What's the deal with naps?

[Bumdishcloths]

Ok. I hate the word nap, and the apparent obsession with them. I have an 8 week old son and he sleeps at various points in the day but I can't see a pattern - and I'm not that fussed about it, just curious. When do you notice a pattern in their sleep that you would call a nap? Do they naturally nap at set times or is everyone forcing it? And how the f**k do you force sleep? I just don't really get it, I suppose, because I'm not over invested in getting a 'routine' going and I'm just going with the flow, but wondering if I shouldn't be...

Mine got very upset if they were awake for more than about 90 minutes. So I’d walk them in the buggy/sling or put them in the car. Otherwise there would be three or four hours of screaming.

I think any daytime sleep tends to be called a nap. Nothing to do with scheduling.

Naps are sleep that happens between 7am and 7pm.
Until about 12 weeks you want around an hour of awake time whilst feeding, burping, changing etc and the rest of the day is spent napping.
After about 4 or 5 months you can move to a 3 nap schedule, 2 naps by 8 or 9 months and 1 nap between 12 and 18 months that they keep until they’re 2 to 3 years of age.
Naps promote development, growth, night time sleep and better feeding. So yes I would say they are important and you need to think about them.

I find naps irritating and restrictive but If she doesn't get them my 7 month old is awake half the night. Like last night. She doesn't have set times but she struggles if she can't go down in her cot for at least one of them. They vary in length as she is only just showing signs of stopping the 30 minute cat nap which is very annoying, but we're getting there. It isn't something to worry about much at 8 weeks though. My friend had a baby who just fell asleep wherever she was when she was tired, which must have been heavenly. Mine have both been sleep fighters!

Give it time op... you are still in sleepy baby mode...they don't always stay like that...some of us have to work very hard to get our babies to nap... you might eat your words a month or so from now.

Ds has emerged to be a pretty routine orientated baby. It's surprised me because I'm really not into routine myself and haven't imposed anything on him. I've found it annoying and restrictive, especially since he's decided that he'll only really nap in his cot and he HAS TO sleep at 1pm otherwise the world will end!

@user1488794856 so helpful. Thanks.

Doesn't really read like your looking for advice op...more to wonder why you are doing it right and we have all got it wrong "forcing" or naps.

In time you may realise that for some of us, nap are a big deal for good reason...and you will see you are being a bit goady.

That's not the case at all.

This is my first baby, and NOBODY tells you about sleep. No one. So I just have to assume that whatever is happening is beyond my control and normal, while reading about everybody else's child sleeping at specific times etc.

It is very easy to go with the flow with an 8 week old. Older babies (even just a few weeks older)love routine in my experience, crave it in fact. The reason other parents are 'obsessed' with naps is because older babies and toddlers can become cranky, tantrumming, over tired nightmares to be around without them whilst simultaneously not wanting to have them. Parents are not being up tight and forcing their babies to sleep they are promoting good sleep. My dc did pretty much as Lapin says Wrt to times. My almost 4 year old still has a 2 hour nap 4 afternoons a week.

I'm not trying to be a dick here, I'm just trying to understand, that's all. There's literally no pattern to the way my son sleeps and I know it regresses at 4 months so obviously I'm expecting it to get worse.

Some people are 'better' sleepers than others and this includes dc. You as a parent a not totally helpless and sleep is not totally out of your control though, this board is full of things to try with older babies.

It was always pretty obvious when my babies needed a nap when they were that little. They’d stop being pleasant to be around!

I’m a fan of a routine though, and would rather be slightly restricted with a happy baby than doing whatever I wanted with a grumpy one

It’s not really a case of 'forcing' but encouraging...rocking, feeding, walk in the pram...whatever works really.

