Please. Help. I can't do this.

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I'm absolutely at my wit's end. My 19 month old won't sleep no matter what i do. She goes to bed at just before 7 and with a bit of moaning self settles rather well, we make it until around 10 before the crying starts, which varies between the half asleep whining to a scream. This goes on and off for a few hours until later in the night when she just won't sleep. Her cot is in my room, probably going to sleep downstairs from now on to minimise disturbance when I come to bed, but tonight I came to bed at 11, it's almost 3 and she is still awake. Nothing works, gave her bottle, patted her back literally for hours, shushing, time out the cot to reset and back in, snack, change, me laying on floor next to her, me even sleeping in her cot! Leaving her to cry, Absolutely nothing. Dispite this she will still wake around half 5/6. I'm so tired, I'm sleeping couple of hours a night, it feels like I have a newborn but somehow worse because I know I don't and things shouldn't be this bad. Have a 3yo too and me being so tired affects her too, I'm out of ideas (and patience) here 😭

I feel your pain. My eldest was like this. My youngest was in with me until 10 months and my coming to bed definitely disturbed her. She would see me from her cot and want me.

Have you tried co-sleeping?

Also try cranial osteopathy.

Maybe try a sleep consultant, if you can find the money. We had a good experience.

Is she sleeping during the day? If she is sleeping too much during naps she might not be tired, particularly if she has a late nap.
It sounds awful, worth talking to a sleep consultant who will look at everything to do with her sleep.

Just to clarify is that 19 months meant to be 9 months?

Finally managed to get s tiny bit of sleep, she went off bit after 3, tried to get up at 5!! But I left her and she went back off til half 6.
Because of how terrible her nights are she has 2 naps, one at around half 8 and another around 1 half 1.

Maybe I'll have a look into consultant then, had osteotherapy (too tired to spell) when she was a baby but didn't work out, co sleeping doesn't work either, and yeah I mean 19 months 😊

I’d limit the naps be honest - it will be hell for a few days as she’s be so grumpy through tiredness but she should sleep better at night - I’d only let her have a maximum of 2 hours over lunchtime and a wake up of no later than 3pm if that makes sense.

I agree - knock off the naps!

Plus why at that age is she still in your room and on bottles? And is it milk in the bottles? Because if so that's kinda giving her a treat for waking. Honestly I'd knock that on the head too.

Most babies are weaned off night feeding by around 8-9 months (which is partly why I thought that 19 was a typo)

She's not on bottles, she used to sleep through night no problem but she's been so bad I gave her one out of desperation to see if she'd go back to sleep which she didn't, and she is in my room because I can't move her in with my 3 year old with how she sleeps

Stop the 8.30 nap as she’s using it as a top up. Then try for an after lunch one (bring lunch forward a bit if you need to). Can you move her into her own room? She wants your attention and you’re giving it to her. You need to be firmer at bed time and leave her to sort herself out. It will be tough to begin with but it will happen. My DD started waking lots in the night so I did controlled crying at 15 months and it worked a dream. She now sleeps a solid 11 hours and we’re all better off for it.

And try a later bedtime, my oldest always went to bed at 8 pm and slept much better.

What’s the daytime routine? What’s the bedtime routine? How do you respond to wake ups?

When I first sleep trained her I used controlled crying which was difficult but worked well after s couple of days, but this seems so much worse! Like it doesn't work, yeah I'm happy to move lunch forward maybe til like 11 so she can nap around 12, trouble is she goes to my grandma's 3 days a week 8-3 while I'm at uni, but I can ask her to stick to my routine. Just when she is struggling to stay in the morning she will think oh I'll put her to bed 😫

Can try a later bed time also, her routine is up, morning bottle, breakfast, morning nap (sometiems she doesn't sleep, depends on night before, they've only recently just started again because of how she has been)
Lunch around 12, nap around 1, (again depends on morning as to whether she settles 😭)

Snack around 3, dinner around half 4, small snack or bit of milk around 6, bedtime 6/7.
She used to sleep well and fit into her day routine great buy everything had turned to chaos!

