Please. Help. I can't do this.

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I'm absolutely at my wit's end. My 19 month old won't sleep no matter what i do. She goes to bed at just before 7 and with a bit of moaning self settles rather well, we make it until around 10 before the crying starts, which varies between the half asleep whining to a scream. This goes on and off for a few hours until later in the night when she just won't sleep. Her cot is in my room, probably going to sleep downstairs from now on to minimise disturbance when I come to bed, but tonight I came to bed at 11, it's almost 3 and she is still awake. Nothing works, gave her bottle, patted her back literally for hours, shushing, time out the cot to reset and back in, snack, change, me laying on floor next to her, me even sleeping in her cot! Leaving her to cry, Absolutely nothing. Dispite this she will still wake around half 5/6. I'm so tired, I'm sleeping couple of hours a night, it feels like I have a newborn but somehow worse because I know I don't and things shouldn't be this bad. Have a 3yo too and me being so tired affects her too, I'm out of ideas (and patience) here 😭

Get a my hummy, I have one for my 6 week old and my 2 year old neice has one and they have been awesome.

One tip I got and have stuck to is I never put any of my kids for a nap in the same cot/basket that they went in at night. I never dimmed the lights or switched off any noise so that they knew the difference between a daytime nap and bed time e.g. stay put till daylight or else lol

I am utterly convinced that it's the naps. Currently battling with my 22 month old DD2 because she currently wants a later bedtime. Today is day 1 of bringing her nap forward.

At about 14 months DD2 went through lots of night waking and refusing her second nap. So I dropped the morning nap and did lunch at 11 and nap at 12 (up by 2 at the very latest). This was on the advice of my nanny friend. Everything changed instantly. I'm a firm believer that if you can get naps right then night will follow (although there are caveats with that!!).

Seriously. Try lunch at 11 and nap at 12. I know it'll be hard but hopefully it will help. Stick to water during the night if really needed. Does she have a comforter or something? Just wondering if this might help during the night. I'd also recommend distancing the amount of time that you wait before going in during the night - so each time wait a minute or so more. I'd also suggest stopping the shhing and patting etc. It's not working. Pick up cuddle and put back down and leave. If it doesn't work at least you've tried. I also tried the gentle retreat with DD1 which worked wonders. Didn't work at all with DD2.

Good luck. I know what a killer the lack of sleep is.

Before I didn't do pat and cuddle or whatever, I'd leave her and she go back off rather well but because she is so bad I tried out of desperation.

I said she isn't on bottles at night, and that she has a bottle in the morning when she wakes up.

She has a toy sea horse that is her comforter and I make sure she always has that, I could actually bring my 3yo in with us (really don't know how I haven't thought of that haha) so with her sleeping being all over shall I do it all in one go? I mean her bed is set up she can move in tonight, but I really don't know how to handle it with her! My eldest was so easy to move but I know this one will get out the bed and just go crazy.. so any tips on how you'd do that? Shall I do from tonight?

Really appreciating all the replies by the way people, it's really helpful honestly ❤️

Defo move the three year old in with you! Tell her she's going to camp out with mummy and daddy for a couple of weeks to help her younger sibling adjust before they start sharing together.
Tell her the 19month old is really excited to share a room with her, but maybe has a tummy ache at night at the moment that needs to be sorted first!? Good luck xx

My big one, rara, won't mind being in with us, she is very easy to handle and takes things well! Just don't know how to transition Baba over now!

Just an update, managed to hold off for her to only have the 1 nap yesterday, put her to bed slightly later and into the big bed in her room on her own with eldest in bed with me.. she took a while to settle but once she fell asleep she only stirred a couple of times and slept through the night. Thanks for all the help everyone 🌸🌸

Brilliant!!!

Amazing!!!! That must feel like such a relief. I hope she does it again for you. My DD finally went to bed at a better time after bringing her nap forwards. Still room for improvement so I think she needs a shorter nap too. Sleep really is a very fine art.

Yay!

It's so hard to get right and they're too small to tell you what they need! But shows what sharing advice with each other can achieve 🙂

Brilliant news! Actually I wonder (and we had this with dd) if she was catching herself on the crib and that was waking her? Soon as we put her in a "big bed" albeit with a guard to be on safe side she was much happier.

Either way glad everyone getting more sleep.

Are you going to try the girls in together soon?

Yeah I have 3 guards on this because I know some how she'll find her way out of it and hurt herself, she's just that type of baby!
Yeah, once she's fully settled in, probs in a week or so I'll move the other one back in too 😊

Sounds like you're well on your way to a good nights sleep for all.

Ewan the Dream Sheep has worked wonders for me. It's like Pavlov's dogs - I played the sheep sound every time DS was sleepy so now he associates the sheep sound with sleep and hearing it makes him feel tired.