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Original poster

What went so horribly wrong with DS routine yesterday - help please 4mo

89 replies

Jellybabie3 · 17/02/2018 06:52

So DS has been waking every hour for 9 weeks. Hes 4mo. So I've been gently trying to settle him using the pull off method (he's ebf) and putting him down very nearly almost asleep with some patting (i will work up to him being awake). In the last week hes started sleeping 2.5 hour chunks and weve had one 4 hour chunk. Yay!

Yesterday, disaster. Hes been awake every 45min, in some cases 30min and will only settle with chewing on my boob although he also fed quite abit too. As far as i can tell he was overtired. He usually sleeps til 7.45am and yet weve been awake since 6am today.

So heres what happened.

7 45am wake up. Feed in bed (so i can leave him to get dressed etc) then up

9 15 - 10.15 ish nap usually 1 hour on me

12 30 ish nap usually longer but yesterday only half an hour.... (Usually 1 hour)

2.30 nap for 1.5 hours

7pm being put down to bed. Once asleep in next to me crib we watched tv in bed. He woke every 45mins....

Please tell me what I am doing wrong. Sometimes he has 4 naps if we need to squeeze one in before taking him up to bed (dependant on dinner and his naps etc)

We aim for 7-8pm bedtime each night.

Thanks!!

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TeddyIsaHe · 17/02/2018 08:16

Dd didn’t learn to self settle till 13 months, there was absolutely NO WAY Ashe would have done it before then. Babies that little don’t know you want them to sleep, they just know you’re not there and that’s the worst thing in the world for them.

You’re not creating a rod for your back by feeding/cuddling to sleep. I did that and rocked Dd in a pram till she was 1 and then she just suddenly settled in her cot with no input.

Chill! Enjoy your baby, don’t stress so much Smile

123456kent · 17/02/2018 09:32

As others have said, you aren’t doing anything wrong. But just 2 things I would personally change (have a 4 month old myself)...
No tv on in the room he’s asleep in. We have the room pitch black, definitely wouldnt have the tv on. We also have white noise playing, I’m a firm believer this is what makes her sleep well.
When he went to bed at 7pm he had been awake since 4pm? Mine couldnt stay awake for 3 hours and if she did she would be extremely grouchy and overtired. I am very military about ensuring she sleeps every 1.5-2 hours, even if that pushes back bedtime. I will force that last nap in if it kills me! A tired baby sleeps a lot better than an overtired baby.
We have a good sleep situation going on at the moment, but I’m sure it’s about to be blown apart by 4 month sleep regression.

BertrandRussell · 17/02/2018 09:37

"Advice on here and from the health visitor is to teach him to self settle which is what we are trying to do as gently as possible. It is often difficult to persevere at 3am" Oh, bollocks to that- it'll happen in time! Just feed. Whatever gets the most people the most sleep is the way to go. They all self settle in the end-but very rarely this young. And if they do it's the luck of the draw, not anything you do.

Original poster
Jellybabie3 · 17/02/2018 09:41

Yeah he had been awake for 3 hours. I know he should have had a fourth nap after 2 as something came up which meant we couldn't put him to bed....but it didnt happen (unforseen circumstances)

Yeah we had tv on. It doesnt bother him in the day. We won't put him in his own room or leave him to sleep alone at 4mo because of SIDS and we only have a walkie talkie monitor.

So options are-

going up with him at 7-8pm, putting him down and watching tv up there.

Or,

sitting downstairs while he sleeps on me and taking him up for his bath when we go to bed (so would perhaps start the process at 9pm ish for the 3 of us to have time to bath/shower)

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Original poster
Jellybabie3 · 17/02/2018 09:43

I guess I've been sucked into the routines of the lucky ones that wake at 7 have 3 naps (of perfect lengths) and go to bed at 7.

The reality is DS needs to sleep every 1.5-2 hours meaning if his naps are 30min or 45min long he could have 4 or 5 naps by bedtime

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Original poster
Jellybabie3 · 17/02/2018 09:44

We have a myhummy on constant btw

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eeanne · 17/02/2018 09:47

I watch TV on my iPad with headphones when I sit next to DD (2 months old). One small lamp as dim as possible. Definitely no large TV on and the only noise is a white noise app. You might not think it’s affecting him but it might well be.

At this young age you can introduce a routine but self settling and sleeping though will take time. With DD1 we started a routine at 4 months and eventually she started to naturally get sleepy at the set nap times because she expected it. That then made getting her to nap well and in her cot easier. She was a genuinely terrible sleeper and would cry all day rather than nap - until we went with a routine and stuck to it.

BertrandRussell · 17/02/2018 09:47

Could he sleep downstairs in a basket or on a futon mattres on the floor (that's what we did) or a travel cot if you're not as hippy as me and just go up to bed when you do? And do bath in the morning? I remember when my mother said "They don't actually have to have a bath every night, you know!". It was like a revaluation!
And I don't actually agree with the pitch dark/silence thing. I wanted mine to be able to sleep through anything anywhere so we could go to friends houses and go camping and stuff.

Original poster
Jellybabie3 · 17/02/2018 09:50

I've tried a few things for him to sleep on but no luck. He sleeps in a sleepyhead in a next to me cot atm.

Whats the difference between being sat downstairs with him with tv on and upstairs Hmm

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Jellybabie3 · 17/02/2018 09:51

Will look at the futon thing Smile

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eeanne · 17/02/2018 09:55

And I don't actually agree with the pitch dark/silence thing. I wanted mine to be able to sleep through anything anywhere so we could go to friends houses and go camping and stuff.

