What went so horribly wrong with DS routine yesterday - help please 4mo

[Jellybabie3]

So DS has been waking every hour for 9 weeks. Hes 4mo. So I've been gently trying to settle him using the pull off method (he's ebf) and putting him down very nearly almost asleep with some patting (i will work up to him being awake). In the last week hes started sleeping 2.5 hour chunks and weve had one 4 hour chunk. Yay!

Yesterday, disaster. Hes been awake every 45min, in some cases 30min and will only settle with chewing on my boob although he also fed quite abit too. As far as i can tell he was overtired. He usually sleeps til 7.45am and yet weve been awake since 6am today.

So heres what happened.

7 45am wake up. Feed in bed (so i can leave him to get dressed etc) then up

9 15 - 10.15 ish nap usually 1 hour on me

12 30 ish nap usually longer but yesterday only half an hour.... (Usually 1 hour)

2.30 nap for 1.5 hours

7pm being put down to bed. Once asleep in next to me crib we watched tv in bed. He woke every 45mins....

Please tell me what I am doing wrong. Sometimes he has 4 naps if we need to squeeze one in before taking him up to bed (dependant on dinner and his naps etc)

We aim for 7-8pm bedtime each night.

Thanks!!

Honestly, their habits change SO often in the first few months that I do think it's a waste of time trying anything in particular. I also think almost everything sleep-related is developmental.

To worry now because he's going to nursery at one year is overthinking it, I reckon. Even if he does manage to "self settle" soon, he may go back and forth several times before then.

I totally totally get where you're coming from though, having felt the same. My DS is 10 Months and was/is very similar to yours - looking back, my only regretful moments are the ones I spent stressing both of us out trying to get him to nap on his own. I should have just relaxed and rolled with it. He's been through phases of sleeping on me and not wanting to. Currently he is sleeping on me and it's lovely - but next week he might not want to 🤷🏻‍♀️. He's so mobile now that it's nice to put my feet up for an hour while he naps. And I feel less trapped because he only naps twice a day.

Oh and I thought he'd be in our bed forever but he happily transitioned into his own room at 7 Months - we gave good nights and bad nights. Bad nights are usually down to teething or illness. Soooo fancy factors affect sleep - to wonder why it all went wrong for one particular day is like wondering about the weather - who knows why! Just try to relax and accept you have very little control. I certainly wish I had done sooner!

When do babies start linking sleep cycles themselves? That is without teaching them to self settle fed to sleep etx

There isn’t a set time. Some do it from birth, others at 6 months, others at 12 months, and so on. Mine is a year and she links more sleep cycles now - the 4 month regression was rough but then there is another one at 8 months, plus growth spurts and separation anxiety and all sorts of hurdles xx

OK ta. Its effected his naps for the first time today even with me holding him. 45min and wide awake. See how it goes!

I have a 4.5 month old and also a FTM. I think babies vary so much but I’ve set out my sort of plan and my thoughts for what it’s worth. She’s ebf and sleeps in crib in our room at night. For whatever beautiful reason she sleeps through from about 8/9 until between 6 and 7. I don’t religiously follow any firm set routine but I have a general outline I like to follow, guided by her. I think it’s largely luck but I do think it’s important she gets loads of sleep during the day so I’ll do my best to ensure that, looking out for her sleep cues and I wouldn’t normally go more than two hours without thinking of whether she needed a nap. she normally sleeps quite easily but before she did I’d make a point of walking her in pram/sling or driving to sleep. My view was the important thing was to get her rested, however that happened. I also make sure her awake time is awake and stimulating so reading snd singing together, on her play gym, out for a walk. Then tone it down when she starts to get tired (and sometimes tired looks bored and the temptation is to increase stimulation). She is asleep during the day longer than yours although she’ll only sleep on me during the day. So catnap after first feed at 6/7am, then two hours in morning and about same in pm and a nap waking up between 6 and 7pm. I don’t have a set time to put her to bed but I generally wouldnt try any earlier than 90 mins after she wakes up and generally not after 9ish unless had v late nap and quite alert - I try to see how she’s acting/feeling that day. she feeds to sleep at night and mostly during the day although she will fall asleep in pram, sling or car and on her dad without feeding. I don’t worry about feeding to sleep anymore or about her sleeping only on me during the day. It works, we both get rest (she sleeps and Im sitting down watching telly or read in my phone) and she sleeps through the night. I try to keep things muted after last nap at night - lamps not bright ceiling lights and I don’t generally have the telly on when she’s awake. We bathe her every second night and I do baby massage maybe 2/3 times a week after her last nap. Me or my husband read her a story and then the two of us cosy up with me in bedroom for last feed with small nightlight on and I sing or hum a bit during feeding sometimes. I put her into crib asleep and turn off light and put on the movement sensor alarm and the infrared baby monitor. She’s in room for a bit in her own then until we go to bed. We have no white noise and try to be quiet but I flush loo and use electric toothbrush in en suite and we talk albeit in muted voices to each other. Sometimes she wakes when I put her in crib and if I lie next to her on my bed she can sometimes fall asleep or sometimes wants back up and I don’t stress about either of them. Honestly, releasing myself from she should self soothe and she shouldn’t sleep on me and just thinking does this work or is this to her or my detriment and actually no both are fine and I like my daytime snuggling. I am no expert and this could all be coincidence. But I think just do what you need to get by and to enjoy it when they’re so little. You’ll be doing a great job as it is!

