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Original poster

Need to stop feeding at night - help???

47 replies

chocolatte · 09/05/2007 16:10

Hi, this is my first post - hope you can advise...

My dd is 7mths and used to be a pretty good sleeper. Mostly has only woken once in the night until about a month ago. In this time she has popped a couple of teeth, moved to her own room and went onto solids (which she loves and eats loads.)Now she usually wakes every 3 hours. I do feed her when she wakes but I dont think shes really hungry - just likes a mouthful of booby!

She has 2 good naps in the day but she wakes at the same time at night even if she doesnt get her afternoon nap.
Thanx!

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olivo · 09/05/2007 16:20

hi choc! when my dd was nearly 6 months, i realised she was wanting me more than actually milk at night, as she would feed for a while and just snuggle. for a few nights, at 5ish (having fed about 2ish)i would just pick her up, cuddle her till she calmed down and put her back down. after a few nights, she didnt wake. i then did the same at 2 o'clock, and after a week or so, she slept through and we havent looked back. good luck.

Original poster
chocolatte · 09/05/2007 16:26

thanks olivio! that sounds promising! she does scream her little head off tho. iv tried to settle her without feeding but so far she has been much more determined than me!

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Stigaloid · 09/05/2007 16:32

can you get DH to go in with a bottle? If she's hungry she'll drink but if it's cuddles she wants she may settle? (she can probably smell your milk when you go in and may be comfort eating)

Original poster
chocolatte · 09/05/2007 16:36

we're going to try that tonight stig! although he has`only offered to do the 11.30/12am feed! i'm not back at work yet so i s'pose thats sortof fair enough(although he isnt working at the weekend ;-)

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Stigaloid · 09/05/2007 16:47

if she does wake then make sure you strap yourself up and wear a big jumper before going in - hopefully this will hide the smell of your boobs and a cuddle will suffice!

good luck and KUP!

Original poster
chocolatte · 09/05/2007 17:06

hahaha. there's a thought! didnt know why anyone wore pj's until i had a baby! will go in with body armour to slow me down! we did pu/pd (or a version of it) to get her to do the daytime naps which worked brilliantly but i just cant cope with the night squealing.

i was delighted the other night when she slept thro from 12am - then i looked`at my watch and it was only 3am! oops.

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amiandlils · 09/05/2007 20:13

Hi there - was just chatting to a friend this morning who sent her dh in for a few nights each time baby woke. Worked a treat and she now sleeps through.

Good luck x

amiandlils · 09/05/2007 20:15

PS I'm there with you on the subject of pjs - much to my dp's annoyance. He seems to view them as some kind of contraceptive device...

Original poster
chocolatte · 10/05/2007 09:33

Awful night! She sqwaked 1/2 hr after going down which is very unusual. We decided that rather than me bf her when she woke at 12amish DP would give her a bottle of formula and I would stay outatheway. She was most annoyed about this - took 1/2 oz and cryed for an hour.(thank god it wasnt expressed milk - i would hav cried at the waste!) Woke at 3am and screamed until 5am despite me feeding her after 30mins, bonjela then calpol as last resort at 4.30am. Hmmm. She's went down for her mornng nap no probs tho. Not sure what to do tonight???

Good idea about sending dp in for a few nights although I dont know if he'll agree to a few nights in a row. And we'll hav to wait till the weekend for that... thanks for advice!

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Original poster
chocolatte · 10/05/2007 20:24

not sure what to do tonight so any help would be much appreciated....?

DP thinks it's cruel to cut all night feeds at the same time but I'm worried that to feed her the first time she wakes but not the next times would be giving her mixed messages?

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Original poster
chocolatte · 11/05/2007 13:16

hello - anyone out there? another bad night and I'm feeling very down. fed her at 12am and 3am but decided not to at 5am - she screamed for an hour then we both cried for another 30 mins. I tried a sippy cup but she nearly choked. She did eventually go to sleep but it doesnt feel like success.

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dcb · 11/05/2007 13:27

we did this last week but dd is 10 mths. we'd both had enough and so dh agreed that he would go in each she woke ad i would no longer go in at night as we thought she just associated me with feeding her (still bf). after a week she has just gone through the night til 6am. might be a fluke but after only 2 nights she was only waking once at 4ish so has def helped. i love just lying there and saying " i could go in if you want me to but it might ruin all your hard work....". after 10 mths of doing all the night wakings i don't feel too bad - am back at work v. soon so will have to be shared then anyway.

she eats well during the day and has 4 feeds a day so i know she isn't hungry. is your lo really hungry first thing or not so interested. it might help you decide if she needs any milk overnight. i know some babies that still feed overnight at that age.

dcb · 11/05/2007 13:29

also meant to say that she might be in a growth spurt - remember dd feeding 2-3 times overnight at 8 mths and was still hungry first thing. lasted 2-3 weeks i think.

sanandol · 11/05/2007 13:55

Hi there, sounds like you're having a bit of a hectic time.

Does she drink from a bottle normally (i.e. during the day)? If she does, then my guess is if she's really hungry she would take it at night, either from you or DH. If she doesn't, then, as you say she's probably just got into a habit of waking up to see if mummy's around... to be honest, from the fact that she's waking at the same time every night, it sounds more like she's just got into the habit.

Like the other people on here say, the best thing to do is probably to get DH to go in with a bottle each time she wakes. It's the weekend so he's got time! (By the way, the fact that he's working doesn't mean he can't do it during the week either - I'm a DH who managed to work and share night feeds without my head falling off). Also, he might get less hassled by her wailing than you (guys seem to).

