Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

Original poster

Co-Sleeping am i being a bad mum???

47 replies

Emilycmx · 21/02/2018 22:17

I am a first time mum to a beautiful boy who is two weeks old. Since he was born I have had problems trying to get him to sleep where he isn't being held or close to me.

In the hospital I literally got no sleep because he would not sleep in the cot and would only sleep when I held him. When we took him home we had the same issue and eventually my partner and I were falling asleep when we were taking turns to hold him to sleep.

My partner works away and had to go back to work after a week and I was left to look after him myself. I am breastfeeding and didn't start feeding him side lying until a few days ago when I did we both fell asleep and it was the best sleep we have had. I have now started letting him sleep with me in bed so we can side lie and feed.

He seems to sleep so much better. He is so peaceful hardly moves and sleeps for 3 to 4 hours. When he wakes he is much more content happy to have a feed or two then go back to sleep. When I was trying to make him sleep in the cot he was so unsettled crying constantly and sleeping for 30 minutes at most and I had to repeatedly feed him just to soothe him and then start over again which was exhausting for both of us.

I have looked into co-sleeping as much as I can and from what I read we are low SIDS risk. It is just the two of us on a king size bed which he is in the middle of, I am not using a duvet only a light sheet up to my waist. He isn't near pillows or any other hazards. He was a big healthy overdue baby 9lbs 6oz. I don't smoke or drink. He is EBF.

I feel aware that he is there and don't think that I am in a deep sleep but 2 x 3-4 hours of light sleep a night feels much more functional than the broken sleep I was getting beforehand.

All the NHS guidelines seem to be so strict on co-sleeping and constantly state how dangerous it is. Am I doing the wrong thing? I was too nervous to ask the midwife or health visitor for advice because all the leaflets tell you not to do it.

Any advice or your experience would be appreciated.

Also - he sleeps on his side facing me and doesn't like to be rolled on his back, he just rolls back over on to his side.

OP posts:
SardineJam · 21/02/2018 22:20

I have two DSs, both co-slept with me and DP for the first 16 months of their lives. You'll get people saying you'll create a rod for your own back etc, but once mine were moved into their own beds they stayed there and if needed I could snuggle with them. They are now 6 and 8 and have no interest in coming to sleep with me.
If it feels right for you, do it!

Tortycat · 21/02/2018 22:23

I have loved co sleeping - both as we got some sleep and it felt so natural and i loved the snuggles. I think the nhs give blanket advice to be on the safe side, but if you follow the guidelines i think evidence is its safe. Enjoy it 😀

DrRanjsRightEyebrow · 21/02/2018 22:25

Co-sleeping, if you follow the guidelines, is ace. And saved my sanity.

Cheekyandfreaky · 21/02/2018 22:25

I co-sleep under the same circumstances. Just me and dd in king size bed, ebf, no alcohol, don’t smoke or do drugs.

Dd used to be the same- rolled onto side towards my boob not on back. I kept on putting her on her back to start abs eventually it’s clicked- she’s nearly 4 months.

It’s great, if it works for you and you’re happy, do it. I co-slept with my older dd too. She is in her own bed, sleeping okay although she gets into bed in the morning ma with DH but he is pro co-sleeping too so totally depends on your attitudes.

Original poster
Emilycmx · 21/02/2018 22:26

@SardineJam did you and DP both sleep with them in bed? I am not sure what will happen when my partner comes home from work. He could sleep in spare bedroom if not able to sleep in bed.

My baby just seems to get a much better deeper more content sleep next to me and I just don't see how that can be the "wrong" thing.

I am also not bothered if I end up with my baby in my bed until a year plus. Especially as partner away for work alot it is mostly just me on my own.

OP posts:
elQuintoConyo · 21/02/2018 22:27

If you follow current guidelines, there's no reason you cannot co-sleep.

Our DS was similar to yours and we co-slept until he was 3.5. We aren't lentil-weaving hippies Grin and had bought a cot etc - sold it still in its box! He comes in for a cuddle at the weekend and he'll climb in during the if he has had a nightmare, but he loves his bed and his space and his room and it was an absolute doddle to get him in there. Slept through from night one.

I still love snuggles and he is now 6yo.

SardineJam · 21/02/2018 22:30

Yes OP, all three of us in bed, I was in the middle. With breastfeeding and also going back to work full time before they were both 1yo, it was the best way for us all to have a peaceful night's sleep.

windchimesabotage · 21/02/2018 22:31

I co slept with my son. He wouldnt sleep any other way and idve honestly gone mad if I hadnt.
He moved into his cot in his own room at 6 months and it wasnt that difficult. He sleeps through the night happily in his own bed now.

sourpatchkid · 21/02/2018 22:32

I still co-sleep with my one year old. DH sleeps in another room. I love it.

As long as you're being safe, I can't see the problem. A large portion of the negative stories on co-sleeping are those who have done so unsafely and unplanned so not really very representative.

windchimesabotage · 21/02/2018 22:32

oh and we all slept in bed together the three of us. Just make sure that baby is on the outside (with some kind of bed guard to prevent from falling out, or mattress on the floor which is how we did it) So that baby doesnt get too hot or rolled on.

