Help! Need a sleep plan for 4 month old. Losing my mind!

[Obsidian]

Before anyone says ‘4 month sleep regression’, I know, I know, but this has been going on for 5 weeks now and I need a plan to stop me cracking up. In all seriousness, think my mental health is at risk if we don’t see some improvement soon, so would really appreciate your advice, wisdom, suggestions, thoughts... TIA.

LO is nearly 20 weeks and slept quite well between 8 and 14/15 weeks. Then all of a sudden started waking every hour at night. He goes to sleep okay (sometimes feeds to sleep, sometimes goes down sleepy but awake and will go off with a bit of singing / rocking), but then keeps waking up ALL NIGHT. I started off feeding every wake up, which worked for a bit, but now feeding sometimes wakes him up more, or he’s not interested, or he conks out then wakes up 30 minuets later screaming because he needs to burp. We’ve tried other methods (pick up, put down, shush/pat) which sometimes help and sometimes don’t. Last night we resorted to putting him in his bouncy chair in his cot and rocking him because he’d been awake for 2 hours and we were desperate.

I don’t particularly want to cosleep, but we’ve tried it and it doesn’t seem to calm him down, nor does cuddling him sometimes. We obviously don’t want to do hardcore sleep training while he’s so young (or at all if we can avoid it), but he’s crying anyway, and we’re all struggling to cope. OH is amazing, but he’s got to go to work in the morning. We’ve tried EBM and formula in a bottle to give me a break, but he won’t take any bottle at any time of day.

Sorry for the essay, but am at the end of my tether now. I spend much of last night sobbing. Also have a 5 year old to look after and get to school etc.

So. What should I do??? Do I pick a strategy and stick to it, rather than chopping and changing? If so, which one is appropriate? Do I feed every wake up, and if not, when and how often?? What should I be aiming for in terms of daytime naps? He currently needs a nap every 1 1/2 to 2 hours, but timings/lengths are a bit random, and he often refuses the last nap of the day, meaning he can be awake for up to 4 hours before bedtime, so probably overtired.

HELP! Too tired to think straight and need a plan... Thanks!!!

Considering paying for a sleep consultant (although really can’t afford it on mat pay). Am I mad???? Just want someone to tell me what to do.

Yes get a sleep consultant. In my experience it’s too hard to fix on your own

I found this helpful for the ‘is this normal?’ Question,
www.babycenter.com/0_sample-baby-schedules-for-3-and-4-month-olds_3657230.bc
I picked a schedule and stuck to it as much as possible, if only to reassure myself that I was doing something proactive. Give yourself a break in every other area as much as you can- housework doesn’t matter, 5 year old a little bit late for School doesn’t matter, a few ready meals doesn’t matter etc. The old adage ‘sleep when the baby sleeps’ is golden until you get this sorted, be kind to yourself. I’m sure you know that this too will pass even though it’s probably not helpful to hear right now good luck x

Oh god I feel your pain. It's horrendous. Totally awful. Mine was really similar, 4 months hit and everything went to shit. We had hourly wake ups until we finally used a sleep consultant at 6.5 months. He's 10 months now and is in his cot for 11-12 hours at night other than maybe one or two wakeups where he just needs a 10 second cuddle. He also naps great in the day now too and everything seems better. So it CAN improve!!

Other than the sleep consultant I don't really know what to suggest as unfortunately that's the only thing that worked for us. The method was a mild form of controlled crying so we left him for 1 minute then 2 minutes then 3 minutes although not if he went totally mental. Within 3 days it had helped and the short term pain was better for all of us as he now is happy going to bed mostly. We night weaned around the same time as he was down to just one night feed and that helped a lot too.

You have my total sympathy and really hope it improves soon!

Thanks all - for sympathy and advice - really helpful

The schedules look like a good rough guide, so will start there. In terms of sleep consultants, how do you go about finding a reputable good value one in the local area? A quick google shows a very wide range of experience, services and prices! Any recommendations??

Already dreading tonight

Hello! You have my sympathy. Before you pay for a sleep consultant (I was ready to, too) try The sensational baby sleep plan by Alison Scott Wright which explains step by step how to implement a sleep and feeding routine and establishing a self settling routine. It worked for us and everyone else we know who used it. It’s not for everyone but might be right for you? Best of luck

No advice OP but watching with interest as currently right in the middle of this with 4.5 month old DS....

I've just bought the little ones sleep guide to follow their routines as it's helped for a friend but struggling to read it as DS is also nap resistant unless I walk him in the push chair!

