Half hourly wake ups for six months - desperate now!

[Rockandrollwithit]

DS2 is six months old and such a terrible sleeper. From birth, he has woken up every half hour to an hour. He never had a period of sleeping well then a regression, it's just been terrible sleep all the time.

At first we co slept but now that he can crawl and move, he doesn't like that anymore. So he's in his cot in his room but wakes crying hysterically every 30 mins. We tried bringing the cot into our room but he hated that too. On a good day, he might stretch to an hour. He's not hungry and doesn't have wind. He has reflux but is already on the max dose of ranitidine and omeprazole, so there's nothing else I can do for that.

He wants to be rocked to sleep standing up every 30 mins and me and DH just can't do it anymore. Not only are we beyond exhausted but he weighs 23 pounds and it's too much to do that every half hour.

I feel like I'm a rubbish mum to him because I can't get him to sleep. I'm constantly shattered so I'm grumpy with his three year old brother in the day. The baby doesn't sleep independently in the day either so I'm constantly telling DS1 to wait, be quiet, I can't play with you right now and I'm so fed up of it. I feel like I'm not being a good mum to either of them.

He's crying in his cot right now and I can't face going in there, this is his 10th wake up tonight. I don't want to use CIO but can't see any other option?

I had PND after having him and have been doing really well but this is making it worse again. I can't enjoy him as my whole day is worrying about sleep - will I be able to get him to sleep? How long will it take? As soon as it gets to around 5pm I start to dread the night time.

What's his sleep like during the day?

Controlled crying. If he’s fine nothing bad will happen to him whilst he’s crying he’s probably just exhausted.
Maybe a trip back to the doctors also.
Don’t be down on yourself babies are hard work!!!

If he is crying every 30 minutes I would definitely look into if there is something underlying, like reflux. Mine woke hourly until about 11 months but she wasn’t always crying, just needed help to get back to sleep. We did cosleep though.

30 mins would suggest pain or discomfort. 45 mins is a sleep cycle so he’s not getting any quality sleep at all. I would be going to the doctor for an investigation

It could be silent reflux which doctors struggle to diagnose.

Sorry, I missed the part about reflux. It doesn’t sound like it’s under control, but it could also be allergies/intolerance to something.

My first thought is that his reflux is still a problem. Have you tried titling him slightly when sleeping? That might help.

It’s a horrible situation to be in, sleep deprivation is the pits. My children are a little older now (youngest is 7), but I remember the soul shattering lack of sleep very well.

Firstly, remember this WILL pass. It’s. Your DC will be weaning soon and that’s likely to help ime.

Has your DC been properly checked for tongue tie (and tip tie)?

Try putting blocks/books under the legs of DC cot to raise his cot a little, that may help a bit.

Daytime naps - consider NOT letting him sleep as much as he wants in day time - I know this one is incredibly difficult when you are completely shattered and are desperate for a quick 15 nap yourself but it is worth the effort if it extends the time between wake-ups during the night. Play with him, baby gym or whatever when it looks like he’s going to fall a sleep for a nap, so he goes down for his nap a bit later than usual and then wake him after a defined time...

Sleep - can try to work out some sort of plan with your DH so that one of both of you can get a nap during the day/early evening? It’s amazing the difference that even an hours or two sleep can make.

My DS was exactly like this, he was up every 45 minutes every night. It was soul-crushing. I tried everything but in his case he was just hungry. He'd feed and go straight back to sleep but I well remember the dread feeling every time he started stirring. I didn't do controlled crying, i just didn't have the mental resources to get through that and I'd have had to do it alone because DH wasn't chronically ill at the time and drugged up to the eyeballs so he coudnt help.
I worked on extending his daytime naps which helped also to extend his sleep cycles at night (doing shh pat - I think it's detailed in a book somewhere). He already went down awake and went to sleep himself so didn't need to change that.
Do you have anyone who could take him for a night or two just to allow you a bit of sleep time to catch up before you start tackling it? Do you get to sleep at all during the day?

If medical issues are ruled out I would do controlled crying

Have you propped up one end of the cot?

I would work on stopping the rocking to sleep - that issue is sleep association. The waking is pain/discomfort so back to the Drs, have you seen a specialist?