Oh yeah and mine’s likes a huge comfort feed at night. She didn’t take a dummy when I first tried (as my nipples were so sore but her constant chomping) but we didn’t force it. When I’m pretty sure she’s had a lot of food and just comfort sleep sucking I take her off and put my bra back up but keep holding her and see if that puts her off. She’ll normally root around a few times in her sleep and then stop but if she’s insistent I’ll put her back on but it can stop halfhearted nipple destruction when they’re not even really bothered! A couple of times if it’s too much my husband comes up and holds her and I have a break downstairs on the basis that she’s not hungry and if she’s still awake (not crying just awake) in 30/40 mins I’ll put her back on so even if she was hungry she’ll get another try shortly. Usually she falls asleep but I think post jabs I’ve had to come back and put her on again but at least you get a break.

@Thissameearth thanks 😊

After watching DS in the next to me crib last night I have a horrible feeling us rolling over etc in the night is keeping him awake as it wriggles his crib.....we were just about to consider attaching the cotbed too. Hmm. Did anyone else have this issue?

Tempted to try putting him up alone before coming back downstairs but will need to invest in a better monitor (we only have a basic one ironically that we have never used)

our daughter sleeps in crib next to but not attached to the bed but we actually moved it bottom of the bed rather than side as felt we might be waking each other up - she def was waking me up! I notice now that when we come into the room for bed (don’t put any lights on) she stirs and moves about, same when my husband snores in middle of the night but none of it is enough to wake her. We have a motion sensor and it doesn’t work if it’s attached to our bed as it picks up our movement so that was one of the reasons we never went for attached to bed type crib. I know some people will say well for SIDS it’s actually good for them to be constantly waking up and so being disturbed by adults turning etc is a good thing but the reality in my opinion is that you’re absolutely shattered and not able to function which is dangerous in its own way

That makes sense thanks

So...some progress in the last few days. DS has been going to bed around 8pm, sometimes its taken til 9pm to settle but we have tried as best we can to get him down within 2 hours from the last nap. He has then been asleep for around 3.5 - 4 hours (hoorah) then a feed and may be a 1.5 - 2 hour sleep but after that its back to 45 - 1 hour sleeps. Is there a reason why it all changes in the early hours? Because it would seem that he can link sleep cycles better. A good night is now 6 wake ups, each time hes been fed, and is feeding, hes pulled off when he starts to comfort suck.

Also despite him going to bed at the same time as before hes waking up earlier every day. He was waking between 8am and 9am but switched to 7.30am and now 6.30am over the past 2 weeks. Any reason for this or as before its just the way it is?

He does seem to be grunting alot so am suspecting his reflux medicine dose may need upping although no appointment for 2 weeks 😕

Oh Jellybabie, I really think you just need to go with the flow. I know it’s hard, but babies at this age just do not get the whole routine and not waking up thing. He WILL come out of it I promise, but I don’t think there is much you can do except wait it out.

Dd was exactly like this, and she did grow out of it. Sometimes it’s honestly just letting it happen and going by what baby decides they need at that very second. Because as soon as you think you’ve cracked something they’ll immediately change again, and you’ll be tearing your hair out!

Yeah i am going with it and am more than happy to, and i am by no means complaining as it has significantly improved since a week or so ago I just know some people on here understand the science as it were of it all and I was curious why there had been new changes. As I say its not a problem, if it just him being him so be it! I am pleased as punch hes learned to tick over that 45min barrier!!

Thanks

If i was having 6 wake ups a night I would be struggling to go with the flow, and would certainly be complaining!! So i think you’re doing really well. I feel a bit crap on 2 wake ups, but then I love sleep a lot.
I think you are on the tougher side of normal for a 4 month old and I hope thats being acknowledged in real life, rather than just ahh it is what it is! I’d want symapthy and help if it was me. Maybe I’m a bit of a fairy.