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Original poster

The dummy fairy is coming this weekend, any tips or solidarity!

35 replies

EffinIneffable · 02/01/2018 14:21

The dentist has warned us that dummy use is causing ds's teeth to become misaligned and could lead to long term problems so we have to get rid. DS is two and a half and uses dummies for all sleeps, except for the occasional time he'll fall asleep in the pushchair walking home. He's used dummies for sleeping since he was about 6 weeks old, when I was going out of my mind as the only other way he'd sleep was on the boob. He doesn't have dummies except for sleeping.

I'm dreading it, I'm not sure he even knows how to sleep without them. After an awful first 18 months, he sleeps through 8-6 most nights and has a two hour nap in the afternoon. It'll be horrible sleep deprivation for both of us, for sure, but I also feel awful taking away something so important to him. I don't want to do it really, but I would be irresponsible to let this go on, when I can see that it is causing him harm. (I'm sure this is not the case for all dummy-users, but the damage is already visible, so it's not just a precaution here).

I've spoken to him about the dummy fairy coming to take the dummies and give them to new babies, and that she will leave a present. He was quite positive about this! But not sure he realised that meant giving them up for good.

But how do you do the first night - do you give the present first, or wait until the morning like Christmas?

Also, I guess I'm going to have to ask nursery to stop the naptime dummies at the same time as it will be too confusing otherwise.

Anyone else been here or along for the ride???

OP posts:

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LucyLogan · 02/01/2018 14:25

I've done this three times now with absolute dummy fiends and it was always far better than I thought it would be. Usually just one or two nights of upset and then back to normal.

I've just done it with my youngest and took advantage of her being unwell and not wanting it anyway (sounds mean, but she really didn't want it) and it went really well. She sometimes asks for it but we can distract her and she forgets.

Good luck!

pallisers · 02/01/2018 14:30

We did it with dd1 - it helped that she had seen her older brother get money for his teeth. We explained the binkie fairy to her. She took one dummy to bed that night and in the morning we took it away before she woke. When she came downstairs the jar where she kept her beloved binkies was full of M&Ms - one of my fondest memories is of her standing on the chair in her pyjamas, stuffing her face with M&Ms saying "thank you binkie fairie". It worked too.

Liz38 · 02/01/2018 14:42

We did it when DD was nearly 3.I'd heard then that she didn't have a dummy at nursery for naps and was sleeping fine there. We set it up really carefully, discussed it with her and explained what would happen and asked her to choose a present that the dummy fairy would give her to say thank you for giving her old dummies to new little babies who needed them. When Amazon had delivered the chosen gift, a fairy dress, we did it it over 4 nights (she had 4 dummies so we had spares, one left each night starting with the least favoured). Each morning there was a trail of fairy dust (glitter) on the window sill and a dummy missing. On the last morning no dummy and a fairy dress.

We had no trouble at all. She continued to go to sleep just as she had before, we lost the night time disturbances caused by dropping her dummy and needing us to find it for her and she only mentioned it once. That was when she saw a baby with a dummy and said maybe that was that baby she'd given her dummies to.

It worked so well for us! Be brave and good luck.

soundsystem · 02/01/2018 16:14

I'm in for the ride!

We're going cold turkey on dummies tonight, with lots of cuddles and a lovely new comforter/lovey as a replacement. DS is only one, so can't really explain the dummy fairy much. He's started just chucking the dummies about and then yelling for them back, so it's time!

Older DD never had one because she was my PFB and I had endless time to rock and sing her to sleep so no experience here.

Good luck!

Original poster

EffinIneffable · 02/01/2018 16:17

Thanks for the encouragement all. Pallisers I like your approach, that could work for us. I was thinking of getting him to put his dummies in a special little bag, so he was 'deciding' to say goodbye to them, but maybe taking them away overnight so he gets the reward in the morning might make more sense. The first night will likely be the hardest, and it will be difficult to promise a present in the morning, which will seem like a long way off to him at the time.

