Pick your method and stick with it (I did cc). It does get more difficult as they get older so I'd say sooner rather than later.

Yes, help him learn how to join his sleep cycles and you’ll all be much happier.
There are many ways to do this and night weaning simultaneously is probably wise . Controlled crying is hard but popular and usually works within 3 nights.
We did a form of gradual retreat using a plan written on a post here - it takes longer but felt right for our particular DD, who was about 10 months at the time. I night weaned at that point too.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/sleep/1394888-What-worked-for-us-Hope-this-helps

God I despise the ‘sleep training is cruel’ brigade more than any other parenting tribe. You know what’s worse than sleep training? Failing to bond properly with your baby for the first seven months of her life because you’re so demented from lack of sleep. Being unable to function. Walking around in a fog. Fantasising about being injured and taken to hospital so you can sleep. Constantly bursting into tears or shouting for no reason. Being referred to your local mental health team for suspected postnatal depression.

My life was transformed after gently sleep training my baby (who is now nearly 3 and a great sleeper). If I hadn’t done it I honestly don’t know what would have happened. So anyone trying to make me, or anyone, feel guilty about it can go fuck themselves.

OP, gently sleep training a one year old will not damage him. Please do what you need to do for your own mental health.

OP, gently sleep training a one year old will not damage him. Please do what you need to do for your own mental health

Thank you. I just had to go in the hall and kick a shoe rack in quiet anger after he woke up from his nap (another 30 min classic) just as i was drifting off. I feel quite out of control right now so I need to do something. Am crying as I type this!

That thread looks really good @Nan0second , i like the idea of something gentle like that. Now to get the energy to try it!

Also Google Dr jay Gordon night weaning. He is an attachment parenting guru and advocates co sleeping etc. Even HE feels that gentle sleep training is absolutely fine for a baby over 12 months. He offers a method very similar to the gradual retreat method they talk about in the "what worked for us" thread linked to above.

I completely hear you on the anger front. It's bloody shit. Do what you have to to have some quality of life, not just the existence you get when you're sleep deprived.

I would try working out the reason behind him waking first. He isn’t waking for milk and seemingly doesn’t want to wake.
What’s he like when he wakes? Upset and crying? Could he be banging himself on his cot sides? Too warm, too cold? Is he comfy in his sleepwear(my ds3 slept better in pjs rather than a sleep suit)? Wet nappy? Does he not like the dark or is it too light? Would background noise like a radio on low help? Could he have bad dreams or sleep terrors?

Get his tonsils and/or adenoids checked.

Get his tonsils and/or adenoids checked

I have asked the gp about this as I do have concerns about his adenoids but they won't do anything until he is two. I'm not sure I can cope with another year of this. But equally if that is the cause then IS sleep training cruel? I'm on my knees here, I also have a very demanding 2.5 year old who I need to have lots of patience with, very hard when you aren't sleeping.

That link mentioned earlier sounds like something I could at least try, if he could at least self settle then at least I'd know I had that sorted, then if he keeps waking up in the night after that then I will have to presume it's something bothering him.

My son has just been diagnosed with enlarged adenoids and sleep apnoea at 3 years old, we endured 3 years of 1-2 hour wakings with hcp's, friends, family and the dogs on the street telling us it was my/our fault for breastfeeding, cosleeping, sitting with him to get to sleep, etc. All told us to do cio, leave him to cry, don't hold his hand, and my god am I glad now that we have done all of that. He couldn't breathe, no wonder he was waking upset and seeking comfort. If it is a medical issue then yes I think cio is cruel (well I think it's cruel anyway tbh).

What won't they do until he's 2? Our ds is on low dose antibiotics for 6 weeks and a nasal steroid spray to see if that works, if it was something like that then surely they would be appropriate for a 1 year old too.

I mean we're glad we cosleep, held his hand, never left him to cry etc, that doesn't look right when I read it back.

I was never considering doing cio, and never would.

Well I went to the gp about his excessive drooling and his mouth breathing and snuffliness, my dh has his adenoids and tonsils removed so I wondered if he has similar problems. She checked his tonsils and she said they were on the large side but nothing major and that they wouldn't refer for an adenoid check without more evidence.

What did it take to get your dc adenoids checked? Was he having recurrent ear infections? Ds has only had one diagnosed.

"I was never" - sorry went all cockney there for some reason.

Yeah I was really annoyed at hcp's suggesting cio to me. I asked my gp for a referral to an ENT consultant, gp said his tonsils were fine and ears were fine, his ears were filled with wax and fluid, glue ear in both, useless gp. Incredibly broken sleep, waking hysterical and frequent blocked nose, they were the symptoms. He's never had an ear, throat or sinus infection.

Please don't sleep train. Imagine you have an elderly relative who is unable to communicate and wakes frequently at night - would you leave them to cry it out? Off course not - it's abuse. No different with babies.

Sleep training does not equal cry it out, ffs.

Thanks @Foggymist I'll try and see another doctor at the practice and press for a referral.

Read the thread @nuttyknitter

So if sleep training isn't cry it out, what is it? Please explain.

DICTIONARY

sleep training

noun

the process of training young children to fall asleep on their own, typically by means of techniques in which the child is left to cry without being comforted, either for gradually increasing periods of time or until they fall asleep.