Cheekyandfreaky · 21/02/2018 22:32

OP if you are going to sleep with your child, you can also by these food up barrier things that are designed for toddler beds but work on other beds too.

Cheekyandfreaky · 21/02/2018 22:33

fold up

Original poster
Emilycmx · 21/02/2018 22:36

@cheekyandfreaky like a bed guard? I think I know what you mean

OP posts:
Cheekyandfreaky · 21/02/2018 22:38

Yes bed guard!

FrozenMargarita17 · 21/02/2018 22:44

I partially co-sleep. My girl is 7 months. I put her down in her cot for the first part of the night and if she wakes up and I'm too shattered to try and get her back down I'll bring her in with me.

Honestly, I do anything to get a bit of sleep! I do feel guilty but she's only 7 months and I'll never get this time back!

mamaduckbone · 21/02/2018 22:51

I did exactly the same as you with ds2 - it was lovely and relaxed, we both slept wonderfully and we had no real trouble moving him into a cot later. He is still, at 8, a far better sleeper than his older brother, who we followed the guidelines for and had sleeping (or not, mostly) in a cot from day 1.
It sounds like you’ve read up on the risks and you’re talking all the necessary precautions, so I’d stop worrying and enjoy getting some sleep.

NoqontroI · 21/02/2018 22:51

I did this for the first 11 months with ds. I had a bedguard and just slept with a sheet up to my waist. DH did sleep in the other room as the bed wasn't big enough for the three of us. It was still worth it though as ds woke a lot during the night and I was very sleep deprived. This way I could get some sleep and still function. As ds got a little bigger he would roll over and latch on by himself so I could just lie there and doze. As long as you follow the guidelines there is no problem. It was a lovely way to do it. Wish I had done the same with older DD.

HumpHumpWhale · 21/02/2018 22:56

I did it with both mine. It's fine to have your partner there too, as long as you're between him and the baby. As you're breastfeeding, you're very aware of baby. He won't be, so you need to make sure the baby isn't between you. (My DH has rolled onto ME more than once, so I'd never let him sleep with a baby!)

princesswonderful · 21/02/2018 22:58

I've co-slept with all my children for a very long time and from birth.

Occasionally when they were newborn and i was very very tired so I was worried about my awareness I would put the Moses basket on the bed. This meant I could put my hand in to cuddle but they still had their own space.

crispinquent · 21/02/2018 22:59

Cosleeper here had to do it

43percentburnt · 21/02/2018 23:02

We didn’t even bother buying a cot! Coslept with all of mine, including twins.

FortheloveofJames · 22/02/2018 10:27

Of course you are not being a bad mum! You are doing what works for you and co sleeping is completely natural for both you and baby. It’s the norm in many cultures. As long as it is done safely and using common sense it’s the best way to get sleep if baby needs to be close to settle. I co slept with DS a lot of the first 4 months, with DP in the bed. I was in the middle with DS on the other side, and then the next to me cot (that he was meant to sleep in) on the other side of him so there was no risk he would fall out. I then slept in an s shape around him, and honestly your natural instincts kick in. Yes it doesn’t meet SIDS guidelines however they are just guidelines. As with everything in parenting it’s about making the right decision for you. It’s definitely not wrong, new born sleepy cuddles are the best and it makes breastfeeding in the early days so much easier!

Congrats on your little one OP!!

TheVanguardSix · 22/02/2018 10:37

I've never been a co-sleeping 'advocate' (you know, the hardcore types who ambitiously promote an agenda) but I've co-slept with all 3 of my kids! Still do (the two younger ones are 7 and 3 and we routinely share beds!).
We'd all love to spread out, all starfish-like, and get our 10 hours of uninterrupted sleep, but since that will never happen again during our years of parenting Grin, in order to keep sane, you get sleep however way you can, OP! Lack of sleep is mind-destroying stuff and raising kids is tough. Sleep is the antidote to the stresses and strains of every day life.
Co-sleeping works for this reason: Everyone gets some sleep! What a great result! And those newborn snuggles are gorgeous!
What helped me with DC3 was getting a SleepyHead pod. It was expensive but it really was one of the best investments because it allowed me to (sometimes/quite often) get a good, safe sleep with the baby by my side. But mostly, he ended up tucked up in my arms. Ah, I suddenly miss that! He still snuggles up into my arms, he's just not so little.

Congratulations!! FortheloveofJames wrote it all perfectly really.

Noloudnoises · 22/02/2018 11:41

I loved co-sleeping. We had a side sleeper and the baby very often wanted to be more next to me so slept between me and the side cot (same height as mattress and enclosed on all the other sides).

When it got too much, I'd just gently push him into the cot and stretched out a bit more.

When he got bigger husband went to spare room as he was working full Tim and me and the baby slept in our bed.

At 6/7/8 months he went into his own bed and has stayed there happily.

Best of both worlds I'd say.

SleepQuick · 23/02/2018 16:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.