I feel your pain.

Are you bottle or breastfeeding?
I would try to up the feeds during the day and shave a few mins off of each nap and definatley introduce a solid bedtime routine (it will be difficult at first but baby will soon adjust) bath (with lavender) a massage and some gentle play while getting dried and ready for bed, big feed, then lay baby down and get on with something quiet in the room until you can sneak away.

Does baby ever drink water? He may be thirsty in the night.

How does your little one take naps does he just fall asleep or do you rock him?

Have you tried a dummy....I know some parents don't want to but they're worth a quiet night.

I discovered quite recently that my 1 year old DC3 was only waking for nappy changes. I couldn't believe it as I had been trying everything else to settle him. I realised recently when I decided to change him before feeding that time, he instantly passed out again... I guess some babies just don't like feeling wet...I didn't have this with my first two DC so I wasnt looking out for it.

My checklist for bedtime problems: (providing no medical issues)
Too hot/cold
Nappy change
Hunger
Pain colic/reflux (you would need to slightly raise head of cot to counter this)

If nothing's working just contact Your HV until you get results, you shouldnt have to pay out for help and advice...unless you can of course then go for it.

I survived by moving my dh onto the sofa bed and bringing ds into bed with me. I had his next2me on his side of the bed, him in his sleeping bag, no duvet and a small pillow on my side. I fed him to sleep then rolled away into my own sleeping space. Repeated several times a night. When he hit 6 months we embarked on some sleep training and got him in his cot in his sister's room. You do what you need to to get by. It's horrible...but you will get through it x

I’m breastfeeding, and have tried upping the feeds in the day, but LO is so distracted (even at home in a quiet room!) that he doesn’t feed for long in the daytime. Plus he’s a really sicky baby, so it seems as though half the feed comes back up each time 🙄🙈

I WISH he’d take a bottle - to give me a break, and also potentially fill him up (I know this is controversial but am desperate for sleep!). He won’t though, and we’ve tried fairly hard to persuade him. He won’t take a dummy either 😬 which is disappointing. We’ve tried to introduce a comfort toy that smells of me, but not sure he’s overly bothered.

I don’t think he’s super hungry, although will feed well in the night every 3 hours or so (which I can cope with), but does suffer from wind / reflux, which I think makes it hard for him to settle. Extra feeds just seem to exacerbate this, so trying to avoid where possible.

Have just stopped LO feeding before he fell asleep and put him down awake. He wasn’t best pleased, but I manage to get him to sleep using shush-pat in his cot (after picking him up a couple of times to get him calm enough to lay down and relax a bit). Will try and use the same method consistently in the night and see if that helps. Does that sound like a sensible plan? Or will I just create another sleep association to replace feeding / rocking? I’m reluctant to pay for a sleep consultant or sleep plan, if it’s only going to be common sense. But can see how having someone to hold your hand / keep you on track would be helpful. Seeing HV on Thursday - as LO has 16 week jabs (late), which will no doubt mess everything up again in a new and interesting way 😂 😭 - so will ask her for advice / recommendations then.

Sorry to hear others are in the same situation. It really is AWFUL. I hope things improve for all of us soon. Let’s share tips on anything that works! Fingers crossed for tonight...

Just for context, naps today were 9.30-11 and 12.45-2.45. That’s it. Tried him in the sling and bouncy chair 4.30/5ish, to see if he’d have a catnap, but he wasn’t interested and got quite distressed until I started playing with him again 😂

I started bedtime routine (bath, story, feed, bed) at 6, and he was asleep by 6.30. Seems really early, but he’d been awake over 3 hours so not sure what else to do! It made it hard to keep him awake during the feed, so he may not be as full as he is when I let him feed to sleep. Not sure if I’ve done the right thing or not

Time will tell... (will report back)

DotCotton I’d be interested to hear how you get on with the Little Ones Sleep Plan, as I’m tempted to invest. Let me know if it works for you!

Hi @Obsidian

I'm having similar problems with my baby, although we're a bit behind you at 13 weeks. He was doing 5 hour stretches and then up a couple of times after that but last few weeks have been every two hours at best and every 45 mins at worst. Literally the only thing that will settle him is feeding him back to sleep (we're breastfeeding).

I was trying to get him to nap in his snuzpod in the day by rocking him off, but this morning have spent over half an hour with varying levels of upset baby trying to get him off before giving in and currently letting him sleep on me after a feed. So feeling a bit of a failure right now.

