Help! Need a sleep plan for 4 month old. Losing my mind!

[Obsidian]

Before anyone says ‘4 month sleep regression’, I know, I know, but this has been going on for 5 weeks now and I need a plan to stop me cracking up. In all seriousness, think my mental health is at risk if we don’t see some improvement soon, so would really appreciate your advice, wisdom, suggestions, thoughts... TIA.

LO is nearly 20 weeks and slept quite well between 8 and 14/15 weeks. Then all of a sudden started waking every hour at night. He goes to sleep okay (sometimes feeds to sleep, sometimes goes down sleepy but awake and will go off with a bit of singing / rocking), but then keeps waking up ALL NIGHT. I started off feeding every wake up, which worked for a bit, but now feeding sometimes wakes him up more, or he’s not interested, or he conks out then wakes up 30 minuets later screaming because he needs to burp. We’ve tried other methods (pick up, put down, shush/pat) which sometimes help and sometimes don’t. Last night we resorted to putting him in his bouncy chair in his cot and rocking him because he’d been awake for 2 hours and we were desperate.

I don’t particularly want to cosleep, but we’ve tried it and it doesn’t seem to calm him down, nor does cuddling him sometimes. We obviously don’t want to do hardcore sleep training while he’s so young (or at all if we can avoid it), but he’s crying anyway, and we’re all struggling to cope. OH is amazing, but he’s got to go to work in the morning. We’ve tried EBM and formula in a bottle to give me a break, but he won’t take any bottle at any time of day.

Sorry for the essay, but am at the end of my tether now. I spend much of last night sobbing. Also have a 5 year old to look after and get to school etc.

So. What should I do??? Do I pick a strategy and stick to it, rather than chopping and changing? If so, which one is appropriate? Do I feed every wake up, and if not, when and how often?? What should I be aiming for in terms of daytime naps? He currently needs a nap every 1 1/2 to 2 hours, but timings/lengths are a bit random, and he often refuses the last nap of the day, meaning he can be awake for up to 4 hours before bedtime, so probably overtired.

HELP! Too tired to think straight and need a plan... Thanks!!!

Well done @Belleende. Hope you get more progress tonight!

I'm really struggling with knowing what the best thing to do is in terms of feeding him back to sleep at each wake up or not. He's becoming so hard to settle otherwise - daytime naps have gone backwards too and feeding to sleep is the only way to get him down for those as well. Feeling a bit trapped by it!

During the night I think absolutely feed back to sleep, but at reasonable intervals, so I am trying to feed every 4 hours, even if she wakes every 2.

During the day I am using the dummy to settle. It really works for her (her sister would not take one at all).

As soon as I have her schedule more figured out I will think about getting rid of the dummy, but my priority right now is me getting more sleep and her having a more established sleep pattern.

I have found during the day I have to watch her like a hawk for signals she is ready to nap. It used to be 3 yawns and I could put her down awake, now it seems I need to get her into her bed before she starts yawning. You might want to try putting him down say 2hours after his last wake up, even if he is showing no signs of tiredness.

Are all of your babies sleeping wonderfully now?

We had an awful week or two of wake ups all night. Now at nearly 21 weeks we’re back to 3 ish night wakings every 2-3 hrs which feels like a luxury! I’ve been making an effort to keep her awake during feeds so she drinks more and kept the white noise on all night. Maybe that’s helped?

Been reading on another forum posters complaining that baby had started waking once in the night. If only!

NO! Have just started another thread about it, as at the end of my tether. No improvements here. If anything, it’s got worse 😩

Agree that 2-3 hours would be bliss! Still every hour or so here - haven’t had 2 hours sleep in a row for weeks. It’s AWFUL.

Have tried white noise, feeding more, feeding less, shush-pat, teething gel... everything I can think of!

What’s worked for others? Anything??