If she's honestly hungry, she should eat, but more realistically she'll kick off in style when she doesn't get what she wants (i.e. you, a boob and a cuddle). DH (or you if he won't do it) will just have to ride it out til eventually she falls asleep again in her cot. We had to do this with our lad at about 6 months and it can be bloody brutal for all concerned for the first couple of nights and can result in long hours by the cot "sshhing" and "it's okay I love you-ing" but at least you know she's not hungry if she's turned away the bottle and that she's not crying by herself.

Not an easy solution I'm afraid and might be (almost certainly will be) a long few nights for you, but better that than things being as they are at the mo. Good luck with it. Hope it helps.

dingolimpet · 11/05/2007 14:05

After trying lots of things with both of my boys, none of which worked, i made a plan, the first time ds awoke, usually 12-2 ish, I wouldn't bf him, no matter what, and then bf him if he awoke again. The first couple of nights he wasn't pleased, but I just cuddled him to sleep. He then slept the rest of the night till about 5ish. He still comes in for some milk between 5-6, but i'm not too bothered as he's slept the rest of the night.
I hope that makes sense, think what i'm trying to say is that instead of going cold turkey, cut out the first night bf first, and stick to it, then the second, third etc...

oremstango · 11/05/2007 14:27

This sounds very familiar for sure. It was interesting to get my Mum's take on this as it's something that hasn't been voiced here, which is the difference between feeding and nursing. Sometimes the baby may need to feed, sometimes just a short nurse which is more for the cuddles and all.

I thought this was helpful because my dh giving cuddles leads to crying from my ds and an extended wake up. That said I still feel a bit torn (will this last forever? will ds learn to self-sooth? etc.) but also more positive in my outlook on this. For what it's worth...

Original poster
chocolatte · 11/05/2007 15:38

Sanadol - she doesnt usually have a bottle although she will drink from one ok. DP gave her bedtime feed from a bottle a few days ago and she settled to sleep fine. She took 1hour or so to settle when he tried to giv her a bottle at the 12am feed tho. He did get up with her the other night after I'd tried to settle her for an hour but I felt very guilty when he had to go to work. I am on my knees at the moment tho. I'm fantasising about booking myself into a hotel (on my own!) for a sleep and am seriously considering sleeping in the car tonight. Think im definately loosing it

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Original poster
chocolatte · 11/05/2007 15:44

thanks so muchfor all your helpful suggestions everyone. The HV suggests only cutting the 12am feed but my friend thinks cold turkey. (she has a gina baby and was always v.strict about not feeding her dd at night - she sleeps great!)

Is it worth trying a dummy at this age if she hasnt had one before?

DP is going to do the 12am settling tonight - i'm undecided if we should feed at 3 and/or 5am. She eats lots in the day so I really dont think she's hungry.

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sanandol · 11/05/2007 17:01

Everyone's got different views on dummies it seems - our lad has a bear but he sort of adopted it himself at about six months.

If you're that tired, maybe DH can try and do it all tonight while you sleep then get up with DD in the morning and vice versas on Saturday night? Just a thought.

Either way, good luck with it!

dingolimpet · 11/05/2007 18:04

i'd always feed at 5am, it just seems its feed or get up at 5am, and no one wants to get up that early!!
Why don't you suggest you sleep elsewhere for a couple of nights.
When my first was little i put a tent up in the garden, it was great.

Original poster
chocolatte · 11/05/2007 20:25

Dingo - I wish i could sleep somewhere else for 1 night - great idea about your tent in the garden. If i could work out how to switch the car alarm off I would sleep in the car.

San - Iv suggested we take turns each night but he wants to take turns at each waking :-( as it's so hard going. I do wake up anyway whereas he was fast asleep after her mammoth scream session last night. grrr. I think iv been too soft on both of them!

Will let you know how it goes and thak yuz

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Original poster
chocolatte · 12/05/2007 10:16

SHOCK NEWS! SHE SLEPT ALL NIGHT!!! Went down at 8pm and woke at 7.30! My DP is such a jammy sod - the first time ever that he is on duty for the night (I slept in spare room away from monitor with earplugs in!) and she goes and does an allnighter! He reckons that he's done his nightshift too and I'm on day duty. Not a chance!

Anyway I know its most probably just a fluke and she was as knackered as me but I feel so good getting a decent sleep for a change! I'm not a misery guts any more! Yay!

PS I did get up at 6am and check she was breathing!

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Original poster
chocolatte · 13/05/2007 11:08

Well i thought it was a fluke and it was!

But she did sleep from 8pm till 3.30am so hoepfully she has given up on the 12am wakeup now. DP stayed with her the whole time but she cried for 1hour 20mins so still as determined as ever. She did go to sleep without a feed just before 5am though.

I was hoping she wouldn't cry for so long as it's heartbreaking. Are we doing the right thing? I don't want her to go through this for nothing so I think we've got to stick with it for a week at least.

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BikeBug · 13/05/2007 11:49

Hi chocolatte, I just wanted to wish you good luck, and say keep going - it might take a few days. It took us a couple of attempts to night wean ds (14 months) and he is also a determined young person. I felt that cold-turkey was the least confusing way to go for him, otherwise he just asked hopefully at every night waking (bashing my boobs and saying 'ook' in an increasingly anxious and questioning tone). It did work, but took several days and dh's help as a non-milky source of nighttime settling. The first time I offered water instead ds was so furious he threw the cup right across the room! But we got there in the end, and I'm sure you will too.

dcb · 13/05/2007 18:06

my dd always used to do that on a fri and sat - we'd be "right, tonight's the night to sort this out" then she'd have a great night. come sunday, a diff matter entirely....

so unfair - but at least you had a good night?

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