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Sleep

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Original poster

Need to stop feeding at night - help???

47 replies

chocolatte · 09/05/2007 16:10

Hi, this is my first post - hope you can advise...

My dd is 7mths and used to be a pretty good sleeper. Mostly has only woken once in the night until about a month ago. In this time she has popped a couple of teeth, moved to her own room and went onto solids (which she loves and eats loads.)Now she usually wakes every 3 hours. I do feed her when she wakes but I dont think shes really hungry - just likes a mouthful of booby!

She has 2 good naps in the day but she wakes at the same time at night even if she doesnt get her afternoon nap.
Thanx!

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Original poster

chocolatte · 14/05/2007 08:32

Hi, thanks bikebug and dcb! The sleep the other night was fab and it gave me the determination/energy to stick with this. DP offered (!) to do the night time last night too for the sake of consistency. Think he sees this as his mission now. yippee!

Weve had a breakthrough - she woke at 330am again but only cried for 45mins. I know thats still a long time but she wasnt really screaming at and wasnt even crying the whole time so it was way better. She feeds much better in the morning now too.

Big shiny light at the end of the tunnel!

OP posts:

Original poster

chocolatte · 15/05/2007 08:52

She slept through again last night! 7.30pm - 6.45am. I am amazed how quickly this is working! i dont expect her to sleep thro from now on by any stretch of the imagination but am so encouraged that things are improving. She is much happier too now that she is getting more sleep so i do think its in her best interests as well as ours. i cant believe that she has slept thro twice in 4 days - unheard of!

thank u so much to everyone who has offered advice and encouagement - i was so down in the dumps about everything.

OP posts:

crayon · 18/05/2007 14:22

I must read this thread properly later as we are having problems. We tried to replace a breastfeed with water last night and gave in after nearly an hour.

I always think people are daft to give in after so long, because by that time you have done the hard bit. But ... he was so distraught we just couldn't continue..

crayon · 19/05/2007 10:38

I have just added the text below to another thread but thought I would put it here too incase it is of help to anyone.

This is so those unable to face controlled crying can see that there is a wimp's way out .

The first time DS cried last night I simply got him out of the cot and cuddled him back to sleep. There was no great trauma at all. The second time (a couple of hours after the first) I followed Dr Richard Ferber's advice for babies that have been having a significant milk intake in the night, and breastfed him for just a minute or so before taking him off the breast. The idea is that you reduce each night so that you gradually reduce their hunger. I didn't think for one second that DS would accept this, but he did. Obviously there was a bit of crying and we were up for about and hour and a half. He then slept through until 6.40am when DS1 started making noises. He wasn't very hungry even then and we played for 10 minutes before feeding.

The other thing we did differently from others is that I did the work, not DH. The previous night DH tried to settle him and I think part of his anger was that it was him (the non-milk bearer) rather than me. I had liberally sprayed my top with perfume, which may have helped take his mind off things.

I hope this helps someone.

Original poster

chocolatte · 21/05/2007 10:40

Hi Crayon. I'm glad things are getting better for you! Great idea about the perfume too.

OP posts:

crayon · 21/05/2007 14:07

How is it going Chocolatte?

Original poster

chocolatte · 21/05/2007 14:22

Good, thanks. She has slept 7.30/8pm till 6am for the last few days. Another hour would be nice but can't complain. Feel like a whole 'nother person these days!

I'm wondering whether I let her nap too long in the day so she only needs 10 hours at night? She sleeps 3.5 - 4 hrs in the day. I'm not going to muck around with her naps at the moment though in case I screw up her nightime sleep.

How are things going with you - sounds much better.

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crayon · 21/05/2007 19:32

OK thanks. Many tears last night (him and me ), but he only woke once and went to sleep, without a feed, in his cot with me hanging over and stroking his head.

Glad to hear you are getting sleep - lucky you!

grassymeadows · 22/05/2007 12:38

Hi Chocolatte,

This is encouraging reading as my dd who is 7.5 m.o goes to bed happily at 7pm every night (after either 2 or 3 sleeps a day) and wakes up religiously between 4 and 5am. Then she often goes back to sleep until 6.30-7.00am although sometimes, like today she was up at 4.15am and then woke for the day at 5.30am. I managed a week of not breastfeeding her when she woke, but it took about 60-90 mins to resettle her and I was up/down up/down like a yoyo. I have now returned to feeding her as that way I'm only up for 15mins or so. But I'm sure it's not hunger that is waking her, just habit. What do you think? Cold turkey her and just stop feeding if she wakes before 5.30am/6am? But I can't bear to leave her to cry, and don't want her to disturb ds (2.5yrs). Or do I just continue and hope that just a phase she'll gorw out of naturally?

