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Sleep

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Original poster

Cry it out at 9 weeks

63 replies

Lovingtyrells · 03/11/2017 07:28

Hi all,

I have a baby who will not sleep on his back at all, since birth I have tried day and night using side cot, sleepy head, 4 different types of swaddle , dummy, bouncing chair and nothing works. He sleeps fine on chest, car seat or being held. Has bad wind and reflux which is contributing but also whenever I put him down and he is settled he is wide awake after 60 seconds and then it takes me an hour and a half to re settle.

He ends up being over tierd and when I tried not to hold etc for 2 weeks during the day he was fussy non stop as had no decent sleep.

He has never slept more than 2 hours since birth either and is mostly 45min/1hr.

2 weeks ago the health visitor came and told me to do cry it out and go back every 15mins. Has anyone done this at this age? What is the reccomended age ?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

crazycatlady5 · 03/11/2017 08:46

I would complain about this HV as some mums will listen and not ask others for advice. The baby doesn’t even understand he’s out in the world.

putdownyourphone · 03/11/2017 08:49

Please no. At 9wks you don't know what could be wrong with him - he could be hungry, in pain, have a milk allergy.

At least at 6 months you can gauge whether it's one of the above or they are just over tired and struggling to self settle.

9 weeks really isn't that old and many parents of babies that young will be having the same problem.

Do you have family nearby who can come and rock and hold him while he sleeps? Or there's always the option of hiring a mothers help to come and help with him. I did it when I had 12 wk old twins and one had extreme colic and would scream for hours at a time - best investment ever.

Original poster

Lovingtyrells · 03/11/2017 09:03

Hi all thanks for the response and understanding.

No I have not done this method as I agree it’s maybe too young which is why I haven’t since the 2 weeks she came.

He will sleep on front and on side but obviously this is not allowed. He will sleep in sling but can’t do this at night. He has has ranitidine, gaviscon also raised cot and wedgehog but it didn’t help with sleeping but did reduce the sickness.

I think the reflux is part of the issue but the main issue is wanting to feel cosy. If he has wind in the sling he can cope with it remaining asleep but not on back.

I am going back to work after 5months and don’t know what I will do if it continues at that point.

OP posts:

StepAwayFromCake · 03/11/2017 09:21

He will sleep on front and on side but obviously this is not allowed.

It is not recommended. You are his parent, the only things you are not allowed to do are things which are against the law. You make your own parenting choices.

Yes, SIDS is more common in front-sleepers, but it is still extremely unlikely.

FWIW all my babies had some degree of reflux, and all slept better on their sides or fronts.

It is worth trying, especially if all the other risk factors, such as smoking, are avoided.

peachy94 · 03/11/2017 09:25

If he likes being cosy have you tried a sleepyhead? They’re expensive but lots of success stories

Spam88 · 03/11/2017 09:27

I was going to suggest a sleepyhead or similar. We used a Purflo which was about half the price.

crazycatlady5 · 03/11/2017 09:30

We ended up cosleeping mostly but also what worked for us was side sleeping in a sleepyhead. This isn’t recommended (not that it’s not allowed) but in the sleepyhead there is absolutely no way she could roll and it felt like the best option for us as parents.

smerlin · 03/11/2017 09:33

Definitely not! We had a crier with reflux, colic, general misery. It improved at 6 weeks, 8 weeks,
12 weeks slightly each time and then massively on introduction of food at 6 months. It feels like it will never change when you're in the wars at the beginning but it does!

I had some absolutely shocking advice from HV/ even GP when DD was little. They can sadly be too influenced by personal opinion rather than scientific fact when they pass on advice

Sipperskipper · 03/11/2017 10:03

Have you tried a miracle blanket for swaddling? My dd fought out of every other swaddle! The miracle blanket was a total game changer for us.

bathghter · 03/11/2017 16:27

put him on his front or his side then! nhs guidelines are ridiculous and make every parent afraid to use their common sense or listen to their child. my baby slept on his side, with me in my bed for his first six weeks because that’s what he needed. he is fine! i used my brain, packed him in with rolled up towels and we all slept well. that HV should be thrown out

Original poster

Lovingtyrells · 03/11/2017 19:06

Got sleepy head and yes tried that swaddle.

OP posts:

Original poster

Lovingtyrells · 03/11/2017 19:20

I’m scared as they have based advice on research and the number of deaths has actually declined since implementing on back guidance.

OP posts:

Oly5 · 03/11/2017 19:27

No this is terrible advice and would be horribly cruel

AskBasil · 03/11/2017 19:31

Leaving a baby to cry at 9 weeks is cruel and a HV who is advising that, should be reported. It's unacceptable to be giving that advice to new mothers.