Liz38 that is a lovely way of doing it too. It sounds as though your dd was ready if she'd already stopped at nursery. If at all possible, I want to get most of it over with Friday-Monday while ds is at home rather than at nursery, so think we will go pretty much overnight rather than gradually weaning with this one. Which is not how I've done most other things, but it does seem like a pretty much all or nothing thing.

OP posts:

PersianCatLady · 02/01/2018 16:22

OP - Do you know anyone with a new baby that you can tell your DS about??

You could say "baby is so sad, he needs a dummy just like all babies but there aren't enough, what can we do??"

"You are a big boy now. Could you give your dummy to baby?"

"I hear that the dummy fairy swops dummies for [toy your son likes]"

Original poster

EffinIneffable · 02/01/2018 16:27

Oops, cross post soundsystem. Good luck! Having seen ds's teeth, I think it's better to do it sooner rather than later. Let us know how it goes. I've been encouraging a new toy to take to bed - he's never really been into the idea, but is now cuddling a bunny at bedtime. I'm also planning on camping out in his room / bringing him into our bed while we do this.

PersianCatLady I like your idea, but we don't know any smaller babies, although I am also going with the idea that he's a big boy now so the dummy fairy will give the dummies to little babies who need them. He doesn't seem to have any problem with the logic of me telling him what toy the dummy fairy will bring!!

OP posts:

PersianCatLady · 02/01/2018 16:43

I like your idea, but we don't know any smaller babies
You do now.

This is [make up a name] and he is very sad because he needs a baby's dummy.

(Photo from Google Images)

Post again when he gives it away and I will send you a picture of a happy baby.

The dummy fairy is coming this weekend, any tips or solidarity!

LucyLogan · 02/01/2018 18:25

Toy at bed time is a very good idea. Littlest DD transferred her affections very strongly to a teddy at the point her dummies went. Up until then, she hadn't been interested at all.

soundsystem · 02/01/2018 20:25

Well! That went better than anticipated. Took a bit longer than normal (as expected) but no tears. Won't get too excited as it may well be a one-off, but it's given me hope. I was expecting to need .

He really took to his new "lovey" (a duck thing, named Harriet by DD), although did keep popping up to wave it at me and shout "That! That!"

LucyLogan · 02/01/2018 23:52

Yay Soundsystem, that's a great start. Hope tomorrow is as good! I've definitely found the thought of it is worse than the actual thing!

Original poster

EffinIneffable · 03/01/2018 10:23

Amazing start soundsystem! I hope that tonight goes just as well. We had a hideous night last night - ds woke about 1.30 having lost his dummies, but then couldn't get back to sleep, was just lying in his cot, quietly but not sleeping. Eventually brought him into our bed where he took about another hour to fall asleep, in the process demanding dummies to hold as well as to suck. This does not bode well I fear. While he seems to be keen on the idea of the dummy fairy taking his dummies and giving a present, I don't think he's really put this together with the fact it means he won't have the dummies to sleep with. Also, DH is working all of Saturday and late back, and I was supposed to be going to a party when he returns, so might postpone til the following weekend, although he's having his flu jab then. There is no good time to do this!

Thanks PCL I'll see how we get on!

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LucyLogan · 03/01/2018 12:24

Ah, Effin! I feel for you. My dd was doing that and it was driving me mad. A dummy in the mouth and one in each hand. I'd be scrabbling about, blind as a bat searching for them. I know what you mean about no good time to do it. I do not miss that. Weekend is definitely a good idea if you've got work. Flu jab might make him sleepy?? Good luck!

soundsystem · 03/01/2018 14:13

Oh no, Effin, that sounds trying! Fingers crossed he warms up to the idea.

