Feeling stressed about getting sleep routine in place for 10 week old

[crispaddict76]

Hi

Does anyone have any tips or advice about getting a sleep routine in for a 10 week old. I feel from what other people say and what I read on here that my DS should be in a routine by now. He isn’t yet self settling and sleeps on me or my OH and then if put down during day he tends to wake up quickly and not take a full nap. Although this is gradually getting better for example he has started to sleep longer of put down next to me on sofa in day. He tends to have about three naps in the day and the morning one is more consistent in terms of time every day. I do his morning nap in a sling mainly. In the evening he tends to go down at 8-9 and will then usually wake twice for feeds at roughly 1am and 4am.

I have tried to start getting a bedtime routine in place but it’s stressing me out re timing. (Bath and/or change him, story book, feed, settle on me to sleep). For example last night and the night before I tried to get him down by 7.30pm (still downstairs in sleepyhead with us) and it just doesn’t work out that he goes off that way. It’s stressing me as I go back to work when he is 7 months and I want to make sure he can settle himself before he goes to nursery.

Am I expecting too much at this age or am I doing something wrong? I love the cuddles obviously but part of me does look forward to eventually having my evenings back. I have some family members giving me the ‘rod for back’ chat because I won’t leave him to cry it out and so I am still stressing as I have had them say this since h was 4 weeks old and I have visions of me still rocking him to sleep at 1 year old and having no life....but also I want him to sleep well for his own well-being!! Any tips or reassurance gratefully received!

I think 10 weeks is too early for a sleep routine

It won’t happen till he’s ready. My first started going to bed around 7pm at 4monthd old. My second wasn’t till she was over 6 months old. Don’t push it and just enjoy the cuddles. You have the rest of their childhood to fight bed time, right now it doesn’t matter.

Honestly? Just chill. 2 night wakings at 10 weeks is pretty good! Slowly work towards the routine you want/that suits your little one. I did this by introducing bath, feed, bed and moving it back by 10-15mins every few days. At six months mine was going to sleep and tolerating being put down in his cot at 7. At 12 months he now goes off to sleep on his own (literally just started the last month or so). I don't know any babies that self soothed at 10 weeks, that is still teeny tiny!

I think your bedtime is abit to late Hun maybe try a little bit of a routine earlier in the evening, when my DD was 10 weeks old she had an still has:
Nap between 4-5
Bath at 5ish along with baby massage
Comes downstairs and watches the starlight and listens to some stories on my phone as me reading was a lot of stimulation for her
Until around 6 and then bottle and cuddles upstairs until she relaxes in a quiet room and eventually falls asleep do use white noise as this relaxes her
It doesn't always work like this an takes time and patience but works most of the time for us. You do have to find what works for you but take your time and it will happen. I usually do dinner earlier in day and then it can be re-heated as she finds watching me running around stimulating as well xxx😀😃

I’d make sure you’re distinguising day from night re noise/light, giving bedtime and naptime cues, but that’s about it really.

We had a horrendous month with dd (now 6m) where she’d only nap in a sling and get screamingly overtired otherwise. So in hindsight I’d have tried to start developing some sleep/nap associations - but who knows if it’d make any difference.

An remember Hun they can feel you and your mood so if you feeling stressed your little one will pick up on this, I used to be ultra stressed until realised what's the point all this will pass and you have to enjoy all this time while they are little, my 12 year old doesn't do cuddles before bed!!!😀😀

Your 10 week old does not need to be in a routine. Please give yourself a break

Why do you want a sleep routine for a 10 week old? Mine found their own routines, and they still do, at 27, 26, 10 and 6.

At 10 weeks he’s biologically premature - he should still be inside you.

Routine and self settling comes much later, if at all. We followed DD’s cues. She slept midnight till noon as a baby. She’s now 7 and perfectly fine with school routines etc.

Chill out. Your expectations are way off. Where on Earth are you getting your info from?!

My 7 month old can't self settle and we don't have a bedtime routine really. He also doesn't go to bed until 9pm. It used to be 10pm but now he's crawling he's tired sooner. I feed to sleep. Some babies just don't settle into strict routines.
A walk out in the pram settles DS really quickly for naps, now I can just rock the pram.
I have a French toy rabbit that has lights and music and if DS goes in his cot awake he watches it and then nods off.
It does get better as they get older and you're not making a rod for your own back.

Thanks so far for the replies. From what I am reading I’m wondering if I’m overly stressing. I just keep getting asked by a lot of people (relatives who aren’t even parents surprisingly included, work colleagues, even my boss!!) about whether he is in a routine yet and it is making me feel a bit inadequate! Then when I say he won’t generally be put down to sleep I get tuts and babies are manipulative etc etc! I can put him down and he will happily chill for ages kicking and chatting under baby gym, in bouncer at mobiles and in Moses basket at mobiles but he won’t go to sleep in his basket unless he has fallen asleep on me first if that makes sense!!! There are some patterns developing I guess I just feel inadequate when others start asking me about routines etc. If I told you how many books on sleep I have bought over the last two weeks you would think I was crazy!! My OH does!!

Google the fourth trimester.

Theory is human babies are born 3 months premature. For those first 3 months they want what they had in the womb - constantly snuggled, rocked to sleep, fed on demand, hearing your voice and heartbeat and swishy body noises.

Does it make sense now? Your baby sleeps on you because of all that. Not because he is manipulative. Babies don’t have wants, they have needs, and it’s your job as parents to meet them. And frankly, fuck everyone else.