crayon · 22/05/2007 12:52

Grassymeadows - my DS slept through last night for the first time in months and months. We didn't just leave him to cry in the lead up to this though, I just cuddled him instead. I know it is early days for us, but it might be worth trying that - though I imagine it will mean you are up for longer in the short term.

grassymeadows · 22/05/2007 21:06

Thanks Crayon. I'll give it a try from tomorrow night (not tonight as got alot of driving to do so would rather have the sleep!). Also if I wait until Wed night can have a stretch of 5-6 nights as DH isn't working over the weekend. I'll let you know how I get along. And fingers crossed for you to. Have you found that it works best if it's you or your partner that does the cuddling? Better they don't smell the milk, but at the same time our smell is more comforting.

crayon · 22/05/2007 22:08

Hi Grassymeadows - DH started off the first night so that he didn't smell the milk, but I just couldn't lie there and listen to him cry as I thought he would think I had abandoned him! So I caved in and fed.

The next few nights I did it, sprayed with rather a lot of perfume to smother the smell of milk.

I said in my last post that we didn't leave him to cry - what I meant was that he did cry, but we didn't actually go out of the room. That way I felt he would be comforted and know that he hadn't been abandoned.

I have to say that it is one of the hardest things I have ever done (along with similar sleep training with DS1 and DS2). I hated every second and I don't know who has cried more most nights, him or me . The Dr Richard Ferber 'Solving your child's sleep problems' is good though and gives you lots of physiological reasons why it is really not in a child's best interests to keep waking in the night (it affects hormone release etc).

Good luck - keep us updated!

Original poster

chocolatte · 24/05/2007 11:22

Hi Grassy and Crayon

I'm really no expert but I think cold turkey if you really dont think he's hungry. I'm with Crayon in that it's the hardest thing to do so you have to rev yourself up for it (hard to do if you're not getting sleep.) Although my curfew is 6am I did feed my lo at 5.30 as she seems hungry by then. Maybe I should revise to 5.30!

Crayon's plan sounds brilliant but I don't think it would work for us cos dd isnt really that cuddly and gets angrier when she gets picked up most of the time. Perfume is genius!!! Good luck.

OP posts:

grassymeadows · 24/05/2007 20:56

Hi,

Tonight's the night - so will let you know tomorrow what happened. Although already feeling v. tired as she was up 4 times last night!

crayon · 25/05/2007 18:46

Grassymeadows, how did it go?

grassymeadows · 26/05/2007 09:50

I don't believe it. I psyched myself up ready to 'do battle' and she slept through until 6.50am. Amazing. She must have known. Fingers crossed not a one off!

crayon · 26/05/2007 20:16

That's so funny! What a clever girl!

grassymeadows · 27/05/2007 19:09

Last night dd woke at 1.15am and I resettled her after a 5min cuddle. She chatted to herself for 15mins then started crying. So I went in again. Gave her another cuddle and put her back down. That time she went to sleep. All in all took about an hour but she then slept through until 6.35am. So two nights in a row without feeding her. Let's hope third time still lucky tonight! How's it going for you - now that you're a week or two ahead of me?

crayon · 27/05/2007 19:34

Well, I don't want to speak too soon (especially as he has just had some nurofen as he seems to be teething and was very upset) ... but ... he's slept through 3 or 4 nights this week and hasn't fed in the night for about 10 days .

My body doesn't know what has hit it though and I just want to sleep and sleep!

Hoping you have a good night!

thumbsucker · 29/05/2007 19:41

I am encouraged by all your messages. I have a ds aged 2 1/2 and a dd aged 7 months. DS slept through from about 6 weeks and apart from teething and colds, has been pretty good ever since. our dd however, has been rubbish. she's no longer bf and eats well. what I want to know is how long can you let them cry - have tried ferber's solution of every 15 minutes but her protests seem to just get louder and go on for an hour and a half before I cave in and give a bottle

grassymeadows · 01/06/2007 07:18

Crayon - I know what you mean. My body is suddenly on catch up and after 8 months of sleep deprivation. I started yesterday morning at 5,30am and this morning at 5,50am. Yuck! But at least she slept through until then. It's now a week with no nighttime feeds. Hurrah.

grassymeadows · 01/06/2007 14:15

HI Thumb sucker - have you tried settling her with a bottle with cooled boiled water in it, rather than milk?

Also, what time is she waking? Regular or irregularly? For how long?

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