Justbookedasummmerholiday · 03/11/2017 19:32

An ex friend of mine left dd in her own room on the first night from hospital and left her all night there - said she had to learn. I didn't know her back then or she would have been a exf much sooner.
Haunts me tbh.

MrsMotherHen · 03/11/2017 19:37

I have a refluxy baby. She is 19weeks and sleept on het front from about 10weeks it really is a judgment call. How is babies head control? We used to just have her on her front in the day and watch her. She could lift her head very well and turn her head from side to side. Then she learned to roll from her belly to back and the docter advised me she could get her self out of danger if she needed to as she coukd now roll and had good head control. She's sleept through ever snice.

KimchiLaLa · 03/11/2017 19:40

hers help to come and help with him. I did it when I had 12 wk old twins and one had extreme colic and would scream for hours at a time - best investment ever.

What is this, a maternity nurse??

isadoradancing123 · 03/11/2017 19:53

Perhaps try something rolled up behind his back so that he is not fully on his side but not totally flat on his back ?

QueenNefertitty · 03/11/2017 20:02

He's not "maybe" too young for controlled crying, he IS too young, OP.

Would you leave an adult crying in pain for 15 minutes and ignore them, in the hope they'd just give up and go to sleep? Your HV is very very wrong.

I had a very windy baby, with mild reflux and a tendency to choke on his vomit. A dozen times or so we had to administer first aid in his first six months. I don't think I slept more than an hour at a time for weeks after he was born- it's just the way it is with colicky, refluxy babies- but i promise it doesn't last forever.

I'd suggest safe cosleeping, maybe with a sleepyhead or similar? Once I started cosleeping with DS, the comfort from my proximity helped him sleep, and I felt more rested because I was lying down to feed. It did, admittedly, mean I had to have a stack of sacrificial blankets for the reflux-puke but it was a small price to pay.

Also with DS right next to you, you might feel less worried about side sleeping- though possibly take some advice on the safety of that from a cosleeping expert.

wintertravel1980 · 03/11/2017 20:02

The issue with tummy sleeping is not around suffocation. Even when young babies have good head control and can lift their heads, tummy sleeping enables them to go into deep sleep more easily and stay there for longer. SIDS happens in deep sleep hence the risk. The peak of SIDS is between 7 and 10 weeks. It drops significantly at 16 weeks.

My DD had reflux and I considered tummy sleeping but I was not comfortable with the level of risk. I used a pillow (recommended in Sweden) which is also a SIDS no no in the UK but I was more comfortable with it based on my research.

Side sleeping only becomes a risk if the baby is able to roll on his tummy so sleepyhead + sleeping on the side may be worth considering.

QueenNefertitty · 03/11/2017 20:03

@summerholiday

Your post actually made me nauseated. That poor poor baby.

tootsieglitterballs · 03/11/2017 20:07

On our second night in hospital after DS1 was born, the midwives put our son down to sleep on his side, so it can’t be all bad if they still do it in hospital.

The recommended advice is to sleep on the back, but if the only way he will sleep is on the side of tummy, then perhaps it’s what you need to do. I would recommend investing in an angel care mat to go under the mattress if you do decide to do this.

Good luck - it’s so hard, but remember you aren’t alone, and there are always loads of people on here to chat too whenever you need them!

Snapodile · 03/11/2017 20:22

If baby likes the snuggled feeling we got on well with a doomoo mattress. It has a band which goes round their tummy which helps then feel secure. The only problem now is getting him to sleep without the bloody thing!
We've also used Sleepywings with both ours, to good effect. That and white noise.

confused123456 · 03/11/2017 20:28

I'll be flamed but I've always put my son down and left him for up to 10 minutes. Yes he had a little cry or a moan, but he would settle himself to sleep almost straight away, no comforting needed. If he didn't, we knew there was something else wrong. He's self settled from when he came home, and slept through from 3 months. Never had any comforter and certainly no dummy (hate them).
My mum done it with the 3 of us and we were all fine. And I'll do the same with my next baby as well. I don't care if it's not recommended, it worked for us.

ElphabaTheGreen · 03/11/2017 20:34

Congratulations, confused. You taught your infant son learned helplessness. Utterly barbaric.

OP - safe co-sleeping. Let him fall asleep snuggled up against you. Wriggle away slightly once he falls asleep so you don’t move him and wake him up. Sleep next to him and he may stay asleep longer.

Mine needed to sleep on/with me for the first several months of their lives. They slept completely independently in their own beds from about 18mo onwards - when they were developmentally ready to do so.

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