I’m very pro-routine, has worked great for us, but agree you are putting too much pressure on yourself. My DD also didn’t fall asleep at 7.30 until she was about 5 months old. She stayed downstairs with us until we went to bed at about 10pm. I did her bath and bedtime routine then.

My advice would be to carry on being consistent with what you are doing (bath, book etc) so he associates it with bedtime, but don’t stress about timings. That will come later on. If you are worried about it, you could try and break the rocking to sleep association, maybe trying every now and then to put him in his sleepyhead without rocking. We used a dummy, swaddle, white noise, and gently patting her chest. Took weeks and weeks, but she never really cried, and at 10 months old settles herself wonderfully. If you are happy rocking him, just carry on. It is nobody else’s business!

What you are doing sounds great.

You’re overthinking it - don’t bother with routines until at least 6 months and then the dreaded 8 month sleep regression kicks in and it all goes out the window anyway.

I am a big fan of routine - when they're older! My son didn't have a 'bedtime' until close to 6 months, which was when we noticed he was falling into a deep sleep and then we were waking him to go to bed. You'll find people will ALWAYS have expectations of what you should be doing because it was what they did, trust your instincts, listen to your baby, and if they still need cuddling when they sleep - cuddle them. You will never regret time spent cuddling!
Also, 2 night wakings = pretty good. My son was up every 90 minutes for almost a year! You're doing great!

There is a proven link between baby books that promote routines and post natal depression.

Swansea Uni published some research on it very recently

www.swansea.ac.uk/media-centre/latest-research/newresearchfindslinkbetweensomebabybooksandpostnataldepression.php

Being close to you helps babies regulate their breathing when they're asleep. It's why the SIDS guidance is to have them in the same room as you till 7 months - not so you can keep an eye on them but so they can be close to you.

Oops slip of the finger! That should say 6 months!

I'd personally be wary of advice telling you any bedtime is 'too early'. My partner and I run a business together and are not often home until fairly late- a 6:00pm bedtime would be way too early for our life.

My son (now 8 1/2 months) used to have a bedtime of 8:30-9:00pm or later. He's now cut his daytime naps down and goes to bed earlier, more like 7:30-8:00pm and up at 7:00pm. We'd really struggle if he was up for the day at 5:30am! That said, he's an awful napper- I get 45 minutes a day out of him now, 90 minutes if I'm lucky!

He was an awful sleeper as a newborn, settled down a bit from 16-20 weeks and then was awful again until I moved him into his own room at 6 1/2 months.

We don't have much of a bedtime routine even now. Our consistent things are: nappy change, teeth brush, PJs, feed and bed and that's it. I take him swimming 3 times a week so don't want to give him a bath every night and work every other day so even bed time changes. He's not a brilliant sleeper (and is a bloody awful napper), but he's not completely terrible at night at the moment - I think I spent way too much time stressing myself out over sleep routines etc.

The things that have made the most difference for us: noise machine, comforter toy, moving him into his own room and cot at 6 1/2 months.

I did a lot of reading too and felt like I'd tried everything. Also felt a fair amount of 'he should be doing x and you should be doing x' pressure, but honestly, I don't think anything I do makes much of a difference- I think it's just a case of riding out his phases, trying to get both of us through them with the minimum amount of stress, and taking advantage of any periods of good sleep!

Ignore the questions from family/friends/colleagues. I think people just ask for something to say. Like you, it really affected me 1st time round. Now with DD2 people say the same things but they wash over me this time. It makes me realise that like you I was really sensitive to all those comments first time round. Our DD2 is 9 weeks and we are rocking, feeding, shushing her to sleep. Very little in the way of routine yet. And once you do have a routine a little further down the line you’ll be doing it every night for absolutely ages!! So I’d say enjoy going with the flow while you can. Our 2.5 year old loves her routine so much now that if we dare skip any of it she throws a complete wobbly!! So plenty of time to come for all those routines

There's so much that will change between now and 7 months.
It's very early days still, OP and sleep is just one of those battles that will exist throughout the first year (maybe not though!).
I think there's nothing wrong with a bit of routine (it's mainly for us, the parents!). But just keep in mind that the routine will get messed up all the time. Also, from 5pm, a quiet household with low-lighting helps.

A lot of it is trial and error. What's worked for one baby won't work for yours. You'll find your ways and your solutions. Time brings a lot of ease and I have no doubt things will be much more managable when your little one is 7 months. It still won't be perfect. I think if you can let go of expectations, you'll relax a bit. Easier said than done.

These are such hard days, they really are. I hope you're getting enough rest.

@TittyGolightly why would he be biologically premature because he's 10 weeks old... she never said anywhere in the post he was born over 10 weeks early??

Also, I found that the people who asked me about routine were mostly people who had an agenda. Work just wanted me to go back to being 'me' before birth and babies because it suited work. ANd mostly, people who haven't done the baby thing yet think that's what you want to talk about: Routine. I think people just don't know what to say really.

Work colleagues gave me the Gina Ford book as a gift. And a Yummy Mummy mug.
The book went straight to charity. The cup is well used, 8 years on! But it should have read Scruffy Mummy. I wasn't yummy before I had kids, so the odds were stacked against me when I had them. Still, it's a nice mug for tea.

lashes I think the suggestion is that (following Fourth Trimester etc) he should still be in the womb and will be most consoled by womb-like conditions, not that he's premature according to the medical definition.

Babies are not manipulative. They’re just not. They have needs, not wants.

Take the pressure off yourself a bit and just go with the flow and enjoy your baby. Ignore everyone else and their comments and do what works for you.