Just huge sympathy, you must be utterly on your knees. You are going through an incredibly difficult experience and please be gentle with yourself.
I always said I would never sleep train but that was before I had such a crap sleeper that, like you, my mental health was impacted.
I still haven't done it but that's because I lack the mental and physical energy to make changes as maintaing the status quo, however awful, seems like the current path of least resistance.
If you can afford a sleep consultant, many friends recommend Millpond, it costs £300. I am considering it as although we are skint, what price sanity?!
A health visitor friend has been great and made an observation I found useful. She pointed out that the evidence for and against contolled crying in healthy babies over six months is really debatable in both directions, there are no definitive studies. However there is plenty of evidence to show that lack of sleep can certainly hinder childhood development.
I think other posters could be right that perhaps an underlying issue with allergies is the root cause of the reflux problems, particularly if the current meds aren't working. Do you have a supportive GP who could refer you for more specialist investigation? It's so hard to muster the strength to push for things like that when you are really low though. I can imagine lots of other posters with their own experience of allergies will be able to advise you.

My daughter was like this. It's horrendous, I know the desperation you're feeling, it's horrific.

From the get go she had awful reflux and a dairy allergy but she still woke constantly in pain. Took till she was 9 months to have gluten allergy diagnosed (I was BF so she got it through that and also food) and to 12 months to get asthma diagnosed. Since then things got much better.

I would maybe try gentle controlled crying but at this young age and given it's always been this way it sounds more medical than behaviour. Good luck and try keep strong

Thanks for all of the lovely comments, it's made me feel much better.

He was born with a congenital abnormality (TOF/OA) that was corrected with surgery on day two. I'm absolutely positive there are no allergies etc as he has been tested for this and we also know that the reflux is controlled by medication as he had a scope recently. Reflux is a part of his condition so it is very closely monitored by his surgeon. As of last month, his oesophagus was completely fine, nothing suggesting pain. He isn't arching his back, hiccuping, screaming when feeding etc.

No tongue tie.

It's frustrating as sleep isn't related to his condition but because he has a condition GPs, HVs etc are reluctant to give any advice.

I don't think controlled crying would work, I've tried it in short bursts but he's the kind of baby that would get hysterical and then throw up.

I know the rocking to sleep isn't helping but I've tried so much to help him self settle - bedtime routine, white noise, dummy, cloth, putting down drowsy etc and it just doesn't work. At 4am in the morning it becomes rock him to sleep or listen to him cry.

Yes the rocking is the issue .
He really needs to fall asleep where he stays asleep .
Imagine you fell. Asleep on the sofa and woke up in a car . When you stirred you wouldn't just go back to.sleep you'd wake up and wonder what happened .
That's what's happening

Start with stopping the rocking during the day could your DH take a week off work so you can sleep in shifts whilst you crack it?

I did pick up put down with good success as you're not leaving them to cry and it is actually showing/teaching your baby that they are ok on their own in the cot?

You poor thing, every sympathy here.

One thing that is working for our DD is that I started to pat her whilst rocking to sleep. Then she began slowly to associate the two together. Gradually I reduced the amount of rocking and carried on patting. Now she's starting to associate the pat as a sleep cue, which you can do whilst they stay in the cot. It's not fool proof yet but may help your back.

@putputput
We do that too, it's worked once or twice, thanks for reminding me.

Tonight we are trying rocking him until he is very drowsy and then putting him down still awake. Then we are sitting with him for 5 mins before rocking him to calm him if he's still crying. He's not impressed 😫 But I have no idea how else to break the habit?

DH is a teacher so has two weeks off soon. We really need to make some progress in that time.

I wouldn't rock at all.
Sends a mixed message imo.
I'd do all the settling with them in the cot

@icantdothis

He becomes absolutely hysterical the minute he is put down. He will make himself sick.

And the crying isn't the 'wind down' type at all.

@Rockandrollwithit that is the approach I would take, just keep going with it. For 6 months he's used to nodding off whilst being rocked it will take him a while to get used to it being different.

Hang on in there

My DS didn't sleep much day or night for the first two years. I ended up on a blow up mattress on his floor. I didn't get up when he cried, just lay there (no eye contact) repeating "time to sleep, night time now, time to sleep" in a monotone.
By four years he was a brilliant sleeper. I'm not sure if my approach helped him or if all I achieved was just enough napping and dozing for me so that I could function.
It is shit, but you have the strength to get through it.

Play with him in the cot, outside of nap and bed times. All his favourite toys, get him to associate the cot as a positive experience. Try to limit washing the bedding in this time so the smell is familiar or if you wash leave one item unwashed. When he is happy playing start wandering the room while still chatting and interacting so he knows you are still there. After a bit you can pop in and out the room. The hope is that if they are familiar and happy they will be better able to settle themselves when they wake.

Well he's just settled to sleep after 30 mins, for most of which he cried hysterically (in between pick ups). I feel like crying now too!

What should I do when he wakes in the night? I don't think either of us have the strength to do this all night, plus it's kept our older son awake.