The dummy fairy is coming this weekend, any tips or solidarity!

[EffinIneffable]

The dentist has warned us that dummy use is causing ds's teeth to become misaligned and could lead to long term problems so we have to get rid. DS is two and a half and uses dummies for all sleeps, except for the occasional time he'll fall asleep in the pushchair walking home. He's used dummies for sleeping since he was about 6 weeks old, when I was going out of my mind as the only other way he'd sleep was on the boob. He doesn't have dummies except for sleeping.

I'm dreading it, I'm not sure he even knows how to sleep without them. After an awful first 18 months, he sleeps through 8-6 most nights and has a two hour nap in the afternoon. It'll be horrible sleep deprivation for both of us, for sure, but I also feel awful taking away something so important to him. I don't want to do it really, but I would be irresponsible to let this go on, when I can see that it is causing him harm. (I'm sure this is not the case for all dummy-users, but the damage is already visible, so it's not just a precaution here).

I've spoken to him about the dummy fairy coming to take the dummies and give them to new babies, and that she will leave a present. He was quite positive about this! But not sure he realised that meant giving them up for good.

But how do you do the first night - do you give the present first, or wait until the morning like Christmas?

Also, I guess I'm going to have to ask nursery to stop the naptime dummies at the same time as it will be too confusing otherwise.

Anyone else been here or along for the ride???

It got better! She needed lots of cuddles to get her into bed, and we talked lots about her being a big girl and how the dentist will be really pleased to hear she can sleep with no dummy now. The upside of her being older is at least you can reason with her a bit. She just had to get her head round the idea.

It was probably 10.30 by the time she crashed but she slept through and got her toy as a reward in the morning. Fingers crossed it will go smoothly again tonight.

For what it's worth, here's what I did with all my children and worked with no battle at all.

● They (3 children) were all between 3y6m and 4y10m when losing dummy, it was timed alongside dropping daytime naps. Dropping nap was the trigger for dropping dummy.

● From 12 months dummy in the cot only.

● From about 2.5y, start talking about dummy in child-friendly negative terms. It's babyish, you're too big for a dummy, you're getting a big/clever girl/boy now, you look silly with a dummy in your mouth, you don't need that.

● once dropped naps, get the Argos catalogue out and flick through together. No discussion why, but set a budget (I said £20) and look through seeing what child would want for that budget. Get several options, discuss them, narrow down to 1 special thing and enthuse about it. NO MENTION OF DUMMIES when doing this.

● After the imaginary £20 gift is chosen, suggest that you will buy him/her that as soon as she's done 7 days without dummy. Just conversationally, no pressure and no suggestion it needs to be now, just when ready.

● Mine have all said they wanted to get rid of dummy and get present within half an hour of that conversation. Do lots of "are you sure, it will be hard?". And say how proud you would be if they managed it.

● knock up a quick 7 day sticker chart (flower with 7 petals, picture of special gift in centre, for example) and some special big stickers.

● put on wall. Talk about it know terms of "when DC is ready we are going to start". Never any pressure that you (or anyone) is taking dummies away

● it's all about empowering the child to make their own decision to drop dummy. No pressure, no force.

● Come bedtime, talk about how proud you are. Any asking for dummy gets the responce "it will mean you don't get the special present, are you sure"?

● Child should know dummies are right there (downstairs) if wanted. They've not gone forever, not taken away. They are there, but child is choosing to now have one tonight.

● talk how proud you'd be if they managed just one night. That dummies are still there if needed tomorrow, but let's try tonight? Even go fetch a dummy if needed, but give loads of "get out chances" to still earn present if they don't have it.

It's been that straight forward with all mine. No crying or upset whatsoever - If crying for the dummy I would have given it them without hesitation. I never got that. The child choose to drop the dummy and I just heavily supported that decision of their own

As an aside to this, I did a massive kitchen cupboards sort out earlier this week.

In the top corner of one of the high cupboards I found DS's last dummy. I'd saveed it for just in case he ever asked for the comfort of his dummy after he'd given up dummies. He never did. He's 8 years old now, I asked him if we should save it for the sake if memories. Nope, he said, and chucked it in kitchen bin.

Three nights, no dummy, very little drama! She's taking longer to get to sleep, so is tired in the mornings, but that should settle down. So far so good...

Nice one tinymeteor, glad it's going well!

We had a horrendous night... but noticed this morning he has two new teeth, so turned out not to be dummy-related!

Going great guns tinymeteor! Sorry to hear your horrible night soundsystem hopefully getting the teeth out will mean it's got better. Ds has come down with an awful cold, high temp and not sleeping - in with us all night, waking for dummies and water and needing to cling on to me all night. Sleeping so close to him has made me realise how much he relies on the dummies to sleep when he wakes in the night. He's really quite unwell so not sure we're going to be able to go for it this weekend either ☹️.

fate I like your approach of making giving up dummies the child's choice. Unfortunately we need to crack on more urgently than that would allow as ds's teeth are misaligned already, so can't wait until he decides he's ready. At just under 2 and a half not sure he'd quite grasp that system.

Did you go for it in the end OP?

No, dh has had the flu since Friday, and I want some moral support to tackle it. Maybe next weekend, fingers crossed, although my dm is visiting so we would have a rare opportunity to go out then if we delay a bit. There seems to never be a good time, and I'm just going to have to bite the bullet I think. How are things going with you?

I took my lb away beginning of December by putting on the xmas tree and told him to elf (elf on the shelf) would pay him a visit with some toys. So we did this but once he had the toys he obviously wanted to dummy back he was 2 years 3 months at the time. So he started hating bed time and would scream at night, I just did the cry it out method (controlled crying got him more upset) and after a couple of weeks he stopped crying at night but I have to say he's woken early ever since and it's been 7 weeks now. He wakes between 5-6.30 so bought a grocclock which did help but he's now climbed out of his cot so have the next step of a big boy bed which I'm dreading. So I feel your pain it really is such a dread! I figured I'd rather him wake early and know the dummy has gone for good and surely he will eventually sleep longer god knows though. Some find it a lot easier and he didn't actually ask for the dummy after the second day which is positive I think :) good luck Xxx

So, we're going to go for it tonight! We've been talking about it lots, reading about the dummy fairy, and I've made a little picture slide show of what will happen. Ds is excited about the present, but clearly feeling a bit upset about the prospect of giving away the dummies. Not going to be easy I don't think. I'm preparing to basically go to sleep with him in our bed.