IsabelleSE19 · 03/01/2018 14:32

Watching with interest as I am (so far) a dummy fairy failure! My 3yo DD was all set to give her dummies to the fairy, put them in a bag by the front door to be replaced by a present, but within half an hour had slunk back downstairs to get them out "because I love them so much". Now I don't know what to do - I feel like it would be awful to take away something she loves, but she's starting school this year!

jpclarke · 03/01/2018 14:46

I never did dummies but I have heard of people putting holes in them so they are broken and can’t be sucked and the child loses interest in them. Good luck I hope it all goes smoothly.

tinymeteor · 03/01/2018 14:53

Our 3yo finally quits the dummy this weekend (I know, I know, far later than I ever intended). She's a total addict but we've lined up a reward chart with a new addition to her Sylvanian family after one night, 3 nights and 7 nights. No dummy fairy here just outright bribes. May be a bumpy ride though.

thethoughtfox · 03/01/2018 15:42

You sound like a wonderful, caring mum. I've learned not to afraid of your child being upset. If you are there to comfort them through it, after the upset comes acceptance and happiness. We didn't have dummies but giving up the beloved bedtime bottle. We had given her old shoes to the Syrian appeal so explained that we were giving her old bottles to the Syrian babies who needed them. She helped gather them up and put them in a bag. She cried each night for 3 nights but less and less each time and by day 4 had accepted it.

thethoughtfox · 03/01/2018 15:45

You could also try leaving 'baby' things behind might be sad but you get to do a new big boy thing e.g. staying up an extra 10 minutes later at bedtime or whatever you know he would like.

UnderTheSleepingBaby · 03/01/2018 16:29

My DS was a dummy addict and I removed it finally just before his 2nd birthday. He understood the dummy fairy so I'm sure your little one will be fine.
I let him decorate a box with fairy stickers and explained the night before that this would be his last night with a dummy and in the morning he would put them in the box and the dummy fairy would bring him a present to swap (we'd agreed on a dinosaur previously, as I'd prepped his for a week or so). That morning he popped his dummy in the box, we made it all as exciting as possible, went out for the day and that night opened the box before bed where he found "dob dob", who he then took to bed religiously for months (has lost interest now, was never much of a teddy child), I think he only asked for a dummy once and I reminded him that he swapped it for dob dob and he was fine.

They do tend to surprise us with how well they adapt to things we think will be huge (and overreact to things we think are no big deal, lol)

Good luck!

Original poster

EffinIneffable · 03/01/2018 21:46

isabelle I suspect that is exactly what ds would be like. I'm planning on disappearing the dummies immediately they're handed over, because I will cave too.

soundsystem how was night #2?

I like your approach underthesleepingbaby I actually hadn't considered the possibility of the dummy fairy coming in the day! I can see that might make it a bit easier as they've already got the reward before the hard bit so you can talk about it when they're missing their dummies on the first night.

tinymeteor we can hang on for the bumpy ride together then!

thoightfox I agree actually, our job is not primarily to avoid upset, but to help them through it.

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soundsystem · 04/01/2018 19:50

It was ok, thank you! The actual bedtime bit went smoothly - he greeted the bedtime toy like an old friend - but then we woke up at 3am in a real sobbing rage, which wasn't much fun. Although he did go back to sleep with cuddles and was right as rain today, so I think he just needed to get it out, maybe! Tonight went well, so I'm hoping for no 3am wake up this time!

Have you decided whether to go for it this weekend, or postpone?

Original poster

EffinIneffable · 05/01/2018 18:11

That's great progress soundsystem, I hope that's the hard bit over for both of you.

I've decided to postpone til next weekend. Mostly because dh is working on Saturday and I'm supposed to be going out to a party when he gets back and I think we could both do with some back up. Ds has also been very unsettled with sleep anyway over the last week. All steam ahead for next weekend though.

tinymeteor are you taking the plunge this weekend? Is tonight the first night?

OP posts:

tinymeteor · 05/01/2018 20:55

Night one is underway. She's currently standing on the landing crying "dummy come back"

Original poster

EffinIneffable · 06/01/2018 06:18

tinymeteor that sounds hard for both of you. How was the rest of the night?

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