So yeah, following this with interest. How was your night?

Hi SendHelpAndGin - sorry to hear you’re also suffering. It’s hellish isn’t it? Our night was slightly better thanks. Still lots of wake ups, but we managed to settle him back to sleep more easily (with a combination of shush-pat, cheek stroking and Ewan the Dream Sheep), and I only fed him every 3-4 hours. There was no long awake period either, but he was up for the day at 5.50am

It may be a coincidence, but I think avoiding feeding to sleep is what is helping, so that he is settling on his own (with our help) in his cot. And also not suffering as badly from wind / reflux in the night, due to excessive hourly feeding (which I was doing before out of desperation to try and get him to sleep). I’m trying to do this in the day too (break the link between feeding and sleep), although still have to use pram or sling to get him off to sleep (and I usually feed him before a nap). Really hope we’re starting to turn a corner...

Hi @Obsidian

Glad you had a better night - hope it continued last night too! Wasn't great for us. Started off promisingly, 3.5 hour stretch and then a feed, back down after 40 mins - only to wake 40 mins later, take an hour to settle, wake after 40 mins, when I brought him into our bed as generally everyone else gets a bit more sleep that way and I can at least doze!

The heath visitor told me I needed to break the feed to sleep association - but didn't give any advice on how to do that with a distraught baby at 3am! Any tips?! I am working on daytime naps in the crib so hopefully that will help (although have replaced feeding to sleep with rocking to sleep for those )

Hi @SendHelpAndGin - sorry to hear you had a rubbish night.

Ours started off promisingly as well. I fed LO at 6.30, but stopped before he fell asleep. OH then settled him in his cot with shush-pat, which took about 10 mins, with only a bit of grumbling. He then slept until 10, stirring a few times (bit of shouting, rolling around, punching himself in the face 😂, but no proper crying) but resettling without any help from us, which was AMAZING. So I was feeling all optomistic when I went to bed just after 9.

Then it all went to shit. He woke at 10, 11.30, 12.30 and 1.30. I fed him at 10 and 1.30, and we managed to resettle him using shush-pat at 12.30. Then the fun really started. Between 1.30 and 3 he woke approximately every 20 mins. Basically every time I drifted off, which was TORTURE. Screaming blue murder every time, but then resettling on a shoulder with some shushing and patting. Eventually tried a nappy change, which completely woke him up. Cue more screaming. Tried dentinox and ibuprofen in case teething. Didn’t help. I fed him again at 3ish, and he conked out on my pillow, and we all slept together until 5. Fed again, awake again, tried bouncy chair in cot, drifted off, woke at 5.45. Fed again (while sobbing - me, not him), then he fell asleep in our bed again until 7.30. Meanwhile I had to go in the shower at 7 to get ready for school run.

Feel like crap today. Managed to sneak a 30 minute nap while he was asleep at lunchtime, so that helped a bit, but still feeling awful, and dreading night ahead.

I guess we’ll try more of the same tonight, but not hopeful anything will improve any time soon. Going to sob on Health Visitor tomorrow and see if she has any pearls of wisdom.

Good luck tonight! Please share anything that works! Going to try a bottle of formula again at bedtime, but LO is such a diva he’ll almost certainly refuse again 😭😭😭😭

You have my sympathies. DD is 17 weeks and the 4 month regression is killing me!

Sendhelpandgin we were the same- she’d just started getting into a nice routine at around 11weeks with 4.5/5 hrs first stretch and then resettling, then leap 3 hit and never recovered. Then at least 3 hourly wakes every night.

Then we hit the 4 month regression - the night before last she literally didn’t sleep longer than a chunk of 1 hr. I was utterly broken and DH took the day off work as I struggling so much. I pretty much do all the nights alone.

She is also mega-fussy about taking a bottle and will only do daytime naps on the move (car seat/sling) or occasionally feed to sleep. So I can’t even nap in the day.

Interestingly I popped into Baby Cafe today and was told that there’s nothing wrong in feeding to sleep, especially during a developmental period. So the advice we are given is all inconsistent!

So we wait to see what tonight brings. Wishing us all luck!

My ds1 was an appalling sleeper from birth and from 4 months was nearly impossible to feed during the day as he was so distractable. I read every book going and tried different techniques but my HV let me borrow the book ‘teach your child to sleep ‘. It was a life saver. (Nearly literally as I was walking into things, cutting myself, etc through sleep deprivation). The book was the best I read. Factual information with no preaching or unrealistic spin, flow charts and step by step instructions for the sleep deprived brain, a choice of methods to suit your family and the age of child, and examples of routines for different ages.