No advice here @Obsidian I'm afraid - think we're coming off the back of the worst night ever. Poor baby has had so little sleep and I feel awful that I can't help him get more - plus wondering how on earth I'm going to get through the day! You have my complete sympathy, this is awful

@Obsidian how did your visit to the HV go? I went to the drop in clinic last week and (I will probably get shot down on MN for this) asked about introducing some solids. The official line was not til 6 months but if we wanted to try some baby rice and vegetable/fruit purée then it wouldn’t do any harm at this stage if we take it very gently. She’s only a few days off 5 months so we have made a small start, not keen on the rice but taken carrot and banana well. I don’t think her milk intake has dropped at all so it’s more about supplementing than replacing. Too early to say whether it’s improved her sleep but she was very smiley after her carrot!

I did also think teething as well at your latest update. She had a couple of nights when she just wouldn’t settle, but Anbesol gel, Calpol and a feed finally settled her.

We’ve had a couple of better nights but I know how quickly it can all change so I’m certainly not thinking we’re out of the woods yet.

What are daytime naps like now?

So last night he was up every 2 hours like clockwork... including a stint at half one when he was just awake for 2 hours. After that I bought him into our bed and he's only just woken up! I don't like co-sleeping but I think we might have to go back to it as it seems to be the way we all get the most sleep. Just feels like we're taking a step backwards though!!

Hope you all had better nights

You have my sympathies, I had similar troubles with my DS. I used www.betterlittlesleepers.com/ and they made a massive difference. I would really recommend Jessica. She put together a plan for us, which was easy to follow and got our little one to self settle and helped stop night time waking. It also definitely didn't involve any CC.
Good luck, hope you get some more sleep soon x

@Cottipus Our HV also recommended trying solids, but otherwise didn’t really suggest anything we aren’t already trying. She did weigh him though and suggest it was okay to limit his feeds at night as he’s 91st centile and clearly getting enough milk 😂

We’ve started with a bit of fruit and veg, and he’s taken to it well. Grabs the spoon, puts it in his mouth, copes well with rice cakes etc. He’s only just 5 months, but sitting up and able to pick up banana fingers and put them in his mouth, so I think he’s ready! No improvement in sleep yet though sadly...

Last night was AWFUL. He slept 7-10, but then was wide awake after his 10pm feed for 2 1/2 hours. Just wouldn’t settle in his cot despite repeatedly dropping off in my shoulder. Eventually brought him in with me at 12.30. He fed at 11.30, 12.30, 2, 4, 5, 5.30, then up for the day 😩 Feel dreadful today. Wondering if it’s teething, as he’s really bitey today, and keeps screaming when feeding. Might try Calpol tonight..

Oddly daytime naps are okay and fairly predictable, although he does fight them some days!

Sorry to hear others are still suffering. Stupid babies! Don’t they know sleep is LOVELY!

@SendHelpAndGin Think we might have to resort to cosleeping as well. Just to get some sleep...

@sendhelpandgin how is co-sleeping going? I have considered it but I’m not sure it would improve my sleep, I had DD in with me a couple of times when she was little but I didn’t sleep properly and now I wake up with anxiety that DD is in the bed with me! I think co-sleeping might make that worse!

@obsidian that does sound like teething, did the Calpol help? I hate dosing DD up but when she settles afterwards I wonder why I didn’t do it sooner.

Still waking a lot here. Doesn’t help when people tell you they SHOULD be sleeping better at this age.

I’ve been doing relaxation and yoga at bedtime to try and improve my own sleep. At the moment I’m in bed at 7pm every night to do DD’s night feeds then head down for sleep roulette. I keep telling myself it won’t always be like this and one day I will get my evenings back...

@Cottipus it's a bit mixed, I'm still trying him in his own bed for most of the night as he's so wriggly! I think his reflux is causing him some discomfort but he's already on the highest dose of ranitidine and we're waiting for a paediatric appointment. The cot is propped up but doesn't seem to be making the world of difference, still waking up every 2 hours like clockwork