As for moving rooms, I really don't see how I can! My 3yo sleeps through the night, little one has a bed ready and waiting for her in the room but she cries and screams, how can I transition her and allow my eldest to be disturbed all night?
I really don't know what to do 🤦🏽‍♀️
She has always been a really difficult child and it doesn't seem that will change any time soon haha

We all sleep in a cycle. It starts off in non R.E.M. sleep which is a heavy sleep. When you are woken from this you feel like you haven't slept and you feel very groggy. This lasts an hour to 90 mins.
You then go into R.E.M. sleep. The dream sleep which is the most important part of the cycle. This is when you learn , your brain makes sense of everything you've been exposed to that day. This lasts for 90 mins or a bit longer.
We all then partially wake. We stir and if nothing is different we go back into non R.E.M. sleep and the cycle continues.
If at partially wakening say you need the loo or your cold or your husband is snoring you wake up. Go to the loo etc and then go back to self sooth and sleep.
For a child if something has changed at partially wakening they will wake up.
Examples. Dummy in now not in. Fell asleep downstairs now in room. Parent with them when they fell asleep now not. Light on or tv on now off. On bottle/ boob now not.
How they go to sleep needs to be the same at partially wakening.
There will be some children this doesn't effect but there will be a lot that it effects massively.
To fall asleep your brain needs to produce a hormone melatonin you cannot sleep without it.
The dark tells the brain to produce it. That's why people fall asleep in the cinema etc. The light tells the brain to stop producing it.
We do a bedtime routine to get the brain to associate that routine with the dark and to then produce melatonin. That's why it's important to have a bed routine.
When they wake up do part of the routine again.
Try going into your child after they have been asleep 40 minuets and rub their arm to stir them. This will knock their cycle back to the beginning and may help.
Do not do controlled crying but look up rapid return.
When you do something do it consistently and do not give in. This will cause the problem to get worse to sort.
Hope this helps. Good luck.

My oldest was just like this at 19 months, and then DD2 was born when she was 20 months and we had a good six months of double hell . It was awful.
Drop the morning nap. She is using it to top up her night time sleep. It will be tough for a while but you should see some improvements.
To be honest my biggest regret is that I didn’t just admit defeat and get a sleep consultant it. It would have saved us months of pain I think.

Try the 3 day waking up technique. If she's waking at 10pm every night try waking her up at 9pm for a few days. It might re-set her body clock.

I'd also have her in her own room and definitely nothing except water at night at that age.

Reintroducing the morning nap facilitates the bad nighttime sleep and early waking. One good nap after lunch is all she should need.

Bedtime routine should be pjs, teeth, book and then bed. Try to not make it too long or over stimulating.

I’d get rid of all bottles and dummies, just throw them away.

At nighttime. I’d ignore any waking for 5 minutes and then just sit next to her cot. No eye contact. Lay her down and tell her it’s time to sleep now. Repeat every 5 minutes.

Oh sorry, just to add that the waking early in the evening is usually over tiredness

I take her up into a dark room and lay her down where she self settles and everything remains the same though the night, no changes is light or surroundings or anything..

She's really tired at the moment but I'm keeping her up and waiting until later to put her to bed.

Okay I get what people are saying about her having her own room which I agree but the issue remains of how am I meant to move her across and have my 3yo up half the night because of the little one, I don't see how that's possible

She's trying to go sleep on my lap 😶

I agree there is no way you can put her in the room with your other child until her sleep improves, that's not fair on the older child!
I definitely think the early nap is contributing to the problem but it will he hard trying to keep her going until lunch. Got to be worth a try though.
I think by 19 months my DD was only having a short nap (1 or 2 sleep cycles) after lunch then sleeping 7pm-7am.
Really hope it improves for you soon.

Put little one one in the bedroom on her own. Have 3 year old in with you if she is a sound sleeper

The naps have to go. One at a time but they have to go. If she tries to sleep on you get her up walking around playing, get her outside if possible even just briefly. Cool air and sunshine will wake her up.

You say no bottles then mention a morning bottle - is she having regular bottles or not?

How long has this been going on? If not long it may be a temporary thing. Is she teething? Due a growth spurt?

I don’t have any advice but I just wanted to offer solidarity my 2.5 year old has just started sleeping through in the last month or so. It will happen eventually! I really do think sleep is developmental and some get it earlier than others. It’s bloody hard while you’re immersed in it though.