As other people have said, your 'pattern' is awake time. About an hour of awake time at the moment and then he needs to sleep. That will extend to 75mins awake, 90 mins awake, 2 hour's awake etc when you'll have more of a 'timed' nap day ( so wake at 7, nap at 9-10, nap 12-1, nap 3-4 bed by 7 etc - or whatever timings work for you)

Naps are important and babies need a lot of sleep. They also need a lot of help to get that sleep so you're ok at the moment because you're still in the early weeks, but very soon your DS won't just fall asleep and you'll have to help him do that (feed, dummy, pram, sling, car, bouncy chair etc)

Fwiw op, it sounds like you're doing good. You can't see a pattern yet so don't force it. Your baby will let you know when it's sleep time

Ok, thank you - in which case I'll try to keep more of an eye on when he's awake and try to go from there. I know sleep is important so I don't wake him, ever - it's useful to know that I'm doing 'the right thing'. I was worried I should be aiming for more structured sleep by this point.

Thank you Prusik, that might have made me cry a bit (maybe it's something in my eye!)

You'll probably just find that a pattern emerges over time and that y8u baby might need more help to sleep when it does.

I had no clue with DD and forever seemed to be batting 'the nap' until she settled into 2 naps at about 10 months.

With DS, I'd learnt more about awake times, I knew that sleep any how was the way to go (even with 2 under 2) and I'd figured out what kind of parent I was (feed to sleep, cosleep, etc).

You're right that nobody tells you about sleep but honestly, prioritise it (doesn't mean you have to stick in the house!) and keep naps regular and it all starts to slot into place.

I didn't worry about structured trying to force a nap after an hour /75 minutes/whatever. Not all babies read the book and want the same thing!

We did naps az and when she fell asleep! Shed often sleep if we went for a walk in a sling or buggy, but I wouldn't time the walks or make her. If she was watching the world go by that was fine. We went for very flexible! It was ace and meant we weren't restricted and could go out anywhere. Groups often vary what times they're on etc.

Second child ended up getting into a routine of nap on way back from school run but she was my worse sleeper at night!

I think it's different for different people. I was happy to go with the flow (and most of the friends I met did as I guess they were out and about same time as me. ) Some people do the Gina Ford incredibly structured routine and that works for some and they like the security of a routine and knowing what happens when.

Either will be fine for your baby! Just what suits you.

I'm sorry for making you cry, op my Ds is only 11 months so I'm no expert but I've noticed a pattern among my friends. Those who go with the flow seem less stressed overall. A baby can't follow an adults agenda, they pretty much do what they want, when they want. Just follow your babies cues and you'll be grand. That being said, sometimes it's clear when Ds does desperately want to sleep but is refusing I do force it - at times it would take 60 minutes or more but that wasn't till he was post six months (I think)

8 weeks is a bit early for your baby to have developed a routine. You might find by 3 months their sleep follows more of a pattern. And you can encourage this if you like, eg by putting them in a cosy place to sleep after they show signs of tiredness (yawning rubbing eyes). I found naps really helpful and meant they ate better, played better and slept better at night because they weren't frazzled. So quite often I'd structure my day around them. But not always! And dd1 slept for long naps for early on and dS1 had short naps until about 8 months when he started having a couple of hours in the morning and a couple of hours in the afternoon. My days at that point were often spent at friend's houses or having friends at mine, so I'd put them to sleep there while I chatted. Good times!

Thanks everybody, it's really helpful to have some different perspectives

OP I didn’t think you were being goady at all

I think there is a balance with naps, I think it’s VERY important not to totally obsess over them (clock watching constantly rather than enjoying your baby) but it is important that they get sleep. I found it tough at first but then I learnt my daughters tired signs and then I would actively get her to sleep (whatever it takes, sling, buggy, dark room) - don’t worry too much about it OP sounds like you’re doing just fine at the moment.

Try googling EASY routine. It’s a routine without having a set routine. Because your baby won’t stay this way forever, the time will come when you will need to know a bit more about when they need to sleep and how to encourage it so it helps to start understanding your baby’s patterns now.