By the time we got the book my ds1 was older but we chose a gentle method for a slightly younger child and after a few months of work he was sleeping all night and have two proper naps. It was not easy but the small steps of progress helped keep us going.

Oh no @Cottipus that doesn't sound promising! I feel for you still going through this. Although even 3 hours at this point sounds heavenly! Last night was awful again, with an hour and a half awake in the middle where he wouldn't settle. To be honest even when I feed him to sleep at the moment he often wakes when I try and transfer him back even if I've waited a good 20 mins.

@Obsidian how are you doing?

Sounds like there’s a lot of us struggling with this awful phase at the moment - the hourly (or less 😭) wake-ups are killer aren’t they? I also struggle to nap during the day, as two naps are on the school run, and the lunchtime nap is usually on the way back from a group in the pram. I usually have just enough time to have lunch when I get back before he wakes up!

Last night was much better thanks @SendHelpAndGin, but sadly may have been an anomaly as LO had his 16 week vaccinations yesterday (a few weeks late), so was dosed up on Calpol 😂 He slept 7-10, 10.30-2, and 2.30-5, with only a feed in between, which felt like a huge luxury. He’s been really sleepy today too, so think it must be the jabs.... will probably all go to shit again tonight!

How was everyone else’s night?

Could almost set your watch by him last night, pretty much every 2 hours exactly. NOTHING will settle him except the breast, and he does actually take big gulps and swallows at first, so maybe he is actually hungry?! The trouble is with keeping him upright after (reflux) eats into any sleep time I get between waking, and transferring him back to the cot often seems to wake him. I give up by about half way through the night and co-sleep but then worry about creating a whole new bad habit!

His dad helped to re-settle him a bit more last night as it was the weekend, so despite a tough night I do actually feel a bit more human this morning

Hello there, the week my DD1 dropped her last nap and has started to consistently sleep through, DD2 hits the 4 month sleep regression. She is doing it very well though, totally text book. Lulled me into a false sense of security by stretching out to 3/4 hours over night by three months. But for the last two weeks her naps have been 45 mins and she wakes at night every 2 hours. Settles quickly after feeding, until the 3.30/4am feed, where she wakes totally to have a little party, she then drifts off at about 5am, 15 minutes before her sister wakes up at 5.17am (yes precisely at 5.17, every day, without fail). It. Is. Hell.

So, here is the kicker, all the advice is about self settling, but she already self settles for naps and when I put her down at night. But for some reason she can't over night.

I have introduced a bottles for hera9.30/10pm feed, made naff all difference. I am going to try some things tonight. First off, only feeding every 3 to 4 hours at night, she does this easily in the day. I am going to stop using the dummy, which I use occasionally. I am going to try and get her to nap longer in the day. I am going to resist buying the very tempting sleep programs, don't think they will work with a toddler in tow.

We’ve settled down a little over the last few nights- only woken for 3/4 night feeds with the odd random waking up and needing resettling thrown in for good measure!

She actually gets more unsettled if we pick her up so I try to calm her in her crib. How do you soothe a baby who doesn’t like cuddles?!

The one thing that sort of works at the moment is white noise, but only if she wakes and needs resettling, and it has to be loud and I have to play if before she wakes up properly! Even then is doesn’t always work.

Otherwise I have to feed to sleep which isn’t great as I’m sore at the moment and she likes to chomp...

@obsidian I also found that jabs don’t affect her sleep, it’s so bad to start with I don’t think they can make it worse!

@sendhelpandgin I know exactly what you mean about the feeding thing. DD can do 3 hrs between feeds but then I think maybe she is genuinely hungry 1.5 hrs after her last feed? It’s so hard to know when you don’t know how much they’re taking. If I remember rightly leap 3 messed up her sleep for about a week and then it got easier but sadly we didn’t get the 4.5 hr stretches back.

@belleende sorry you find yourself here too!

So update. Progress has been made. I have increased daytime feeds as I suspect she was preferring to eat at night as she did decent feeds even every 2 hours.
I introduced a dream bottle feed at 10pm.

I then managed to get her to go back to sleep pretty quickly at 12 without feeding by using the dummy. She then woke at 2, I fed her. She went back to sleep pretty quickly.

She then woke at 4.30. I left her in the next to me cot, she babbled happily and went back to sleep for an hour and then I fed her.

So not perfect, but better.