Why won't baby sleep?

[MistyBxx]

I bet there are loads of threads on this topic but I just can't get my girl to sleep!
She's only 12 days old and ebf so I'm not expecting any kind of routine yet, I'm just wondering how she can have a good feed at 11am followed by a 3 hour nap, another good feed at 3 followed by a solid 2 hour nap, then come bedtime, I can take her up at 9-10pm and she will continually cluster feed until 3am!! It's driving me insane!! When she finally sleeps, she sleeps 4 hours but for those 6 hours of the night I'm on a loop of feeding, winding, changing, top-up feeding, winding, she falls asleep, I put her down, 5 mins later, her eyes ping open and she's starving again!! It goes on and on and on and I'm lying there crying in the dark wishing she will just fall asleep!! I know she sleeps well when she does, so why does she sleep so easily at any other time of day except bedtime?!?! I'm exhausted and I literally dread it getting dark as I know what's coming in the night... hours and hours ahead of it. I thought maybe if I didn't let her nap in the day she would be more tired at night but the midwife told me she needs all her naps, plus it's kind of impossible to keep her awake! I'm just at my wits end and it's really having an impact in my first few weeks with her 😖 it doesn't help that my husband works 10 hour days and sleeps snoring away next to me while I'm up all night on our loop 🙈

Here I am again. I'm so tired girlies 😓 ended up in out of hours hosp this morning because dd literally did not sleep AT ALL last night. She woke from a nap at about 5pm and was still wideos at 10am this morning!! She cried alllllll night, was sweating and boiling hot and her cry was shrill, I haven't heard her in such a tantrum before, I was terrified!! She fell asleep in car seat on way to hosp. Gp checked her all over and she's fine, it's just how newborns are, some sleep, some don't. And mine just doesn't.
I feel so low. I tried so hard to become pregnant, sadly lost one along the way, then had a long and anxious pregnancy with this little rainbow, I was full of aches pains and afflictions, then I had a really traumatic birth, emergency forceps and the cord around her neck, episiotomy, haemorrhage, blood transfusion etc etc, I've been in loads of pain since her birth and I just prayed and wished that I'd find actual motherhood a little easier than the road to get here, and although I absolutely adore my girl 💗 every day or should I say every night is just hell and I feel like a complete failure from the word go 🙈 they're not wrong when they say it's the hardest job in the world are they xx

It is so tough, you poor thing.
Do nothing apart from resting when your baby rests and just take one day at a time. It gets better I promise.

OP it sounds like you and your baby have had an incredible stressful time!

Have you got a sling/Moby Wrap? Pop her in there, she'll enjoy the closeness and it means she's upright after feeds etc. If you haven't, try one out, it saved my sanity with both my babies.

Sleep if/when she sleeps. Don't worry about bedtimes etc, that will come.

And like I said before, google fourth trimester.

You're doing great

PS if your baby had a rough birth, you might want to try cranial osteopathy - I never tried it but I've heard it's effective at calming babies in some cases.

Have you had reflux etc checked out?

What you describe is just typical newborn behaviour , all mine have been like it. As I've gone along the best thing I've found is to relax and not focus on the lack of sleep but try and focus on when you can sleep , if she is doing a four hour stretch later in the night that's amazing for her age just keep thinking 'soon I'll get a four hour block' to get you through the first bit. It does improve but sometimes it takes time and will go backwards and forwards you'll feel frustrated with regressions but overall this is a short time in your life ( it feels like an eternity now I know !) I have a 6 month old who only sleeps in 3 hour blocks and that's if I'm lucky so I feel your pain op

I remember how horrible the lack of sleep was. It does get better. Hopefully your DH can at least help out at the weekends at night to give you a break? Mine used to get up with the baby on Sat and Sun mornings and I would sleep all morning, only waking up to feed the baby.

Have you looked at baby massage for her wind? The cycling motion & backwards I L U really helped when my second and bad wind.

Cluster feeding is mainly at night as that’s supposed to be when the best milk is in plus the baby “puts in their order” for the next day. You’re also coming up to a lot of growth spurts.

Just take it a day at a time, my first didn’t sleep, wouldn’t go down so he was in the sling in the day & on me at night.
I used to go to bed at 7pm & get up
After the big feed by 10.

You’re doing really well.

Oh you're all so lovely. I really appreciate all your advice and experiences. When it's daylight, all is well with the world. But when it gets dark, the horrors creep in and I'm so weepy and stressed! She's sleeping now so I'm going to get my head down for a bit x

12 weeks here -
It honestly does get better.
I found that once DD could trump easier, we've not had too many problems. Even things like passing wind have to, sort of, be learnt. They don't necessarily like the sensation or know what it is.
One piece of advice we got was to not pat the baby to bring up wind as it breaks the air bubbles down into smaller bubbles. When they burp or trump they need it to be a big bubble that all comes out. I'm not sure how true it is as I got the advice a bit late and DD now doesn't have many problems.

Another thing that I've learnt is that people seem to expect a lot from babies.
For example, DM said I slept right through from birth (she's proud of this fact but it is actually dangerous but anyway...). She keeps saying DD should be sleeping through by now blah blah blah. I checked with my DF (primary carer) and I didn't. I slept through the night I came home from hospital and that was it for a few months. My DM is thinking of when I was much older.
The same with sitting up. She keeps asking if she can sit unaided. Nope. DM is sure babies should be able to sit up at her age even though the HV says DD is quite advanced. Again, she's thinking she's an older baby.
I also don't think the Pampers etc adverts help. You put the baby down in their cot (with their ultra absorbant nappy!) and they have a nice long sleep. Or you bath your baby in this soothing baby wash and they'll settle right down. Yeah right.
So if you hear things like this, take it with a pinch of salt. What your DD is doing is perfectly normal even if it's completely draining.
Sorry, bit of a rant there! Ignore if not helpful!

Another way of looking at it, if you like maths, is that 2 weeks is 100% of your baby's life.
At 4 weeks old it's 50% of their life.
For a 3 year old, it's 2.7% of their life.
It always helps me to think of that along with the MN classic "this, too, shall pass".

Honestly. It gets better. Right now it's more or less all you've known your baby to be like. Soon she'll be smiling and doing other things so at least your day will be broken up - grouch, feed, smile, grouch, sleep.
This is the hardest part, especially with bf. If you can do this you can do anything.

Aaaaaand here I am again. 5:18am and my girl hasn't closed her eyes since 10:30pm last night. Well actually, she had a doze about 3am and teased me into thinking she was finally going to sleep... LOL of course that didn't happen.
I was planning on going to my first baby group with my friend this morning at 10am but I know she will be proper asleep by then and I want to go back to bed. Why I think I can make plans when my baby is clearly nocturnal I don't know.
I've been looking into potential reasons for her behaviour coz I am desperately looking for any excuse other than "that's just how it is" and I've found that I may be over-producing milk. The symptoms are guzzling when latching, lots of gas/wind, intermittent yet seemingly constant feeding and being agitated on the boob, we tick all these boxes. Sometimes she grunts and cries and kicks and hits at my chest while feeding, she's constantly full of wind, always appearing hungry and has always been a ferocious eater when she latches on. Has anyone got experience of this?? The recommendations are to only feed from one boob for long spaces of time to slow production in the other one, and feed the baby on top of you as you lie back so gravity means the milk won't rush into her mouth and agitate her. Any other suggestions?? 3 weeks and 3 days in and I'm still at my wits end xx

Have you had her checked (and checked and checked again - took us 4 times) for tongue tie?