It’s to teach the difference between day and night. I’m all for light and background noise for naps.

Having said that as an adult do you sleep with lights on and TV blasting at night? Why would a baby want to?

Original poster
Jellybabie3 · 17/02/2018 09:59

I still reiterate this point:

Whats the difference between being sat downstairs with him with tv on and upstairs

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123456kent · 17/02/2018 10:01

I have no idea how many naps mine has, I don’t count, it’s definitely not just 3 though, what’s important to me, and her, is the time awake in between naps, regardless of how long each nap was. So she could have 5 or 6 if she keeps cat napping (which she does at the moment, annoyingly).
And I second re distinguishing between day naps and night time sleep, I always make sure the TV is on for daytime naps (like me she sleeps better with background noise) but for night it’s nothing but darkness and white noise. It’s a way of saying ‘this isn’t an hours nap, this is the time when you sleep for a longer time’. She varies hugely, we have no set times on anything, but she will go on anything between 4 and 8 hour stints at night.
As I say, this is now, next week may be completely different!

eeanne · 17/02/2018 10:03

Whats the difference between being sat downstairs with him with tv on and upstairs

I don’t know. Both my kids were obviously disturbed by TV and light at bedtime by around 2 months so we put them down in the bedroom at night after dinner and one of us lies in bed watching Netflix.

Original poster
Jellybabie3 · 17/02/2018 10:04

Hmm ok so that means putting DS in a separate room which contradicts SIDS....

What a pickle. I guess we just keep tweaking til we find what works for now. As soon as hes 6 mo he will be put to bed upstairs while we get on with whatever we are doing so only 7 weeks or so to go!

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eeanne · 17/02/2018 10:06

Hmm ok so that means putting DS in a separate room which contradicts SIDS...

No it doesn’t.

My baby sleeps next to me in our bedroom. When we put her down for bed at night one of us stays in the room with her until we go to sleep ourselves.

NerrSnerr · 17/02/2018 10:07

The only difference for me between upstairs and downstairs was convenience for me so 8 could watch the big telly, eat tea and try to be normal.

eeanne · 17/02/2018 10:07

I’m sorry I’m getting the sense you really don’t want to compromise your telly watching? Why can’t you stay with the baby in your room?

Original poster
Jellybabie3 · 17/02/2018 10:27

I do stay with him every night. I've gone to bed at 7-8pm every night. What i was trying to establish is if people are suggesting to leave them downstairs presumably they are not sat down there in silence?? So if the tv is on, whats the difference? Aka why is it a problem if i did that upstairs.

If i wasnt compromising or didnt care I wouldn't be asking and I would also not be remotely bothered about SIDS. I am trying ti ascertain whats best for my son and the most practical for my family.

So as a ftm I am merely asking what other people do. Other people have other children, other work patterns etc where it may not be feesible for someone to sit in darkness while their baby sleeps. Its just a question for an opinion...

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Original poster
Jellybabie3 · 17/02/2018 10:27

@NerrSnerr thank you!

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NerrSnerr · 17/02/2018 10:30

I choose not to compromise my telly watching, I suppose if I would if the baby was really unsettled but if they’re happily awake or dozing before 6 Months then for me that’s fine. We have never introduced a bedtime in the cot until they’re in their own rooms.

QueenNefertitty · 17/02/2018 10:32

I kept DS downstairs with me until almost a year... Blush and if he's a bit under the weather (he had a frightening run of very poor health before Christmas) or when I occasionally feel like I havent seen enough of him during the week (work full time and currently up against a project deadline) I do keep him downstairs sleeping on the sofa / on me with a blanket until I go up.

He's 18 months and still Bf through the night... In fairness I'm a LP so the house is always quiet and he can sleep soundly wherever he is ...

Don't worry too much now, is what I'm saying. 4mo is very very little and you're not setting up terrible sleep habits if you keep
Your DC downstairs with you

BertrandRussell · 17/02/2018 10:32

“I’m sorry I’m getting the sense you really don’t want to compromise your telly watching? Why can’t you stay with the baby in your room?”

Why on earth should she? Why can’t the baby sleep downstairs while she gets on with her evening then go up to bed with her when she wants to go? Having a baby is not supposed to be self immolating hard labour, you know!

QueenNefertitty · 17/02/2018 10:35

also the baby doesn't HAVE to have a bath
at night as PP said. DS used to have his in the morning 3-5 times a week when I was on mat leave. Baths got him giddy when he was small.

Now he's at nursery, I try bath him
Every night (I'd say we manage it4/5 nights) and he finds it relaxing rather than exciting, and we bathe together in the morning on weekends (just a nice thing to do)

Your baby, your routine- do what works for your family. And don't worry about"the rules" beyond sids advice and obvious safety.

Original poster
Jellybabie3 · 17/02/2018 10:38

@BertrandRussell thank you!

Being grilled for watching tv as my son sleeps seems harsh. Its not like I'm ignoring him or his needs for the 23 hours hes awake.....

If it is that which is keeping him awake - i will test again through trial an error i will reassess.

Btw what I came on here for was to look at my routine which seems OK....the location of my son seems a minor point that I can work on.

Thanks all for your input, it is much appreciated. I think I will run with what my gut and the majority of you tells me Smile

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